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I had a fight with my wife this morning in the car to work. Not a loud fight, but a fight nonetheless (and it was for something I brought up, not her). In the end, here's what I got out of it:
1) I hold her to higher standards than others, which she hates. In my defense, I hold myself to higher standards than anyone else and do the same to her. I don't blame her for being upset about that.
2) If she does something that bothers me, I need to tell her right away, or as soon as possible, but DON'T bring it up first thing in the morning, three days later, on the way to work.
No screaming or yelling involved, and we don't hate each other, but it was still a fight and it was over something stupid. I want to apologize for some things but I don't dare write an e-mail because they suck at conveying thoughts and are easily misterpreted. I can't call her because she's at work, as am I, and I don't want to have this conversation in the workplace.
So my day sucks because of it and now I have to wait until 5pm to talk to her about it.
Oh, did I mention that, sometimes, I have a hard time just "letting things go?" That doesn't help.
I can relate quite well. Some of my worst fights with the husband have started in the car on the way to work and it totally sucks b/c you've got to spend the whole day upset before you can work things out.
Actually, the quiet fights I find are nastier than the loud ones; the loud ones are fueled by just anger and irritation, but the quiet ones are fueled by something SERIOUSLY wrong. But that's just me.
The other thing I learned long ago, and congrats to you for it just now, is that you NEVER bring up anything that could lead to a fight first thing in the morning. You or she will invariably take it wrong, and unless you have time to sort it out, the ill feeling lingers all day. I'll apologize like a lunatic if I accidentally open a verbal door in the morning, and I'll bring it up later when we can talk about it rationally.
__________________ "Conversely, I'm amazed at the number of people queueing up to tell people that don't like 4e that they are wrong. Why can't people just agree to disagree, and get on with actually playing the game?" --Delericho
Actually, the quiet fights I find are nastier than the loud ones; the loud ones are fueled by just anger and irritation, but the quiet ones are fueled by something SERIOUSLY wrong. But that's just me.
Inevitably - the louder I get during an argument, the less sense I'm making. If I start yelling, I'm probably just making stuff up/angry at myself to letting the argument go that far/trying to convince myself that what I'm saying is true (but it's not).
I want to apologize for some things but I don't dare write an e-mail because they suck at conveying thoughts and are easily misterpreted. I can't call her because she's at work, as am I, and I don't want to have this conversation in the workplace.
Why not put those words into an email, followed with a "Just wanted you to know I was feeling bad"? It will tell her that you've been thinking about the situation, and you regret aspects of it.
__________________ *If I had stats, I'd roll a sense motive*
Why not put those words into an email, followed with a "Just wanted you to know I was feeling bad"? It will tell her that you've been thinking about the situation, and you regret aspects of it.
A simple "I love you" note in her email inbox can do wonders.
Or copious amounts of chocolate and jewelry delivered to her workplace.
__________________ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <><> "Dad, I love you. But I'm not sure if it's because you're my dad or if it's Stockholm Syndrome." --my son at 12 years old.
Quote of the night last game session: "Want to come to my prepaid hotel room? Bouncy bouncy!" October 25th, 2008
My wife & I have most of our fights in the car on the way to work in the morning. I don't know why, but that's the way it usually ends up. Maybe it's because we are always rushing around to get out of the house on time (never happens), and once we are on the road we need somehting to fill the air so one of us brings something up and we fight about it. :\
Hence it is better to walk to work or take seperate cars
I agree with emails, IMs or phone calls at work as not being an effective way of communicating.The communication breaks down due to too much "static". Same thing with gifts etc. as a way to make up for "issues" (gifts are much better when given for no reason). Letting some time pass before discussing an argument also will ease the tension.
Some face to face apologies along with some good "snuggling" always does the trick for me
__________________ I walk in darkness, the shadows my only friend. Yet in the cold of the night I wake up screaming; only the bitter silence of loneliness to hear my torment.
And aside from walking in darkness I LOVE Harry Potter...
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you happen to say that 4E reminds you of the reasons you decided against a career as a special-Ed teacher--noted rpg author Darrin Drader
Personally, I hate posting things like this because I feel like I'm whining (see what I mean by holding myself to higher standards?) but I had to get it out.
Why not put those words into an email, followed with a "Just wanted you to know I was feeling bad"? It will tell her that you've been thinking about the situation, and you regret aspects of it.
Because e-mails don't relay tone, unfortunately. I've seen situations where the sender will type something competely innocent and the receiver will take it a completely different way than intended simply because, in their mind, the "tone" of the words was bad.
__________________ Evil will be dealt with swiftly as it is my duty to remove such evil from my presence.--Rozhena Ashford Cleric/Divine Champion of Torm
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