Let's Write a Bad Module
Simplicity
Explorer
33. A Fistful of 100 gp
The face is magical, and it will show up as such if Detect Magic is cast. The statue was originally the castle architect, and it has various amounts of insight into why the castle was made the way it was. The players are unlikely to discover this, however. Discourage the players from interacting with the statue, as it may reveal key portions of the story.
If the players happen to talk to the statue, the statue will be so grateful that it will give the players 100 gp. If the players do not talk to the face, they will anger it enough to recite poetry. Read the following aloud.
The statue will curse a player with a horrible curse. The player will no longer be able to speak without speaking in rhyme. If the player fails to speak in rhyme, the player must Save vs. Rods/Staffs/Wands or suffer 2 Cha damage (for each spoken line). If the
player reaches 0 charisma, then they become a stone face in a wall, like the architect.
The face is magical, and it will show up as such if Detect Magic is cast. The statue was originally the castle architect, and it has various amounts of insight into why the castle was made the way it was. The players are unlikely to discover this, however. Discourage the players from interacting with the statue, as it may reveal key portions of the story.
If the players happen to talk to the statue, the statue will be so grateful that it will give the players 100 gp. If the players do not talk to the face, they will anger it enough to recite poetry. Read the following aloud.
The statue will curse a player with a horrible curse. The player will no longer be able to speak without speaking in rhyme. If the player fails to speak in rhyme, the player must Save vs. Rods/Staffs/Wands or suffer 2 Cha damage (for each spoken line). If the
player reaches 0 charisma, then they become a stone face in a wall, like the architect.
StupidSmurf
First Post
34. Dread Chamber of Ewscray Ethay Ayersplay
Read the following description allowed to the players. DMs are well-warned in advance that they should know the shortest route out of the playing area, and be wearing sneakers or track shoes.
“You see a massive stone/iron/mithril/adamantium/titanium steel door with a lock manufactured by the Gordian Lock Company on it. Because of the physics of the dungeon, you can’t turn back. You can only go forward. You must deal with the door. Tough noogies…suck up and deal, dice-freaks.”
The lock is trapped. Whoa boy is it trapped. Attempts at finding the trap are penalized at -10/-50% penalty (depending on what system you use, including gaming with cards, colored beads, or assorted cheeses).
When the trap is sprung, it sprays a spray of Inanimate Acid spray at everything in a 30’ arc. Inanimate Acid doesn’t affect living tissue, but it eats right through stuff like armor, shields, swords, helmets, bracers, and underwear. The Acid works particularly well on magic items. Oh heck yeah. The Acid likes-a da magic. So, everyone has to make as saving throw versus Breath Weapon or they each lose 2d4 magic items, or 10 magic items, whichever is greater. If any character is carrying around Rolaids or Tums (acquired no doubt thanks to the Ulcer Acquisition Table 2A), they take no damage.
Once the group suffers this indignity, gleefully point out that the door wasn’t even locked, and had they just pulled on it, they wouldn’t have triggered the trap. Ha ha, stupid adventurers!
Of course, pulling on the door causes it to fall forward, since the stupid thing was not mounted on its hinges. It topples forward, doing 10d100 crushing damage to anyone whose name has letters in it. Ha Ha, stupid flat adventurers. Save for half.
Once inside, read the text in quotes to the players.
”You are in a 30 x 30 room, with a 20’ high ceiling. There’s a door on the opposite side of the room. That’s it. The room is completely empty. And it’s safe.”
When the party enters the room, panels on the wall open up and automated crossbows fire a barrage of 38 Explosive Incendiary Groin-Seeking Crossbow Bolts Dipped In Alcohol. The bolts are +20 to hit.
Then the ceiling opens up like a big opening thing overhead, deploying the air cannon that fires a salvo of panicky airsick potbelly pigs with large sacks of flaming oil tied to their flanks. The air cannon fires at +30. There are 30 pigs.
When the party gets halfway into the room, the floor opens up with amazing speed, dropping everyone into a trench filled with orc whiz, ogre barf, worg poo, and lime Jell-O. Oh, and the area has an Increase Gravity spells cast on it, so everyone begins sinking like a proverbial rock (or stone).
The entire trench is an anti-magic zone, so no spells or items will work.
Ditto for psionics. Psionics are for psissies.
Anybody doing a Spot check on the bottom will find one of those nifty escape hatches with a round wheel lock type door knob. Written on it are the words “Escape Hatch”. Opening it up reveals a pitch black tunnel 3’ wide. It goes in about, oh, 5 feet, and it’s lined with razor wire. At the end of the 5’ is a Sphere of Annihilation.
Should the party manage to evade the trench and make it to the other side, a door opens up, disgorging three members of the Spanish Inquisition. Since no one expects them, they gain automatic surprise on the party. The party is subjected to being tied to a dish rack, poked with a soft cushion, and forced to sit on a comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.
