Adventures of Darryl the stone sword

Darryl Adventures

Note the following is from the point of view of the magic rapier.
It will contain spoilers from the sunless citadel, forge of fury, and speaker in my dreams.

You Dude and Dudettes! It been decades and decades since I was dropped on top the decaying dwarf who smelled like toast. My last owner was brain dead enough to take on some old balding grey beards dwarves. You know mad, um man, you don't try to take some one else stash else old farts, you can trust them, like they sneaky.
Um you guys got any brownies?
Bummer.
Well these old farts just bulk themselves up. I mean right in front of me and my owner. Let me see his name was…
Any way he got chopped to bits, and they laughed and tossed him, his girl friend, and me down the stairs. That um that dude was just not right. They had no respect for me. Darryl The Dragon Slayer. Well, to my new owner, and his buds.

Any how way I laying on this dead dwarf with no legs, try to think of growing some legs and blow this scene .
Suddenly I see like a bright like and hear the stone lid moving cool man.

Squeaky clean voice, "BUT it is looting and not good. " the lid screeched and light disappeared.

Elf babe voice, " but he is dead and we need it. It has to be better that sword of yours who wanted to kill every body. You start running around wanting to kill all men."

Squeaky clean voice, "It was curse, besides my god send that armadillo which rusted Amber armour and my…"

Squeaky halfling babe voice, "Let me help, Colin, Colin let me help"

Elf accent dude baby, "Come on Tickle beer shove."

I see a half elf and the sight of hopping halfling trying to peer a me. Sudden the lid squeaked again and the light goes away. Squeaky clean voice, "It's looting!"

The light appears again. My rescuers!

Squeaky clean, "IS!"

Elf Babe, "Is Not!"

Squeaky clean, "IS!"

Elf Babe, "Is Not!"

Squeaky clean, "IS!"

Elf Babe, "Is Not!"

Then Flop ear elf dude grabs me and holds me up. I look around and see a couple of halflings, two humans, one halfling dudette, the other is squeak clean male human, a female elf. And the elf babe and squeak voice are arguing over me.

Squeaky clean, "IS!" Then he picks her up and tosses her into the monster's arms. It looked horrible. A snake with tentacles and there two of them. These rejects of the Mystery Machine had not posted a guard and are about to get wasted. Well, the elf babe faints, the squeaky clean voice goes fished eye. And party starts. Well the dudes and Dudettes win. Then Floppy Ears.

You should see floppy ears. Think of elf, add a silly expression to his face. Then grow his ears. And grow his ears again. Dude if he gets a hair cut his points will be bobbed.

Hey dude you got any munchies?

Any way Floppy asks," I wonder what it is?" Man he has cold hands and has not bathed. But man, it is better that dead dwarf smell.

I replied, "YO! DUDE! I AM DARRYL THE DRAGON SLAYER! AND THERE IS A DRAGON NEARBY!"

The elf babe, and squeaky voice turned white. Floppy eyes glazed over like he had taken a hit from some high quality stuff. The halfling dudette, called tickle beer, made a wet spot on the floor.


More to come.

Yo-yo! Dudes. Where was I? Oh?
The Floppy eared dude had the glassed eye look.
Floppy in a quivering voice asked where was the dragon. I told it was under a mile. The dude wanted exact directions. Bummer out of the crypt under a minute and already being hassled. I do my thing and tell him below him. Dudes. He started picking up his feet like he was on top of it.
The adventures chill out and discuss what to do. They decide to check out the door across this huge chamber. Man you could fit the Hollywood bowl in it. They call themselves sneaking across the chamber. The halfling chick and bard start making eyes at each other and they wander off. Meanwhile the elf babe is doing her thing. After a couple of minutes elf babe says it's free of traps. Dude, they could have asked me. So the elf babe starts doing her rogue thing on the steps. The babe is acting like the man is behind every wall and going to bust her.

She finally gets to the top of stairs. Hey some art dudes had been doing a heavy trip. Those dudes were right on. They had carved three statues and arranged them in a trio. It was cool. Who has ever heard of ten-foot dwarves? The elf babe starts cat foot and turning her head left and right and scoping out the floor. I thought she drop a contact or something. But a half hour later she dusts …
Wish a I could score some good dust…
Where was I?
Oh, thanks, the elf babe has finished her paranoid fit. And opened the secret door behind one of the dwarves. I could not figure why she didn't open the other doors. But elf babe was acting like the man had pulled her over and her stash was in the open. The adventures trot up the back stairs. Right smack in to the old balding grey beards farts. No these old dudes again. I get ready to consider how a crypt feels again. Bummer. These grey beards little brown jugs, big band lovers, and start their jive talk. Floppy and the rest just stare! More Jive talk, and the adventures were not getting it. I dig the lingo and start explaining to Floppy.

Now age before beauty is the normal. But this old fart is so old it takes a while before I notice it's a dudette. Well miss crone is reading the dudes and dudettes the riot act. You know the scene young punks with no respect, blah blah etc etc. And it they don't clear out she calling the man. Then Dudes get this. She decides against call the man and shows off her big mumbo jumbo. Wham! Her guard is gone! Gone faster than a tote at a Grape fruit dead concert. Then the party starts. The elf babe shoots a cross bow bolt in the old dudette, Amber, um Ember, the Amazon chick rushes into the hall to fight a flaming bowling ball of death, and five twins brothers, And then they all chase a rat around. Then this huge old fart about NBA size comes crashing out of his pad to join the party. Finally the dust settles and the human chick is down and out. Floppy is bruise and the elf babe is slapping padlocks up everywhere. They all take a chill pill.

