ellinor
Explorer
9x01
The stairway led up from the darkness of the Alirrian tomb into the blinding light of noon. Twiggy blinked as the sun and wind hit her face. She had expected to feel relief at coming into daylight, but she hadn’t realized how much she craved fresh air and an escape from the stale stink of those caves. She shuddered. The stink of death. Death that I helped make. She shivered as she realized it was Sedellus’ wind clearing the stink away. Sedellus, goddess of change, she tried to remind herself. Not just evil . . . change, too.
Whoever’s wind it is, at least it feels clean, thought Acorn, venturing from Twiggy’s pocket for a long quaff of breath.
Maybe it is, Acorn Twiggy replied, but I’m not sure I want it to.
Acorn squirmed. You’re not making sense, Chelesta. Are you lightheaded from holding your breath, like me?
Twiggy climbed out of the opening on to the wide ledge and looked back at what had once been the majestic façade of the Alirrian monastery, now cracked and overgrown. At least the plants have grown over it, she thought. Plants always grow over ruins. That in itself is a testament to Alirria’s strength. Somehow it didn’t help.
As the others emerged, Twiggy looked around the ragged group. It had more than doubled in size from their small band of seven to a veritable village of 24. And it put the lie to the concept of “strength in numbers”: Although they had gained the Sovereign Nyoko, who seemed to be able to take care of herself, they had also gained 4 infants and young children; two young men who had been beaten to a pulp; a woman too scared to speak; and four older dwarves who were pitifully weak from weeks under the whip. If they had been strong, they certainly weren’t anymore. And the two pregnant dwarves were certainly fierce, but they were also slow. Considering the distance to the main derro warren and the dwarves’ work blocking the tunnel, the best guess was that they only had about a 10-hour head start. With this group, even if they kept pushing ahead, the derro would eventually catch up with them.
Anyway, pushing ahead wasn’t an option. They had only been in the caves for one night, but it had felt like weeks without sleep. Their first task was rest, and whatever came next . . . was whatever came next. One by one, they all collapsed, exhausted, on to the soft ground.
“Where will you go?” Savina asked Sertani, when all had settled and the young children and old men had fallen asleep.
“I have discussed it with my son and sister-wives,” Sertani replied. “In our condition, we will not make it back to our holdings in the South. We will head first to allies Northwest of here. It is relatively easy travel, once we get out of the mountains, and there we can regain our strength.” She tilted her head toward Corani, whose chin was resting on her pregnant belly as she nodded off to sleep. “We have our future to consider.”
“We can stay with you until we reach the main road,” Savina offered, “and share our food and supplies, if you would find it helpful . . .”
Twiggy suppressed a chuckle as Kormick and Mena looked at each other behind Savina’s back. Kormick rolled his eyes as if to say “this girl will be the end of us,” but smiled as if to say “and don’t we love her for it.”
“. . . you have lost so much already,” Savina continued. “If there is anything more we can do . . .”
“Thank you,” Sertani replied, softly, before sitting up and shoving her shoulders back, proudly. “Until we reach the main road, then.”
“And now, as we say in Dar Und, it is time to trade nightmares for nightmares,” Kormick announced, yawning and stretching his arms over his head in the universal gesture for “I don’t give a damn what the rest of you do with your afternoon, but I’m going to sleep now.”
“I will keep first watch,” suggested Mena.
Twiggy thought about sleep. It was a good idea, she knew—but the idea of sleeping sickened her. How could I close my eyes on what I saw last night, she asked herself, without seeing it over and over again in my mind?
“Me too,” Twiggy offered. Mena was not the most comforting presence in the world, but Mama Rossi was a world away, and anyway, Mama Rossi was nowhere near as qualified as Mena to address the horrors of battle. No one joined the Defiers of the Wind without having a serious trauma, and the scars on Mena’s hand bespoke something far worse than misfortune. Mena never talked about what she did before coming to tutor Rose—she had been firm but vague every time Twiggy had asked—but it must have been dramatic. Mena had been so young when she came to the Estate. Sixteen, at most—if she had even reached the age of majority. And by that time, she had already had, and ended, a career with the Keepers of the Flame. Yes, Twiggy thought, Mena was very well qualified to counsel in this situation.
