FILK You, EN World!

We haven’t had enough lighthearted threads around lately, and particularly haven’t had a filking thread for a long time. So, c’mon, you creative EN Worlders! Let’s make a little music while we make a little funny. Here’s one from me –

Sandbox 20 ™ - 3AM

He’s says it’s cold outside and he hands me a “Twenty”
I’m always saving against things like that
He said he’s rolling low every time he checks the weather
And it always seems like it’s raining
And I roll and I’m just not saving

And he says, “Players,
It’s 3AM with no encounters.”
Yeah, he says, “Players,
Well, I can’t help if I can’t roll above a twelve.”
This rain’s gonna wash away our adventure

He’s our only GM and, God, it’s better than nothing
And with his new homebrew world he believes that he’s got it all
He’s swears he worked out the weather based on similar climates
But it always seems like it’s raining
And he screams that he’s rolled it again

And he says, “Players,
It’s 3AM still no encounters.”
Yeah, he says, “Players,
Well, I can’t help if I can’t roll above a twelve.”
This rain’s gonna wash away our adventure

This GM believes a game is made up of all of the details
But his random weather chart’s been saying it’s just rain, and rain
And now we notice he’s been only rolling a d12
But the chart goes up to twenty!

And the GM, he says, “Players,
It’s 3AM and no encounters.”
Hell, yeah, and he says, “Players,
Well, I can work on some new charts with some snow for next time.”
But I’m leaving . . .

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Naa1HXeDQ]YouTube - ‪Matchbox Twenty - 3AM (Video)‬‏[/ame]

BEHOLD! I filk the lyrical genius of Prodigy! (their Smack My Bitch Up)

Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up
Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up
Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up
Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up

Click to expand...

Or Black Sabbath (their War Pigs):

CON PIGS

Grognards gathered in their masses
Hating youngsters verbal sasses
DM minds that plot destruction
RPGs with poor instructions
In concessions, pop corn's burning
The hot dog machine keeps turning
Sounds and smells of humankind
Battering their groggy minds
Oh lord yeah!

Organizers hide themselves away
They only started the Con
Why should they go out to play?
They leave roleplaying at the door

Time will tell on their power minds
Play war-games just for fun
Treating people just like sheep in herds
Wait 'til the closing day comes
Yeah!

End of weekend, people going
Home to where the home fire's burning
No more DMs have the power
Hand of God has struck the hour
Day of travel, home is calling
Hungover the grognards crawling
Begging mercy for their sins
Youngsters laughing grab their things
Oh lord yeah!

Click to expand...

See me sit down at the table
With my character sheet
Out for the loot I can get
From the monsters I beat
Kobolds to the left of me
And goblins to the right
It's gonna be fun
I got some dice
Time to start a fight

Cause I'm D.&.D I'm dynamite
D.N.D. and I'll win that fight
D.N.D. I'm a power load
D.N.D. watch me roll


[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR30knJs4Xk[/ame]

Against the Rules (with apologies to Phil Collins)

You think I’d just let you walk away
Let you pass without a trace
When I stand here, stand inside this dungeon room, ooh
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

How can you wind walk away from me
Are you trying to take a reprieve?
‘Cause we’ve fought in melee and in ranged
And even cast the heals
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

So turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
That I used to have a face
Turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
If casting raise dead on me
Is against the rules
That’s a DM’s call I’ll face

I wish I could just make you cast sunburst
Cast sunburst and see me die
‘Cause I turned your party into goo
That’s the main reason why
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

So turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
That I used to have a face
Turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
But to fight with you
Well that’s what I must do
My alignment changed with race*
Use greater turn on me now
Use your domain power here
If casting raise dead on me
Is against the rules
That’s a DM’s call I’ll face

Just turn undead at me now

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuvtoyVi7vY]YouTube - ‪Phil Collins - Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)‬‏[/ame]

*In other words, the undead template this character has changed their alignment to evil.

Gaming at Gen Con (with apologies to Marc Cohn)

Put on my old dice bag
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of books and swag
Started looking for a pick-up game

Old Nigel D. Findley
Won’t you look down over me
Yeah I got a VIG badge
But I feel like a complete newbie

When I’m gaming at Gen Con
I was playing there every single day
Gaming at Gen Con
But can I really play the way I play

Saw the ghost of Gary
Outside the auction room
Followed him up to an old-school tourney
Runnin’ his old S1 Tomb
Now all those gamers they did not see him
They just shook their heads in gloom
But it really put a smile
On his face awhile
When each one met their doom

When I’m gaming at Gen Con
I was playing there every single day
Gaming at Gen Con
But can I really play the way I play

They’ve got Magic on the table
Try True Dungeon if you’re brave
And Gregory Leeds be glad to see you
If you haven’t got a save
But boy you’ve got a save at Gen Con

Now Tracy serves up breakfast
Early Friday and it tastes quite good
And they brought me down to see him
And he asked me if I would
Run a little one-shot
So I made one up to play
And he said, “tell me do you design games boy?”
And I said, “Man, I do today.”

