Quotable Quotes
The Rule of Zero
0. The DM is always right
1. If the DM is not right, see rule #0.
All advice and criticism will be gratefully received, all flames will be negligently extinguished, and all trolls will be ignominously starved. Thanks for your opinions.
>Imret
On Adding 3rd Party Materials into a game
If a player wants to add something, the conversation goes something like this: "No. Loan me the book and the answer becomes Maybe. If I think the feature you want is underpowered, the answer will likely become Yes."
>azhrei_fje
-Wizards' Rules-
Wizard's First Rule - People are stupid. Th
ey will believe anything they want to be true or fear to be true.
Wizard's Second Rule - The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
Wizard's Third Rule - Passion rules reason.
Wizard's Fourth Rule - There is magic in forgiveness- the magic to heal! In the forgiveness you grant, and more so in the forgiveness you receive.
Wizard's Fifth Rule - Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.
Wizard's Sixth Rule - The only sovereign I can allow to rule me is reason. The first law of reason is this: what exists, exists; what is, is. From this irreducible, bedrock principle, all knowledge is built. This is the foundation from which life is embraced.
Wizard's Seventh Rule - Life is the future, not the past.
Wizard's Eighth Rule - Deserve victory.
Wizard's Ninth Rule - A contradiction cannot exist in reality.
I know I'm arguing hard for my original positions, and you're arguing the argument, but that's what arguments are SUPPOSED to be. Strongly held intellectual positions that come to some sort of compromise or understanding.
>Luthien Greyspear
The difference between role playing and roll playing is the distance between the human heart and the dice rolling hand.
>William Ronald
How to Play D&D
1. kill all the bad guys,
2. loot everything that's not nailed down, and
3. bring a crowbar for that
>Spatzimaus
I keep my thoughts on file for rapid deployment.
>mmadsen
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
>Sae Cael Oanar (off the WotC boards)
May your d20's always roll a crit!
>Nightcloak
In terms of sheer mass and volume, I own more books than I do clothes...
>Umbran
If Dwarves ruled they'd have big people tossing contests.
>The Hound
Here I go delurking again... >merelycompetent
Bet you can't post just one.
>Dr. Awkward
How much war could a warforged forge if a warforged could forge war?
>mathx314 (off the WotC boards)
Now for paladin players, here's a safe analogy to use as a rule of thumb:
1) If you're clearly more powerful than your enemy, ask yourself, "What would Superman do?"
2) If you're NOT clearly more powerful than your enemy, go with, "What would Batman do?"
>Wulf
What's the easiest way to get in a fight? Go around town asking half-orcs math questions.
>my (ex-)player, Steven
Bah, who needs Bilbo Baggins?
We have Lidda. SHE would have learned old Smaug a lesson or two.
![:]](http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/devious.png "Devious :]")
Thorin Oakenshield, you got cheated! Never trust a Wizard. Always shop at the 3rd Edition Store for the best Halfling Rogues.
>Edena_of_Neith
'Follow me and we shall forge an empire! A cute and fuzzy empire!'
>glass
-if Frodo hadn't gotten all those 18's, he would have sucked!
-Bah. If Frodo's DM hadn't been fudging rolls, he never would have made it to Rivendell with those pansy stats.
>Nifft and Christian
I always figured that adventurers were dire humans. > Kobold Marine
Dire animals are larger, tougher, meaner versions of ordinary animals. > SRD
Yep, looks about right. > Nifft
If you meet Drizzt attack him, kill him, piss on his corpse, use capture the soul, disintergrate the corpse, scatter the dust to all the planes, and sell the soul to Lloth personally. After that ask the dm if you can do it agian.
If Drizz`t kills you, keep attacking with all your characters until dm ceases to put him in. No talking just stabbing.
>TwinSwords
Adventuring companies regularly emerge from their holes carrying more gold and silver coins than were ever created in our world's history. My question - who put all those coins in that hole?
A: Monsters have treasure.
Q: Where did the monster get its treasure?
