Character Submission Thread

New link for Dunkel Metzgerei

Thanks!

Reviewing Dunkel Metzgerei

Ohboy. First new character in weeks. (They seem to come in waves, oddly enough.) All the usual applies: This is a non-judge review. As such, I don't generally edit your character sheet, but rather point out problems and make suggestions. And I sometimes make mistakes--feel free to ask about my critiques, I might be in err. Onward!

Overview: A number of small issues, most of which fixing is in your favor. And a bit of conceptual clarification, particular with Rogar.

Stuff That Needs Fixin':
* I get Gold Spent = 106.2. I think you have 3 gold coming to you.
* Even though your hit die rolling method is max-2, remember everyone gets max at first level. So I think you have 10 hit points, not just 8.
* I'm unclear where you took your Favored Class Bonus. It's listed in skill points, but didn't get added in, leaving you one short. (See comments for another FC thought.)
* A number of skills, particularly Cha skills, seem to have the wrong value listed in ability (and thus, total). Bluff, Disguise, Intimidate and Perform (All Cha) should be 1 from ability, and +1 total. Swim (Str) should be 2 ability, -4 total.

Stuff That Could Be Changed:
* You mention you're from a far away land. It's worth noting where, if possible. Adds character and lets you choose an additional regional language.
* Looks like your deity (Rogar) is largely undefined. The most notable previous worshipper was a fighter, so that is not surprising. Adding some detail would sketch out which domains are allowed by those that follow in your footsteps, and which weapon is considered the deity's weapon.
* Speaking of domains, you may wish to look at the Ferocity domain, a subdomain of Strength. Because it's level 1 ability can be done any time you attack, instead of taking an action, you'll use it a lot more.
* Your ability listing on skills which need to be trained to be used could be noted, but it's not as important.

Notation Issues and Typos:
* I wouldn't call Darkvision perfect, but instead note it only sees black and white. Your choice.
* It's worth noting his shield is Heavy Steel. That's what matches the weight and cost, anyway.
* Looks like your Fortitude Save should be +4 (2 from Class, 2 from Con).

Comments:
* This character has a very strong old school feel, right down to the artwork. I'm thinking that was the classic dwarf image from the original Monster Manual? It's been a while.
* I don't think you have to declare which of your two spheres you're making available for Favored Class bonuses by race… just that you can only increase one or the other at a time. As an aside, although Rebuke Death is cool, you probably will not need it more than 6/day.
* Mentally, I'm picturing a friendly gramps kind of feel to Dunkel. With a little stern on the side.
* I like seeing some far reaching goals, even if they are never quite achieved.
* Dunkel might be the sort to have a classic battle cry. Give it a thought.

Good start, I like what I'm seeing here, but NOT YET.

[MENTION=6747658]Aura[/MENTION], thanks! I took up most of your suggestions. I'm thinking of having Rogar be a lawful good warrior-god, with a healing domain included due to some kind of antagonism towards disease and the undead. I stuck with Strength as a domain, though, since Dunkel can use the level 1 power on others instead of just himself. I was thinking of switching to the Good domain, however, in order to give a holy weapon bonus after 8th level, which may be more useful later.

Good catch on the monster manual pic. I see Dunkel as being usually cheerful, though stern and fatherly when one of the flock steps out of line.

Can you give him another look while I consider Rogar and the background some more?

Second Look: Dunkel Metzgerei

I see you've made a number of changes. Looking better. Got all the essential issues I initially noted, moving closer to approval.

* I went in and added 'Heavy Steel' to your shield, since that is what matches your gp/weight.
* You can throw healing and fire together with Rogar much like Sarenrae does. Both fire and healing can often imply a strong dislike of undead as well. Makes for a reasonable proposal (I think it still has to pass judge muster?) Forge gods are typically hammer guys as far as weapons go, but not always.
* If you like the Strength domain, that's cool. Good is also a decent domain. I'm just a big fan of swift and free action abilities.
* Upon second look, your traits present some issue. Undead Slayer is nominally a Religion specific trait, but depending on Rogar's definition, could be allowed. However, I think your problem is going to be Beacon of Faith, which doesn't appear in approved sources as near as I can tell. (It may uniquely appear in Ultimate Campaign.)

Just some things to think about while you're doing background/deity work.

Re: Rogar, God of the Forge.

This is the bit from the wiki:

The Dwarves worship Rogar, a one-eyed aspect of the Ruler. Legend states that Rogar lost his eye fighting evil gods on the day the Dwarven citadels fell, and if not for his courage and strength of arms evil hordes would have been released upon E’n to wipe the Dwarven race from it. Each Clan depicts Rogar differently, but all of them emphasize his role as a craftsman and his skill with an axe.

Click to expand...

Ok, I can look for a different second trait. I didn't have my Pathfinder book with me, so I pulled that one from d20pfsrd.com. Since GlassEye posted his description of Rogar, I think we can safely say he fights evil, maybe undead being a part of that past conflict with evil gods. Also, as a craftsman and an axe wielder, I think his favored weapon could be either a hammer or axe. I was thinking of the dwarven double waraxe, with that also being Rogar's holy symbol, but not sure how the Judges feel about exotic weapons being allowed.

I created a separate thread for Rogar, God of the Forge discussion.

IIRC, we've generally said favored weapons need to be simple or martial. It's been awhile since we had that discussion, though, so I could be mistaken.

My personal preference would be for that limitation, given the fairly open system we have for creating new gods. The potential is there for creating a custom god to fit any character, and using it to get an exotic weapon for cheap (free).

No problems, Deuce Traveler. Obviously there is a bit of hold on the whole issue of defining out Rogar, so that gives you time to pick a trait.