Floppy and Elf Babe starts hassling over "oops" and having roasted a cleric. So they decide to Dee Dee out to Burns foot the nearby town. Yo! Man I should a bought a clue that Amber was the first to crash. She crashes a lot. Not enough fiber in her diet and she eats red meat. That diet will kill you man. Well, Floppy and his buds, chill out for a week or two before going back into the stronghold Lilly hammer, Golden hammer, um Glitter hammer, yea that name of the place.

The party sneaks in past a couple of half-breeds, and gets back to the old farts. Now while they were gone someone had to call room service because man the bodies were gone. They ignore me when I tell the dragon is nearby. No. The elf babe is tripping. She is trying to be one with each door in the room. It was freaky me out. Finally she decides to open one.

She unlocks and runs to the back of party. Amber the human chick opens the door. The room has this cool fountain in it. And this dude, he was styling. He was all draped out in this black sheet, and chanting to his elf. Dig it he had this tune going for him. It was radical. Not some the easy listen big band rift your mommies groove to. The bard freaks out. It like he being out classes so he starts hammering out a rift on his electric sax. It was not cool. The bard was just stepping all over the chanter hymn. And Floppy is yell be gone fowl demon. Man bunch of upright straight lace…
Dude you got any brownies.
Well, chanter muse leaves post hastes due to bad vibes the adventures are giving off. He splits the scene. Floppy and his crew give chase but the dude gone. The elf babe tries to become one with doors. Have you heard Morrison's newest single dude?

Any way, their bad vibes upset the chanter and the party begins. The chanter was laid low. So the group started trashing each of the rooms. They must thought they were in the band. The only high point to this was when the elf babe and halfling babe got carpet burns….

Dude can you imagine how embarrassing it is for carpet to start beating you up and down. I must have laughed out loud. Because just about this time elf babe started some attitude against me. Well Floppy just unwraps her from the carpet and we start checking the last of hall.
The halfling babe unlocks one door and lets the squeaky clean pimply paladin open the door. You remember him the same guy who want to leave me.

He opens the door and there was a good babe. She had short shorts and a great body. And her shirt was just a little to short and she was showing some skin. I was cool with it but the pimply paladin started tripping. He started yell "EVIL EVIL. CREATURE OF EVIL". And dude wonders how come he has not been kissed.

Speaking of Kiss I heard cat man…

Tickleberry speaks
Leave it to a stoned sword to get it ALL wrong I wasn't there when he was found, and I didn't get carpet burn, and only once did a dragon scare me, but that's another story stay tuned .

Where was I Tickle brandy?
Oh yeah.
The halfling babe unlocks one door and lets the squeaky clean pimply paladin open the door. You remember him the same guy who want to leave me.

He opens the door and there was a good babe. She had short shorts and a great body. And her shirt was just a little to short and she was showing some skin. I was cool with it but the pimply paladin started tripping. He started yell "EVIL EVIL. CREATURE OF EVIL". And dude wonders how come he has not been kissed.

The elf babe, Amazon chick, and pimple puss and the rest of gang enter. Elf babe and the pimpled paladin are laying a heavy trip on the major babe. I know elf babe is just jealous cause the babe is hot. I don't know what the pimple paladin's trip was about. They all start to jive and everyone begins mellow out. Some wizard man had imprisoned cute chick. Well elf babe was still tripping, the chick jumps into the Ember, you know dude, the Amazon chick arms. Now all these stuck up squares start freaky. I think the whole party needs to mellow out. The party nearly starts but Ember tries to get every one to smoke the peace bong. Elf babe trips out and slaps the major babe. Ember start to go to the party with her when major babe lays a wet one on her for luck. COOL!

It must had been some kiss because Amber toes curl up, her eyes roll around in her head and she faints. Then POP! Major babe splits. One moment she tongue boxing Ember the next she gone faster that Mary Jane at a Monkeys concert. An hour or two goes by, elf babe is trashing the rooms and reading the wizard man's poetry and not digging it. Amber quits her Sleeping Beauty act and the party goes back into the hall to scope out a secret door.

The door leads to some small cramp corridor. It splits and one way leads to a chain ladder, which leads to the basement. I whisper into Floppy's ear that dragon is down below. He must have been spacing because he wasn't digging what I was saying. I whisper a couple of times and still Floppy is doing is spaced out act. So I yell to the party about Nightscape. The party gets uptight and starts sending out some bad vides. They decide to split down the split corridor.

Dudes, get this, it just doubles back into the main audience room. Elf babe gets all paranoid again and starts locking up the doors. Then she starts digging and becoming one with the door and gets the halfling chick, Tickle berry, into the act. Elf babe unlocks it and rushes to the back of the party. Pimple Paladin and Ember chick throw open the door. It was a church but it had been trashed. I wondered if Elf babe had forgot she been here before. It was dark and gloomy but I could get into that. But pimple pal started going off about the Zen master at the altar was evil. Well the party started again. It ended with Ember chick being out for the count. Floppy was mumbling about undead and turning them on. So back to town for brownies and to get more allies.

