"Well, obviously you're not the Bishop..." (the imp's voice is scornful) "But have you seen the... wait!
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenHood
Tonk walks back into the Bishop's office.
The imp flutters back and forth in distress. "You can't go in there when the bishop isn't in!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenHood
"See? Is test, like I say. Here is four letter, it tell us what to do."
Tonk picks up four letters and holds them over his head.
"Who read good?"
"EEEH!" screeches the imp. "That's private correspondance!" It darts down to pluck the letters out of Tonk's hand...
Quote:
Originally Posted by H.M.Gimlord
"I'll help you, Tonk," Mikara offers to read before the imp can confiscate the letters.
But Tonk passes the letters off to Mikara before it can get a grip. It darts around her head as she reads, wringing its hands.
Quote:
Originally Posted by H.M.Gimlord
I suggest, however, that we wait for the bishop's return
"Yes, yes!" agrees the imp. "Wait until he's back, he'll sort all this out!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenHood
"He leave letter. He maybe also leave pay. Is good test for go-getter, no?"
"NOOO!"
The imp stares back and forth between Tonk and Mikara, and then barrels off down the hall, yelling, "Guards! Intruders in Bishop Klogg's office! Guards! Where are you?"
Tonk
Inside the desk is a book of prayers to Lauto. Inside it is a sheaf of maps, all of tropical paradise islands, all lovingly annotated. And a small flask of liquor.
There's nothing else in the office. At all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by H.M.Gimlord
Mikara starts looking around for clues as to the island in question and a map on which she can locate it.
Mikara
Through the open door, you notice that Tonk has pulled a sheaf of maps out of Bishop Klogg's desk and is looking through them... One of them might well be the map you seek.
(Whew. Dodged that attempt to split the party!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMDanW
"Excuse my interruption, but I could not but help hear you all speaking of his grace, Bishop Klogg" Dextyr begins.
"I am looking for the good Bishop as well, as he has recently posted an employment opportunity, that I and a few comrades are willing to undertake. If you would be so kind as to point me to where I may be able to find his holiness, or another perhaps who would know of the particulars of the job I would be most grateful."
OOC
OK I must be wearing a big sign that says "Lauto Sucks" or something to that effect cause that diplomacy roll bombed....
At least I got the 1 out of the way...
OOC
At level 1, a 14 is not exactly a "bomb"...
The acolytes look at Dextyr in annoyance. "Who're you?" says one. "Piss off," says another.
"The Bishop's disappeared!" says a third. "He didn't show up for Lauds one day last week, and nobody's heard anything of him since! He just left a sign on his door saying he was "on vacation", and the High Priest is furious since he didn't authorize anything of the sort, and th e sign said he'd be back today but there's no sign of him! And the High Priest says..." He runs down as he sees the other acolytes glaring at him. "Never mind. Piss off."
"Why don't we go find this Zargle guy, see if we can get some more details. And you, imp, what is your business here?" The lighthearted expression disappears from Tristan's face, the elf suddenly solemn. "Then I'm all for going after Applethorpe - he has defied Dayna's natural order and must be destroyed. Payment for the deed matters not to me."
OOC
I can run Blade, if ren doesn't mind. Though I guess we won't know now until he gets back ...
"Either that, or he may hire somebody else while we're out, thinking that we lost interest in his absence."
"He is Bishop! Important and good man! We leave note, and say we take job--along with letter and map for to know what do."
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMDanW
"What do you think?"
"Okay, here is what I think... W-what? Why you ask question then walk away? Is rude!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by H.M.Gimlord
"You raise a good point. Go question the devotees. I'll look for a map.
Find the isle's name, find a good map to go with, then find the bishop."
"Wait, wait, wait. What is that? There is funny way of talk again. What is you do?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeNotCharles
The imp stares back and forth between Tonk and Mikara, and then barrels off down the hall, yelling, "Guards! Intruders in Bishop Klogg's office! Guards! Where are you?"
