This is an unusual blog entry for me - it has little to do with gaming, and it is pretty personal - but I feel like I have to write it down somewhere, sometime.
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Everyone has role models in his life, persons or characters from which he learns stuff about how and who to be. Some of these are fictional, some of them are real-life persons - friends, relatives, teachers.

I think I have a variety of "fictional" role models... As a kid, my fictional role models seem all to come from Sci-Fi, or rather Star Trek where people like Spock (logic, not emotion), Data (logic, but appreciation for emotion and what makes us humans), Picard (emotion, logic, humanism).

My real life role model is my uncle and godfather. Godfathers in a Christian family are expected to teach Christian values to their until their confirmation/communion.

The "interpretation" of my uncle Jibbo was probably different from what the Church has in mind, but I very much appreciated it. One of the cool things he did for me was that he, while studying and later working in Oldenburg (the city I would later end up studying, to), would go the various flea markets and buy science fiction and fantasy books. For a cheap price, he got stacks and stacks of these books, reading them himself and then distribitung among the family - starting with my. I and my cousins probably owe a very high percentage of the books we read to Jibbo. It shaped each of us differently, I suppose, but Jibbos books were certain a common ground - and they probably helped me become the person I am today - interested not only in sci-fi and fantasy, but also their themes - science, the future of our life, philosophy, all the things you are confronted with when reading such books.

He did have other effects. He was one of the two members in our family who knew computers, and when I decided that I wanted to have one (after a computer graphics course in school), he helped my parents getting one, and in the coming years, he would offer advice and help. Without this influences, who knows whether I would have studied computer sciences and became a software developer?
He studied physical sciences, but still ended up with jobs in information technology (software developer, too).

He is also a avid player of games - not role-playing or table-top games, but he enjoyed card games, and he introduced a few in our family for great value. I still remember when we played the game Sechs nimmt, and he enthusiastically taunted my father with the words (paraphrasing) "Richard gets a stack, Richard gets a stack".
These years, he played a lot of "Sodoku" - and you can play this competitively - first to solve wins.
I am not the kind of guy to play competetiive games - maybe it's just because I lose to often - but the playfulness in that regard runs in the family, and he was a good model for this - always looking for the fun in the game experience.

A think that I would like to do similar to my uncle, is travelling a lot. He and his friends (and his girlfriend and now wife) would travel to different countries - typically for skiing, biking or wandering. He always found the time to travel, and I seem to never quite organize things in time. I hope to improve on that.

In person, he was gentle and full of humour. We couldn't meet too often, but they were always appreciated, since aside from the books and his special "bookmarks", he would also bring a lot of anecdotes, and just a cheerful attitude. (I think over the years, he moved from - often smart - jokes to telling anecdotes). Aside from Sci-Fi, he also liked stuff like "Wallace & Gromit" or "Shawn", and he introduced our family to both.

While the job of the Godfather theoretically "ends" when the child is confirmed, our relationship stayed this way. He kept giving me books (and the "bookmarks" I mentioned earlier - they certainly helped me to make my times as a student a little easier - and the last batch of them would effectively finance my first new set of furniture.) After I finished my studies with my diploma thesis, I recieved my last present, so to speak, and I returned the favor (well, without the bookmarks - that would be pointless).

One of the most interesting jobs Jibbo had - but also probably the most stressful - was a job at a corporation that developed the display controls and the computer system behind it for airports, and he worked quite some time "on location" - like Dubai. I envoy him a little for his experiences there, even though the corporation had some flaws.
So, if you ever visit Dubai, you might see some of his work.

Last year, my uncle went to the hospital. I don't even know exactly what was the cause, but eventually, the disagnosed cancer – far progressed, and if he hadn't gone there sooner, he might have died.
So, he went into therapy, or therapies. We were all surprised, shocked and worried. The family enacted a “plan” - conciously or unconciously – so that some of us would visit him from time to time. In this time, his condition did improve and worsen again. He became weaker, he didn't eat as much, and became thinner. But he kept his gentle nature, his humour, his playfulness. Just before the diagnosis, he had changed to a different job, at the university in Frankfurt. He was still in the probation period, but despite the fact that he couldn't work due to his illness, the university decided to end the probation period and kept him in their staff. Even with the short time he was there, he managed to win over his co-workers and boss.
He did not give up. Each day, despite feeling weak, probably in pain he would make at least one, but more typically two long walks – and not at a slow pace, either.

This year, we had our great family party, also celebrating his 50th birthday. As a special guest, his old friends from his time in Oldenburg were also there. It was a very nice experience, getting to know them. They were the kind of people I would hang around with, too – except 20 years further in experience and their life. That was the last time I saw him in person.

A few weeks ago, I was at my parents home – the only one at the time, and suddenly their Skype “ringed” (I didn't even notice it was online!). It was Jibbo, trying to explain a friend of him how Skype worked. Unfortunately, my parents didn't have a web-cam, but I could see him – his smiling face, his dark, curled hair. We talked a short time, exchanging what was going on at the time.

That was the last time I talked to him. He died yesterday afternoon in the hospital. He wasn't alone – his girlfriend, one of his sisters and her husband with them.

Yesterday, I also learned that he and his girlfriend married sometime last month – more or less spontaneously (they just wanted to inform themselves about it, but they were offered to be married then). He also – just like me – had left the church a few days ago. I will never know if I am right, but I believe it was not a reaction of spite, but a reaction honesty. This might be the only point where I was a little faster then I was – leaving the Church has a small monetary benefit (no longer having to pay church tax), but it was a point for me to say: “No, I don't believe. I am an atheist”.
Leaving the Church might be problematic for some members in my family. But he and his girlfriend finally marrying just feels so right. It might have some practical reasons (they share a condo, and without this, the heritage thing might get unneccesarily complicated), but it just feels right to have a formal sign that she is a part of our family.

I have the feeling that Jibbo lived a good life. A life not unlike I would want to live it. The bad part is – he would have continued living a good life. He would have had many good years if it wasn't for the cancer. But at least I feel that he didn't die regretting to have missed something he always wanted to do but never got around doing because he wanted to deal with “more pressing manners”. His travels, his relationship with the family and his friends, they tell me he had nothing to regret. He didn't waste the time he was given. It is a weak comfort, but still some, and I hope that I can follow his role model.

Thank you, Jibbo, thank you for all that you had to offer. Thank you.

Mustrum_Ridcully