A: From looting villages and killing adventurers.
Q: a village's loot is chickens, pigs, and grain. If... ah, forget it.
>Sorloc (from RPGHost)
"Real Life" is a registered trademark of God.
>KenHood
(and yes, this even made me, an athiest, laugh
My shirt idea. "I sent my PCs to the Abyss and all I got was this stupid t-shirt!"
>Blade of Desecration
"To speak his name is to make him live again!" - Egyptian proverb
>Imhotepthewise
"As a simulation of reality, AD&D can only be condemned as a dismal failure, and those seeking such a system would do best to look elsewhere."
>1e AD&D DMG
We had a 2e game with one "human" female wizard and seven dwarven characters. The weird thing was, we really didn't even plan it that way. The first 4 or 5 of us had our characters in mind and the others said, "heck, we've almost got seven dwarves as it is..." With the obvious paralells, we all came up with nicknames for the dwarves. Sneaky (rogue), Creepy (psionicist), Shooty (fighter specialized in crossbows), Smashy (cleric/fighter hammer wielder), Slashy (fighter specialized in axes), Noisy (bard), and Ma (cleric). All together, we had a great time in that game.
>Greatwyrm
My Kill List:
Drummers: 12 (pretty easy, though one was a high-level bard)
Pipers: 11 (pretty hard... deadly sonic attacks!)
Lords: 10 (a big battle, they had very high jump modifiers too)
Ladies: 9 (nearly wiped out the whole party; they were shadowdancers)
Maids: 8 (we thought it would be easy but they were Battlemaid PrC with dire cattle)
Swans: 7 (no sweat)
Geese: 6 (we hardly got any xp for this but did have fun terrorizing a farm)
Golden rings: 5 (evil entities in the form of gold jewelry)
Birds: 4 (they weren't just any birds but calling birds that summoned fiends)
French hens: 3 (almost TPK!)
Turtle doves: 2 (actually they were dire koopas).
Partridge: 1 (it was no challenge...the treant it was roosting in was another matter)
>lukelightning
Finally, I love templates! So PCs expect to see half-dragon trolls (type: Dragon), half-fiend bugbears (type: Outsider(Evil)), shadow tigers (type: Magical Beast), half-fiend shadow mineral spellstiched ancient dracoliches (type: TPK), etc.
>Nifft
But I seriously don't see more flamewars or trolling than in the early days, do you? Nowadays it seems sedate, almost geriatric in comparisson. Everynow and then, something sort of flickers in the distance. Maybe its because I tended to get myself mired in those debates more often. Or maybe because the moderators are doing a better (more draconic?!?) job?
>Green Slime
Everyone watch out, just a few more levels and they'll get their breath weapons and wings.
>James Heard
Why are demons immune to electricity? (It's) a question that just never seems to get answered > Imruphel
Rubber Souls > hafrogman
Overall, despite any objections I outline above, I'm really looking forward to reading more... I'll gladly continue my current role of "asker of questions", "requester of clarifications". "raiser of objections", and generalized "disturber of fecal matter"!
>SpiralBound
In 1e, the rules were secondary to the feel, whereas in 3rd edition the feel is secondary to the rules.
>Erik Mona
Gamers, in my mind, get grouped in with nerds, geeks and dorks. So, we are socially inept, bookish techies with no lives, glasses, computer-screen tans and a certain air about us that screams "I WILL DIE A VIRGIN!!"
>Nyaricus
Which brings up the point: can I create bananas, eat them, and then use the peels as weapons by setting them on the floor and bullrushing people onto them? I mean think about it: yummy treat, and then think about the person that steps on the +4 holy, shocking, acidic, frost, fire, bane banana peel!
>Dog Moon
Why are humans so flavourless > Felnar
What marinade are you using? >Nifft
You can get laid anytime, but a good game of D&D is to be treasured.
>Templetroll
Nothing is as fearsome as a 2' tall bipedal squirrel decked in breastplate and acorn-shaped shield!
>Klaus
Especially when you hear its warcry - "Go for the nuts!"
