Gaming Pride / Gaming Shame

[Nifft]

So, how do we all feel about D&D?

Personally, I hide my gaming by default. It's not something I mention when people ask about hobbies. I'm more likely to mention computer games (particularly those I've contributed to) than pen & paper, at least until I get to know people.

Why is this? Because I don't want to be defined by D&D. It's something I do, not something I am, if that makes sense. I don't want it to be the first association people make when they think of me.

Anyway, I'm curious how other people relate to gaming in general, and D&D in specific.

Cheers, -- N


PS: Inspired by this very classy response from Wayne Charness which makes me feel cautiously optimistic regarding gamer stigma. (Please don't discuss political stuff in this thread, though.)

[Nightchilde-2]

I'm open with my gaming. I don't get in peoples' faces with it, but if someone at work or somewhere happens to notice one of my gaming books (D&D or otherwise), I'll gladly answer any questions they have.

[Dragonbait]

I try to hide it. I figure if I say that I play D&D, people will think I'm a nerd. Turns out people just assume I play D&D even if I don't say anything about it... "Yeah.. I play D&D on Friday nights.""Oh. I kind of figured that you did.""..Oh.."I know a number of people who are very open about it. Several friends of mine (a football player and an ex-Marine) are very open about it. Several don't speak of it openly in public. It's that whole stupid social stigma thing that's more self-percieved than anything. Most of the time people have no clue what D&D or RPGs are. They think of video games or board games.

[Protagonist]

[isp/enworld posting mishap]

[El Mahdi]

I don't hide it, and I'm more than willing to tell people I play DnD. When I was in the Air Force, my job was (mostly) an Avionics Technician, or in Air Force parlance, a Pointy Head - basically just a way of saying a tech nerd (as opposed to crew chiefs or APG - the more mechanical side of Air Force aircraft maintenance - which were called knuckle draggers or worse, nose pickers).* So I figured if I told people I played DnD, at worst they'd just see me as the nerd that they already considered me. Conversely, if someone thought I was a Devil Worshiper because I played, well, that could only be cool. On the serious side however, I enjoy breaking stereotypes and peoples perceptions. I enjoy telling people I play D&D since most people who don't play, but have heard about it, have a preconcieved idea of what gamers look and act like. They usually don't expect a crusty old retired NCO to be into DnD. So, I don't hide it and I even try to have some fun with it. *Doesn't it reassure you that your highly trained military professionals can be sooooo sophomoric, but oh well, there it is.

[Protagonist]

I used to be fairly defensive over mentioning d&d when I was a teenager, but nowadays I have embraced my inner geek I have also worn this shirt more than a few times to university, so I am officially "outed" as a gamer there. ^^ Re: Nifft's admitting to playing video games: Somehow it seems really absurd how accepted video games are, while p&p rpgs are still stigmatised.

[Nightchilde-2]

Originally Posted by Dragonbait

I try to hide it. I figure if I say that I play D&D, people will think I'm a nerd. Turns out people just assume I play D&D even if I don't say anything about it... "Yeah.. I play D&D on Friday nights.""Oh. I kind of figured that you did.""..Oh.."I know a number of people who are very open about it. Several friends of mine (a football player and an ex-Marine) are very open about it. Several don't speak of it openly in public. It's that whole stupid social stigma thing that's more self-percieved than anything. Most of the time people have no clue what D&D or RPGs are. They think of video games or board games.

I was like that for a long time; never told anyone I gamed except the people that were going to get close to me personally. Then, one day, around age 30, I decided "I like video games. I like roleplaying. I like comic books. And I don't care what anyone else thinks because this is who I am." And lo, did it bring about a sense of inner peace.

[Kzach]

Normally I just don't care what people think of me so I tell anyone and everyone flat out that I play and I say it with pride.

I recently started a job where your social interaction with other staff members can have a big impact on how well you succeed in the organisation. And I am feeling that it may be prudent not to mention that I play D&D there as there is most definitely still a stigma attached to the hobby.

If anything, WoW has made this worse, not better.

