| This is a way more interesting, level-headed, and helpful thread than I imagined it would be. Kudos ENWorld! I have a lot of reactions, but I'll try to focus on things that have been less discussed.
1.) It's been touched on indirectly, but I thought I would clarify: When you ask "Is D&D sexist?", you are really asking several things. To focus on a few of them...
a.) Are the mechanics sexist? (I think everyone agrees that despite some aberrant counterexamples, this is not true)
b.) Are the setting assumptions sexist?
c.) Is hobby gaming culture at large sexist?
There are further ways to refine these points.
2.) Regarding point b, that depends on a few things. For starters, it is important to recognize that many game settings, published and homebrewed, purposefully invoke real-world myth and legend, either directly or via modern fantasy. And as it happens, myth and legend, from Homer to King Arthur to Miyamoto Musashi, is often about manly men hacking at foes and rescuing damsels.
So why rely on such a milieu, if it reinforces sexual stereotypes (both male and female)? Because they are classics, and have given enjoyment for millennia. I can understand tweaking such tropes to accommodate powerful female characters. But there comes a point where the imperative to overhaul time-tested legend because it affronts our modern sensitivities to gender inequality becomes silly.
3.) Is there anything wrong with a boy's club or a girl's club in gaming? I personally don't think there is. People often like being around people exclusively of their own sex from time to time, and I don't think this is immature or prejudicial, nor should it be discouraged.
I realize, though, that this is a different issue than whether an entire hobby should be the domain of one sex or another.
4.) A personal anecdote, one that I hope my wife won't find too embarrassing, since it's about her (though she was telling it in public to strangers the other day, so I think I'm fine).
Years ago, before we were married and I was visiting her school, we took a trip into town to see Kill Bill. My now-wife doesn't like film violence, but I and some of her friends were enthusiastic, so away we went.
Afterwards she was visibly upset, not angry, but literally speechless with shock. This was upsetting to me. I felt like I had pushed her into doing something that she not only didn't want to do, but was actually harmful to her. We had an awkward, silent busride back to campus, where I finally brought up my concern. She was a bit surprised, and told me that I didn't need to take responsibility, that it was her decision to go to the show, and that she could bear the consequences.
This was an important teaching moment for me, and I was reminded of it recently when talking about starting a gaming group. I have tentatively persuaded her to join, but at one point I was suggesting that she encourage one of her girl friends to join as well, being aware of the "boy's club" that gaming can be. In so many words, she said "I can take what you guys dish out."
This doesn't abrogate the need to discuss how to make gaming more palatable to women, but I don't think what limited sexist relics still exist in D&D are insurmountable roadblocks. Most women are of sterner stuff than that. | 
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