Where was I. Oh yeah. The party picked up some new buds. A monk and a druid and some other chicks and dudes. Great strike up the band cause we aren't going to sneak up on anything now. We travel back to Lilly hammer great hall and they scope out the south wall. Why they didn't just go to ladder to Night scale, I could not dig. The monk starts freaking and climbing the walls. Off to one side is hole where the stream is falling. The monk starts climbing down the sinkhole. Floppy and the rest take the stairs and start disking the monk. We meet the monk at the bottom. We're dry. I guess he needed his weekly shower. They wander around. Cross over a bridge. Then they enter a chamber. It had pillars. I think they called stag lights or stag mites. I thought I was at a stag party. Ember must have taken a hit of something good. Cause she starts yelling the stag mite is eating her fish. And shoots an arrow into the rock. I can groove to the tune. But I must have take a hit because six to ten snakes grow out of the rock and play paddy cake with Amber.

Amber goes down again.

And the party starts. It ends with the monk tap dancing on the stag mite head, while the rest of group play flag foot ball with it. Amber was the ball and was being nibbled on by the stag mite. So. So. Um. Yeah dudes, Floppy is the quarterback and the line dog piles the rock and tosses into the stream but they recover the ball. Um Ember, she is out for the count again. So…

Back to town for Amber to chill out and come down! Dudes she spends more time sacked out that that Rip Van Wrinkle dude.

The monk splits the party about then. I guess rock and roll dancing wasn't his groove. And back into Glitter ham. The party goes down to the second basement. And breaks open some more doors. Now I can faintly hear something in the distance. Amber starts looking for Scooby snacks in one of the rooms. When the floor smacks her in the face. Amber starts screaming and doing a dance. And pulls out a grey cloak. The party does not dig her dance so the party begins. I must have been elsewhere but the Amazon chick ditched her armour and clothes. Now that was a party.

Elf babe wants to scout one more room before they go back to buy new threads for Amber. Back to the stag party room where the elf babe becomes one with a door again.

Suddenly….

Hey! Dudes you got any munchies?

I guess I go get some.

Dudettes, where was I. Oh. Elf babe wants to scout one more room before they go back to buy new threads for Amber. Back to the stag party room where the elf babe becomes one with a door again.

Now I was trying Zen grow some toes to leave these squares. But Floppy and all his adventurers were zoning, while elf babe trying to pick a lock, which wasn't hers. I hear nightmare doing the seal act and coming underneath the wall, which separated the basements. Night is a real downer and uptight. He thinks everything under the mountain is his you dig. And wants us out. He old greedy jazz loving fart, who wants us to vacant his crib. So he splits.

Hold on dudes! I mean he spits. Boy man oh man talk about an acid trip. He was laying out some heavy acid. The dude had heartburn bad and need a V W busload of Tums for his terrible tummy ache. The elf babe started tumbling to the back of the group. Yo! Dudes! The bard comes with some cool acid rock. And the Amazon babe mail shirt is smoking. Dudes I could not stand it. This was a bad scene and my boy Floppy starts freaking!

Floppy back stabs the bard! He didn't dig the beat or old Nightly and him were thinking of doing a Butch and Sundance to kids. Elf babe is now uptight and she back stabs Floppy. Meanwhile the party has started with the dragon. Suddenly it becomes still like over troubled waters. The dragon has swum away and Floppy is coming down off his bad trip. I look around and Amber chick is nearly naked again. I can did being one with nature and all but this is getting to be a habit with the chick. So back to town to buy more threads for Ember.

That visit to town was a bummer. During the party, I made some pointed remarks to her after she backstabbed my boy Floppy. Elf babe is tripping and laying on this heavy guilt trip all around. And then she starts laying some bull about it being all my fault. I should have warned everyone. I was not doing my duty. Had no honor. Dudes she was bumming me out. I made a few cutting remarks about her being one with the Doors when she could have watching out for the man. Then she starts lay it on about how come she never heard of me and who used to own me. She never heard of them either. I think she is a nark. You know man, like if you fireball her you'll smell bacon. It was a bad scene. A whole week of these bad vibes were beginning to get me down. I started hoping her bad karma would carve her up man.

Dude you got a light? Any pizza left? The ones with magic mushrooms?

We get back to the mountain. And some half-breeds cops had started to secure the place. Could they have been some of elf babe's ex boy friends? Floppy and his crew start the party and the cops bite the big one. A couple of less of the man you dig. The Druid tell us this breed of cat, um cop was call Troglodytes. I could care less that they like frogs or dykes. It was like all water under the bridge, you get it. Floppy and his buds trot down to the main hall again. This time, they listen, when I lay out for them that more cops are hiding out on the other side of wall. So Tickle Berry tosses down a snifter of brandy and grabs the Druid and they do the frog thing and swim under the wall.
They start to off the cops um frogs um troglodytes. One decides to split, squealing as he went. The rest of group starts joining the party. The Amazon babe, and Tickle chick start giving chase to the pig, who was squealing. He was running for the door; just then baritone bard lays down some pointed barbs of his own. He pincushions the dude. Ember chick, um babe, scopes out the scene and we must had raided a dunking doughnuts convention. Because the man is in the house and he not soused! Ember slams the door in their faces and Tickle berry runs up to lay her mambo on the lock.

Just as she about to lock the lock, she does an groovy two and half back flip into the stream. And the door crashes down on Amazon babe's head. The cops are pouring out of there; like we selling free coffee. Amazon is being used as a doormat. Tickle berry is all sneaking up on the door. A couple of the man are trying to bust the bard. And couple of more are halfway to him.

Suddenly this giant lizard appears and tries to eat the Druid. Guess it needed some roughage. Floppy and I are laying down some heavy steel to the coppers. The elf babe does a back flip and lands on the lizard's back and cuts the lizard's throat. Guess her and her pants are useful. The head pig is bouncing up and down on the door, which is bouncing up and down on the Amazon chick. But Tickle Brandy takes him down. Meanwhile, the bard lays down a good beat and starts making cold cuts of the pigs.
Yo! Dudes and dudettes.
Guess what!

