Need advice with a friend, kinda long.

[KenM]

Ok, I met this girl at my last job and we became good friends, hit it off. I want to say soul mates, we grew close. She is 42. She invited me to FLA with her, and I went, we had a great time. Our friendship accually survived the drive down and back.
She said she used to drink and "smoke" quite a bit, we would drink a little when together, but I don't do drugs, and really frown on people that do, as I have close relative that is a recovering addict. My friend said she no longer "smokes", she does not like it anymore.
We were just good friends, it did not get to be any more, but the potential is there for it to. I got another job and left the job where we met, but we still talked/ hung out.
Anyway, about a month ago, when I would call her and leave a message, asking if she wanted to hang out or do something, she never got back to me. I only called like 3 times in 4 weeks, but its not like her to at least get back to me. So I thought she was mad at me, and did not want to see me anymore. I thought this was ok, but I wanted to tell her what a positve impact she had on my life, she helped me alot, so I sent her a little card telling her how I felt, and what she did, and if she never wanted to see me again, I was ok with it. A few days later, i get a letter from her saying she loved the card, still thinks of me and likes to be friends, and would love to get together like we used to, and "has her head up her a$$". Her words, not mine. She said I could call her anytime and she would call me.
So I called her once, the day I got the letter. Then I called her today, and still nothing. Why would she say she wants to still get together with me and then not return my calls? I'm getting mixed signals, but more importantlly, I'm worried about Her.
I have had experences with people that do drugs. This behavior I have seen in her I have also seen in addicts. Should I try and get closer, see if she is back using drugs, and help her? Or should I just let it go and leave it be?

 

[sedarfairy]

been there

Having just come off of a long relationship with a recovering alcoholic/addict...I can tell you that the relationship was worth waiting for. We had 2 beautiful years together. But I can also tell you that she isn't capable of a fulfilling relationship with anyone...until she is ready to be clean. Sounds to me like she has relapsed and doesn't want to admit it to you. Give it some time and some space...and be a friend if she needs one. But don't get too deep until you see if she is ready to approach it from the perspective of someone with an unclouded mind. Hang in there...

 

[Wycen]

I'm not relationship expert nor do I play one on TV like Dr. Phil, but it sounds like she's embarrased about something. It is easier to hide whatever it may be by not communicating over the phone.

 

[Umbran]

While it is possible that it is drugs, it is also possible that it's something completely innocuous, like she's really busy and keeps forgetting to call. Or maybe she's got some other relationship with someone, and is in a little bit of a bind as how to resolve them. Who knows?

It seems like the only thing supporting the drug hypothesis is past history and circumstantial evidence. Enough perhaps to keep your eyes open, but not enough to call it with certainty. So, don't treat it like it is a certainty.

 

[Goddess FallenAngel]

Try writing her letters? Tell her how you feel, that you want to help her, that you are worried about her. It would probably be a good idea to stay away from mentioning drugs unless you are absolutely sure that is the problem, but let her know that if she has a problem, you will understand and want to help. Put the ball in her court again, but let her know you are willing to help her.