Troublesome Player

Aspect of Veles · Mar 17, 2011

I've been playing with a rather regular group for about 3 or 4 years now, and we just recently switched to a new system (CoC). An acquanintence of mine asked to join. I personally can't stand him, but he's a great role-player, so I said sure.

Not such a good idea. Not only does he make crude jokes at all times and try to make my players feel like crap when they don't know stuff that he knows, he whines whenever anything bad happens to his character!

Some of my players have talked to me about him, and I've promised to take action (specifically expelling him from the group), but I've hit a wall. He really likes me, and most of us see him nearly every day. What would be the proper way to expell him, without coming off as too much of a dick?

Jeff Wilder · Mar 17, 2011

If he really likes you, wouldn't he listen to you if you sat him down and said, "Look, these behaviors are a problem. I think you're a good roleplayer, so I hate to lose you, but if the behaviors continue, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The best thing about this is that if he responds without petulance, and actually makes the effort to change, he might be on his way to changing you not being able to stand him. And if his response is less ideal, what have you lost?

Nadaka · Mar 17, 2011

You said he is a good roleplayer, and he likes you, and everyone sees him regularly?

Talk to him and let him know that his behavior is excessive and inappropriate. Maybe he will change, or at least tone it down to tolerable levels. Or maybe he will decide to stop coming.

NewJeffCT · Mar 17, 2011

Jeff Wilder said:
If he really likes you, wouldn't he listen to you if you sat him down and said, "Look, these behaviors are a problem. I think you're a good roleplayer, so I hate to lose you, but if the behaviors continue, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The best thing about this is that if he responds without petulance, and actually makes the effort to change, he might be on his way to changing you not being able to stand him. And if his response is less ideal, what have you lost?

I would agree with this approach. If he is a friend and a good role-player, I would try to speak with him about it first.

Oryan77 · Mar 17, 2011

Just tell him straight up what the deal is. The other players have complained about him, you agree with them, and everyone is talking about not inviting him to the game anymore. Then just see how he responds to that.

If he wants to keep playing, he may be sincere and tell you that he will try to change his ways. Maybe he'll change and you won't have to lose a player. Or maybe he'll take the news poorly and cause a scene; which wouldn't matter since you don't like him anyway and everyone wants him gone.

DrunkonDuty · Mar 18, 2011

So, if I read you correctly, nobody in your group likes him as a person(outside of gaming that is)? Nobody likes gaming with him? Why are you gaming with him? OK, I get that he's part of the same gaming community. Are you worried that if you dump him your local gaming community will be annoyed? Is it guilt? Not good reasons for keeping this guy's company.

Now I'm not saying be rude. But honestly, I'd give him the "It's not working out" speech. It does not look like there's anything you want to salvage here. If you do want to try and salvage him as a player then go the polite chat, pointing out what he's doing that annoys everyone and that you would like him to address it.

cheers. And don't forget, the boards* will want closure on this anecdote.

* well, me at the least.

MinistryOfGame · Mar 18, 2011

I've been down the having to kick a player before. Difference being, he was a good friend of mine, and I had to boot him because although the players were a little uncomfortable with him, one female player was really uncomfortable with him, and happened to be my wife.

Thing is, yeah he was a jerk, yeah he got on people's nerves, but he was a good friend, and booting him basically caused an end to the friendship. That sucks. But what really sucks is that things got to a head where this happened before there had been any opportunity taken by any of the people uncomfortable with him to talk to him about it, which may have made him change his attitude at least whilst in the group. As it was, he didn't get that chance, and the changes he offered were too little too late.

So, in short, I agree with the majority of people above - talk to him about it, be open and honest, and make all the other players be honest about it too. See if you can come to a resolution. Conflict can be hard, but if handled properly, it can reinforce and strengthen friendships.

kitsune9 · Mar 18, 2011

Jeff Wilder said:
If he really likes you, wouldn't he listen to you if you sat him down and said, "Look, these behaviors are a problem. I think you're a good roleplayer, so I hate to lose you, but if the behaviors continue, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The best thing about this is that if he responds without petulance, and actually makes the effort to change, he might be on his way to changing you not being able to stand him. And if his response is less ideal, what have you lost?

Jeff nailed it here. Good post!

Puggins · Mar 18, 2011

One more quick bit of advice, which Jeff stuck to in his reply. Address his actions and their effect on others in the group (including you), don't address his motivations or desires.

Saying "You try to make my players feel like crap when they don't know stuff that you know" is going to make him defensive- he's likely (hopefully!) oblivious to the effect that some of his comments have on other players, and not trying to do it at all. His response will be "No I don't," and you'll be stuck trying to defend an indefensible assumption. Never guess at other people's motivations.

Instead, say "some of the statements you made when other players don't know the stuff that you know have made them feel like crap." He can't say "no they haven't" credibly, and you're likely to have a much more productive conversation.

TarionzCousin · Mar 18, 2011

Say "It's not you; it's me. I've moved on. I don't feel the gamer love for you. I need to game with other people."

"But we'll always have Wisconsin."