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Thread: DM's Choice #4
Friday, 8th October, 2010, 02:09 PM #1
Hydra (Lvl 25)
DM's Choice #4
The next installment in Marcus Lake's comic strip!
Last edited by Morrus; Friday, 22nd October, 2010 at 11:22 PM.
Friday, 8th October, 2010, 08:31 PM #2
Definitely an improvement. A decent flow and the joke is at least funny enough for a random comic strip.
My only mild criticism is that having a soldier call for robot dog spies is a bit random and non sequiter and seems like your trying to force the joke a bit. Usually jokes are funnier if you can tie them into something recognizable.
Tuesday, 12th October, 2010, 03:07 AM #3
Waghalter (Lvl 7)
I am rooting for the author here. I really want this strip to do well.
With that said, all of the strips so far feel forced.
DMs choice #3 I thought was an improvement. This particular strip though, I thought took two steps back. I have no good suggestions, as I am not particularly funny myself.
Perhaps you are trying really hard? Maybe let it come to you.
Tuesday, 12th October, 2010, 05:24 AM #4
Greater Elemental (Lvl 23)
Honestly not getting it. What is Marcus referring to here? Dogs playing poker? Huh?
Tuesday, 12th October, 2010, 06:31 AM #5
Yeah it's robots dogs playing online poker. I think the punchline has some potential for funny, it's just that there is no good reason for robot dogs to even be there in the first place.