Wow! Cool...and sorry...and good luck! Always a huge undertaking.
Which continent?
Though, I won't lie, I am sorry I won't have a contact in Scotland for my anticipated visit this summer.
CERAMIC DM March 2012
Wow! Cool...and sorry...and good luck! Always a huge undertaking.
Which continent?
Though, I won't lie, I am sorry I won't have a contact in Scotland for my anticipated visit this summer.
Gregor's Judgement
Round 1: Match 6
Hellefire’s ‘MMI-7 Out of the Mouth of Madness’ vs. Daeja’s ‘The Shift’
[sblock=”my disclaimer”] I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perspective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and critique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. And now, onto the judgements. [/sblock]
Writing Style & Skill
Out of the Mouth of Madness represents our first module entry into Ceramic DM. As a module, it needs to be approached differently. Let us begin. Overall, I thought there was some good scene construction here, but unfortunately the style of the writing seemed to work against that. There were some fairly glaring language and grammatical issues throughout which made reading a bit difficult. Additionally, the opening scene setting is a bit confusing the way its written and there was some lack of clarity in the description of some of the encounters (e.g. Robby is hiding with a vine hidden across a path and then the next sentence implies that the PCs automatically trip, even though the previous sentence didn't indicate that it was there to trip anyone). As a module it also felt incomplete or railroady.
The Shift is a well written short story. I do not have too much to say in this section as I enjoyed the style and thought that it lent itself, in a believable way, to a funny little tale about two shapeshifting sorcerers. There is definitely some solid comedic dialogue in here and a pinch or two of good scene construction (more on that below). I also enjoyed the use of italicized font to indicate the telepathic communication by the protagonist.
Use of the Photo Elements
Hellfire, I thought you did a fair job with what you were given. That being said, I didn’t really see or visualize your Robby in the image of the shambling mound man thing. However, your use of the vulture eggs was clever though I wanted to know more about them and the creatures that lay them. The shark gull was … well a shark gull. I can’t really fault you on that. Lastly, I thought that your use of the foot as a unique item was quite creative and was a good way of linking the PCs back to their objective.
Daeja, as with Hellfire, the shark gull is a shark gull. However, I think you went a bit beyond that by making it your main character and linking it to your story concept of failed transmutation. I also enjoyed how Shanna explains the how and why he/she ended up shifting into one (reminded me of Ghostbusters and the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man). I thought your use of the foot as a part of a former student turned werebeast was good and you fleshed it out by keeping it around as a reminder for Yevin, and as a plot item towards the end of the story. Fair use on the rock-eggs which you used well to cause a transformation in Felix, which in turn gave you an opportunity to use the final image of the shambling mound man.
Personal Enjoyment
Hellefire, I give you two thumbs up for doing something much different than anyone else. I really love D&D modules, and I think this suite of pictures lent itself very nicely to such a framework. However, I will be honest with you: I wasn’t a big fan of this module. I know that you were going for an old school feel, but I felt that there wasn't much of a plot or over arching story. For instance, who is Marvin? Where did he come from? Why is he important? Has anyone gone looking for him and his valuable body parts before? Many of these questions can be filled in by providing opportunities for knowledge checks, finding old journals, notes on long dead adventurers, etc. These things would have greatly improved the quality of the module and given the reader more back story and history to go on. Additionally, the layout of the module forces us down only a single path: we cannot follow the cliffs (maybe we can, but there is nothing to go on other than an entry that we can follow for one hour of daylight and then what?); we MUST go to the beach; we MUST run into Robby, etc. In the end, I was left with so many questions and I found my interest waning as I read on. Again, I thought you had the makings of something really neat and creative here, but I just felt that the execution didn't deliver.
Daeja, you served us up a well written comedic tale. I really enjoyed the dialogue between your two protagonists and I thought that you cleverly wove your pictures in at key points and with plenty of context and background to make their use that much more believable. I felt that there were flashes of quality scene making in this piece which is definitely a skill I'd like to see you expand upon if you make it to the next round (e.g. "The shift," Felix said, pointing to the spellbook with the hand that still held the foot. The thing flopped back and forth in the air, and Yevin's bushy, white eyebrows rose. Felix lowered his gaze to the floor sheepishly and set the foot back down in the box.”). The only downside to your tale was the ending. It felt very rushed and almost forced. I would have liked some of your plot to stretch out a little more in order to avoid the feeling that your characters go from travel, to finding something, to getting sick, to turning into an earth elemental, to changing back, to going home and ending the story ... all within a page or so of text.
Final Verdict
In a sweep, its Daeja for Round 2!