We didn't have to go back to the town because Ember was shaken but not stirred. The adventurers paint their signs on the cops' headquarters and finally decide to go after the dragon.
Though it was a bummer dudes. The cops didn't have any doughnuts. BUMMER.

Floppy and I decide to lead the way. Amazon chick follows. Then the bard and druid say they come. And the rogues bring up the rear. We start sneaking down the chain ladder. About half way down I notice the dragon about to lay down a line of coke. Um Acid. Yeah a line of acid. I tell my boy Floppy to jump and the party starts. First of all Elf babe and halfling chick split. I think elf babe came back because she wanted a cut of the treasure. Later we just had to follow the halfling droppings to find the town and the halfling.

Well my boy jumped and so did the bard. I screamed not to hit the bridge. Baritone Bard chanted out some weak forties tune about if I was a feather. Fortunately Floppy missed the bridge. The dragon flew up the chimney clawing up Ember and druid, and his monkey. It paused and landed at the top. I was hoping it was having elf chow. Night light dives back down on the party and let fly again with his upset tummy. So, some of the group get some shots in. And I was needing a shot. My boy was trying to tackle the dragon. You know what happen. You dog the scene with Gillian, the Skipper too, and fish. You know the episode with the huge fish that pulls John Denver around the lake. My boy was Gillian. Being towed through the water and was nearly drowned before he drank a potion of water breathing. Knighting gale got tried of that trip and just let go. We would have been down the river. Wash up! Tossed up on the shores of trip or lee and misfortune. My boy and I swam to shore. The dragon had been laying it down with the Druid and Ember chick. Night school decides come back and take a bite out of Floppy.

NO ONE MESSES WITH MY BOY FLOPPY!

I let go with my mojo. It was all cool.
That about under the mountain in the Dwarven village of Lilly hammer.
Tomorrow they discussing on whether to go to Harts ford. Some thing about fried cleric.
Catch you later and see you on the flip side.
Lana aka Elf babe speaks
Ah, come on Steelbreath...tell about the white lizard. You are forgetting some of the story. Chests and treasures are always good but the destruction is better. And if you believe that one, I have a bridge in a nice cavern to sell you. Heck for the right price, I'll sell you the entire cavern, succubus, trap doors, alchemist fire and all.
Now stop insulting me! Just tell your dang story!

Darryl reply
yo elf babe. i thunk it was mempo and the white lizard. Or are talking about Alice and the White rabbit when she 9 feet talk um tall

elf babe speaks,,,
broinin
No, no, DullEdge. The white lizard, with the sticky tongue, guarding iron chests, the Lizard that tried to eat the Druid Halfling. (Not quite a bad thing, I suppose!)

Ok ok...seems that Darryl was more stoned than steeled at this point.

This was actually a comical scenario.

I sneak a peek around a corner (because remember, ItchySteel over here is trying to send us to the dragon!)... and instead of a dragon, I see a white lizard chained to a wall. Well, druid halfling (I would call him brave, but I'm afraid it was more stupidity than otherwise) decided to go "chat" with it. Silly halfling.

Needless to say, chaos ensues. Chains breaking, tongue streaking out (think a giant funny looking frog)....

FWOOOOP!... Halfling snack. Well, me being the heroic me, I grab the halfling. EW. Sticky tongue.

Needless to say, I save the halfling... (picture this, short elf holding shorter halfling by the scruff of the neck)... (Go ahead and laugh, I was laughing the whole time he was squealing). Then I dodge back to let the real fighters take care of the lizard. But of course I help open the chests! I wouldn't call myself a coward, I'm usually first in line of danger... But I want to live my full elven age. Who wants to die still a child?

Wonder if Druid boy is going to be playing with any more reptiles anytime soon? What am I saying? He's a halfling. OF COURSE he is.

WARNING THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE POWDER KEG MODULE
The module was on the CD in one of the dragon magazine








YO! Dudes!
After I put the whammy on Night light. The party looted the island and left Glitter ham. They sacked out for the night. Early in the morning, they left for Hartford. It was around 5 ish when we came across a wooden stockade. Yo! It was a brand new town called Empty Keg, or Powder Puff.
A well dude, Floppy was kind of empty. Like he had the munchies bad. So we decide to go through a drive thru. DUDES. This matchstick of a burg, does not have a Mickey D's. So we talk with this chick that starts passing out badges.
Badges we don't dig the man laying down a silly rule. Everyone must have their sign. And it is not the sign of Aquarius.

Any way, the head pig um Wintergreen, No don't tell me. Wintermint starts going on about signs, and lucky stars. How great it was that we just dropped in because some dude Zane Grey or something had busted out the jail. Like he didn't dig the bar scene and huff and puffed and blew the wall out.

Like I said Wintermint was laying on this tale about how the king force the fat cats to give up the town for taxes two years ago and no one did the Robin Hood thing. A fat cat ripping off other fat cats over a town. Not me and Floppy's scene. Well Zane dude had been hired by one fat cat corporation to torch the town. But the man had busted Zane. But last night Zane flew the coop. Now Wintergreen the head pig you know thought Zane was still hiding in town and wants to complete his torch job. The fat cat mayor thought Zane had blown the scene and lay down the law to head pig that no town pigs could search for Zane. But winter boy was cutting a deal with the party to become pigs.

