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Off Topic forum currently named 'Squamous'This is the off-topic forum; please observe the no puns, politics & religion rule (use Circvs Maximvs for these topics).
I need your input on which kind of dead fish to mail to someone.
Today I drove 1 ½ hours, one way, to a job interview only to discover they had forgotten me. I had the address of the place, but the building they were in did not have a visible street address and only a small sign bearing it name – so finding it was like finding a single piece of straw in a huge pile of needles. Then, upon arrival I am told the man I was too met with is out for the day and no one else was prepared to see me.
Tilapia, in being expensive, would represent the depths of my rage and loathing. However, they might not be worth it, so I might just send them a dead catfish.
The point would be to send them something smelly and gross, correct? I'm not sure which fish smell worse than others when rotting, but I read somewhere that Hake pretty much turns to mush (rendering it useless for eating) which would make it a bee-yatch to clean up. You could also go with Halibut for the flatness, make it easier to mail.
Your situation reminds me of that Monty Python sketch from the first season, wherein Cleese makes Chapman do several crazy things during an ostensible interview for a management training course- only to tell him at the end that all the vacancies were filled weeks ago! I didn't know there were actually people who would do similar things in real life. Give 'em Hell, Hades, and the Abyss all at once!
__________________ "I am a vampiric half-dragon half-troll lycanthropic fiendish snail! Tremble at my illogical glory!" -The Tongue is Mightier Than the Sword, OotS, Dragon #345
"Come to the Far Realmy side...we have pseudonatural cookies..." - Tlin, Alienoid Warlock, during a game session in March 2007
Sardines are pretty cheap, and exceptionally gross. On top of the smell, you can get them with the scales still on, and they have lots of tiny bones that stick to everything that touches them. They're also small, so that makes them easy to mail.
However, for sheer unparalleled wretchedness, NOTHING beats the smell of spoiled squid. Not the squid tentacles in the cans (calamari), I mean the actual cleaned pieces of flesh from the body. When it goes bad, it smells like a stray cat peed in a wet car full of rotting fish. It also exudes this disgusting liquid that isn't quite water, and is slimy and rubbery.
If I ever truly hated someone, I would send them rotten squid.
__________________ If you like my fantasy icon, you can find more at Deathbycute.com
Also, I'd second the sardines thing. Those things are disgusting, and I'd imagine that their small individual size means that they'd decompose pretty quick and be nice and rotten by the time they get their mail.
Originally Posted by The Scarlet Citadel, by Robert E. Howard
"There are creatures", said Pelias, "not alone of this earth and sea, but of air and the far reaches of the skies as well, dwelling apart, unguessed of men. Yet to him who holds the Master-words and Signs and the Knowledge underlying all, they are neither malignant nor inaccessible. Watch, and fear not."
He lifted his hands to the skies and sounded a long wierd call that seemed to shudder endlessly out into space, dwindling and fading, yet never dying out, only receding farther and farther into some unreckoned cosmos. In the silence that followed, Conan heard a suddgen beat of wings in the stars, and recoiled as a huge bat-like creature alighted beside him...
"I took a fish head out to see a movie. Didn't have to pay to get it in."
__________________
My Games
Into the Land of Black Ice (retired) - An arctic PbP adventure in the mysterious frozen lands of Oerth
Penance of the Damned (retired) - A planar chat-based game, set in Hades, where the PCs began as larvae
Beneath the Pinnacles of Azor'alq (retired) - A mid-level PbP campaign set within the Dramidj Ocean Heirs of Turucambi - An entry-level chat-based game set within the waters of Turucambi Reef in the Oljatt Sea Nature of the Beast (in design) - A sylvan adventure where the adventurers are forest animals.
Interview with Jeffrey Steingarten, author of The Man Who Ate Everything ( translated quote from a 1999 article in Norwegian newspaper Dagbladet: ) "Lutefisk is not food, it is a weapon of mass destruction. It is currently the only exception for the man who ate everything. Otherwise, I am fairly liberal, I gladly eat worms and insects, but I draw the line on lutefisk."
"What is special with lutefisk?"
"Lutefisk is the Norwegians' attempt at conquering the world. When they discovered that Viking raids didn't give world supremacy, they invented a meal so terrifying, so cruel, that they could scare people to become one's subordinates. And if I'm not terribly wrong, you will be able to do it as well."
"But some people say that they like lutefisk. Do you think they tell the truth?"
"I do not know. Of all food, lutefisk is the only one that I don't take any stand on. I simply cannot decide whether it is nice or disgusting, if the taste is interesting or commonplace. The only thing I know, is that I like bacon, mustard and lefse. Lutefisk is an example of food that almost doesn't taste anything, but is so full of emotions that the taste buds get knocked out."
Into the Land of Black Ice (retired) - An arctic PbP adventure in the mysterious frozen lands of Oerth
Penance of the Damned (retired) - A planar chat-based game, set in Hades, where the PCs began as larvae
Beneath the Pinnacles of Azor'alq (retired) - A mid-level PbP campaign set within the Dramidj Ocean Heirs of Turucambi - An entry-level chat-based game set within the waters of Turucambi Reef in the Oljatt Sea Nature of the Beast (in design) - A sylvan adventure where the adventurers are forest animals.
Formerly Known As Frukathka 
Damn, Aeolius. Thats one hell of a fish.
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