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[Morrow]

Dear Diary,

What can I say about the Isle of Dread except that it’s, uh… dreadful. Hahaha. I crack me up. Anyway, we finally met some intelligent undead, but I’ll get back to that later.

About a week ago, I guess, Dexter died, and Aliosha brought him back AS A DWARF, which actually came in really handy because after we shipwrecked, we had to go through a pass under a mountain, and so his newfound stonecunning skills came in handy. Of course, he’s still annoyed about it, but I told him to embrace his new body as the blessing it truly is. He told me that I should embrace it, but I think he was joking. All the same, I could check “live male dwarf” off my list if I did, but if he’s really willing to help me with my list, he should have started helping me when he was still a half-orc, and then I could’ve checked off two, and it would have been much easier than doing it with two people. Speaking of my list, I really need to get moving on it because so far, I don’t have any checkmarks on it. I don’t think Aster would be pleased.

Anyway, we went under this mountain, and it was mostly just a really long tunnel, and then there was this throne room or something, which was pretty boring, and then there was a crypt, and I was a little disappointed because the people who built it were clearly worshippers of Meculatectli, who’s kind like Aster, except not as awesome. So, not only do these people already have their own god of death and undeath, but they clearly have no respect for him either because there were these mummies, and all they wanted to do was kill us, which I found quite rude. There was also this gross, oozy thing, and I try to respect all beings, but it was clear from the start, that all this thing wanted to do was undress Dexter, and he did not consent, so I thought it was quite rude too.

After we killed the ooze, we went outside and got on this coastal road which was fine, except that some rocks and skulls fell on us, and all of a sudden, Garnham got all surly and started throwing skulls around. It was kind of weird. Then we got attacked by gargoyles, and they were quite rude too. At first, I thought they were pretty goof judges of character because one of them pushed Avner off a cliff, but then Avner lived, so they probably didn’t do it right, and then when we got attacked again, they did it to Barnaby (who died) and tried to do it to Garnham, which I did not like at all. It wasn’t really too bad, though, because they left us alone most of the time, and only one of us died.

Oh, and then there was this thing with crucified birds. It was really weird. I don’t know why anyone would want to crucify a bird, but one morning, we woke up, and there were a whole bunch of them just outside our camp. I think it was Garnham who came up with the theory that they were crucified by other birds, but what could a bird do that would make other birds so angry, they’d crucify it? Maybe they were cannibal birds that ate the other birds’ eggs. That’s why I think everybody should just be a vegetarian. It would prevent a lot of bird crucifixions; that’s for sure.

So, we’re going along the road, and then there was this path that went inland, which Avner thought was a good idea, and Aliosha talked to a bird who told her the shore road ended ahead, but we checked it out anyway, and it did, and there was this Ullman guy who stabbed himself in the chest and fell off the cliff, which wasn’t very helpful at all. So, we went back to the other road, and Aliosha turned into a giant eagle and soared high above the land, and she said the other road looked safe, and really, it was fine, but then we got to the guy.

So finally, the guy. There was this dead guy, upside-down on a cross, with a big wound in his chest, and then he started talking to us, and I thought that was great because most of the undead on this island are so uncivilized, but then he told us we couldn’t leave, and I thought that was unfair, because people should really be able to do what they want. I mean, he should know that considering the degree of discrimination he surely faces on a daily basis, that people should be free, whether alive or dead. It’s just really a big letdown, but I think I can probably convert the guy. I just need some time, and he doesn’t want us to leave, so it should be easy. Should be…

Yours,

Maggie
xoxoxo