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Tuesday, 7th April, 2009, 11:07 PM #1
TURTLEDOME!: Battle Bone (DM: KenHood, Judge: Lord S.)
The image of the morning sun dances in the waters of the Titan's Footprint. In the harbor, small yachts and junks ease around the TURTLEDOME! bearing tourists of all social classes.
As you approach the turtle, you see the water bubble near its tail, making a profound 'pop'. Sea gulls flying near the area fall from the sky--stunned or dead, you cannot tell.
A shoal of sahuagin work at the underbelly of the great turtle, removing barnacles and algae. For chaotic evil sea-devils, they seem remarkably happy, performing the aquatic version of whistling that doesn't sound like whistling at all. They trade banter and grin at one another with their long, razor-sharp teeth.
A flock of harpies festoons banners and other decorations on the heights of the stadium.
Further along the docks, closer to the TURTLEDOME!, you find a troupe of schoolchildren, probably from Daunton's Cobblestone Spellementary. Migtroth the Magnificent entertains them, twisting horse-shoes into various shapes--with his bare hands. He hands a small girl a bunny rabbit. "Thank you, Mistah Migtwoth," she says through gapped teeth.
"Remember kids," says Migtroth with a warm, sincere smile, "Stay in school, and don't do drugs."
Then, the massive kobold (seriously, he's almost as big as one of the children) notices you walking towards his location. He bares his teeth, flexes his arms, and adds, "And kill all humans!"
The children cheer.
You're not sure if that's meant to be ironic.
As you near the head of the great turtle, you see the skull lord playing an accordian and dancing before several delighted onlookers. His three heads sing in harmony...
TURTLEDOME! is awesome,
TURTLEDOME! is swell,
If you don't like the TURTLEDOME!
You can go to--
'Hello!' the three heads say as one, putting aside the accordian, to the dissappointment of their listeners.
"I say, Ted, I think I remember these folk from that adventurer tavern," says the leftmost skull.
"I do believe you're correct, Ned," says the rightmost skull.
"Let me guess," says the middle skull in a genial tone, "You're here for a fight? Excellent!"
The skull lord retrieves a clipboard from thin air.
"I'm Ned," says the leftmost skull.
"I'm Ted," says the rightmost skull.
"And I'm Fred," says the middle skull.
"Pleee-uh-eeeeased toooo meeeet you!" the three skulls sing, again in harmony.
The onlookers chuckle and clap.
"Now, if you'd be so kind as to introduce yourselves, and then sign the standard TURTLEDOME! NDA..."
"That's a non-disclosure agreement."
"We're ever so careful of our intellectual property, here."
"We'll take you inside to meet with Mr. Pinch and discuss what sort of service we can be to you."
Last edited by KenHood; Thursday, 30th April, 2009 at 12:37 PM.
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Tuesday, 7th April, 2009, 11:32 PM #2
Myrmidon (Lvl 10)
Emral scratches his chin, one glowing eyebrow arched at the Skull Lord-entertainer. Let's see this non-disclosure agreement. Meaning no offense, but in a crazy world with animated skulls talking with elemental wizards, I like to make sure I'm not signing away my soul, if you get me. Long story, but there you have it. Emral will look over the NDA for any loopholes or problem-phrasings, and sign it if it's simply "don't disclose this"ooc
Tuesday, 7th April, 2009, 11:42 PM #3
Novice (Lvl 1)
"Wait, why would need a no clothes form to sign? I no take armor off...
Hey, you three heads...one body...that's new? This is a large tortoise to fight! I think fight no fair, then see tortoise. Now, me thinks fight not fair to Vaunea."
After watching the four other members of the party sign, Vaunea will sign begrudgingly. Still uncertain why her armor must stay on, Vaunea readies herself for combat!
Tuesday, 7th April, 2009, 11:57 PM #4
The skull lord hands a copy of the NDA to Emral.
The contents of the form are straightforward. The party agrees to avoid revealing or discussing any inner workings of the TURTLEDOME! and its subsidiaries to any individuals who have not likewise signed the agreement. A great many arcane and divine symbols cover the document, especially around the section that refers to consequences for repeated attempts to discuss secret information. Basically, anyone that has not signed the NDA can understand what you say when you talk about TURTLEDOME! intellectual property.
And repeated attempts to communicate IP will result in your head exploding.
Or something like that.
No mention about immortal souls or similar things.
While Emral studies the document, the rightmost skull wolf-whistles at Vaunea. "Whew! Look at gams on that doll."
"Don't be crude, Ted," sighs the lefmost skull.
"Say, baby," says the rightmost skull, "Did you know that once you try bone, you'll never want to be alone? You know what I'm talking about? I bet you do. So don't be too quick to ix-nay the udity-nay."
The leftmost skull tsks.
Last edited by KenHood; Wednesday, 8th April, 2009 at 03:32 AM. Reason: Ugh! There was a double-negative.
Wednesday, 8th April, 2009, 12:08 AM #5
Acolyte (Lvl 2)
It seems the atmosphere here is... colourful. comments Hadarai, as he calmly waits for his turn to sign the document.
Come join us in the Shifting Seas and Transitive Isles of Living 4th Edition, amazing adventures and great fun guaranteed!
Then to play community 4e in Eberron join us in LEB too! Give life to your characters and contribute to the living settings!
Please excuse my poor English. It is not my first language.
Wednesday, 8th April, 2009, 03:15 AM #6
Novice (Lvl 1)
"Axe-Nay the udity-nay? Well, where is udity-Nay?" Vaurea replies, pulling out her axe. She looks at the right-most skull and states, matter-of-factly, "And I try bone before. Axe goes clean through, just like others. Not special."
Wednesday, 8th April, 2009, 03:50 AM #7
Myrmidon (Lvl 10)
Wednesday, 8th April, 2009, 04:48 AM #8
Myrmidon (Lvl 10)
Emral scratches his head, fingers going through his flames-for-hair as it was nothing. Well, that looks fine, except for one thing: how do I, er, we earn bragging rights if we can't talk about Turtledome?
Wednesday, 8th April, 2009, 12:35 PM #9
If he had eyebrows, they'd be a-wiggling.
"It's okay, Ned," says the middle skull, "I've got it."
"You can most definitely talk about your experiences in the arena--and if you're the kind of person that likes to brag about being beaten like a red-headed stepchild, more power to you. However, you won't be able to discuss [censored] or [censored], nor shall you be able to share the ingredients to the secret sauce of the TURTLEDOG! should you somehow discover that its [censored]. And if you find out about [censored] or [censored], you won't be able to warn the general public, even after [censored] has befallen them."
The middle and leftmost skull chuckle.
The skull lord picks up the accordian. The rightmost skull begins to sing, "I Only Have Eyes for Moo" -- a song about the forbidden love between man and minotaur.
"Gods-******, Ted, we're trying to have a conversation over here."
Wednesday, 8th April, 2009, 04:22 PM #10
Myrmidon (Lvl 10)
Ok, I've signed. Now let's see if this works: what's the stuff I won't be able to discuss? I've encountered wards like this before, but only when I try to say words like C****** and D****** and P*****... and let's not forget R*%^#@@!!!afrazafraz... (cough cough wheez). So what's this that I won't be able to say to anyone who hasn't signed? TURTLEDOG! special sauce isn't... soylent green, is it?