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Why you yell and get much upset?! Come back and talk! If Bishop no want us in office, why close door and make so easy to open? Also, why leave letter for us on desk? Plus, you CUTE! You like belly rub? If I get ball, you want for to play fetch? I have puppy just like you when I little boy, but he run over by wagon. I cry. My papa, he say, 'No cry, Tonk. Is circle of life. Now, go skin puppy, so we can eat for supper.' You know, puppy taste good!"
Tonk's Search
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeNotCharles
Inside the desk is a book of prayers to Lauto. Inside it is a sheaf of maps, all of tropical paradise islands, all lovingly annotated. And a small flask of liquor.
Tonk fans the book to see if anything interesting is wedged inside or scribbled on the edges. He gives the maps to Mikara. He opens and sniffs the liquor, just in case it's poison. But he doesn't steal anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by H.M.Gimlord
"We could dispatch both Applethorpe and Bishop Klogg. Ourselves. No reward..." "...just a suggestion."
"Is good suggestion. Here is what I thi--"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord Sessadore
"Why don't we go find this Zargle guy, see if we can get some more details. And you, imp, what is your business here?" The lighthearted expression disappears from Tristan's face, the elf suddenly solemn. "Then I'm all for going after Applethorpe - he has defied Dayna's natural order and must be destroyed. Payment for the deed matters not to me."
Tonk raises his hand and waits patiently.
Last edited by KenHood; 3rd July 2009 at 02:58 AM..
Reason: Formatting and more jokes
"You apprentiszes, you! Vhat are you doink there? Ztanding around gabbling all ze day long! Noszink but goszip, goszip, goszip. Vell here iz some goszip for you - Biszhop Klogg iz DEAD!" He seems almost in tears.
"Ze diviners finally found ze body - he vas eaten by a szhark vhile tryink to valk on vater, or zum zutch fooliszhness. Not even ze giant szhark - ze ordinary szhark!" He takes a deep breath to regain his composure and straightens his elaborate uniform.
"So off vit you! Take your filthzy goszip elszevhere! You szpeak of hiz death, and poof! He diezs! Szink about zat nexzt time you vag your idle tonguesz, by Lauto! Go! Avay vit you!"
The apprentices scatter in terror and he marches off into the building, ignoring Dextyr. Soon he arrives at the gathing outside Klogg's office. He comes to an abrupt, rigid halt. His jaw drops. His epaulets quiver in rage.
"VHAT IN LAUTO'S NAME IZ ZHAT?" he screams, pointing at Tonk. "Vhat iz it doink here? Vhat iz it CARRYINK? Iz... iz zhat a ROTTINK PIG HEAD? Vit TOOTH MARKSZ? Get it OUT OF HERE! OUT! OUT, you filthzy thing! If you have defiled ze Biszhop's office, I vill feed you to ze GRELLSZ!"
"VHAT IN LAUTO'S NAME IZ ZHAT?" he screams, pointing at Tonk. "Vhat iz it doink here? Vhat iz it CARRYINK? Iz... iz zhat a ROTTINK PIG HEAD? Vit TOOTH MARKSZ? Get it OUT OF HERE! OUT! OUT, you filthzy thing! If you have defiled ze Biszhop's office, I vill feed you to ze GRELLSZ!"
Tonk, mouth agape, stops and stares at the halfling. The corners of his lips curl up. He drops the pig head, points at the halfling, grabs his belly, and starts laughing...
"Er, you wouldn't happen to be Zarglezorf, would you?" Tristan asks a little hesitantly. More because he's trying not to laugh like Tonk than because he's intimidated by the ridiculous halfling.
After the apprentices scatter and the halfling walks by ignoring Dextyr, Dextyr follows the halfling as few paces back.
"Excuse me good sir" Dextyr addresses the halfling, "I couldn't help but overhear what you said about the Bishop. I am in fact looking for the Bishop in response to a job opportunity he recently posted and I was hoping that...." Dextyr speech tails off as they round the corner and the halfling goes on his tirade.
Ah crap..how am I going to get us out of this one..