Round 1: Match 6
Hellefire’s ‘MMI-7 Out of the Mouth of Madness’ vs. Daeja’s ‘The Shift’
[sblock=”my disclaimer”] I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perspective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and critique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. And now, onto the judgements. [/sblock]
Writing Style & Skill
Out of the Mouth of Madness represents our first module entry into Ceramic DM. As a module, it needs to be approached differently. Let us begin. Overall, I thought there was some good scene construction here, but unfortunately the style of the writing seemed to work against that. There were some fairly glaring language and grammatical issues throughout which made reading a bit difficult. Additionally, the opening scene setting is a bit confusing the way its written and there was some lack of clarity in the description of some of the encounters (e.g. Robby is hiding with a vine hidden across a path and then the next sentence implies that the PCs automatically trip, even though the previous sentence didn't indicate that it was there to trip anyone). As a module it also felt incomplete or railroady.
The Shift is a well written short story. I do not have too much to say in this section as I enjoyed the style and thought that it lent itself, in a believable way, to a funny little tale about two shapeshifting sorcerers. There is definitely some solid comedic dialogue in here and a pinch or two of good scene construction (more on that below). I also enjoyed the use of italicized font to indicate the telepathic communication by the protagonist.
Use of the Photo Elements
Hellfire, I thought you did a fair job with what you were given. That being said, I didn’t really see or visualize your Robby in the image of the shambling mound man thing. However, your use of the vulture eggs was clever though I wanted to know more about them and the creatures that lay them. The shark gull was … well a shark gull. I can’t really fault you on that. Lastly, I thought that your use of the foot as a unique item was quite creative and was a good way of linking the PCs back to their objective.
Daeja, as with Hellfire, the shark gull is a shark gull. However, I think you went a bit beyond that by making it your main character and linking it to your story concept of failed transmutation. I also enjoyed how Shanna explains the how and why he/she ended up shifting into one (reminded me of Ghostbusters and the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man). I thought your use of the foot as a part of a former student turned werebeast was good and you fleshed it out by keeping it around as a reminder for Yevin, and as a plot item towards the end of the story. Fair use on the rock-eggs which you used well to cause a transformation in Felix, which in turn gave you an opportunity to use the final image of the shambling mound man.
Personal Enjoyment
Hellefire, I give you two thumbs up for doing something much different than anyone else. I really love D&D modules, and I think this suite of pictures lent itself very nicely to such a framework. However, I will be honest with you: I wasn’t a big fan of this module. I know that you were going for an old school feel, but I felt that there wasn't much of a plot or over arching story. For instance, who is Marvin? Where did he come from? Why is he important? Has anyone gone looking for him and his valuable body parts before? Many of these questions can be filled in by providing opportunities for knowledge checks, finding old journals, notes on long dead adventurers, etc. These things would have greatly improved the quality of the module and given the reader more back story and history to go on. Additionally, the layout of the module forces us down only a single path: we cannot follow the cliffs (maybe we can, but there is nothing to go on other than an entry that we can follow for one hour of daylight and then what?); we MUST go to the beach; we MUST run into Robby, etc. In the end, I was left with so many questions and I found my interest waning as I read on. Again, I thought you had the makings of something really neat and creative here, but I just felt that the execution didn't deliver.
Daeja, you served us up a well written comedic tale. I really enjoyed the dialogue between your two protagonists and I thought that you cleverly wove your pictures in at key points and with plenty of context and background to make their use that much more believable. I felt that there were flashes of quality scene making in this piece which is definitely a skill I'd like to see you expand upon if you make it to the next round (e.g. "The shift," Felix said, pointing to the spellbook with the hand that still held the foot. The thing flopped back and forth in the air, and Yevin's bushy, white eyebrows rose. Felix lowered his gaze to the floor sheepishly and set the foot back down in the box.”). The only downside to your tale was the ending. It felt very rushed and almost forced. I would have liked some of your plot to stretch out a little more in order to avoid the feeling that your characters go from travel, to finding something, to getting sick, to turning into an earth elemental, to changing back, to going home and ending the story ... all within a page or so of text.
Final Verdict
In a sweep, its Daeja for Round 2!
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Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
I think the challenge of trying to write a module is that we all know modules really well, and one that's not traditional length is going to seem skimpy. Heck, I'm 6000 words into writing one right now and I'm not even into the meat of the adventure yet. As a result, I think it'd be almost impossible to win a CDM round with an adventure put up against a story of equal quality.
Same thing with poetry. No one has ever won a round with poetry. I think it can be done, but the more traditional literary form usually gives judges a better basis for evaluation.
Still? Incredibly cool to see people tackle it.
Same thing with poetry. No one has ever won a round with poetry. I think it can be done, but the more traditional literary form usually gives judges a better basis for evaluation.
Still? Incredibly cool to see people tackle it.