After everyone else was asleep, Twiggy broached the topic. “Does it ever get easier?”
“No.” Mena paused before continuing. “And it never should. The minute it becomes an easy choice to take a life, the minute there's no feeling of loss every time you kill, that is when you begin to lose sight of whether you are fighting against Sedellus or for her. It's one of the Dark Bitch's cruelest jokes that those who wish only to do good are sometimes forced to darker deeds in order to prevent a greater evil. And for that reason, the pain, the memories, even the nightmares while they last, all that is a tool you can use to remind yourself why you choose a kinder path whenever possible.”
“While the nightmares last . . .” Twiggy mused, “does that mean this will feel better?”
“Better?” Mena sighed. “No. But it does get more familiar. You know how you like to know the reasons for things? You will be able to focus on the reasons. Someday—maybe soon—you will be able to sleep without nightmares. You will know that what you did was necessary. Moments like these will become part of your past.”
“Like your past?”
“I hope not.”
This was one of those answers, vague but firm, that meant don’t pry. Twiggy pondered for a moment. "When you swore you were telling the truth to Zirkai, in there, you said your ancestors were the di Rossini family of Pol Henna.”
“Yes.”
“And . . . are they?”
“Yes.”
“But there isn’t a di Rossini family. Not in Pol Henna.”
“No.”
Mena looked sad, like her mind was far away. Twiggy thought Mena’s past seemed like the Ketkath—full of dangerous unknowns and things one would probably rather not know about. Twiggy still wanted to know.
They sat together for a while, chatting, watching the sun creep across the sky. It helped a little.
###
When Nyoko woke, night was falling, and the heathens were discussing what they would do next. She picked up her new bow and began to make small adjustments. Handling a bow was automatic, and it made her look busy so she could listen.
“Let us assume that at our top speed, it is five days’ trek to the spring, and that we have a ten-hour lead,” said Mena. “If we push ourselves, we can stay ahead of the derro. But we cannot move at top speed—the dwarves cannot keep that pace. We will also need to forage for food. We have more mouths to feed now. And we will not be able to obscure our path—there are too many of us. We should move as soon as possible.”
“Is it safe to bring her?” Twiggy asked, motioning over her shoulder to Nyoko. Nyoko found a small blackroot plant and craned her ears to hear as she chewed on its stem.
“I believe it is,” replied the Justicar. “As we were standing watch today, she told me a joke—‘How many Inquisitors does it take to kindle a torch?’” He paused as the group stared at him, blankly. “…‘Is this a cover for the worship of Ekht?’” Kormick chortled a bit, apparently to himself. “It is funny, no?”
Blank stares. Well, at least one of them has a good sense of humor, Nyoko thought. Even if he is a very strange sort of Justicar.
“Regardless,” said Tavi, “I do not think we could leave her if we wanted to.” That seemed to be Nyoko’s cue. She slung the bow over her shoulder and strolled over to the group.
“We have a dangerous journey ahead,” Mena announced, addressing Nyoko, “but you are welcome to travel with us.”
“Any journey through the Ketkath is a dangerous one,” Nyoko replied, “and I am in your debt. But I am ill-served in ignorance. Is your journey more dangerous than any other?”
The Justicar smiled. "Well, it's nothing, really, just that a decade and a half ago a girl made a crazy deal with Sedellus, and now this young lady"—he gestured toward Rose with his thumb—"is being chased across the Ketkath by the Goddess of Evil. But nothing to worry about."
Perhaps I spoke too soon about the sense of humor, Nyoko thought.
“We will not be taking the most direct route to Cauldron,” added Kormick. “Will you be missed there if you come with us?”
Nyoko considered the hazards of the Ketkath for a woman traveling alone. “If I do not come with you, I think it’s fair to say that I will certainly be missed in Cauldron.”
