My wife won't let me play D&D.

EricNoah · Oct 3, 2002

Tom, if you're gonna ignore someone, please commence ignoring and don't rub their face in it. I don't go around telling which people are on my ignore list.

Doc, when someone asks for help and you practically punch them, that just seems downright mean. The old saying "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" comes to mind, though you could replace "nice" with "helpful" and that would work too. Now I realize you suspect the guy of being a troll, but still...

I'm gonna try a little experiment. If it doesn't work, sue me.

I'm gonna cull out the things I think are irrelevant or mean-spirited from this thread instead of locking the whole thing. I don't plan on doing this a lot (it makes moderating take more time) but we'll see how this goes.

edbonny · Oct 3, 2002

This post is for JER and others in this situation...

JER... You're in a tough spot! But one that can be patiently worked through. And I must stress patience. It has helped me to discuss this as rationally as possible sometimes working it out over many months. When such a talk got overheated with the SO (both past and present), it is time to stop the discussion... only to continue later when the high emotions on both sides have subsided. If discussing your gaming is always a heated topic, you might have a more serious problem than simply "gaming."

Bottom line as I see it: Are you both equally respectful and responsive of the other's needs? If not, you must work together to decide how you both can bring such a healthy balance into your relationship

If anything, this thread has shown a broad range of possible approaches and potential results arising from this (common?) situation.

I wholeheartedly agree with Eric, too on the comments on this board.. As an aside, Doc's advice may appear hard but it works for him (and no doubt others like him). Not my style but I wouldn't knock it.

- Ed Bonny

JacktheRabbit · Oct 3, 2002

No problemo Eric.

EricNoah said:
Tom, if you're gonna ignore someone, please commence ignoring and don't rub their face in it. I don't go around telling which people are on my ignore list.

Doc, when someone asks for help and you practically punch them, that just seems downright mean. The old saying "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" comes to mind, though you could replace "nice" with "helpful" and that would work too. Now I realize you suspect the guy of being a troll, but still...

I'm gonna try a little experiment. If it doesn't work, sue me. I'm gonna cull out the things I think are irrelevant or mean-spirited from this thread instead of locking the whole thing. I don't plan on doing this a lot (it makes moderating take more time) but we'll see how this goes.

Wikidogre · Oct 3, 2002

Well i am sorry to hear of your situation, the only thing i can say is, yes you are married, but she does not have the right to tell you what you can and cannot do.....it would be differant if you did that to her, but i am going to take the road that you do not. This may be a harsh way to look at it but it is ture, you enjoy it, you want to do it, so tell her you are, then throw in something like, i do not restrict you from doing anything you want and love to do. Thier needs to be a comprimise for the situation. If she feels that you are not spending enough time with her, then you need to find other ways to correct that. But for her to restrict you from gaming, and even going as far as telling you, that you can not, well......that seems to me like to much control.

I hope some of this helps, i would not know, mine was a situation of a creepy religous father who follows Jack chick!!

, and it had to be resolved a little differantly.

peace

Holy Bovine · Oct 3, 2002

reveal said:
Here it is: It's all about communication. We talked to each other, found out how the other felt and worked out a resolution. Today, my wife and I have one of the strongest relationships of anyone we know. We respect each other tremendously and realize a little "me time" for one of us is not the end of the world. Especially now that we have a 7 month old. It really helps to know you can slip away for a few minutes to take a breather while the other person watches your child.

I want to take this, frame it and hang it one my wall for everyone to see.

This is exactly how I feel about relationships and marriage.

A little 'me time' (by this I mean a few hours a week gaming in your case, possibly every other week would be better though) is not very much to ask.

It is posts like this that make me realize how lucky I am to have found a woman who is a big a gamer as I am

EricNoah · Oct 3, 2002

DocMoriartty said:
No problemo Eric.

Thanks, man.

Griswold · Oct 3, 2002

That's a tough spot your in, but you and your wife can work through it. I know I've been there myself and it just takes some communication and a little give and take.

//begin unabashed book recommendation

before my wife and I got married we read Making Love Last Forever together as part of pre-marital counciling. It's by Gary Smalley, a Christian marrage councilor It is the single best book on having a successful, loving marriage I have ever read, and I have read a few. His books are pretty down to earth reading too, light on the preachy, heavy on communication and understanding.

//ok, I'm done now

Thanks,

Gris.

Gargoyle · Oct 3, 2002

Bummer situation. It took a while, but I've convinced my wife to play D&D, and I've also got her DMing a campaign!

The only thing I can think of is corny, but I'm celebrating my 10th anniversary next year so I must be doing something right.

Read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" if you haven't already. If you have, point out that D&D is your cave. It really isn't for me, but it sounds like it is for you.

And be sure that you do something special with her every week. If you go right from gaming day to playing on a computer or watching TV, then she has a point.

And consider getting her to play eventually. It's great to share the hobby together, and she may not resent it so much if she's invited. Offer to run a game just for her so she can learn the rules first.

Good luck!