General RPG DiscussionDiscussion of all RPGs and non-system-specific topics. DM/GM/player issues, settings, etc. Rules discussion belongs in one the forums below.
Danny, I'm not quite sure why I found it so funny, but the entangled Harpies story really had me cracking up.
Same here, I was laughing out loud.
I have a similar lightning-and-water-don't-mix anecdote; actually a trio of related stories. In a 2e FR campaign one of my players was playing a gallant bard who decided to take lightning bolt as one of his spells to give his character a little eldritch oomph. The first time he cast it was on an NPC who had fled up a flight of stairs. Running to the base of the stairs with the rest of the party in tow, the bard offers some prosaic quip about how the NPC can't hope to escape his arcane might before letting loose with the lightning bolt. The thing to remember about 2e lightning bolts is that they're reflected when they bounce off of barriers. I ask the bard player: "Are you sure?" He thinks about it for a too brief moment and says: "Well, yeah. Why not?" The NPC makes his saving throw as he throws himself to the ground while the bolt hits the wall and ceiling at the top of the stairs and ricochets back down the flight of stairs to engulf all of the PCs who, by this time, are all standing single file as they prepare to run upstairs. In the end, the NPC only took half damage and got away thanks to the fact that most of the party was knocked out of commission or whimpering in pain. Naturally, the bard, with the lowest hit points is the first to fall unconscious.
The next instance sees the party hurriedly crossing a river to flee a pack of wolves who are swimming after them. Turning to make their stand against the pack, the PCs draw their weapons and engage the lead wolves. I describe how the pack is crashing through the river, churning the water and kicking up a wild spray as they charge hungrily towards the PCs. That's when our dashing bard decides to cast his second ever lightning bolt. I ask the bard player: "Are you sure?" He thinks about it for a moment and says: "Yeah, sure." As you might expect, the ten foot wide bolt sizzles as it passes over and through the churning water, causing the bolt's effects to radiate through the water in a thirty foot radius and thereby electrocuting many of the wolves but also the entire water soaked PC party. Once more the PCs find themselves groaning in pain amidst the lapping waves and charred canine carcasses floating all around them. The PCs left standing are desperate to patch themselves up and save their unconscious friends from drowning as the remaining wolves continue to advance on them threateningly. Naturally, the bard, with the lowest hit points is the first to fall unconscious.
The third instance sees our intrepid party in a cavern in which the rearguard has been ambushed by a group of viscous tunneling osquip (giant buck-toothed rats) Having downed an allied tiger familiar, the osquip turn and flees back into a 1-ft. wide tunnel in the side of the cavern. Our dashing bard runs up and, being wary of crawling in after the osquips, decides that to send a lightning bolt down the tunnel after them. I ask the bard player again: "Are you sure?" He thinks about it and says: "It'll go down the tunnel where I point right? Why not?" The reason being that the lightning bolt is ten feet wide I think to myself as I start rolling damage. Predictably the bolt slams into the cavern wall (and does also race down the tunnel incidentally) which is then reflected onto the bard himself and the rearguard he was trying to save. Naturally, the bard, having the lowest hit points falls unconscious and the tiger is charred beyond recognition.
Once the bard got patched up by the other party members, he angrily tore the lightning bolt's page out of his spellbook and burned it swearing that he'd never cast another of the damned dangerous things. He never did.
As for just plain inexplicable party decisions, once the same party had passed a blockade to sneak into a baron's keep that was under siege to help his daughter (a paladin) who was trapped alone inside. Having found her, they bunk down for the night with the idea to escape before daybreak. Unfortunately, during the night an invisible stalker snatches the lady up and flies away with her while the party tries desperately to stop it. The party sneaks back out of the keep and gives chase. Looking at a map of the area and comparing it to the direction the lady was being carried they conclude that she can only have been taken to some abandoned mines two days away. So they set out and march for a full day towards the mines. Then, in a move I will never understand, the party begins reminiscing about a dungeon they'd explored some months earlier. One of them says: "Remember there was a door nailed shut that we never opened? What's behind it might be relevant. We should go check it out." To my amazement, the rest of the party agrees and dutifully makes a 90º turn as they set out on a four day journey back to the aforementioned dungeon; leaving the kidnapped noblewoman (the gallant bard's paramour no less) to her fate in the mines. Once they eventually do get to the mines, they discover that the paladin lady had been sacrificed to the BBEG's god and subsequently animated as a zombie. She of course attacks her ex-boyfriend the bard in preference to the other PCs.
Ah, lightning bolt. Back in high school, the same player I mentioned once had his 21st lvl 1e wizard cast it against a horrible monster. . a shambling mound. which grow 1HD for every die of lightning damage the receive. Which meant that he was suddenly looking at a 27' tall, 29 HD shambling mound.
