Sagiro
Rodent of Uncertain Parentage
A couple of small points: I'd say Piratecat and I are about even in the "creepy voices" category. Pcat does particularly well with undead; readers of his old Story Hour will be familiar with the Lich Hagiok and the ghoulish Soder, both of whom had highly... memorable... voices. Ew.
Regarding the X-COM story hour: I have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Also, allow me to take this opportunity to announce that I am no longer with Irrational Games, and haven't been since February. I have taken on the new challenge of the stay-at-home dad to my two daughters, ages 5 and 2. It's more tiring than game development, but much less stressful. My relationship with Irrational continues to be good; I left on my own, on good terms with the company, and I still do some consulting work for them. Alas that I'm not allowed to say anything about what they might be working on, other than: it's pretty sweet.
While I'm here:
Sagiro’s Story Hour, Part 312
Good Thing You Asked
Dranko awakens, his head a hastily-drained swamp of unwanted memories. His eyes flutter open and the first thing he sees is Morningstar's worried face.
“I feel better,” Dranko says quietly. And indeed he does; the damage to his wounded mind has been healed. His wife helps him to his feet, and she breathes a sigh of relief that his voice is no longer so disturbingly manic.
Dranko looks around at his apprehensive friends. “If I were going to guess, there's something horrible we'll have to fight at one point – maybe Lord Tapheon – who's going to pry through my brain. And now there's a trap laid for him. Or maybe the Black Circle will try to read my mind and get a nasty surprise. And all things considered, things could be worse. I can live without the fame. I couldn't live without all of you.”
Morningstar smiles, reaches out to touch Dranko's brow, and manifests her greatest power. Some vile creature from Far Realms has placed something in the mind of her husband; now it's her turn. She shows him by a true Miracle of Ell how much she loves, respects and cherishes him. The caul of horror the Cleaner left clinging to his psyche is easily parted by Ellish grace, and the dark and writhing vines of insanity are culled by feelings of love and friendship.
Dranko blinks and stares at his wife, his eyes misting. He has no words, but envelops her in a fierce embrace.
* *
The journey via wind walk to the halfling city of Victory takes about five hours. The ground below rushes swiftly by, a wasteland of brown and gray rock dotted with old ruins, giving way only in the final hour to farmlands and settled green. The river that separates Appleseed from the southern lands is dotted (on the halflings' side) by old guard towers, obviously long empty. Their map is accurate in its placement of Victory at the tip of a lake, the southernmost of a series of finger-like lakes stretching east to west.
Victory is the capital city of Appleseed, and as much a fortress as a metropolis. It is extremely well defended, with tall and wide stone walls patrolled dutifully by halfling soldiers. A channel from the lake goes into the city beneath a jutting barbican.
The Company lands outside the outermost wall and de-mists. The halfling guards at the city's southern gate are polite and no-nonsense. Ernie speaks for the group, announcing their visit with the Yondallan High Priestess. The guards are thorough in their questioning, but in the end the Company is allowed entry and not divested of their armaments. There are no papers to carry or fees to pay.
Ernie thanks the gate-guard. “I've long wanted to see Appleseed. I spend too much time in the company of kneecaps.”
The guard smiles. “Just don't cause any trouble,” he says half-jokingly, while eyeing the Big Folk.
Dranko laughs. “We seldom cause trouble...”
The guard's smile tightens. “As strangers to Appleseed, allow me to give you this advice. No one will stop you on the streets or interfere with your business, until or unless you cause a disturbance. I strongly advise against that, unless you enjoy extended stays in stockades.”
So saying, he directs the Company to the Cathedral of Yondalla, which he says should be easily visible atop a hill near the center of the town, once they've cleared the walls. There are three different portcullises to traverse, and the narrow entrance to the city leads to a large and bustling courtyard. Victory is larger than any halfling settlement in Charagan, and is at least half the size of Tal Hae. Many dwellings are built into hillsides, but these are of sturdy stone and built for defense more than comfort. The streets wind between the hills, and each hill of any significant size has a guard tower upon it. As they head in the direction of the cathedral, they are funneled through a number of narrow gates.
