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Off Topic forum currently named 'Squamous'This is the off-topic forum; please observe the no puns, politics & religion rule (use Circvs Maximvs for these topics).
Location: A nice & tidy kempt glass cage in Rochester, NY
Posts: 289
NOW WHAT?! (A rant about my mother)
So my mom is visiting me for a short while. I just went in the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and she looks at me annoyed like and says, "Now what?" I told her I wanted to make a cup of coffee and she glares at me.
She sitting at the kitchenette table in her nightgown reading the paper, IN MY HOUSE having an attitude with me for something I want. Ugh. And people say that in laws are bad. I asked her if she wants me to come back later for a cup of coffee and she says yes. So I left the kitchen. And now I'm fuming mad. This is my mother in my house telling me what to do and when to do it.
URGH! SO. MAD. How do you suggest I deal with her?
Wait! Maybe that's not such a great idea after all. You don't have a party and she might be a shapechanged Dragon. Also, it's illegal. Unless she is a Dragon
I don't know. I have never been in such a situation, but I suppose the general advice is trying to talk about it. Finding the right when and how can be difficult. Usually it's important to ensure that you don't attack or critisize her, but speak from your point of view and how her behavior makes you feel. But I am not an expert on psychology or communication theory, I am just trying to remember "German" lessons from a decade or so ago.
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Well, has she been there a couple of days or is this her first morning? It's possible that she's just in a bad mood about something completely unrelated to you [and maybe she slept poorly as well] and you just happen to be the first person she saw. I know if I'm in a bad mood when I wake up, it stays around with me for a while and the first person that wants something at work I pretty much just stare at them and go "What?" Nothing personal, just a bad mood, and usually, it goes away fairly quickly for me.
But I would try not go get too upset unless it lasts all day and then continues into the next day. Then, you'll probably have to talk to her, see what's up, if it's you she has a problem with or she just hasn't been able to let go of the baggage she picked up before visiting.
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Always be nice to your mother (and father). They're allowed to have bad days, and tantrums, just like you are.
<edit> And talk to her, and find out what's wrong. <end edit>
When you have kids of your own you'll really appreciate this advice. Until then, it's just the ramblings of a Grumpy Old Man.
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Last edited by GrumpyOldMan; 17th September 2008 at 05:28 PM..
Reason: More advice to ignore
Wow. While I agree it is important to respect one's parents, I also believe they have to behave like adults, not throw tantrums.
I believe my response would have been "Yes? Is there something wrong?", and lacking a response, would have continued to make my morning drink of choice.
If there was a response, I would have treated it with as much seriousness as it warranted.
Otherwise I would ignore any glares, make whatever I needed in the kitchen, and not acquiesced to any demands without a clear reasoning as to why.
Parent or not.
After the fact, I would ask what was wrong if they weren't communicative at the original time, and coverse about it, if necessary.
But I don't take guff or commands from anybody under my roof, whether they slept bad or not. If they can't communicate, I'm not a mind reader, and they get no truck from me.
But I'm also 6'1", 220lbs, and not afraid of communicative confrontation, so...I may have an edge in that.
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You make your coffee. Trod over to the source of your caffeine and get done what needs to get done.
Pretty much my advice. You're in your OWN house - why the hell are you letting your mother chase you out of your kitchen? Just ignore her and get your damn coffee is she's going to act like a child.
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Location: A nice & tidy kempt glass cage in Rochester, NY
Posts: 289
So I had it out with my mom earlier this morning and she basically told me that she is annoyed with me for not being tied down to a serious relationship.
So I told her that things with me and Jonathan got kicked up a notch on Monday night. Anyway long story short, that combined with the fact that I wasn't awarded full custody of my son by the court pushed her over the edge (of course that was two years ago so ). I calmly told her my rule, which was her rule for me when I was younger; As long as you are living under my roof I will not be disrespected.
She smiled and we hugged. Glad thats out of the way, now we can focus our energies on entertaining Joseph when he gets dropped off by my ex tomorrow night.
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Friends Lists: No, thank you. If you are my friend, I know it and you know it. I don't feel the need to have a codified list of the people I know.
So I had it out with my mom earlier this morning and she basically told me that she is annoyed with me for not being tied down to a serious relationship.
What is it with people who think that you have to be in a serious relationship to be happy, or a fully developed human being, or worthy of people's respect, or whatever?
Of course, I know nothing about your situation except what you just posted here, but not being in a relationship is not in the same league as being a highschool dropout who's never had a job and lives off his or her parents' money. I can understand some exasperation in those cases. Growing up means standing on your own two feet, after all, and you can't expect people to support you if you're not willing to make an effort to support yourself. But in my opinion, there's no rule that says that the meaning of life is to be in a committed relationship (I've been happily married for five years, by the way, so this isn't a rant about people hassling me). What right does anyone, even your mother, have to get annoyed about you being single?
As an aside, my views on people being "out of sorts", so to speak, is that if they don't tell me that there's a problem they can't expect me to take it into consideration.
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Well my father thought that my college career was a failure since I never got married and produced him grandchildren. Even after he passed 11 years ago, I still haven't given him grandchildren (or gotten married), but there are days I would want him to be around just so I could rant about him.
You find that an advantage when dealing with your mother?
I'm fairly confident that was to indicate the development of his style of dealing with people was influenced by his mass. Kinda like saying "I am used to dealing with people like I was a gruff grizzly because I am shaped like a gruff grizzly. YMMV with my technique."
You find that an advantage when dealing with your mother?
Yeah, I'm 5'10" , 300lbs, and some of that's muscle. I'm still afraid of my mom! She can beat my ass, your ass, and a random strangers ass without breaking a sweat!
My mom's hardcore.
Edit: By "your" I mean anyone reading this post... not just you, Morrus
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Its just, (your adventure) was the first i played, and it had such a feel too it, like nothing ive played since.
). I calmly told her my rule, which was her rule for me when I was younger; As long as you are living under my roof I will not be disrespected. 
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