Thank you to the judges for their feedback and the time and effort they put into providing it. I really appreciated all the comments, and look forward to seeing if I can improve for round two! Can't wait to see what challenging photos you give us in round two!
Thank you Hellefire - I really enjoyed the angle you took for our set of pictures. I hope your move goes really well! Such a huge undertaking, I hope it goes as smoothly as possible! And I'll do my best to represent our bracket well in round two!
To the rest of the field... Looking forward to reading more from you all!
Thank you Hellefire - I really enjoyed the angle you took for our set of pictures. I hope your move goes really well! Such a huge undertaking, I hope it goes as smoothly as possible! And I'll do my best to represent our bracket well in round two!
To the rest of the field... Looking forward to reading more from you all!
Wow! Cool...and sorry...and good luck! Always a huge undertaking.
Which continent?
Though, I won't lie, I am sorry I won't have a contact in Scotland for my anticipated visit this summer.
Well, to be honest it isn't a 'new' continent, any more than it was when the vikings or Columbus got there. And actually I've lived there before...but my wife and kid haven't. After being in Europe for a decade, well, it doesn't have to do with that. Really it has to do with my wife and I deciding its time to build a nice self-sufficient home and start an eco-village. Mostly based on my favorite game of course
(SAGA...Saga: the Game ~Hero Edition hard cover by CP Bussell (Hardcover) - Lulu - shameless plug)Sorry about not being here for your trip - I do have a couple contacts for gamers in Scotland though - where ya heading?
So anyway, flying into Vancouver, BC then heading to Anchorage and Seward for 2-8 weeks, then probably WA/OR for another couple months, then...well, depends on getting a job in Canada so I can move my family when we buy land.
Round ii
Green and purple clouds spiral about your heads.
Lightning flashes, thunder crashes, and the judges' tribunal appears before you in all of their bulbous headed glory.
"Congratulations" the three heads speak as one, "to ye mortals.
"Be it known, here and now, that the Ceramic DM Round II proceeds forthwith.
@phoamslinger
meet
@Piratecat
meet
@UselessTriviaMan
"Ye three take on the challenge of the Round II: Match 1.
@Rodrigo Instalindir
meet
@SteelDraco
meet
@Daeja
"Ye three take on the challenge of the Round II: Match 2.
"Only two shall emerge from the challenges to compete for the supreme rule of Ceramic DM...Spring 2012.
"Round II Match 1 photos shall be posted shortly.
"That is all."
<lightning flashes. the heads fade from view. thunder crashes. A trio of voices cackle and trail off below, or is it behind, the lingering rumbles of thunder.>
Green and purple clouds spiral about your heads.
Lightning flashes, thunder crashes, and the judges' tribunal appears before you in all of their bulbous headed glory.
"Congratulations" the three heads speak as one, "to ye mortals.
"Be it known, here and now, that the Ceramic DM Round II proceeds forthwith.
@phoamslinger
meet
@Piratecat
meet
@UselessTriviaMan
"Ye three take on the challenge of the Round II: Match 1.
@Rodrigo Instalindir
meet
@SteelDraco
meet
@Daeja
"Ye three take on the challenge of the Round II: Match 2.
"Only two shall emerge from the challenges to compete for the supreme rule of Ceramic DM...Spring 2012.
"Round II Match 1 photos shall be posted shortly.
"That is all."
<lightning flashes. the heads fade from view. thunder crashes. A trio of voices cackle and trail off below, or is it behind, the lingering rumbles of thunder.>
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Round II: Match 1
Round II: Match 1
@phoamslinger vs. @Piratecat vs. @UselessTriviaMan
Start Time, 8:30 EST, Saturday, March 31st.
Finish Time, 8:30 EST, Tuesday, April 3rd.
Your Pictures...will be different than the ones previously posted, once everyone has ok'd that time.
*thunderclap* Bwahahahahahahahaha...hehhuh*hack*gack*cough*kHAAAAHHHHHha.
--SD
Round II: Match 1
@phoamslinger vs. @Piratecat vs. @UselessTriviaMan
Start Time, 8:30 EST, Saturday, March 31st.
Finish Time, 8:30 EST, Tuesday, April 3rd.
Your Pictures...will be different than the ones previously posted, once everyone has ok'd that time.
*thunderclap* Bwahahahahahahahaha...hehhuh*hack*gack*cough*kHAAAAHHHHHha.
--SD
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We shall begin Round II once all Match 1 contestants have "checked in" and approved of the starting time. If they cannot, a different starting time shall be determined.
That is all.
*thunderclap*...<crickets>..."eh, who cares?"...cranky bent old man walks out from behind the emerald curtain.
--SD
That is all.
*thunderclap*...<crickets>..."eh, who cares?"...cranky bent old man walks out from behind the emerald curtain.
--SD