Once this is done, the Inquisition goes away. The party sees a large dumpster with the word “Treshure” scrawled on it in crayon. Inside are 10,000 gold coins and a beautiful hammer. Checking out the coins, the players realize that the gold is just paint, and that each coin is a slug. No, not as in those base metal disks used to cheat vending machines. We’re talking REAL slugs, baby. We’re talking about the fact that each of those coins is actually a polymorphed Giant Slug, and the only way to revert them back to their true angry form is to, oh, let’s see…touch one? Find the stats for Slug, Giant in the Monster Manual, because frankly I have better things to do than write down something you can perfectly well look up yourself, you lazy so and so.
The hammer radiates extreme eldritch magical enchanted dweomer power. That’s because the hammer is Mjolnir, the favored hammer weapon hammer of Thor, god of Thunder and big hammers. As soon as someone touches the hammer, Thor appears, enraged and mad. He wants his hammer back. He yells out “You can’t touch this!” and he kills the entire party (no save), resurrects them, kills them again, lather rinse repeat.
Finally he gets tired of this, raises them one last time, gives them all a divine wedgie, and flings them through the door. Unfortunately, it’s a 500’ drop. Roll 50d6 of falling damage. Well, actually, it’s not falling damage, it’s landing damage. Save for half.
Note: The publishers of World’s Stupidest Dungeon take no responsibility for beatings, lynchings and/or decapitating of Dungeon Masters at the hands of wrathful players.
Read the following description allowed to the players. DMs are well-warned in advance that they should know the shortest route out of the playing area, and be wearing sneakers or track shoes.
“You see a massive stone/iron/mithril/adamantium/titanium steel door with a lock manufactured by the Gordian Lock Company on it. Because of the physics of the dungeon, you can’t turn back. You can only go forward. You must deal with the door. Tough noogies…suck up and deal, dice-freaks.”
The lock is trapped. Whoa boy is it trapped. Attempts at finding the trap are penalized at -10/-50% penalty (depending on what system you use, including gaming with cards, colored beads, or assorted cheeses).
When the trap is sprung, it sprays a spray of Inanimate Acid spray at everything in a 30’ arc. Inanimate Acid doesn’t affect living tissue, but it eats right through stuff like armor, shields, swords, helmets, bracers, and underwear. The Acid works particularly well on magic items. Oh heck yeah. The Acid likes-a da magic. So, everyone has to make as saving throw versus Breath Weapon or they each lose 2d4 magic items, or 10 magic items, whichever is greater. If any character is carrying around Rolaids or Tums (acquired no doubt thanks to the Ulcer Acquisition Table 2A), they take no damage.
Once the group suffers this indignity, gleefully point out that the door wasn’t even locked, and had they just pulled on it, they wouldn’t have triggered the trap. Ha ha, stupid adventurers!
Of course, pulling on the door causes it to fall forward, since the stupid thing was not mounted on its hinges. It topples forward, doing 10d100 crushing damage to anyone whose name has letters in it. Ha Ha, stupid flat adventurers. Save for half.
Once inside, read the text in quotes to the players.
”You are in a 30 x 30 room, with a 20’ high ceiling. There’s a door on the opposite side of the room. That’s it. The room is completely empty. And it’s safe.”
When the party enters the room, panels on the wall open up and automated crossbows fire a barrage of 38 Explosive Incendiary Groin-Seeking Crossbow Bolts Dipped In Alcohol. The bolts are +20 to hit.
Then the ceiling opens up like a big opening thing overhead, deploying the air cannon that fires a salvo of panicky airsick potbelly pigs with large sacks of flaming oil tied to their flanks. The air cannon fires at +30. There are 30 pigs.
When the party gets halfway into the room, the floor opens up with amazing speed, dropping everyone into a trench filled with orc whiz, ogre barf, worg poo, and lime Jell-O. Oh, and the area has an Increase Gravity spells cast on it, so everyone begins sinking like a proverbial rock (or stone).
The entire trench is an anti-magic zone, so no spells or items will work.
Ditto for psionics. Psionics are for psissies.
Anybody doing a Spot check on the bottom will find one of those nifty escape hatches with a round wheel lock type door knob. Written on it are the words “Escape Hatch”. Opening it up reveals a pitch black tunnel 3’ wide. It goes in about, oh, 5 feet, and it’s lined with razor wire. At the end of the 5’ is a Sphere of Annihilation.
Should the party manage to evade the trench and make it to the other side, a door opens up, disgorging three members of the Spanish Inquisition. Since no one expects them, they gain automatic surprise on the party. The party is subjected to being tied to a dish rack, poked with a soft cushion, and forced to sit on a comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.
Once this is done, the Inquisition goes away. The party sees a large dumpster with the word “Treshure” scrawled on it in crayon. Inside are 10,000 gold coins and a beautiful hammer. Checking out the coins, the players realize that the gold is just paint, and that each coin is a slug. No, not as in those base metal disks used to cheat vending machines. We’re talking REAL slugs, baby. We’re talking about the fact that each of those coins is actually a polymorphed Giant Slug, and the only way to revert them back to their true angry form is to, oh, let’s see…touch one? Find the stats for Slug, Giant in the Monster Manual, because frankly I have better things to do than write down something you can perfectly well look up yourself, you lazy so and so.