Yo! Dudes. Floppy and I do NOT become bacon. We blew the recruitment spin and went to the Happy Hobbit to cure our munchies. We heard a couple of bangs and stuff while dining out. About 8:30 the most of the party crashes in. The cleric, Tickle berry and one of half orcs are not with the bard.

The man has busted all dudes Thock the half orc, Tickle Brandy, and the cute cleric.

The bard orders a pitcher and starts bring Elf Babe, Floppy and me up to snuff.
The head bacon got them to agree to try to bust Zane. They went to fire station to meet some kids. The bard never explained what a fire station or fire engine was. Well while digging the engine. Zane and his party torch the inn. The new rogue and thock save a kid and grandma Hazel from the fire. While the rest of gang are scoping out the crown in hopes that Saint Nick. In hopes that Zane is watching, Zane and his buddies torch some supplies up the street.

When the party arrives, one of Zane's buddies is doing the Flunking Chicken on the roof of the burning building. Thock, the other half orc and Tickle brandy whine don't dig this man's groove so they make a pincushion of him. The bacon shows up and tries to bust the party for offing the dancer but Wintermint cools everyone off. While this is going down, our merry firebug and his merry men are doing the flame thing again.

They try to torch the fire station. The bard has still not told us what a fire station is. Well the party nearly lets it burn down but they let the kids go put it out and assign a guard to the kids.
Then tickle beer and some others start putting two and two together. Zane left some great verse on the town's statue about what going to come down. And the party decides to spilt.

The half orcs and Tickle beer go guard the water tower. The bard, rogue, and cute cleric go to guard the mayor digs. The half orcs got bored and beat up a nine year old. Tickle berry took the kid to his mommy. And told the half orcs to stay.

Well the half orcs didn't and went to see if they could score with the cute cleric.

They get with in shouting distance of the mayor's pad and the party starts. It seems the rogue tried to bluff his way into the mayor's pad. When that did not work and after the head bacon was called, he tries to crash the mayor's pad. Well the party starts and the pigs were calling the rogue Rodney and trying to crown him. This is where Thock starts shooting everyone. The bard is trying to get everyone smoke the peace pipe. The pigs, half orcs and cleric are having a high time. Meanwhile, Tickle beer tries crashing the pad through the guard's window.

When the party ended, two pigs were down and out. Winter pig has busted Thock, Tickle berry, and the cleric. The bard and Wintermint smoke the peace pipe. They decide to let the remaining party members help the guards scope out the mayor's pad. While they go smoke the pipe with the Mayor.

The mayor does not dig this jive talk. And he dismisses Wintermint and bard. It turns out to be a good sign. Because just as they turn the corner in the hall, they meet up with Zane and the party starts. The bard makes cold cuts of Zane. The head pig is cool and turns a blind eye as the bard loots the body. Then Wintermint agrees to cut loose the jailbirds in the morning.

We left early the next morning. I would say what happen to party when they scored some pixie dust. But they have threatened to bend me in half.

Well dudes that is all for this week.

tickleberry speaks,,,,
Hokay, looks like I have a LOT of cleaning up to do here. That weird sword is always getting the important parts wrong! Like minimalizing myself, for one thing. I may be little, but I'm important! Hmm, starting with the firebug, those happened most recently, and I can still remember them well enought to correct them.

We hit this new, woodbuilt town, named emptykeg, of all things, and find out that they have some serious trouble brewing. Half the party is into helping, and the other half splits for the booze. Granted, they had a time of it, and we did pick up a few new faces to help.
It seems that the previous owners had gotten peeved at the high-handed way the new owners took over. They sent a little justifiable retribution to the town, and their arsonist got caught. He also escaped, and now wanted a little retribution of his own. As people out for revenge are wont to do, he left a cryptic note of just how he was going about it. I figured it out after two places caught fire and I got a general overview of the town.

We split the party, to cover all contingencies. How I wound up managing two burly half-orcs, I'll never know, but there we were, guarding a water tower. Here comes this ten year old, with a lit lantern, intent on going up. I don't think anyone would believe the trouble that one little kid put up.

We saved the tower, and then, I saved the half-orcs from the ten year old. You wouldn't believe the trouble that little guy called. I took him home, and found that all hell had broken out when I found the rest of the crew.
There they were, brawling and fighting on the front steps. If anyone was going to bring it to a close, it was going to be the bard. When I bring a man down, he stays down. If I tried to help, I would have probably made matters worse. Diplomacy isn't my thing, neither is subdual damage. I sneak around to a window, wait for the guards to leave, and enter. I put the pane back like I found it, and continue my search. I find zip on the bottom floor, and head upstairs.

Right into the arms of some waiting guards. OOps.

"What are you doing here?" growls one. Boy, could he use a bath and some manners.
"Why, what I'm supposed to be doing, of course." reply I, in sweet tones I hope he emulates. Fat chance.
"I wasn't notified. Come with me."
Then, I try bluster. "Look, there's a firebug on the loose, and if I don't find him, you are so gonna pay for it. Wintergreen will have your hide." I try to convince this idiot the error of his ways all the way back out. To add insult to injury, or injury to insult. He butts me with his pole-axe, the nerve!