Ah, lightning bolt. Back in high school, the same player I mentioned once had his 21st lvl 1e wizard cast it against a horrible monster. . a shambling mound. which grow 1HD for every die of lightning damage the receive. Which meant that he was suddenly looking at a 27' tall, 29 HD shambling mound.
Oops?
As Treebeard would say: A (21st level) wizard should know better!
Heh heh. Why exactly did anyone ever cast lightning bolt in second edition? That damned spell should have come with a warning sticker from the Surgeon General.
On DMing a mid-high level party, we had a rouge who had finally gotten down the tactical angles of tumble and flank. The party enters a large cavern. In the middle, standing near a large campfire is a single lightly armored human, weilding a battle ax. The party's own barbarian ranger roars with angry recognition of the personal foe. Roll for initiative. Rogue goes first. So, she double moves to the foe, tumbles around behind him in flanking position. Then she (right after the rest of the party) realizes her timing may still need some work as the high level Barbarion Foe goes next, full attacking her into little pieces. Oops.
On a lighter note, DMing for my son's group of new payers (and including my brother as a helpful mentor). The group (1st level) encounters some giant rats in a cave entrance. The young players all ready their weapons and my brother.... my brother gets out his cooking pot. "I bang my pot to scare them away." I give the rats (I mean their just big rats ) a Will Save, one fails miserably and runs away. Hopefully the youth will remember that as an example of role-playing your character and take advantage of your resources (instead of my brother just being goofy ;-) )
__________________ "Preview Twice, Post Once" - ancient board saying
My firends and I where playing in a campain where at first level the cleric had found an arrow of red dragon slaying. For the next 8 levels he did everything possable to keep it safe. He babied it as if it was a new born.
Then it happened. We ran into a red dragon in a large underground caven with a river running through it. On the other side was the dragon. He hands me the arrow as I was the best with a bow. I could only miss wit a roll of 5 or less.
So I take aim and fire. I rolled a 1.
I start laughing and tell the dm my attack roll.
He says to the rest of the party " The elf fires the arrow and it goes about 2 feet and lands into the river and is swept away."
My friend who was playing the cleric turns to me and says " How could you miss?!!!"
I turn to him with my hands raised and say " It was warped!"
Till this day he still reminds me of it.
__________________ something wicked this way comes
I had a player who was subbing for another player's paladin. Well, he wanted to play the paladin a little different as a righteous, all-out-for-justice-attitude paladin. The party was investigating a massive surge of kidnappings and the initial finger-pointing was with a thug press-gang.
The paladin is decked out in full plate mail and carries a greatsword. He's a tough hombre compared to leather armor, poor quality weapon carrying thugs. At first, he manages to intimidate these guys and kind of push them around in the bar where they were hanging out. These guys weren't going to fight some experienced fighter and were answering truthfully that they had nothing to do with the kidnappings. Apparently, the player just didn't believe that the thugs really had nothing to do with it and was really just trying to provoke a fight, but doing it in a "paladin-ishy" way.
Well after a while, the two lizardfolk that were part of the gang had enough of the mouthy paladin and just attacked him just to get him to shut up. Crit and crit. The other thugs felt they had no choice but to fight back as well so they also got the jump on the paladin and with their poor-quality daggers and shortswords completely kicked the crap out of the paladin. The other players had hanged back because they wanted the paladin to "do his thing". Well, he did something--get mauled and killed by a bunch of low-level thugs who critted him several times and the ones who didn't crit scored hits for max damage. The paladin didn't even get a chance to draw his weapon.
So the moral of the story is be careful of what you wish for!
You NEVER ban something the players can use to do their PCs great bodily harm...
Besides, some people are very good with it. The guy who cast Lightning bolt on the...well, on the party standing in water...was known for using that spell in close quarters in dungeons and using that aforementioned bounce to shock the A-through-Zjesus (not just the bejesus) out of our foes.
Okay, one more. Early Eberron module. New 1st level party. They had found clues to an underground area and were headed that way. They were sure it would be un-lit, because they found a note from previous explorer "bring torches". Well, half the party had darkvision or low-light and the other members had all purchased their spiffy new Sunrods, so they were good to go. They get to the cavern and have to jump down a 10' ledge. No problem. Once down, they are attacked by.... beetle swarms. Yes, the torches were for the swarms, not the darkness. No one in the party could hurt the diminuative swarm. They eventually started throwing ration packs at the swarm to lead it off, while they climbed back up the 10' ledge (much harder for some reason )
__________________ "Preview Twice, Post Once" - ancient board saying
This may seem familiar to some of you if you’ve read my Barrow story hour…
In book two of the trilogy, The Sinister Spire, the party encounters an Aboleth. With its Projected Image and Enslave ability it presents a bit of a problem. First, the Barbarian makes his save vs Domination. A few rounds later the Paladin does not.
