Updated on March 32, 2000

April Fool's Issue
of Eric Noah's D&D 3E News

April Fool's Issue of Eric Noah's D&D 3E News

On April 1, 2000, I posted the news as I had done since August 1999. But of course, this was news with a twist. Only a handful of people actually fell for it. Enjoy.

March 32, 2000 (April Fool's Edition)

D&D 3E Delayed: WotC's Bryan Darcey announced today that the release of D&D 3rd Edition would be delayed until at least 1st Quarter of 2001. "We've found some issues with the GUI that need to be addressed, and QA and bug reporting has taken longer than we anticipated. The trouble is hardware compatibility -- with so many combinations of video cards and sound cards it's nearly impossible to create a crash-free game. But we keep trying!"

As for the released date of June 2002 posted at Electronics Boutique, Bryan added, "These stores don't know any more than we do about the release date of 3E. It will be done when it's done, and not a moment sooner. When it goes gold, you'll be the first to hear about it."

Lots of Flailing on the 3E Message Board: Amid shouts of "that gnome looks like a human" and "prove it," one poster on the official 3E board sighed, stomped about, and moved his arms in a flailing motion. More to come...

3E Minimum Specs: WotC's Jon Bortler indicated that the minimum specs for 3E have increased dramatically over the past few weeks. "The processing power is going to require almost the equivalent of the human brain," he notes.

3E in the House? Throw your hands in the air, and wave them like you just don't care. If y'all wanna rock the house tonight, some body say "aw yeah!"

Monster Manual Cover Revealed! I've seen firsthand the cover of the 3E Monster Manual! I don't have an image to share yet, but I can describe it. Like the other manuals from previous editions, it features several of the most menacing creatures posing in the center. The creatures are (from left to right) Giant Goat, Pikachu, Invisible Stalker, and Humanoid That Looks Like All The Other Humanoids But Has A Slightly Different Nose or Forehead. They look mean and tough -- it's a great cover!

I also got to flip through the finished book for a few seconds -- my eye landed on the Brain Mole entry. Looks like Brain Moles can progress through character classes to become up to a 15th level Ninja!

What do you think? Time to ask the average person, "What do you think of the forthcoming 3rd Edition?"

Dwarf wizards? Are they crazy? I will never buy this game if some non-existent fantasy race that never wielded magic before can now wield this non-existent power. -- George Beam, Lettuce Bagger

I've been away from the gaming scene for a while, but I think it's high time they got rid of half-orcs, monks and barbarians. Second Edition should be great! Wait, what do you mean, "third" edition? -- Dorcas Melorkis, Tropical Fish Trainer

3E convinced my mom to buy me a set of spiked armor to wear at school. Now let's see the other kids sic their pet elephants on me! -- Edward R. Malloy, Gerbil Photographer

D&D is for losers and geeks. Why not try a REAL hobby like fantasy football or trolling on rec.games.frp.dnd? -- Phil McKracken, Cowpoke

I think New Edition really went downhill after Bobby Brown quit the group. That's too bad, because I really liked the song "Cool It Now!" -- Shallonda Kerton, President of the School of Hard Knocks

Dungeons & Dragons, D&D 3E and AD&D are all property of Wizards of the Coast.