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[Goonalan]

Dungeon Crawl Classics #29
Scenario 2 Old Feodol’s Basement
Level 1

Turn 49: The Angry Buffoon Part Deus

“I’ll get you madam.” The Professor rushes over to Babs who’s using the wall to lever herself upright, a trickle of blood wends its way down her face, then the Halfling’s there and using all his strength to haul her upright.

The Professor hears something- looks up, the monkeys are back, and about to shove another rock onto his head, he dives aside.

CRUNCH

The rock instead connects with Babs’ ankle, snaps it, she crumples to the floor screaming, “Wee Jas kill them bastard monkeys now…”

BONK

Another stone hits The Professor on the shoulder, he staggers and then looks about him- Skoda lies lifeless on the floor, Drone staggers about looking for somewhere to vent his rage, Liana hides behind the door frame, out of the chamber- at least she’s fumbling her crossbow out, another rock crashes against the far wall, Liana ducks out of sight.

“Shoot the little bastards.” The Professor yells and heaves out his crossbow, the monkey’s caper a second and then head back out of sight, going for more ammo no doubt.

Drone spies his future. He spots the far door- to the chamber beyond, where the monkeys keep disappearing to reload.

“AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.”

He charges into the door.

CRUNCH

Bounces back, not a mark on the portal, collapses onto the ground clutching his side.

“Liana the door.” Babs screams.

The Rogue pops her head around the door frame, spots its all clear and rushes over, her opportunity is short-lived, the monkeys reappear in an instance, more stones in hand- they fling them at the approaching Half-Elf, who is struck twice in quick succession.

Liana dodges back from the stinging blows, and tramples The Professor in her retreat.

FWUNG-THUNG

Alas Liana’s hit causes the Professor to fire his crossbow; the bolt hits Liana at point blank range, buries itself in the Rogues armour, but doesn’t pierce her skin. The two stand for a second in a shocked tableau.

“Open door.” Drone staggers to his feet, stares hard at Liana and then points at the offending portal.
Liana nods and heads over.
“Don’t. Just shoot them.” The Professor rushes, as best he can, to Drone and hands over his crossbow, “Shoot them. Shoot them Drone.”

The Dwarf looks around unsure, then nods, “I can’t believe…”
“I know.” The Professor clasps the Dwarf on his arm.
Drone retreats and stands sentry waiting for the monkeys return.

“Help me get to Skoda.” Babs shouts and snaffles the two Goodberries she clutches, The Professor does the best he can to drag the Priestess over to the fallen Monk.

“It’s locked.” Liana turns back to Drone, shrugs.
“I bloody know that, now get it unlocked. I can’t believe you even said that.”

Babs reaches out for Skoda, lays her hand on him, healing flows in- the Monk opens his eyes, shakes his head once, twice, then leaps to his feet- cat-like. He grabs the fallen Priestess, firmly but gently, lifts and drags her out of the chamber.

“Take my crossbow.” She passes her weapon to The Professor.

THONG

A rock thumps into the Halfling’s back, signalling the monkeys return.

“Fire.” Drone screams, and shoots a bolt straight up into the ceiling of the chamber, then dodges its return.

FWUNG

The Professor is much more accurate, another of the little bastards tumbles from the ledge, lies lifeless on the floor.

“Blessed be the sodding monkey- dead, dead, DEAD.” Babs lies on the floor observing the battle from the doorway.

The last pair of monkeys rush off, to reload again. Skoda meanwhile approaches Drone, sling in hand, taps the sentry Dwarf on his shoulder, Drone turns, the Monk looks peaceable- bows low before the Dwarf. Drone nods back and scans the ledge.

The monkeys return with a hail of stones, but this time the adventurers are ready, they duck and dodge and avoid the sudden blizzard.

“Open”, Liana turns to stare at Drone, who fires his crossbow, a little more accurate, but not a lot- the bolt flies well wide. The Dwarf slings the crossbow away and barrels into the chamber beyond.

THWUNG

The Professor grins as another of the creatures slips off the ledge and mewls a while before dying on the floor.

“Jigglies.” Skoda screams and lets fly with his sling.

DONK

The sling bullet hits the door ahead, only six inches above Drone’s head, the Dwarf doesn’t even notice, or at least pretends not to.

The Dwarf gets three feet inside the chamber beyond when a very angry screaming Baboon leaps down onto his back, scratching and clawing at him. Drone wrenches the thing over his head, grapples the creature attempting to keep its claws and bite at arms length.

The door wobbles shut behind the Dwarf, Liana gingerly reaches forward to open it to observe the melee, only to be met by the cold stare of another Baboon, the creature comes at her flailing and biting, the Rogue tumbles backwards, but not quick enough, she’s bitten badly on her foot, blood pours from the wound.

“Oh Wee Jas Bless these holy warriors as they battle to bring swift death to our enemies.” Babs’ spell lifts the spirits, momentarily, of her compatriots, “Now kill the sodding dirty apes.”

Fwung

The Professor misses with his crossbow, somewhat distracted by a screaming Liana trying to avoid another claw or bite, the Rogue manages to palm the creature away, but cannot get to draw her dagger.

Skoda charges into the room beyond, at the same instant Drone finally heaves the Baboon off him, the hairy ape flops to the floor, turns to re-engage and is met by a flying foot, the creature slumps to the ground- skull broken. Skoda holds the pose for a second, then turns and comes to attention before the Dwarf, bows again.

“Arrrgggghhh” Liana clutches at her neck, which has been ripped open, she crumples. The Baboon sniffs her body and then turns to stare at The Professor.

The door smashes open and Drone and Skoda rush to intercept the Baboon’s charge, The Professor back pedals furiously away from the fight.

The last of the smaller monkeys leaps and lands on Drone’s back, lashes forward and scratches him across his face, which arrests the Dwarf’s charge. Drone reaches round and grabs hold of the tiny monkey’s skull, wrenches the creature from him, then grabs and twists with his other hand.

SNAP

Neck broken- dead.

“Kill the things. Sorry Wee Jas, blessed soul, commend to your dark whatsit… Kill them all.” Babs screams from the doorway.

Skoda smashes into the Baboon intent on killing The Professor, the Monk however is off balance and is quickly losing ground, bitten on the shoulder, badly, the Baboon hangs on jaws locked shut on the Monks right clavicle.

The Professor sees his opportunity, mutters arcane words, a burst of light erupts in the Baboon’s face, the creature squawks and flails, instantly let’s go of the Monk and staggers back rubbing furiously at its eyes.

CRACK

A roundhouse kick, straight to the final Baboon’s temple, the creature flops to the floor- dead.

Those standing snaffle Goodberries, Babs is dragged over to Liana, she’s alive- just. The Priestess does what she can to stabilise the Rogue.

“Wee Jas is not ready to take you yet Half-Elf, I will do all I can to prevent your passing, don’t worry…” She tenderly examines Liana’s wounds, “there’s plenty more suffering for you to endure Rogue before you will be received in the halls of my master.”

Next Turn: Pick sides.