On Whether to Get the GF Involved or Not

joethelawyer · Oct 18, 2008

somethingi noticed--of the guys i have been playing with ranging from 25-15 yrs now, none of the gf's (and some now wives) liked dnd. which turned into a good thing over time.

basically, at the beginning, the gf's wanted to know what could possibly be taking up an entire evening a week that didn't involve them. so most of them either tried it or watched it. they didnt like it. over time they came to accept our addiction, and i guess figured hey, at least they aren't out carousing the strip bars or cheating on them. so they let us keep playing without riding our asses too much. they also found it worked to their advantage to let us play, as they could pull it out of their hat when they wanted us to go to some stupid family event or wedding "You play dnd every friday night. is it too much to ask that i get one night blah blah bah...".

the benefit to us is that we get to have a guys night out. we get to talk about all the stuf we can't say in front of the gf/wives, like the new hot secretary who flirted with us, or telling each other lies about how active our sex lives were back in the day. and of course drink enormous amounts of beer with impunity, for whoever isn't driving.

i couldn't even imagine how messy it would get i husband/wife internal family feuding got mixed into game night. depending on which of the two was a dm, it could be dangerous. "that sonnabitch wont go to the wedding with me huh?---OK or the next wandering monster---3 tarrasques!!"

overall i think that a gf/wife uninterested in dnd is a good thing. what do you guys think about it? what have our experiences been?

Mouseferatu · Oct 18, 2008

joethelawyer said:
overall i think that a gf/wife uninterested in dnd is a good thing. what do you guys think about it? what have our experiences been?

To be honest, I think this is one of the more closed-minded things I've heard in a while, gaming-wise.

The majority of the people I game with (myself included) are couples, and thankfully we're all mature enough not to let out-of-game arguments interfere with the game, or to show spouses any special favor. If we were the type to do so, arguments with friends would get pulled into the game as well, so I don't think keeping couples out would make a difference.

Frankly, I love the fact that my wife and I share a hobby like this, and I wouldn't have it any other way--for myself or my other married friends.

Shroomy · Oct 18, 2008

I wish my fiancee wanted to play (she's been lukewarm to the idea, at best), our party needs another striker!

dema · Oct 18, 2008

I would no push the girl friend to it. My wife used to play Vampire in her younger days, but I don't dare take her to a DND game, she is just not interested in knowing that much about it. It's good for couples to keep their own hobbies and share stories over dinner/ romantic walks, etc. Now I knew couples that gamed together and it was usually ok, but the groups were very loose and not that involved. One recent group I've played with had a DM and Wife player but it worked out great. The only odd part when one of the other players entered into a romantic relationship with my wife's character.

It's probablly just me that felt odd, but we all enjoyed it without letting it bleed into real life.

frankthedm · Oct 18, 2008

Mouseferatu said:
To be honest, I think this is one of the more closed-minded things I've heard in a while, gaming-wise.

I find it refreshingly honest. Those who enjoy gaming as a guys or girls night out are often unfairly labeled for enjoying their group dynamic.

garyh · Oct 18, 2008

The last campaign I DM'ed, my wife played in the game. And two of the other players were married as well. It worked great. Great way to spend time as a couple with your friends, and if you're playing together, you avoid any sort of "You spend too much time doing that" problems. I've never, ever had any problems come from having people in relationship at the same table or any adversarial issues from DMing for my wife.

So no, playing with spouses is not a problem for me, but a good thing.

ppaladin123 · Oct 18, 2008

It depends a lot on your relationship style. Some people feel it is healthy/desirable to have separate hobbies from their significant other; some don't. I don't see anything wrong with either preference. Half of the guys I play D&D with are happy to have some "me time" away from their girlfriends and wives. The other half happily play in other weekly games with their wives/girlfriends. Each seems to have found someone that fits their needs in this regard. There is only a problem when there is a mismatch...you want someone to be involved in everything in your life and your partner is not interested, or conversely you want time away and your partner wants in on your every hobby.

Mouseferatu · Oct 18, 2008

frankthedm said:
I find it refreshingly honest. Those who enjoy gaming as a guys or girls night out are often unfairly labeled for enjoying their group dynamic.

If you don't want to bring in an SO because of group dynamics, that's fine. But to claim that it's inherently a bad idea is closed-minded.

garyh · Oct 18, 2008

ppaladin123 said:
It depends a lot on your relationship style. Some people feel it is healthy/desirable to have separate hobbies from their significant other; some don't. I don't see anything wrong with either preference. Half of the guys I play D&D with are happy to have some "me time" away from their girlfriends and wives. The other half happily play in other weekly games with their wives/girlfriends. Each seems to have found someone that fits their needs in this regard. There is only a problem when there is a mismatch...you want someone to be involved in everything in your life and your partner is not interested, or conversely you want time away and your partner wants in on your every hobby.

My wife and I have plenty of other hobbies that we do separately, so gaming together works well for us (we've also played lots of WoW and Diablo together in the past). We have fun with that, and still have other things we can do for "me time." YRMV*, of course.

*Your Relationship May Vary

Asmor · Oct 19, 2008

I don't have any particular preference one way or the other.

The big thing for me is that s/o's should only play if they want to play (and no, that doesn't count you asking them if they want to play-- they need to express the interest first).