On the steps, it looks like the fight is settled, two guards down, and injuries all around. One of the orcs, and the Cleric are in custody. Wintergreen tells the guards to let me go. I say thank you, kick the guard that hurt me, turned to go, and found MYself in custody. THe Nerve! Now, I really didn't care if the whole place went up in flames. Okay, I did care, but I was NOT happy with my treatment.
I would get my own back.
Well, now its up to the bard, one halforc, and that cute rogue of a half elf.
The bard smoozes with the highmucketymuck, and gets leave to search. THey find him, in the nick of time, they find him.
Battle ensues. THe evil one has a necklace of missles, and an eye of charming. Charm doesn't work on elves, such as the bard. In a last ditch effort to save himself, the arsonist lets one fall as the bard skewers him. In a display of dexterity that would have done me proud, Red (rogue)dives for the bead, and catches it.
We are released, we are paid, and I don't leave until I see that oaf punished. KP duty, for a month. I leave contented. Straight into the teeth of yet another harrowing, life and death struggle. No rest for the cutie!

Warning this contains spoilers from the Speaker in Dreams module.

The pretty colors. O what a loon I am. O what a loon I am. Oh DUDES. Hi. Let me bring up on what my boy Floppy Ears and his friends have been doing.

We made into Harts ford. Dude I must have been zoning or something because the party has grown to ten members. As the dudes and dudettes are about to enter the Happy Hobbit a kid runs up and gives the halfling Billin a note. Dudes the halfling pulls out his Bic and sends the kid on his way. So we crash at the Happy Hobbit for munchies. It's a cool layout. The scene is for halflings only. Only four tables are setup for humans. And these are set up by the front door. Well Steward of Beer Hausa, the father of Harry, you remember Harry. He found out what happens when Elf Babe goes oops. Steward comes over to jive with Floppy and Elf Babe.

Dudes, the little boy shows up again. And starts crying that Billin owe him four silver pieces. The note is accusing Billin is living under a new name. And something about Shawn Cassidy, Krell or Shell. And a bad job gone wrong. The group splits up. Some go to the Blue Ox to see Paul Bunyan. Some go check out Barry's barbarians and mercs. Elf Babe, Floopy, Tickle Berry, Kolin, and Billin go shopping.

Dudes. The import market. Those guys must have been smoking some of the merchandise. The merchants were all paranoid. They must have been taking some bad stuff. They thought we the man and Billin was Madras. The party was about to start when Colin the bard lays down a cool rift and so smooth talk. Well everyone smokes the peace pipe and it's cool.

On except clearing out the bar you know the Blue Ox. They find two half orcs name Krell. One was all right and joined the group.

So we crashed the Happy Hobbit. And Steward gives us a job to deliver some pups to a town called Brinford. We leave the next morning and get there a couple of days later. Dig it dudes that's a party going on. The bard starts playing and the group starts window shopping and putting on the feedbag.

However some stinking rats try to crash the party. I mean huge rats bigger than Mickey Mouse. And the party starts. Elf babe and Tickle brandy start climbing the walls. I think they were bored. Floppy goes to town on some rats. Elf babe climbs down the wall and starts yelling "Where rats. Where rats?" Dudes they were right in front of them. Any way dudettes the half orcs start wrestling the rats and the party ends. Two or three of the rats boldly ran away.

Dudes. Two of rats can into humans. And elf babe is stilling out "Where rats?" She must have eaten some bad loco weed. She feeds two of the half orcs some thing call bell of Madonna.

Have you heard her new CD? That's one babe….

Anyway Elf babe magic mushrooms make them sick. Tickle Berry said she was going to take Berk your remember Berk he help beat up the nine year old. To the Temple of Pelor. And the pimple paladin um Persian took the other one Thock, to the temple of Heioruneous.

DUDES. Tickle Brandy was wasted when she got back. Berk was AWOL and the two town people he took to the temple were gone. Tickle Berry start tripping out. Something about Lurch from the Adams Family with a tail. And flaming fire in the temple of Pelor.

About this time, Thock and pimply paladin show up with the town guard. Bad scene at the temple of Heioruneous, the headman and his paladin pal are gone. This happen whiles the pimply paladin to a nap on the front porch. Well the man they don't buy what Tickle Berry is selling and are still uptight over the action at the other temple.

My boy Floppy and the rest of the gang go to dig the scene Tickle Brandy is laying out. We open the doors to the temple of Pelor.

Dudes that barbecue pit was violating a lot of the California Clean Air Act. Soot was everywhere expect for where some one had dragged their feet. The fighters charge in.

Then dudes Guess what happen?

Come on Guess?

Everyone chilled out! Dudes a wall of Ice appears before Floppy and locks us out of the temple. Dudes the fighters start the party without us. The bard goes left, we go right and everyone crashes the scene. When Floppy and I show up, the fighters are doing the WWF and I not talking about the World Wildlife dudes to Lurch with the tail. We jump in about the time Elf Babe enters from the other side. Krell turns around to lay out some ax work with Man sneaking up behind us.

Then some hot dogs joined the party and I thought we were going to have a weenie roast. But Elf babe and pimply paladin lived. When the party crashed, no more Lurch, no more hot dogs, no more of the man. Tickle berry showed up about a half of hour later with a squad of man. I mean town guards.
The half orc Berk is still missing.
And that is that so far…