"TONK!"Dextyr calls out in a somewhat upset authoritave voice, "What are you doing? I told you to wait outside. I am very disappointed in you - no treats today. We will talk about this later" Dextyr then turns to the halfling, and in the most appoligetic tone possible continues "I am so, so sorry sir for this most greivious intrusion. I left Tonk in the care of my comrades and I see that he must have gotten out of hand again. You see, Tonk is, well, Special, and is trying to learn the customs here in Daunton. Again I am so sorry for the mess, and I see that my asociate (he gestures to Mikara) has already begun to clean up the mess. I assure you that when I left them here they had not gotten into any trouble. As I have been trying to tell you, we are here to see the Bishop about a job offer"
In an instant, Tonk ceases laughing. He flip-kicks to his feet.
Leaning forward, Tonk gives Dextyr a measured look. The half-orc turns his head slightly to the side, cupping a hand over his mangled ear. "I beg pardon. I not sure if I hear you in right way. Did you just yell at me like I dog? I ask, because I think maybe my Punch Brother be hit little too much today and not in right way of think. If so, I excuse Punch Brother when ask question and walk off. Is little rude, but okay. If so, I also excuse Punch Brother from yell at me like I dog. When head mess up, sometimes say thing we not mean. If not so, I think I put foot so far up Punch Brother poop-hole that Punch Brother taste the muck of city that is on bottom of my sandal and when I wiggle big toe, it tickle inside of his nose and cause him to sneeze. Then, we hug and go back to be good friend again."
Baby seals often see the same look on the face of a polar bear.
Tristan walks up to Tonk and puts his head next to Tonk's, his back towards the halfling. "He's just making up a story to keep us from getting into trouble. If we make trouble, they might not pay us for the job. Wouldn't want that, would we?" The elf throws a friendly wink at the half-orc, then turns around to face the halfling again with a smile as if nothing happened and pats Tonk on the shoulder.
Dextyr lets a slight grin escape his lips at Tonks threat and confidently strides over to him and stops easily with tonks reach. He speaks in a calm steady tone. "Good, I'm glad I finally have your full attention Tonk. To answer your question, Yes - I have been punched in the head many times today. I have been punched many times while taking part in this brotherhood ceremony you have shared with us all, and it was an honor to take part in a new and interesting cultural experience. You and I come from different places and different upbringings. I am eager to learn and embrace those differences we share and by doing so we can all become better individuals and comrades." Dextyr pauses only briefly to catch his breath and continues, "I did raise my voice with you Tonk because I am upset. I am upset that even though I have tried to respect and embrace you and your culture and your ways, you have not shown your Punch brother the same respect. I tried to explain that these priests may not share in your philosophy regarding closed doors and you ignored me and now we are all in trouble. Dextyr points towards the halfling. "This funny little man will now most likely not only NOT give us the job, but perhaps he will call the local guards and charge us with a crime and throw us in prison. Dextyr leans in closer to Tonk and continues on, but his tone is quiter, so much so that only Tonk should be able to hear him. "I did not mean you any disrespect Tonk. Your tools are your strength and your weapon. Mine are my charm and wit. Where you are direct in your actions, mine are subtle and misleading. I attempted to mislead this man into thinking that you are something you are not and thereby hopefully he would not be upset with us. I was wrong in doing so and obviously disrespected you in the process. I am sorry for that. I have no time or patience for bullies and your threats do not frighten me, but if you feel that the only way to make amends of this situation is to insert your foot into my backside then so be it" Dextyr then turns around and presents himself for the forthcoming arsekicking.
Tonk grabs Dextyr by the arm and spins him around.
"One, I understand maybe half of you say then."
"Two, is bad to lie. Truth always more good."
"Five, bully pick on people more weak than bully because heart is sick. Is no bully to punish for wrong. If hit man, give him understand to live."
Tonk pokes Dextyr in the chest. "You carry sword. Is you bully when you use it?"
"Four, man upset about head of pig in room. Man no say nothing about other people, so man only care about head of pig. Look!"
Tonk picks the pig's head off the floor. "Hey, man with funny voice, you upset about pig head, yes? Is not rotten pig head. Is fresh pig head. Much cook good. You want bite? Still have one ear left. It crunch!"