>Shilsen
The monster contained herein may cause your players to whine about the destruction of their equipment. If this occurs, give the player back their destroyed equipment and instead destroy the character. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
>Rust Monster Warning Label
For me, PC death is a matter of choice and luck. Sometimes you choose poorly and live, sometimes you choose wisely and die.
>joe b
he is an A.SS >LordBOB
LordBOB, as a moderator, I'd like to ask that you not attempt to bypass the swearing filters.
Especially since you can just say ass. Like this: Ass ass aSS ass ass ass ass ASS. Ass is not filtered. But for
's sake don't say
! >Rel
The moral of the story is that you should never run naked through the mushrooms.
>Sledge
I do not play games to be simulationist. I do not play games to find deeper understanding of the complex world in which we live. I do not play games to engage in conversations about eternal philosophical matters. I play games to kick evils ass and take it's stuff.
>tetsujin28 (may he rest in peace)
Bah. No matter what nonhuman race you take, you always play that race as if it is human, anyway, because you're hardwired to be human. For example, you play a long-lived elf, but you're more concerned about reaching level 20 before puberty.
>Ranger REG
All game worlds need heavily armed, pissed-off waterfowl.
>Whizbang Dustyboots
I cant imagine myself DMing a game and telling my players they see a sperm whale approaching their ship.
> The Magician
Why not? The ship's full of seamen, right?> Shilsen
That's like that joke where a male whale convinces a female whale to help him wreck the whaling ship that killed his father by blowing at it with concentrated air, but then when the men start escaping, he says they have to eat them to get revenge and she replies, "Dude, I agreed to the blow job but I'm not swallowing seamen." > Rystil Arden
Elves don't chafe... they
glide.
>Pbartender
All dwarves have beards. Male dwarves have two.
>MarkB
And remember, it's OK to do anything that you want nude, other than cooking bacon. Trust me on that one.
>Whizbang Dustyboots
There must be a system in there worth using for an RPG. >Frostmarrow
Perhaps with rotating pie charts! >Thirdwizard
Don't try to trick us into thinking that you actually believe you think you're there. We all know that we think that none of us really think we exist outside this messageboard.
>green slime
133t d03$/\/'t /\/\4k3 y0ur p01/\/t c133r3r, but 1t 1$ t0ugh 2 typ3.
n00b >Rabelais
Think about how much fun you could have with an undead monkey.
>Dog Moon
Gnolls? Furry romans - togas, aquaducts and all.
>Sejs
For the record, if anyone's penis actually looks like the picture of the Century Worm, see a doctor ASAP.
>Whizbang Dustyboots
I won't play Paladins because good is dumb.
I *doubt* I'll ever play a Barbarian because dumb is even dumber than good.
>Tuzenbach
Oh, and nothing says "I love you" quite like a mind flayer.
>BiggusGeekus
Oh, how I love the flame wars that break out with the advent of a new, major release from WotC!
>ColonelHardisson
Rouge is completely overpowering. I think a nice facial powder would work alot nicer. More natural, IMHO.
>Remathilis
My head exploded while reading the post above.
Doug McCrae
Love is an illusion. To be more precise, it's like a Phantasmal Killer. First you roll your save if you believe in it, then to see if your heart gets ripped out.
>Ragnar69
Oh, and you'll be back. Tin-foil hat wearing attention whores always are
>francisca
We should criticize these people! >Abigaillol
Harsh words indeed. >crazy_cat
The children attack the party with pillows and stuffed animals.
The pillows and stuffed animals are coated with a contact poison.
Cheers,
Roger
"Called Shot on the Staff of Power!!"
>Cedric
I'd just shrug and say something like "That's nice. The Thri-Kreen is ripping your arms off"
>Wik
Back in the vampire porn room, I feel a strange heat at my back...
>RangerWickett
"Why don't you just
enlarge the kobold?"
>ValhallaGH
I'm not telling you that you'll be able to dodge magic missiles. I'm telling you that, when you're ready, you won't have to.