“Then it is settled,” said Mena.
The stairway led up from the darkness of the Alirrian tomb into the blinding light of noon. Twiggy blinked as the sun and wind hit her face. She had expected to feel relief at coming into daylight, but she hadn’t realized how much she craved fresh air and an escape from the stale stink of those caves. She shuddered. The stink of death. Death that I helped make. She shivered as she realized it was Sedellus’ wind clearing the stink away. Sedellus, goddess of change, she tried to remind herself. Not just evil . . . change, too.
Whoever’s wind it is, at least it feels clean, thought Acorn, venturing from Twiggy’s pocket for a long quaff of breath.
Maybe it is, Acorn Twiggy replied, but I’m not sure I want it to.
Acorn squirmed. You’re not making sense, Chelesta. Are you lightheaded from holding your breath, like me?
Twiggy climbed out of the opening on to the wide ledge and looked back at what had once been the majestic façade of the Alirrian monastery, now cracked and overgrown. At least the plants have grown over it, she thought. Plants always grow over ruins. That in itself is a testament to Alirria’s strength. Somehow it didn’t help.
As the others emerged, Twiggy looked around the ragged group. It had more than doubled in size from their small band of seven to a veritable village of 24. And it put the lie to the concept of “strength in numbers”: Although they had gained the Sovereign Nyoko, who seemed to be able to take care of herself, they had also gained 4 infants and young children; two young men who had been beaten to a pulp; a woman too scared to speak; and four older dwarves who were pitifully weak from weeks under the whip. If they had been strong, they certainly weren’t anymore. And the two pregnant dwarves were certainly fierce, but they were also slow. Considering the distance to the main derro warren and the dwarves’ work blocking the tunnel, the best guess was that they only had about a 10-hour head start. With this group, even if they kept pushing ahead, the derro would eventually catch up with them.
Anyway, pushing ahead wasn’t an option. They had only been in the caves for one night, but it had felt like weeks without sleep. Their first task was rest, and whatever came next . . . was whatever came next. One by one, they all collapsed, exhausted, on to the soft ground.
“Where will you go?” Savina asked Sertani, when all had settled and the young children and old men had fallen asleep.
“I have discussed it with my son and sister-wives,” Sertani replied. “In our condition, we will not make it back to our holdings in the South. We will head first to allies Northwest of here. It is relatively easy travel, once we get out of the mountains, and there we can regain our strength.” She tilted her head toward Corani, whose chin was resting on her pregnant belly as she nodded off to sleep. “We have our future to consider.”
“We can stay with you until we reach the main road,” Savina offered, “and share our food and supplies, if you would find it helpful . . .”
Twiggy suppressed a chuckle as Kormick and Mena looked at each other behind Savina’s back. Kormick rolled his eyes as if to say “this girl will be the end of us,” but smiled as if to say “and don’t we love her for it.”
“. . . you have lost so much already,” Savina continued. “If there is anything more we can do . . .”
“Thank you,” Sertani replied, softly, before sitting up and shoving her shoulders back, proudly. “Until we reach the main road, then.”
“And now, as we say in Dar Und, it is time to trade nightmares for nightmares,” Kormick announced, yawning and stretching his arms over his head in the universal gesture for “I don’t give a damn what the rest of you do with your afternoon, but I’m going to sleep now.”
“I will keep first watch,” suggested Mena.
Twiggy thought about sleep. It was a good idea, she knew—but the idea of sleeping sickened her. How could I close my eyes on what I saw last night, she asked herself, without seeing it over and over again in my mind?
“Me too,” Twiggy offered. Mena was not the most comforting presence in the world, but Mama Rossi was a world away, and anyway, Mama Rossi was nowhere near as qualified as Mena to address the horrors of battle. No one joined the Defiers of the Wind without having a serious trauma, and the scars on Mena’s hand bespoke something far worse than misfortune. Mena never talked about what she did before coming to tutor Rose—she had been firm but vague every time Twiggy had asked—but it must have been dramatic. Mena had been so young when she came to the Estate. Sixteen, at most—if she had even reached the age of majority. And by that time, she had already had, and ended, a career with the Keepers of the Flame. Yes, Twiggy thought, Mena was very well qualified to counsel in this situation.