[Halivar]

My social circle is a venn diagram: gamer-nerds on one side, preppy-socialites on the other side. The overlap has two people. My policy with the "cool" side is simple: don't ask me about Dungeons & Dragons if you don't want to hear about it. I invite people over to my house to cook for them all the time, and I don't hide my D&D/fantasy novel bookshelf or my vast comic-book collection. In fact, there is a 1-in-3 chance that guests will show up with the previous session's map/minis/books/dice still out on the dinner table. Some people roll their eyes; others shrug it off. Nobody goes, "Oh, cool!!!"

EDIT: Funny: one time some of my girl friends posed with my minis and took pictures while I was cooking in the kitchen. They put them up on Facebook. Everyone was, like, what the heck?

[the_orc_within]

I've found it just doesn't come up much. I don't volunteer the info because it doesn't occur to me to do so, I suppose. If someone asks about the gaming books on my shelf, sure, I'll talk to them about it, but I feel no compulsion to say "Hello, my name is Jimbo, and I play Dungeons and Dragons!"

Whenever it has come up, there's never been any negative reaction, at least not in the last 15 years anyway. Actually, the oddest reactions I get are from certain gamers who sometimes seem surprised by the fact that I don't play video games or MMORPGs!

[FunkBGR]

I hide it. I don't come across as a gamer, or even really a nerd when people first meet me.

I close the door to my game room when it's not in use, and don't show it to people who visit my place.

I work with a number of engineers, and if conversation ever steers toward something remotely dorky, I play dumb.

It's not that I don't embrace my geek. It's just not something I share willingly with others.

[Obryn]

I haven't ever hidden my gaming for any extended lengths of time. I quite seriously don't worry about it. It's never defined my social life. Even though I've moved in circles with plenty of gamers, they've largely been of the socially-competent-fun-to-party-with variety.

Back in high school, my buddies and I were known as gamers. They're still my closest friends.

In college, I simply didn't game much, but never hid my love of RPGs, sci-fi, and fantasy. I played more MtG than RPGs, honestly.

Grad school? I made some of my best friends through gaming - and only because I was pretty up-front about it.

Later in life, most of my friends were in various geeky circles through Belegarth. That's a medieval fighting organization; if you've been to Gen Con and you've seen Edhellen Armories, that was a huge part of my life for 8 years. Not everyone was into D&D, but it was hardly anomalous. (I'd say Warhammer FB and 40K were a tad more popular with the Belegarth crowd, though.)

When I signed up on eHarmony, I noted gaming in my profile. And met my wife anyways, even though she is not herself a gamer.

Mind you, I don't have big posters of dragons and wizards in my cube at work, but that's mostly because that crap is tacky. Otherwise, I've never been ashamed of my hobbies and interests.

-O

[Ander00]

I don't go and shove the fact into everyone's faces but I'll certainly not try to hide it. The miniatures are out in plain sight, and so forth.


cheers

[garyh]

No shame here. When you enter my house, my RPG books take up the top several shelves of the bookshelf you immediately see. And I've sat in my lunchroom at work reading the 4e books when I first got them.

Of course, I also sit in the lunchroom and read fantasy and sci-fi novels and graphic novels. One of the senior types here who had noticed me (re)-reading Lord of the Rings and mentioned he liked Tolkein asked me about the 4e PHB when he saw me reading it, and asked what my wife thought of D&D. "She's playing a halfling rogue," I replied.

So yeah, I don't hide my D&D/fantasy/sci-fi/comic geekery at all. I don't go out and proseletize, but I don't hesitate to talk about it if asked. Maybe it's because I'm 29 and was too young to be into D&D or notice when the Pulling stuff was airing on 60 Minutes, and when I got into fantasy and D&D in junior high / high school, Werewolf and Vampire were already out and making their own waves.

[fba827]

I am completely in the gamer-closet.

Family, Coworkers, and friends do not know.

Whether it is all in my head or real, some just wouldn't understand, some would consider me more of a nerd, and some would just think me weird.