The hammer radiates extreme eldritch magical enchanted dweomer power. That’s because the hammer is Mjolnir, the favored hammer weapon hammer of Thor, god of Thunder and big hammers. As soon as someone touches the hammer, Thor appears, enraged and mad. He wants his hammer back. He yells out “You can’t touch this!” and he kills the entire party (no save), resurrects them, kills them again, lather rinse repeat.
Finally he gets tired of this, raises them one last time, gives them all a divine wedgie, and flings them through the door. Unfortunately, it’s a 500’ drop. Roll 50d6 of falling damage. Well, actually, it’s not falling damage, it’s landing damage. Save for half.
Note: The publishers of World’s Stupidest Dungeon take no responsibility for beatings, lynchings and/or decapitating of Dungeon Masters at the hands of wrathful players.
35 - The guards bedroom
The guards attack, 1-6 the party is surprised - The guards are never surprised.
Stats: Human Guards: HD 3d8+12; 31,31,32,32,33,33,34,34,35,35,36,36: Attack: +8; Weapons: Longsword 1d8+4: AC 19 (all in full Plate); Treasure: 24 Pairs of new Knitted Socks, 1d2 gold each, 1d4 silver each, 2d4 electrum each, dagger each, +5 Crossbow of Paladin Bane, +5 Longsword of Lawful Good Monk Bane, 156 Iron Rations (Spoiled), 124 Water Skins (old and cracked), 24 copies of 'Dungeon Babes', 13 copies of 'Wizard's Tower Top', Initiative +9.
Feats: Power Attack, Cleave, Great Cleave, Weapon Proficiency-Longsword, Weapon Specialization-Longsword, Point Blank Shot
Other Treasure in the room: None, it is all an illusion to cover 12 dirty cots.
There are 3 other doors, 2 in the far corners, and one in the ceiling
The guards attack, 1-6 the party is surprised - The guards are never surprised.
Stats: Human Guards: HD 3d8+12; 31,31,32,32,33,33,34,34,35,35,36,36: Attack: +8; Weapons: Longsword 1d8+4: AC 19 (all in full Plate); Treasure: 24 Pairs of new Knitted Socks, 1d2 gold each, 1d4 silver each, 2d4 electrum each, dagger each, +5 Crossbow of Paladin Bane, +5 Longsword of Lawful Good Monk Bane, 156 Iron Rations (Spoiled), 124 Water Skins (old and cracked), 24 copies of 'Dungeon Babes', 13 copies of 'Wizard's Tower Top', Initiative +9.
Feats: Power Attack, Cleave, Great Cleave, Weapon Proficiency-Longsword, Weapon Specialization-Longsword, Point Blank Shot
Other Treasure in the room: None, it is all an illusion to cover 12 dirty cots.
There are 3 other doors, 2 in the far corners, and one in the ceiling
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carpedavid
First Post
Wystan said:Check the edit on the cave room....
Ah, that's brilliant! I wonder how many encounters I can get people to stick the AXE OF MORGOSH in.
Slife
First Post
Truth Seeker
Adventurer
35a. The Reverse Play Switch.
Standing at a longgggggggggggggggg, passage way. There is a simple switch at the end, with a notation hanging on the 3 foot pedstal And it says...Dungeon Reverse. The motion to move it if wanted, goes in a up & down fashion, and for the moment, it is in the middle.
[sblock]If switch is thrown down, restart from the very beginning of the dungeon. If thrown up, everyone is return to their homes, with the most simplest of clothing...a sack. [/sblock]
Standing at a longgggggggggggggggg, passage way. There is a simple switch at the end, with a notation hanging on the 3 foot pedstal And it says...Dungeon Reverse. The motion to move it if wanted, goes in a up & down fashion, and for the moment, it is in the middle.
[sblock]If switch is thrown down, restart from the very beginning of the dungeon. If thrown up, everyone is return to their homes, with the most simplest of clothing...a sack.
[/sblock]
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36. The Dagger Thief
The Dagger Thief may show up at any time during any of the previous 35 encounters. Roll a d20 die before each encounter. On a 1 the Dagger Thief steals the Dagger of Grundag from whomever was holding it. The Dagger Thief is invisible, but very clumsy. Nobody will notice the theft, nor the fact that the dagger was stolen. The Thief will leave behind a note written in ancient aramaic (DC 42) that reads "Hah - I stole the dagger from you, now you will never find her!"
The Dagger Thief may show up at any time during any of the previous 35 encounters. Roll a d20 die before each encounter. On a 1 the Dagger Thief steals the Dagger of Grundag from whomever was holding it. The Dagger Thief is invisible, but very clumsy. Nobody will notice the theft, nor the fact that the dagger was stolen. The Thief will leave behind a note written in ancient aramaic (DC 42) that reads "Hah - I stole the dagger from you, now you will never find her!"
Mark CMG
Creative Mountain Games
(Be sure to misnumber the pages, off by one, so that the odd numbers are on the left and the evens are on the right. Skip an encounter number but include it in the Table of Contents with the title of an encounter that was never written. The text in the footer or header that is supposed to correspond to the encounter being described on any given page should refer to the enounter that came on the previous page.)
