Saying "with all due respect" a bunch of times and then following it up with a snide insult pretty much guarantees that everyone figures out just how much respect you think they're due too. In other words, you've just rendered any polite gestures irrelevant.
This is all good stuff to know when writing memos in your professional life too, because if people start thinking that "Bill can't talk with people without crapping into their ears with his opinions" even a little bit they're more likely to put you in basement with the stapler so you don't have a chance to chat it up with potential customers and their bosses. Again, it's possible that some people are alpha (fe)males, work in constructuion/plumping/mercenary work in Angola where straight talk is the norm and appreciated, and/or are so critical to the well oiled machine of the company or organization they're involved in that they can get away with saying whatever they want however they'd offer to say it. For the rest of us mere mortals, and likely those candidates too though, our communication and reception of news is improved by tact, humor, and the honest recognition of the validity and good faith of the viewpoints of those around us no matter much we think the rest of the world is off its rocker and wrong. No one is a perfect communicator all the time I think, but everyone should strive to be one.
I'm going to knock out a few rules of thumb again, of do's and don'ts:
1. Don't tell something they don't want to hear without telling them something they do.
2. Don't tell people what their position is, unless you cage such in an unassailable fortress of qualifiers. "I'm not trying to tell you what your position is under any circumstance, but here is what I think I'm hearing you say you think..."
3. In using the hierarchy of judgments one can make while communicating, do make proposals first, observations second, value judgements third, and assumptions last or not at all. Proposals are usually well received, or at least considered. Observations are often subjective as are values. Assumptions, even assumptions indicated by observation or value judgments, only lead to pain, suffering, and woe. Even if you must lean on observations and value judgments in a discussion it's best to constantly remind the audience that you're aware of the nature of what you're doing.
4. Do be warm, friendly, knowledgeable and creative. Don't be pompous, patronizing, closed-minded, and vague.
5. Do understand the nature of the replies from your audience. Replies have several formats, but there are a few that need to be considered: "Do you know something I don't, and need to?", "Can I trust you?", "Do you make me comfortable?", "Are you reasonable?", "Who/what do you represent?", "What's in this discussion for me?" Just because these questions seem confrontation doesn't mean they are. They're normal things of any formatted behavior. Note the first three though - they're the ones you lose automatically by being rude, condescending, patronizing, etc. They're also the most important ones, because they're the ones that determine if people will listen long enough to get to the rest of them sometimes.
6.Do focus on behavior rather than people. Don't single people out, even groups of people out, unless you're fully intending to be confrontational. Singling people and groups out makes your hair fall out, causes shingles, and leads to loose bowels. Don't do it unless you're scrapping for a fight or you're positive the people under discussion aren't there. That still doesn't make it the right thing to do, but at least if you know you're going in to tick off a whole bunch of people, or one specific person, you can't complain and feel put upon when you get slugged in the guts verbally for a few days.
7. Do be humble. You are not a unique snowflake. You could be truly cast in gold in the frame of Superman, blessed with the intellect to pound Stephen Hawking into the dirt with your mighty brain. You could have fought your way through the tunnels in Vietnam with a comb and your twentieth level super-duper black belt in hot-sexy-GI-do. You don't know everything about everything. No one should be expected to care about your opinions or observations. No one should automatically respect you over the internet just because you made out with supermodels. There is nothing you have ever said or done outside the context of the discussion at hand, unless it was specifically with the people at hand, that is relevant whatsoever. Even if you have specifically relevant knowledge, that doesn't automatically trump individual opinion or insight. It's the internet, and the only thing you really are is what you convince people to see you as. Even the folks that designed 3E get sniped occasionally; sometimes with good reasons, sometimes for not so good reasons. The grace with which you accept challenges to your ideas is a vital part of how people interpret you.
}