The Company does draw numerous curious stares from the local populace, though everyone is polite and there are no disturbances. Close-packed dwellings give way to open parks and gardens as they make their final approach up Cathedral Hill. They gaze up at the edifice, and Kibi can't help but be impressed by the architecture and engineering. Ernie's eyes are wide; the cathedral is many times the size of the largest halfling structure he has ever seen. An enormous stained-glass window above the front doors shows the gold-and-green cornucopia and shield of Yondalla.
Dranko laughs. “I'll bet they have kick-ass dungeons under there, too!”
They are met at the doors by a serene acolyte in green robes. “You must be Ernest Roundhill and company. High Priestess Sunblade is expecting you.”
Leaving their weapons inside the door, the Company is escorted to the personal chamber of the High Priestess. At first her office seems empty, though adorned with ceremonial weapons and shields on the three walls and a huge tapestry depicting a grand battle on the fourth. But they spy a small door in the back of the chamber, through which wafts the mingling smells of fresh-baked bread and a savory stew.
“Just a moment!” comes a woman's voice.
The High Priestess Maple Sunblade emerges from the kitchen adjoining her office, bearing a tray laden will loaves and bowls. She wears an apron over rich Yondallan finery.
“Maple Sunblade, at your service,” she says formally, setting down the tray on a round table. Ernest makes introduction of his friends, stressing the honorific 'Sir” when presenting Dranko. Sitting around the table and eating, Ernie tells Maple Sunblade about his discovery of Tava's Righteous Fury.
“I'm flattered that it knew my name,” says Sunblade. “I'd like to see the sword.”
She sends a servant to fetch it. Ernie digs around in the bag of holding and produces a bottle of fine halfling ale from Dingman's Ferry as a gift.
“We have had a few visiting halflings from Charagan already,” says the High Priestess. “They came by ship, from a city called Tal Hae.”
“Hey!” says Dranko. “That's where I'm from. Flicker here, too!”
Ernie smiles. “Since my colleagues have learned to teleport, I've been lucky enough to avoid sailing ships. I find them extremely disagreeable.”
“You must be doing well for yourselves,” says Maple. “I'm sure there is great demand for your services.”
“Yes and no,” says Ernie. “We are mostly troubleshooters for our Kingdom. We're sent to places where wrongs are being done, and we do our best to right them. We're not traders, and profit isn't really our motive.”
He elbows Dranko before he can object.
“We're always glad to meet such people,” says Maple, nodding in understanding. “Though we've been in peacetime for almost a decade now. The Anlakis have not mounted any real threats in years.”
Dranko gulps a spoonful of stew. “But now you're about to be attacked by a horde of goblins.”
“I've heard no reports, and our scouts are quite thorough,” says Maple. "But your news..."
At that moment the servant arrives with Tava's Righteous Fury, and High Priestess Sunblade handles it with reverence.
“What is the Crimson Maw?” Ernie asks, as Maple traces the runes on the sword with her fingers.
The High Priestess doesn't take her eyes from the holy blade. “I don't know. I've never heard of it. But we have an extensive library, so perhaps we can find out. As for Tava's Righteous Fury... Tava was a legendary halfling champion who fought in the very first wars between goblinkind and the halfling peoples, on a world now long forgotten. It is said to only appear when halflings are in grave danger from goblins. I'm honored to have seen it, though I was hoping I wouldn't in my lifetime.”
She sits back and stretches. “The country of Appleseed used to be contested territory with the goblins, centuries ago. Eventually we drove the goblins into the eastern wastelands, where they tried – unsuccessfully – to rebuild their empire. Eventually they vanished altogether, probably into the Underdark, which is doubtless more suitable to them. We make sure our cities are well protected from below, with both fortifications and powerful warding spells.”
“I'm glad to hear it,” says Ernie. “Because the sword told me the goblins have brought an equivalent champion.”
Sunblade puts down her spoon. “But brought him where? I think it's time we visited the library, don't you?”
* *
Ernie is allowed to keep Tava's Righteous Fury on his belt as Maple Sunblade leads the Company to the cathedral's library. It's nothing as extensive as the Vault back in Hae Charagan, but the Library of Victory houses many hundreds of books and scrolls. There is an extensive section on goblin-kind, with treatises on their military tactics, biographies of past goblin leaders, details of their religion, and speculative writings about their race's motivations.
