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Thread: DM's Choice #4
Friday, 8th October, 2010, 03:09 PM #1
Orcus on an Off-Day (Lvl 22)
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DM's Choice #4
The next installment in Marcus Lake's comic strip!
Last edited by Morrus; Saturday, 23rd October, 2010 at 12:22 AM.
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Friday, 8th October, 2010, 09:31 PM #2
Definitely an improvement. A decent flow and the joke is at least funny enough for a random comic strip.
My only mild criticism is that having a soldier call for robot dog spies is a bit random and non sequiter and seems like your trying to force the joke a bit. Usually jokes are funnier if you can tie them into something recognizable.
Tuesday, 12th October, 2010, 04:07 AM #3
Waghalter (Lvl 7)
I am rooting for the author here. I really want this strip to do well.
With that said, all of the strips so far feel forced.
DMs choice #3 I thought was an improvement. This particular strip though, I thought took two steps back. I have no good suggestions, as I am not particularly funny myself.
Perhaps you are trying really hard? Maybe let it come to you.
Tuesday, 12th October, 2010, 06:24 AM #4
A 1e title so awesome it's not in the book (Lvl 21)
Honestly not getting it. What is Marcus referring to here? Dogs playing poker? Huh?
The rules don't give the DM their authority. The consent of the players does. - Mallus
Tuesday, 12th October, 2010, 07:31 AM #5
Yeah it's robots dogs playing online poker. I think the punchline has some potential for funny, it's just that there is no good reason for robot dogs to even be there in the first place.