In an instant, Tonk ceases laughing. He flip-kicks to his feet.
The halfling jumps backward nearly a foot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenHood
Leaning forward, Tonk gives Dextyr a measured look. The half-orc turns his head slightly to the side, cupping a hand over his mangled ear. "I beg pardon. I not sure if I hear you in right way. Did you just yell at me like I dog?
"No violencsz!" squeaks the halfling. "Zis is a holy placsze!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenHood
I ask, because I think maybe my Punch Brother be hit little too much today and not in right way of think. If so, I excuse Punch Brother when ask question and walk off."
"No, no violencsz! No punchszing! No - Punchsz Brothszer? Vhat?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenHood
"Is little rude, but okay. If so, I also excuse Punch Brother from yell at me like I dog. When head mess up, sometimes say thing we not mean."
"Goodt, goodt, yesz, ve talk through zis like adultsz. No need to get filthzy blood on my nicsze clean floorsz..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenHood
"If not so, I think I put foot so far up Punch Brother poop-hole that Punch Brother taste the muck of city that is on bottom of my sandal and when I wiggle big toe, it tickle inside of his nose and cause him to sneeze. Then, we hug and go back to be good friend again."
The halfling's face goes white with shock. "La... langvage!" he stutters. "Zat vas FILTHZY! I know he inszulted you, but you should be ASHZAMED of yourszelf!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord Sessadore
Tristan walks up to Tonk and puts his head next to Tonk's, his back towards the halfling. "He's just making up a story to keep us from getting into trouble. If we make trouble, they might not pay us for the job. Wouldn't want that, would we?" The elf throws a friendly wink at the half-orc, then turns around to face the halfling again with a smile as if nothing happened and pats Tonk on the shoulder.
The halfling glares at him. "You thzink I cannot hear you? I am sztanding right here! Now..." He is cut off as Dextyr starts to speak again.
Dextyr's speech is rather long. The halfling opens his mouth to interject several times, but every time he stops and listens thoughtfully. When it's over, he pauses, brow furrowed until Tonk has responded, then nods vigorously, setting the numerous pins and medals on the front of his uniform jingling.
"Okay. Okay, I szee vhat's happening. Cultyural confyusion. Yesz. I undersztand zis. I have dealt vith zis all my life." He takes a deep breath.
"I am here to take over Bishop Klogg's dutiesz. He hasz a job to give you, yesz? And you have entered hisz office to look for him, yesz?" He sighs deeply. "Ok. Zis vas very wrong, tracking filthzy mud off ze sztreetsz into ze Bishop's office, but I vill forgive you. ZIS TIME!" He glares at Tonk. "Now, you give me vhatever you found in ze Bishop's offize, I vill go inszide, get caught up on his schedyule and deczide vhat is to be done. You vait here, and I vill come out in ten minutez and tell you if ze job is ztill on. Ok?"
"And vhile I am inszide, YOU apologisze to HIM for patroniszing him, and YOU apologisze to HIM for not lisztening to hisz advisze. And ONLY zat! Say your apology, and NOTHZINK else! Szaying any more vill just make thzings vorse."
"Oh, and also vhile you are vaiting... TAKE ZAT FILTHZY THING OUTSZIDE! Isz not fresh! Isz at leaszt a veek old! It SZTINKS!"
OOC
Unless Tonk went back for a new pig head at some point, the head is indeed several days old by now, because it's now Wednesday morning, the day the Bishop was due back - ah, the mysteries of non-realtime games.
Last edited by JoeNotCharles; 3rd July 2009 at 08:45 PM..
I think it was a Thursday, realtime, when I posted the "Away until Wednesday" sign. My intent was that it would be that many days of game time as well until he was back. I guess that doesn't really fit what was posted, though...
Tonk suddenly realizes that the pig's head has decayed visibly. His memories are becoming confused - how long has he been here? He could swear it's only been about twenty minutes, but he also has a feeling that several days have passed.
Religion 10
Lingering on the grounds of Lauto's temple is unwise for the uninitiated. Time moves in strange ways there, as befits the House of Timeless Sleep.
Linear Mode
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