They realize something is wrong when the Paladin takes an Attack of Opportunity as the Gnome Illusionist moves away. Having nothing on hand to break or dispel the enchantment the party decides they have to knock the Paladin out (none of this “Non-Lethal Damage” stuff here though.). In one round he goes from almost full hit points to just 4 hp with just the Barbarian left to attack with his Great Axe. “Ok, let’s see… now I want to… uh…” The Barbarians player tosses his d20 before he finishes the sentence.
Natural 20, Crit (x3).
"um.. dah... duh..."
The Barbarians player explains that he was going to say that he was going strike with the flat of the blade.
Many of you will probably recall that the Ring of Invisibility in 1e could be... problematic. My group had a well known protocol that the ring would be assumed to be taken off at the end of an encounter and would not be back on until specifically stated as such.
Anyway, this particular group had Ikim, a halfling fighter/thief who, for all intents and purposes, WAS Belkar the Halfling from Order of the Stick, and, of course, that's the character that had the ring.
In a final confrontation with a big bad guy, Ikim declared that he was going to try to sneak up on the bad guy and successfully rolled to Move Silently. Unfortunately, it was a well-lit room and Ikim's player never stated that he was putting his ring on. The image of Ikim tip-toeing up to the bad guy in plain sight of everyone sticks with me to this day.
Much more recently in the Caves of Chaos:
Thief (played by the same player that played Ikim): I investigate the altar, but don't touch it.
Me (DM): <Describes the insidious looking, blood-soaked altar.>
Fighter: I throw my dagger at it.
All: You what?
Me: Are you absolutely sure?
Fighter: Yeah.
Thief: NO!!!!
Me: You hear a distant bell, followed a few moments later by the ominous shuffle of many feet...
Thief: I put on my Ring of Invisibility.
__________________ <exasperated DM> "Underlying what? ... motivation? Do you want to play Dungeons & Dragons or not?"
<drama obsessed player> "How can I narrate my character's co-mingled sense of alienation and ennui towards modern society in this second-rate dungeon hack? My character returns to the surface and uses his remaining gold to start up an organic coffee shop that caters to left-wing revolutionaries... and hot elvish chicks."
The adventure is Monte Cook's "Queen of Lies", wherein our heroes deal with a drow outpost made up of a three bridge-connected towers and some outbuildings. The PCs are working their way down one of the towers, having entered from the top; I think they'd raided the place a couple of times before, and by now know that they can't let any alarm get out, or they're liable to get massacred.
So, they fight some drow & kill them all. IIRC, on the previous incursion, the alarm got tripped when a drow stationed inside the stairwell snuck off to sound the alarm. Whatever the reason was, the wizard decides to be safe, and chucks a cloudkill down the the stairwell -- they know most of the drow are relatively low-level, and the spell is SR: No. All the players (& characters too) hear the wizard make the announcement, in and out of character. The group then finishes a quick search of that level, grabs some obvious loot, etc. A few minutes of game time and a few minutes of actual time pass.
They then move on. As they reach the lower levels, I describe the lingering odor of bitter almonds, the twisted, choked bodies of drow & bugbears scattered about, a couple on the stairs, and even more scattered around the base of the stairs, all with bloody foam around the mouth, etc. Just routine flavor text, while I mark down the XP for all the kills. Meanwhile, the players of the dervish and the arcane archer are looking at one another in wonder, awe, and excitement -- "What happened here? Who killed all these drow? It looks like they choked, or were poisoned!" They are baffled.
I and the other two players do doubletakes, look at each other, and bust up laughing. Archer and dervish: "Huh? What's so fun- Oh. Cloudkill." <facepalms>
__________________ - Bob Huss
[H]e's dead and poisoned and possibly insane on another plane. It's a very stylish death, but a definitive one. - Piratecat
This happened last night in my Buffy game. Kind of a two-for-one now that I think about it.
The PCs had been tracking some kind of monster that was beating up girls, and had killed one of them. They eventually figured out that it was the captain of the football team who had gotten some demon-roids and had been beating up his girlfriend. They decided to meet at the girl's house to make sure she was okay and track the guy down. All the PCs are at the school except the white hat girl, she was at the club. She went to walk to Cindy's house while the rest took the vampire librarian's station wagon.
Well, as they got into the parking lot, the rebel white hat went to retrieve a gun he'd hidden in the bush, not wanting to take it onto school property. His brother decides to try and stand between him and the teachers to help block his view. They both roll, and the brother's bad luck kicks in. He bumps him as he's getting the gun. It goes off and puts out a tire.