When I’m gaming at Gen Con
I was playing there every single day
Gaming at Gen Con
But can I really play the way I play

Put on my old dice bag
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of books and swag
Started looking for a pick-up game

Touched down in the land of books and swag
Started looking for a pick-up game

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq4lfW6TOoM]YouTube - ‪Marc Cohn - Walking in Memphis OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO w/lyrics in description‬‏[/ame]

Mr. D&D Guy (with apologies to Don McLean)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How that boxed set used to make me smile
And I knew that when it was my chance
I could make those weird dice dance
And maybe I could DM for a while

But that GM’s Day made me shiver
When that email was delivered
And those threads on the forum
I just couldn’t ignore ‘em

I can’t remember if I cried
As my PCs hp declined
But somehow it hurt deep inside
The day that Gary died

So bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Did you write the PHB
And did you help bring about 1E
All those many years ago?
Do you believe in lucky rolls
Can minis make my PC whole
And can you teach me to play like a pro?

Well, I know that your game was so neat
When I saw that blank character sheet
So many things to choose
Man, I dig those alternate rules

I was a lonely teenage egghead nerd
Who was captivated by those written words
But I couldn’t believe what I heard
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Now in 4E we’ll have all-new rules
And use virtual books and tools
But that’s not how it used to be
When we all adventured back in Greyhawk
All the things we did were all the talk
Of the world he wrote for you and me

Oh, and while Zagyg was looking down
He was kicked out of his hometown
The judge it seemed was blind
So he left them behind
The Journeys then seemed Dangerous
The fans all kicked up quite a fuss
Wondering “What’s this mean for us?”
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Dissin’ tradition with a new edition
Not seein’ what we’d lost in transition
Campaign worlds all appearing fast
With desert worlds and demi-planes
The gamers thought there would be great gains
Never knowing that it simply couldn’t last

Now the late nineties were filled with gloom
And the game itself seemed to face its doom
We all looked up one day
Oh, TSR had gone away!
And then WotC came to take the wheel
And we felt like we’d never heal
Kinda like how we all would feel
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Oh, 2E’d been all over the place
Throughout the planes and wildspace
With no main point of reference
So come on Third Edition, OGL
And please bring Zagyg back as well
‘Cause, he has always been a gamer’s friend

Oh, and as I watched him take the stage
It seemed like it was a new age
We all then cheered his name
He was back in the game!
But when the fervor died down later on
I just blinked once and he was gone
Leaving me wondering what went wrong
The day that Gary died

I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

I met a guy who played LA
‘Cause he liked gaming Gary’s way
But his group had since all moved on
I went down to my gaming store
Where I’d bought Greyhawk years before
But the man there said that old books didn’t pay

And online, gamers felt bereaved
The newbies cried, the grognards grieved
But not a game was halted
Just like he would have wanted
Now the man that I admired most
Has gone and given up the ghost
But somehow he still felt so close
The day that Gary died

And I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lu7hxguhFfI]YouTube - ‪Don McLean - American Pie‬‏[/ame]

I should mention that I've posted all of these before on other FILK threads. I just couldn't resist doing so again here.

Oddly enough, I've posted this filk in nearly a half dozen threads in response to others' statements (you wouldn't think it would have happened so often, but so be it):

(Carl Douglas' Kung Fu Fighting)

Everybody was flung-poo fighting
Those apes were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

They were funky Monkey men from funky Monkeytown
They were pooping them up and they were pooping them down
It's an ancient Celestial art mastering flung-poo and fart
From a spray into a slip, and flinging from the hip

Everybody was flung-poo fighting
Those apes were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

Click to expand...

WAHOO STATE OF MIND
Some folks like to quest all day
Take a holiday from the silly mood
Go straight faced and be a hero
Or be dragon's food
But I'm taking a jouney
With the Moldvay Basic line
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

I've seen all the complex games
In their fancy rules with their scripted scenes
Rolled the bones, knew the tactics, did the tourney thing
But I know what I'm needing
And I don't want to waste more time
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

It was so boring playing day to day
Out of touch with the hexes and mules
But now I need a little laugh and joke
The awful puns, the deadly ooze

It comes down to solemnity
And it's fine with me cause I've let it slide
Don't care it's Moldvay, or random harlot side
I don't have any reasons
I've left them all behind
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

It was so boring playing day to day
Out of touch with the hexes and mules
But now I need a little laugh and joke
The awful puns, the deadly ooze

It comes down to solemnity
And it's fine with me cause I've let it slide
Don't care it's Moldvay, or random harlot side
I don't have any reasons
I've left them all behind
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

But I'm taking a jouney With the Moldvay Basic line
Cause I'm in a wahoo state of mind