Tickleberry speaks,,,,

Moving right along: Red drops out before we hit the Happy Hobbit. Seems we were a little too busy for him. When we all get together,I take inventory:Two halforcs Thock and Burke, a halfling like myself, named Billen; Celwyn, the bard; Colin, the mage; Lana, procurer of hidden items; Ember, the unconscious; the paladin and the cleric. Those two, I've never heard by name, jeez, talk about getting into your occupation!
Anyhow, this misadventure takes off with the simple delivery of a note.
"Mister! Mister! Got a note for you mister!" This kid, taller than Billen, hands him a note. "That man over there said you'd give me four silver pieces." The kid points to a stranger that melts back into the crowd when we look over there.
"Wait a second," says Billen "He'll give you two gold when you take this reply back" Billen writes
something on it, and hands it back to the kid. He takes off.
"It appears that my name is Madrigus, and some unsavory characters expect me to pay up for a
double cross tonight behind the Blue Oyster (or something like that)."
"Mister, Mister, he was gone mister!" The annoying kid is back, beating on Billen with the note.
"here kid, go away." Lana says as she deftly snatches the note as she gives him a gold.
"Thanks!"
They all seat themselves about the table and proceed to peruse the letter. I wanna look. They play keep away. I finally go under that table and over Lana's shoulder. She finally gives in to the inevitable. These guys have indeed mistaken Billen for somebody else. Now I have to find out how Krell, and Cassata are. If a halfling theif in a halfling town can't find anything out, then I'll never eat another mushroom. (No danger of that, ever!)

I find out that Krell is yet another half-orc. Time to find out about Cassata. Seems she's a cleric of Farlaign, or something. I find her rickety shrine on the docks, but no cleric. I leave a silver, and go.
Oh, I found a few other interesting things, but so had the rest of them when I got back, after a futile comparison of notes.
This time, the paladin watches the half orcs as they go investigate Krell's whereabouts. The elvin
girls, Lana and the cleric go investigate the Blue Oyster. No luck there. We(the rest) go enmass to this Cassata's merchant shop. Billen, of course, hidden behind the bigger folk, where I am.
"May I help you?" states this imposing lady. Brr, if her tones were any colder, you could freeze rations for a month!
"Yes, my lady, we'd heard how fine your wares were, and came to see for ourselves. Is the propriortess about, Cassata, I believe?" I couldn't see which of them said it. They are all so full of blarney, and one elf voice is fairly like another.
"A moment, please, she is doing accounts." The lady leaves. And stays gone, a long time.
"Go get the others" "Right" After all, I'm only the messenger girl. So I take off to get the others.
This I get later from the bard:
THe lady comes back, dressed for battle, and she isn't alone. Only one is visible, but experiences
says there are more. The bard tries to reason with her, and that nutty elf, Colin (floppy) pulls that darned sword out, and says"ASk daryl, he's been with us for ages) Luckily, the lady only draws her weapon, not blood, and lowers them when the sword starts to babble. Then, once Billen has proved he isn't Madrigus, Colin(floppy) is stationed at the door to prevent a replay at the Emptykeg mansion.
In the style only a possessed floppy-eared elf could, he explains that he isn't trying to escape, but prevent further blood.
Enter another Krell. The paladin and the two orcs go to what amounts to a Half-orc hiring/training hall to get information. After Burke and the paladin bludgeon idiot Thock into silence (he tried to challenge the doorkeeper for information), they find out that Krell had been by, and was indeed looking for Madrigus. Then this half-orc steps forward "I heard you're looking for me?" It is Krell, he is a halforc, but it isn't the one looking for Madrigus. ANd he is very interested in another carrying his name. In fact, once I got them all together again, Billen had him ready to track down the other and kill him.
Cassata was interested to see the note, and vowed matters would be settled, and would we please leave her overcrowded shop.
Since there was no more there to do, the only job we could find was transporting dogs to another city, so we did that. OOOOOHh, did things get scary there.

tickleberry speaks,,
Alright, we have reached our destination, (Brinkford?) and have delivered our goods, and are intent on enjoying the sites. More halflings, everywhere, and I feel right at home in the middle of a crowded fair. Thinking on nothing more than enjoying myself, I hear more than the simple sounds of a crowded fair. Screams, horrified, scared to death, screams. No fair food would cause THAT kind of panic. The tides of people turn against me, so I scale the nearest solid object to get bearings, and make my way to the epicenter of activity. As any overly curious and adventuresome hobbit would.
Rats, big, hairy, ugly, oversized rats are making mincemeat out of the townspeople. I unlimber the bow that the gatekeepers had us put up in deference to the fair. I take aim as one of the larger rats tries to reach me. He's gone before I get the thing strung, and before I can get a bead on any of them, they are vanquished, and two run away. Managing to disappear in the chaos. Two of the dead rats turn into men. I shudder. One was the one who'd tried to reach me.
I start a full out quaking when I realize that the halforcs took bites from them.
Now, I belong to a rather dubious crowd, and we hear things, and one of those things is that a bite from a rat that was a man is a very serious thing that needs to be seen about IMMEDIATELY!!!
Lana obviously heard the same things (belonging to the same dubious group) and starts general treatments. Utilizing that grand paranoia that has kept me alive despite the life I lead, I load up Burke with two of the townspeople who'd also been bit and start toward the nearest temple. It happens to belong to Pelor, who is one of the better gods. He's no Brandobaris, but he should have clerics that can do the job right.
WRONG!!!