>Brousseau (on RPG.net)
I wanted to name my son Gandalf but I was voted down.
>jaerdaph
Your spouse insisted on "Mithrandir"?
>lukelightning
"Elvis! Turn on your lightsaber!"
>Ambrus
DM: OKay, going to need Spot checks.
Player A: *roll* 15
Player B: *roll* 19
Player C: *roll* 41.
DM: *pause... look at Player C* You see through time. Infinite probability stretches before you like a vast ocean: potential futures rising and falling, dancing upon the liquid surface as events in the Now seek to birth them into being...
DM: Also, there's a guy hiding over there in the bushes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I don't game.
>Cthulhudrew
Well, I'm off to shoot my parents in the name of the Great Lord, Gygax! See you all tomorrow!
>DJCupboard
Shameless self promotion is the way this board works best! How else do think people got such high post counts? *pauses* Okay maybe it was just me.
>Nightfall
Sniff. I miss the old bags [of holding] where my first group had a castle with soldiers and tavern inside. No idea if this used to be by the rules though. But it was fun. Especially when the bag inhabitants revolted because the beer was gone.
>Darklone
"You've just been captured by aliens, and we're going to LARP the anal probe scene."
>J-Dawg
I've seen the most powerfull classes played poorly, and the weaker ones played superbly. In the end, the person at the wheel is the main factor in the use (ful/less) ness of the class.
>Mechnomancer
Won't somebody please think of poor Mr. Scruffy?
>mhensley
There is no such thing as an atheist when it's time for the cleric to cast raise dead.
>Michael Morris
How often does the chinese zodiac get to order take out on someone's paladinhood?
>blargney the second (on OotS # 407)
...the internet also spawned the term "blog". Ugly word. "Blogging" sounds like what an orc does when he eats too much rancid yak fat before going on a sea voyage. It sure ain't majestic
>Umbran
You know, there's nothing WRONG with sharpened crowbars, people.
>hong
Ultimately, all advances in computer science and technology happen so we can either enhance our D&D experience or acquisition of pr0n.
>jaerdaph
"There are no plans for a 4th Edition," ranks right up there with, "I did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky."
>F4NBOY
Chuck Norris is the reason Ilmater suffers.
>Simplicity
"Kissik likes the ladies. He's going to a brothel, and his requirement is 1) Female, 2) Doesn't hate Kobolds, and 3) Likes to eat chicken."
>Scurvy_Platypus
Do a lot of foreshadowing of some imminent powerful force that will change the face of the world within a year's time. Then cause some large changes; like one day every single gnome on the face of the planet... get(s) turned into ceramic statues.
>BlueBlackRed
Quivers and scabbards are officially the six-pack plastic rings of the D&D world.
>Stone Dog
Any ruler who keeps a chained midget at his feet is alright in my books. Let's be honest: it' a sign of a stable and well-run society.
>Chris Bucholz (off Cranked.com)
On an essay I was grading:
"It's scientifically attested that rats live hundreds of years and that they turn into bats towards the end of their life".
>Theomachus (off Metal-Archives.com)
Well Wikipedia doesn't have an article on it so I guess it's not real.
>Noktorn (off Metal-Archives.com)
[Four Edition: where] old school collides with old school...
>Kid Charlemagne
GameSpy: Have you had a chance to play or even look at some of the current Dungeons & Dragons games?
Gygax: I've looked at them, yes, but I'm not really a fan. The new D&D is too rule intensive. It's relegated the Dungeon Master to being an entertainer rather than master of the game. It's done away with the archetypes, focused on nothing but combat and character power, lost the group cooperative aspect, bastardized the class-based system, and resembles a comic-book superheroes game more than a fantasy RPG where a player can play any alignment desired, not just lawful good.
Now, should I tell you what I really think?
>Gary Gygax and GameSpy (off GameSpy.com)
Chaotic means never having to say you're sorry.
>Slife
Bah, I've got you all beat:
http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/5.5ex/20160518a
>webrunner