That's one.
The white hat has arrived at Cindy's. Fred the jerk is there, has beaten up Cindy and her Mom, and grabs the girl by the throat and drags her in as well. The librarian and slayer get on his motorcycle with a tranq gun and speed across town, noting that neither Cindy nor their friend are answering phones. He gets a phenomenal success, speeding across town in record time. He sees the door standing open and makes another check to drive up the steps, through the front door, and into the hallway.
"Too bad no one invited you." From one of my players.
True enough - the librarian driving the motorcycle was a vamp, and couldn't enter the home uninvited. He flew off the motorcycle at the door. The Slayer did a matrix-style move to slide under him, off the bike, and land on her feet in front of the bad guy. Hey, she was a damn good gymnist before she became a slayer! The poor librarian was left crumpled on the porch, the mystical barrier as forgiving as a brick wall.
That was two.
__________________ Looking for gaming in Springfield, IL? Check out my Meetup Group.
I'm tempted to recount the strange story of Glutinous Maximus, the partially-digested human monk/gelatinous cube hybrid who lost a political debate (ie, fistfight) with a possessed, magically enhanced bull (who later was Awakened to sapience with an 18 INT, won the election, and entered academia as a professor and founder of a field of study called semioxtic, under the name "Umbullto Ego").
Glutinous went on to die, be reborn in the Land of the Dead, and eventually be made part of the harem of Malshabbazidek, Father of the Nine Hundred and Ninety Four Whores, where he currently spends his days pioneering new forms of pornography for his demonic master.
Which was (mostly) the fault of one player, who posts here as Atlatl Jones, in case you'd like to assign blame (or credit).
Or the Gospel of Treasure the Pig, who was elevated to divinity on the strength of pure, on-the-spot player b*llshit.
__________________ "We're pimps and killers, but in a philanthropic way." -- Boyd, Dollhouse.
About 20-25 yrs ago in highschool, I had a cleric about 6th level, we were all in a series of tunnels under a city, sewers and ancient crypts. There was this low howl or hum.
Eventually we came to a large room with a cage, in it was a bizzare looking creature and source of the cry... so we did what comes natural... we shot it through the cage.
After it's death, we stood in horror as all the skeletons, perhaps thousands of them, rose up as one! We ran and ran, about to be trapped we dove into a sewer line, I had to dump my magic armor or drown!
We left none the wiser I'm sure, but wow, what a bone-headed move.
My players, busily attempting to save the world, found themselves exploring a cavern as 12th level characters. Their dwarven scout goes ahead and discovers the room ahead is guarded by four ogres, two with greatclubs and two with morningstars. He reports back. The group starts planning their cunning ambush, when one player remarks, "Well, they're just ogres." The wizard revises his plan to opening fire with a charge of his wand of fireballs, which does 5d6, rather than one of his own precious spell slots. This party, which heretofore has used and abused detect magic in every conceivable way, does not bother to inspect the ogres for gear or spells, nor do they take the time to ask what the ogres are wearing.
Surprise round. The scout shoots one ogre with an arrow. The wizard uses his wand... delivering something like 9 points of damage with his fireball. The cleric fires his greatbow. The barbarian charges with her greatsword, delivering a solid blow. The barbarian starts to activate her rage, then says, "Naw, I'll save it." The paladin charges, and decides to conserve his smite.
Round one. The scout scoots and shoots. The wizard casts gillterdust on two of the ogres. One of the ogres power attacks the barbarian, crits, and kills her instantly. Another grapples the wizard, who is forced to d-dor to escape. The paladin attacks a blinded ogre, who responds by flailing blindly at his mount... striking it, and sending it into the small negatives in hit points. The cleric heals the wizard.
Round two. The scout identifies that the greatclub wielding ogres seem to be less well equipped, and scoots and shoots. The wizard unleashes empowered magic missiles against wounded ogres. The paladin viciously smites the blind ogre.
Round three. The party mops up, easily downing the relatively low CR opponents.
The players are rather taken aback. One of the players accuses me of being a "killer DM." The paladin's player adopts a more reasoned attitude and announces, "I am henceforth striking the phrase, 'They're just ogres,' from my vocabulary." The accusatory player later makes a snide comment about customized monsters not in the MM... I open up the MM and point to the entry for Ogre Barbarian.
The accusatory player later makes a snide comment about customized monsters not in the MM... I open up the MM and point to the entry for Ogre Barbarian.
LOL What was the guy gonna do call the HMPA and request a campaign audit?
Linear Mode
And yet another word from our sponsors