Edghar proves the most valuable researcher, as he climbs upon the shelves and reads through dusty parchments. Within an hour he has found a scroll of goblin folklore which contains an entire paragraph on the Crimson Maw.
Dranko glares up at the monkey. “How'd he find it? He's just a monkey. I mean, he can't read, can he?”
Over the empathic link, Edghar chuckles to Grey Wolf. “Tell him if he wants some pointers on some of the idiosyncrasies of Kivian Common's vowel usage, he should just cast comprehend languages on me, and he'll learn something.”
“Not now,” Grey Wolf hushes.
Taking the scroll from his familiar, Grey Wolf reads.
“Of all the legends told of Maglubiyet’s children, one of the most troublesome, if unlikely, is that of the Crimson Maw. Though evidence is scant, the Crimson Maw is a demi-plane, large enough to house a formidable army of goblins. Its corrupt nature is said to both strengthen and anger the goblins who gather inside, so that when unleashed, an army barracked and trained in the Maw will be particularly fearsome.
Worse, given time, priests of Maglubiyet can move the opening of the Maw to any location on Abernia, and so the already empowered army of goblins can emerge behind enemy lines, inside a city – anywhere. This is done through a goblin artifact called Maglubiyet’s Fang, housed in an iron palace deep inside the Maw.
All of this is speculative, derived from goblinoid scrolls. There are no eyewitness reports of the Crimson Maw, and no proof that it exists at all.”
Morningstar fires off a find the path right then and there, but it produces no directions to the Maw. But Ernie hears Tava's voice again in his mind, barely a whisper.
The Crimson Maw is always open. While they set to move it, look for goblin holy ground.
After Ernie has shared this message, Sunblade rubs her chin. “The goblins built many temples in the wastelands,” she muses. “Though they're all ruins now.”
“So,” says Dranko. “Looks like we have another decision to make. Goblins, or Praska?”
Ernie opts for some guidance to answer that question. Back in Sunblade's kitchen he casts commune while baking a traveling biscuit. The High Priestess takes notes.
Will the threat to the halflings of Appleseed from the Crimson Maw come within the next week?
I DON'T KNOW.
Uh oh. When something is impenetrable by divination, it usually indicates the Black Circle's involvement.
Is the Goblin menace within the Crimson Maw being instigated, motivated or exacerbated by our enemies in red armor?
ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT.
Are they being motivated by any outside party, besides the Goblins and Maglubiyet?
ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT.
Do we have the means or tools that would enable us to go directly to the Crimson Maw?
YOU CAN REACH ITS OPENING.
In your opinion – and your opinion is well-nigh an order to me – would it be wiser for us to continue our pursuit of Mokad, as opposed to dealing with the Crimson Maw?
MOKAD'S PLOTS ARE RIPENING, BUT TAVA SHOULD NOT BE IGNORED.
Ernie can't help but grumble. “That's hardly an answer...”
Is anything else needed beside our military might, and the power of Tava's Righteous Fury, to defeat the threat posed by the Crimson Maw?
COURAGE, GUILE AND LUCK
Will we be more successful if we invade the Crimson Maw, instead of letting them invade us?
PROBABLY
Will the plots of Mokad and the Black Circle in Kai Kin come to fruition within the next month?
YES
Yikes!
Will destroying Mokad slow them down?
NO
Will the Black Circle plots, if successful, result in the return of Naradawk to Abernia?
YES
Crap!
Are we capable of stopping the current set of plots of the Black Circle?
YES, THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS
In order to stop them, would it would be wise to strike at the Black Circle in Kai Kin?
YES
If we use Mordenkainen's Disjunction to destroy the Book of Lies, would the person who's life was protected by it be aware of its destruction?
YES
Can I defeat the champion of Maglubiyet?
I CANNOT SEE INSIDE THE MAW
Is it the wisest thing for me to do, to stay here to protect Appleseed, given the other threats to the world?
EITHER WAY, DO NOT STAY IN APPLESEED
Will razing the Kin Kin Black Circle temple be enough to stop their plot?
NO
Is there a specific individual we need to destroy, in order to stop their plot?
NO
Is there a specific ritual we need to disrupt, in order to stop their plot?