After everyone else was asleep, Twiggy broached the topic. “Does it ever get easier?”
“No.” Mena paused before continuing. “And it never should. The minute it becomes an easy choice to take a life, the minute there's no feeling of loss every time you kill, that is when you begin to lose sight of whether you are fighting against Sedellus or for her. It's one of the Dark Bitch's cruelest jokes that those who wish only to do good are sometimes forced to darker deeds in order to prevent a greater evil. And for that reason, the pain, the memories, even the nightmares while they last, all that is a tool you can use to remind yourself why you choose a kinder path whenever possible.”
“While the nightmares last . . .” Twiggy mused, “does that mean this will feel better?”
“Better?” Mena sighed. “No. But it does get more familiar. You know how you like to know the reasons for things? You will be able to focus on the reasons. Someday—maybe soon—you will be able to sleep without nightmares. You will know that what you did was necessary. Moments like these will become part of your past.”
“Like your past?”
“I hope not.”
This was one of those answers, vague but firm, that meant don’t pry. Twiggy pondered for a moment. "When you swore you were telling the truth to Zirkai, in there, you said your ancestors were the di Rossini family of Pol Henna.”
“Yes.”
“And . . . are they?”
“Yes.”
“But there isn’t a di Rossini family. Not in Pol Henna.”
“No.”
Mena looked sad, like her mind was far away. Twiggy thought Mena’s past seemed like the Ketkath—full of dangerous unknowns and things one would probably rather not know about. Twiggy still wanted to know.
They sat together for a while, chatting, watching the sun creep across the sky. It helped a little.
###
When Nyoko woke, night was falling, and the heathens were discussing what they would do next. She picked up her new bow and began to make small adjustments. Handling a bow was automatic, and it made her look busy so she could listen.
“Let us assume that at our top speed, it is five days’ trek to the spring, and that we have a ten-hour lead,” said Mena. “If we push ourselves, we can stay ahead of the derro. But we cannot move at top speed—the dwarves cannot keep that pace. We will also need to forage for food. We have more mouths to feed now. And we will not be able to obscure our path—there are too many of us. We should move as soon as possible.”
“Is it safe to bring her?” Twiggy asked, motioning over her shoulder to Nyoko. Nyoko found a small blackroot plant and craned her ears to hear as she chewed on its stem.
“I believe it is,” replied the Justicar. “As we were standing watch today, she told me a joke—‘How many Inquisitors does it take to kindle a torch?’” He paused as the group stared at him, blankly. “…‘Is this a cover for the worship of Ekht?’” Kormick chortled a bit, apparently to himself. “It is funny, no?”
Blank stares. Well, at least one of them has a good sense of humor, Nyoko thought. Even if he is a very strange sort of Justicar.
“Regardless,” said Tavi, “I do not think we could leave her if we wanted to.” That seemed to be Nyoko’s cue. She slung the bow over her shoulder and strolled over to the group.
“We have a dangerous journey ahead,” Mena announced, addressing Nyoko, “but you are welcome to travel with us.”
“Any journey through the Ketkath is a dangerous one,” Nyoko replied, “and I am in your debt. But I am ill-served in ignorance. Is your journey more dangerous than any other?”
The Justicar smiled. "Well, it's nothing, really, just that a decade and a half ago a girl made a crazy deal with Sedellus, and now this young lady"—he gestured toward Rose with his thumb—"is being chased across the Ketkath by the Goddess of Evil. But nothing to worry about."
Perhaps I spoke too soon about the sense of humor, Nyoko thought.
“We will not be taking the most direct route to Cauldron,” added Kormick. “Will you be missed there if you come with us?”
Nyoko considered the hazards of the Ketkath for a woman traveling alone. “If I do not come with you, I think it’s fair to say that I will certainly be missed in Cauldron.”
“Then it is settled,” said Mena.