Anyone seen this yet? Better hurry, it's gone at midnight.
Sellout.Woot
This Philips DVD Player w/1080p Upconvert & DIVX is the sort of player that’s very very good at being a player. Just don’t ask it to be a Philips DVD GM.
“So, brave soul! You would enter the realm of Undervix? Choose your class wisely, because only the bravest of heroes will... aw, Billy, you’re not supposed to be rolling yet!”
“Hank, I don’t want to read the manual. I want to start right now!”
“Billy, I told you! If you want to be a Philips DVD Player w/1080p Upconvert & DIVX, you have to use the rules in the 1st Edition Philips DVD Player w/1080p Upconvert & DIVX Manual! I’m the GM, what I say goes.”
“But it’s boring, Hank!”
“Come on, I gotta read it like this! It’s in italics! That means it’s important!”
“That’s what you said about Twilight 2000 too. Remember that? We took six weeks to make a character and he died in ten minutes. It was more like an accounting simulator than a war game.”
“Yeah, well. The guy at the hobby store said this one was different. Come on, it won’t take that long. Step forward! says the mysterious voice. I am the Ultra Certifier, master of this world! You must identify yourself, so that I can assign you a proper quest. Are you CD, CD-R, CD-RW, VCD, SVCD, DVD, DVD+R, DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+RW, DVD-Video, DivX, MP3, MP3-CD, MP3-DVD, Audi- Billy, why are you picking up your coat?”
“This is just like Twilight 2000, Hank. Just like it. You’re gonna make me do all this crazy stuff and then kill me off as fast as you can. I don’t want to play this stupid Philips DVD Player w/1080p Upconvert & DIVX game anyway. Why don’t we play baseball?”
“Baseball? Billy, you don’t know what you’re saying. Who ever heard of gamer style number crunching in baseball? That’s ridiculous!”
“You’re right, Hank. I’m just mad. But can’t we just, I don’t know, jump into it?”
“Well… okay. I guess you can be a DVD+R full of JPEGS that grew up among DivX files. That’s a good mix, you can see in the dark and shoot lasers from your eyes twice a day.”
“Do I have armor?”
“You don’t until third level, but you do have blue skin and black eyes.”
“Cooooool. What’s next?”
“Ahem. I, the Ultra Certifier, do command thee! Venture into the HDMI Passage, which, even though an HDMI cable is not included, is a single cable connection that provides easy installation and a quality transfer of eemaj-”
“Image.”
“It says ‘eemaj’, Billy.”
“Yeah, but that’s just how they write it. It’s pronounced image. As in ‘The Philips DVD Player w/1080p Upconvert & DIVX gives a quality image that upconverts a normal signal to HD.’ Image, Hank.”
“Whatever. The eemaj is what you must capture. Head, brave warrior into the tunnels! But before you go, to begin what will be the grandest adventure of all, I give you this and the guy gives you a bag.”
“I open it! What is it?”
“Inside you find a Blade of 12 bit 108MHz video processing, Bracers of Dolby Digital, and 1080p.”
“Wow! I’m rich!”
“Go, now, warrior! Conquer the HDMI Passage! Fulfill your destiny! So what do you do?”
“Well… I go left!”
“Left? You mean west?”
“Yeah! I go west! Oh, and I use my new blade too!”
“Okay. But you didn’t say you had a torch out so you don’t see the big hole to the west. And you die.”
“What?”
“Sorry, Billy, nothing I can do. the hole’s right here on the map. Maybe if you’d let me do things the right way, you would have learned the Holefind skill in Adventure School, and I could have told you about the hole, but you wanted to breeze through everything and get right to the fun of being a Philips DVD Player w/1080p Upconvert & DIVX, and so, now, you’re dead, and we have to start again. There’s a reason for the rules, Billy. See? The rules are to protect you.”
“I hate Saturdays. Why can’t we have school year round?”
“So, brave soul! You would enter the realm of Undervix? Choose your class wisely, because only the bravest of heroes will...
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