YES
Huh. So the Black Circle is working on a plot that will bring Emperor Naradawk from Volpos, within a month? Now that's some news worth knowing!
...to be continued...
Regarding the X-COM story hour: I have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Also, allow me to take this opportunity to announce that I am no longer with Irrational Games, and haven't been since February. I have taken on the new challenge of the stay-at-home dad to my two daughters, ages 5 and 2. It's more tiring than game development, but much less stressful. My relationship with Irrational continues to be good; I left on my own, on good terms with the company, and I still do some consulting work for them. Alas that I'm not allowed to say anything about what they might be working on, other than: it's pretty sweet.
While I'm here:
Sagiro’s Story Hour, Part 312
Good Thing You Asked
Dranko awakens, his head a hastily-drained swamp of unwanted memories. His eyes flutter open and the first thing he sees is Morningstar's worried face.
“I feel better,” Dranko says quietly. And indeed he does; the damage to his wounded mind has been healed. His wife helps him to his feet, and she breathes a sigh of relief that his voice is no longer so disturbingly manic.
Dranko looks around at his apprehensive friends. “If I were going to guess, there's something horrible we'll have to fight at one point – maybe Lord Tapheon – who's going to pry through my brain. And now there's a trap laid for him. Or maybe the Black Circle will try to read my mind and get a nasty surprise. And all things considered, things could be worse. I can live without the fame. I couldn't live without all of you.”
Morningstar smiles, reaches out to touch Dranko's brow, and manifests her greatest power. Some vile creature from Far Realms has placed something in the mind of her husband; now it's her turn. She shows him by a true Miracle of Ell how much she loves, respects and cherishes him. The caul of horror the Cleaner left clinging to his psyche is easily parted by Ellish grace, and the dark and writhing vines of insanity are culled by feelings of love and friendship.
Dranko blinks and stares at his wife, his eyes misting. He has no words, but envelops her in a fierce embrace.
* *
The journey via wind walk to the halfling city of Victory takes about five hours. The ground below rushes swiftly by, a wasteland of brown and gray rock dotted with old ruins, giving way only in the final hour to farmlands and settled green. The river that separates Appleseed from the southern lands is dotted (on the halflings' side) by old guard towers, obviously long empty. Their map is accurate in its placement of Victory at the tip of a lake, the southernmost of a series of finger-like lakes stretching east to west.
Victory is the capital city of Appleseed, and as much a fortress as a metropolis. It is extremely well defended, with tall and wide stone walls patrolled dutifully by halfling soldiers. A channel from the lake goes into the city beneath a jutting barbican.
The Company lands outside the outermost wall and de-mists. The halfling guards at the city's southern gate are polite and no-nonsense. Ernie speaks for the group, announcing their visit with the Yondallan High Priestess. The guards are thorough in their questioning, but in the end the Company is allowed entry and not divested of their armaments. There are no papers to carry or fees to pay.
Ernie thanks the gate-guard. “I've long wanted to see Appleseed. I spend too much time in the company of kneecaps.”
The guard smiles. “Just don't cause any trouble,” he says half-jokingly, while eyeing the Big Folk.
Dranko laughs. “We seldom cause trouble...”
The guard's smile tightens. “As strangers to Appleseed, allow me to give you this advice. No one will stop you on the streets or interfere with your business, until or unless you cause a disturbance. I strongly advise against that, unless you enjoy extended stays in stockades.”
So saying, he directs the Company to the Cathedral of Yondalla, which he says should be easily visible atop a hill near the center of the town, once they've cleared the walls. There are three different portcullises to traverse, and the narrow entrance to the city leads to a large and bustling courtyard. Victory is larger than any halfling settlement in Charagan, and is at least half the size of Tal Hae. Many dwellings are built into hillsides, but these are of sturdy stone and built for defense more than comfort. The streets wind between the hills, and each hill of any significant size has a guard tower upon it. As they head in the direction of the cathedral, they are funneled through a number of narrow gates.
The Company does draw numerous curious stares from the local populace, though everyone is polite and there are no disturbances. Close-packed dwellings give way to open parks and gardens as they make their final approach up Cathedral Hill. They gaze up at the edifice, and Kibi can't help but be impressed by the architecture and engineering. Ernie's eyes are wide; the cathedral is many times the size of the largest halfling structure he has ever seen. An enormous stained-glass window above the front doors shows the gold-and-green cornucopia and shield of Yondalla.