We get to the door. It is closed. I knock, no answer. I have Burke knock, no answer. I notice that the door is simply pushed to. I open. OH HOly sweet Brandobaris on a bender with Tymora ticklin' his toes! THe place is covered in soot, there is a pillar of fire in the center and the ugliest put together thing you ever saw bearing down on us. I flip down the stairs and start running for my life.
It chases us, it chases us far down the street. I feel funny waves wash over me, but I keep running, ignoring them. Then I don't hear Burke behind me, but I still keep running. I run right into the Happy Hobbit. I know I'm babbling, but my heart is still in overdrive.
"The place...and soot... and big thing... with tail... and it got burke..." At this point my poor wobbly legs went out from under me, right onto Billen. At least he catches me. Sitting down, with some water. I try again. This time, I'm a little clearer on the details. No one believes me. I ask if that dippy sword could verify what I'd said. "Dude, the hobbit is tripping, can I have some of her stash?"
First chance I get, that sword is going in the drink, or forge.
They do call the watch, and they find nothing wrong at the temple. The only thing that puts any doubts in my companions minds is the fact that Burke is gone.
Luckily, I hear about the missing clerics at the other temple, and the paladin fainting. I go with the party as far as outside the temple, but I'm NOT going in.
When a wall of ice separates the party, I take off to find a watchman that will come back with me.
By then, the fight is over, and the party has a demon's head to show that I WASN't lying or tripping.
THank you, guys. Unfortunately, Burke hasn't been since. Sorry, Burke, I won't forget you soon.

Brionninn speaks
That Tickleberry is so paranoid. Of course we believed her! It was never a question of did she see "IT!" but rather what was "IT!". Wouldn't you know that the 'Elf Babe' has to save the day again?!
Tickleberry's account is pretty accurate as far as it goes. Much better than StupidSteel over there though he had the story right I suppose, if you're as stoned as he is. (You know, Tickle, we really should throw that thing somewhere ... maybe back into that grave!)

Do you know these adventurers were playing WWF with demons? Unfortunately Darryl didn't lie about that part. That ice wall was very well placed. Out of the magic weapons in the party (you know, the ones that could actually HURT something), all three of us were on the wrong side of the wall. Didn't the party notice that only the three of us really killed those wererats? Did they think it was some kind of coincidence? Well thank Olidammarra for Back Doors. There is always a back door, if there isn't, make one. Nice rule there.

While the party is fighting, and doing nothing... though that's not completely true, the half orcs were holding their own. I shouldn't complain. I mean, Krell nor Whats his name died. Bellin wasn't doing so bad. The paladin was bleeding, Ember was unconscious, but heck, what's new with that? But once again, here I come to save the day. Dang that's happening regularly! Maybe because I think about things BEFORE I charge? Nah, surely that has nothing to do with it.

But anyways, Colin and Krell come busting in one back door, Cellwyn and I take the other. (The Cleric hiding behind us). As we stand and gape for a few seconds at the sheer stupid...er... bravery of the rest of the party (minus Tickleberry, she had done something intelligent, having no magic weapon, she had run for backup), anyways, as we uh... watch the fiasco...er... antics of the party, we decide quickly what is needed. Cellwyn starts casting spells. VOILA magic weapons online! Gee, should we have done that BEFORE we started this fight? I believe the paladin probably thinks it was HIS god that made his weapon suddenly work. but that's the bard's problem. For once I do the stupid, I jump right on in with Cellwyn and Colin flinging in as well. Fortunately I'm quicker than Lurch with a tail so I never got burned. However, the Demon feels the pain! Bye bye demon. And if that wasn't enough, we had no sooner started really getting on him than some clerics of his and a couple of hellhounds come bounding in. Seems that our less than quiet entrance had attracted some attention! Well finally something that other people could hit. Let's just say we made short order of everything. You know, this town ought to be grateful. Saved from becoming wererats and saving their temples from corruption and destruction. Wonder what kind of reward we will get? Hm..., maybe I should go procure some weapons ... hm... hey, guys, have to run. I'll be back later.

Tickleberry speaks
Lana, I'm thinkin' stoned steel would make a super wind vane. He's already lightheaded, so it wouldn't be a stretch for him. I think he ought to see a blacksmith very soon. Do you concur?

Brionninn speaks
you know, a blacksmith would be mighty handy. But this time can we make sure he's real and that he's not going to disappear on me? Man, that was unsettling. If I could pull that trick, think how much more I could ACQUIRE.
But you know, I've been thinking:
Why are we telling the story lately? Where is that blasted bard when you need him? Heaven help us if the mage gets involved. That man can be long winded and smart alecky! I suppose it is to cover up some deficiencies? You know, hm... what do they say about the size of feet, what about the size of the ears?

The Dm and writer speaks
I hope you have been enjoying the adventurers and not too upset about the spoilers.
My group rotates DMs and edition depending on our schedules. I DM 3rd and another player Rami does 1st / 2nd edition. The group has anywhere between 4 to 11 players sitting down. Some are new to gaming, others are new to 3rd, and others don't have a clue.
For story purposes, if Floppy (Mike) does not play, he is either at the bar or hiding out.

Darryl The Dragon Slayer is a +1 rapier , +2 vs. draconic races
EGO 18 Int 16 Wis 16 Cha 13 Alignment CN, Speech and telepathy

Prime power Detect dragons 1 mile, General location. Detect specific location of dragon 300 feet.
Extraordinary Teleport Once per day
Special Purpose Slay Dragons
Special Power Hold Monster DC 14
Languages Common, Draconic, Elvin, under common

I gave the history of darryl to the bard (read I made it up on the fly and the bard took notes) so I hoping he post some of the history.

Briniford is the second city adventure for most of my players regardless of what edition. However the last time the gamers were trying to save a city it broke down like this.
40 % Towns people captured, eaten, converted by the main villain
40 % Towns people killed, beaten up, or run out of town by the party.
10 % Towns people hid under beds when every the party or monsters appeared.
Also in Briniford Tickleberry when from point D to point T. Ahh city adventurers they not for the faint hearted DM.