Dranko laughs. “I'll bet they have kick-ass dungeons under there, too!”
They are met at the doors by a serene acolyte in green robes. “You must be Ernest Roundhill and company. High Priestess Sunblade is expecting you.”
Leaving their weapons inside the door, the Company is escorted to the personal chamber of the High Priestess. At first her office seems empty, though adorned with ceremonial weapons and shields on the three walls and a huge tapestry depicting a grand battle on the fourth. But they spy a small door in the back of the chamber, through which wafts the mingling smells of fresh-baked bread and a savory stew.
“Just a moment!” comes a woman's voice.
The High Priestess Maple Sunblade emerges from the kitchen adjoining her office, bearing a tray laden will loaves and bowls. She wears an apron over rich Yondallan finery.
“Maple Sunblade, at your service,” she says formally, setting down the tray on a round table. Ernest makes introduction of his friends, stressing the honorific 'Sir” when presenting Dranko. Sitting around the table and eating, Ernie tells Maple Sunblade about his discovery of Tava's Righteous Fury.
“I'm flattered that it knew my name,” says Sunblade. “I'd like to see the sword.”
She sends a servant to fetch it. Ernie digs around in the bag of holding and produces a bottle of fine halfling ale from Dingman's Ferry as a gift.
“We have had a few visiting halflings from Charagan already,” says the High Priestess. “They came by ship, from a city called Tal Hae.”
“Hey!” says Dranko. “That's where I'm from. Flicker here, too!”
Ernie smiles. “Since my colleagues have learned to teleport, I've been lucky enough to avoid sailing ships. I find them extremely disagreeable.”
“You must be doing well for yourselves,” says Maple. “I'm sure there is great demand for your services.”
“Yes and no,” says Ernie. “We are mostly troubleshooters for our Kingdom. We're sent to places where wrongs are being done, and we do our best to right them. We're not traders, and profit isn't really our motive.”
He elbows Dranko before he can object.
“We're always glad to meet such people,” says Maple, nodding in understanding. “Though we've been in peacetime for almost a decade now. The Anlakis have not mounted any real threats in years.”
Dranko gulps a spoonful of stew. “But now you're about to be attacked by a horde of goblins.”
“I've heard no reports, and our scouts are quite thorough,” says Maple. "But your news..."
At that moment the servant arrives with Tava's Righteous Fury, and High Priestess Sunblade handles it with reverence.
“What is the Crimson Maw?” Ernie asks, as Maple traces the runes on the sword with her fingers.
The High Priestess doesn't take her eyes from the holy blade. “I don't know. I've never heard of it. But we have an extensive library, so perhaps we can find out. As for Tava's Righteous Fury... Tava was a legendary halfling champion who fought in the very first wars between goblinkind and the halfling peoples, on a world now long forgotten. It is said to only appear when halflings are in grave danger from goblins. I'm honored to have seen it, though I was hoping I wouldn't in my lifetime.”
She sits back and stretches. “The country of Appleseed used to be contested territory with the goblins, centuries ago. Eventually we drove the goblins into the eastern wastelands, where they tried – unsuccessfully – to rebuild their empire. Eventually they vanished altogether, probably into the Underdark, which is doubtless more suitable to them. We make sure our cities are well protected from below, with both fortifications and powerful warding spells.”
“I'm glad to hear it,” says Ernie. “Because the sword told me the goblins have brought an equivalent champion.”
Sunblade puts down her spoon. “But brought him where? I think it's time we visited the library, don't you?”
* *
Ernie is allowed to keep Tava's Righteous Fury on his belt as Maple Sunblade leads the Company to the cathedral's library. It's nothing as extensive as the Vault back in Hae Charagan, but the Library of Victory houses many hundreds of books and scrolls. There is an extensive section on goblin-kind, with treatises on their military tactics, biographies of past goblin leaders, details of their religion, and speculative writings about their race's motivations.
Edghar proves the most valuable researcher, as he climbs upon the shelves and reads through dusty parchments. Within an hour he has found a scroll of goblin folklore which contains an entire paragraph on the Crimson Maw.
Dranko glares up at the monkey. “How'd he find it? He's just a monkey. I mean, he can't read, can he?”
Over the empathic link, Edghar chuckles to Grey Wolf. “Tell him if he wants some pointers on some of the idiosyncrasies of Kivian Common's vowel usage, he should just cast comprehend languages on me, and he'll learn something.”
“Not now,” Grey Wolf hushes.
Taking the scroll from his familiar, Grey Wolf reads.
“Of all the legends told of Maglubiyet’s children, one of the most troublesome, if unlikely, is that of the Crimson Maw. Though evidence is scant, the Crimson Maw is a demi-plane, large enough to house a formidable army of goblins. Its corrupt nature is said to both strengthen and anger the goblins who gather inside, so that when unleashed, an army barracked and trained in the Maw will be particularly fearsome.
Worse, given time, priests of Maglubiyet can move the opening of the Maw to any location on Abernia, and so the already empowered army of goblins can emerge behind enemy lines, inside a city – anywhere. This is done through a goblin artifact called Maglubiyet’s Fang, housed in an iron palace deep inside the Maw.
All of this is speculative, derived from goblinoid scrolls. There are no eyewitness reports of the Crimson Maw, and no proof that it exists at all.”
Morningstar fires off a find the path right then and there, but it produces no directions to the Maw. But Ernie hears Tava's voice again in his mind, barely a whisper.
The Crimson Maw is always open. While they set to move it, look for goblin holy ground.
After Ernie has shared this message, Sunblade rubs her chin. “The goblins built many temples in the wastelands,” she muses. “Though they're all ruins now.”
“So,” says Dranko. “Looks like we have another decision to make. Goblins, or Praska?”
Ernie opts for some guidance to answer that question. Back in Sunblade's kitchen he casts commune while baking a traveling biscuit. The High Priestess takes notes.
Will the threat to the halflings of Appleseed from the Crimson Maw come within the next week?
I DON'T KNOW.
Uh oh. When something is impenetrable by divination, it usually indicates the Black Circle's involvement.
Is the Goblin menace within the Crimson Maw being instigated, motivated or exacerbated by our enemies in red armor?
ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT.
Are they being motivated by any outside party, besides the Goblins and Maglubiyet?
ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT.
Do we have the means or tools that would enable us to go directly to the Crimson Maw?
YOU CAN REACH ITS OPENING.
In your opinion – and your opinion is well-nigh an order to me – would it be wiser for us to continue our pursuit of Mokad, as opposed to dealing with the Crimson Maw?
MOKAD'S PLOTS ARE RIPENING, BUT TAVA SHOULD NOT BE IGNORED.
Ernie can't help but grumble. “That's hardly an answer...”
Is anything else needed beside our military might, and the power of Tava's Righteous Fury, to defeat the threat posed by the Crimson Maw?
COURAGE, GUILE AND LUCK
Will we be more successful if we invade the Crimson Maw, instead of letting them invade us?
PROBABLY
Will the plots of Mokad and the Black Circle in Kai Kin come to fruition within the next month?
YES
Yikes!
Will destroying Mokad slow them down?
NO
Will the Black Circle plots, if successful, result in the return of Naradawk to Abernia?
YES
Crap!
Are we capable of stopping the current set of plots of the Black Circle?
YES, THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS
In order to stop them, would it would be wise to strike at the Black Circle in Kai Kin?
YES
If we use Mordenkainen's Disjunction to destroy the Book of Lies, would the person who's life was protected by it be aware of its destruction?
YES
Can I defeat the champion of Maglubiyet?
I CANNOT SEE INSIDE THE MAW
Is it the wisest thing for me to do, to stay here to protect Appleseed, given the other threats to the world?
EITHER WAY, DO NOT STAY IN APPLESEED
Will razing the Kin Kin Black Circle temple be enough to stop their plot?
NO
Is there a specific individual we need to destroy, in order to stop their plot?
NO
Is there a specific ritual we need to disrupt, in order to stop their plot?
YES
Huh. So the Black Circle is working on a plot that will bring Emperor Naradawk from Volpos, within a month? Now that's some news worth knowing!
...to be continued...
