D&D 5E 5e: Stat the Lady of Pain...so we can overthrow her

D&D ought to be a game of gonzo heroism. Isn't it unmanly that we're told that the Lady of Pain is an unknowable, unstattable, unkillable character?

It seems to me this situation:

1) Stokes the one-upmanship of the designers of the Planescape setting, so they can say "my overgod is better than all the gods of the D&D worlds"
2) Sets an "edgy" postmodern grey nihilism at the center of the 2e multiverse. Luckily Sigil got split off as its own right-sized astral dominion in 4e.
3) Reminds us that we're just fanboys who should bow and scrape to the published settings.

Immortal-level PCs ought to be able to eventually supplant any god, demon, pantheon, and overgod in every D&D world. And eventually rule any and all planets, planes, and multiverses as their personal dominion.

I was raised on Mystara, where we had official rules for becoming an Overgod:

Step 1: advance to 36th level
Step 2: ascend to Immortality
Step 3: advance to 36th level in the Immortal Class (total character level = 72)
Step 4: renounce Immortality and be reborn as a 1st-level mortal character
Step 5: repeat steps 1, 2, and 3, having adventured through 144 character levels.
Step 6: voila! my character becomes an Old One.

So. For 5e I'll be looking for stats for the Lady of Pain, the Dark Powers of Ravenloft, the Old Ones of the Mystara Multiverse, the High God of Krynn, and Lord Ao.

When our adventuring party reaches 144th level, we'll be knockin on their door.

Is anyone with me?

DnDPhilmont said:

Is anyone with me?

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No. I don't think any of the gods should be statted.

I actually discovered the stats to the Lady of Pain scribbled in to an ancient Planescape boxed set that I found in an abandoned attic. I would be willing to transcribe this information for you for a small fee, so you can achieve elder-godhood.

I thought it was well-known that Her Nibs was eight ratatosks standing on each other's shoulders?

DnDPhilmont said:

Is anyone with me?

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No.

DnDPhilmont said:

Is anyone with me?

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Not really, no.

I can only assume that you're joking.

So far, three of my fellow adventurers have declined to join me in the quest to overthrow the Dame of Discomfort.

Luckily, I've been offered some friendly advice from two worthy loremasters.

Shall I be left to bask alone in the glory of subduing the Wench of Woe? Or are there any manly yeoman who will share in my dominion of Sigil?

DnDPhilmont said:

So. For 5e I'll be looking for stats for the Lady of Pain, the Darklords of Ravenloft, the Old Ones of the Mystara Multiverse, the High God of Krynn, and Lord Ao.

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Dude why stop there? I want stats for the freaking *Dungeon Master*

1) Stokes the one-upmanship of the designers of the Planescape setting, so they can say "my overgod is better than all the gods of the D&D worlds"
2) Sets an "edgy" postmodern grey nihilism at the center of the 2e multiverse. Luckily Sigil got split off as its own right-sized astral dominion in 4e.
3) Reminds us that we're just fanboys who should bow and scrape to the published settings.

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Gosh, tell us how you really feel!

I was raised on Mystara, where we had official rules for becoming an Overgod:

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Hah, Basics has you beat 5 ways sucka. Time, Matter, Energy, Thought, and Entropy. Oh and you take -5 to your Petition Response for being haughty.

+10 if you bring pizza and beer. Because those are the keys to a DM's heart.

Quickleaf said:

Dude why stop there? I want stats for the freaking *Dungeon Master*

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Now you're talkin!

There's nothin stopping us from gating into the Realm of the D&D Cartoon Show and bagging that guy.

At least within the BECMI "rules universe", it seems that the Old One character class--like the Immortal class--would have 36 character levels: 36 mortal levels, 36 Immortal levels, and 36 Old One levels, for a total of 108 levels.

In the Second Edition Reality, with its divine ranks, the Overdeities are Divine Rank 21+. It probably extends up to Divine Rank 40, just like mortals extend up to 40 levels in Player's Option: Skills & Powers.

In the Fourth Edition Reality, the overgods are probably level 41 to 50, since the lesser and greater gods are squeezed into levels 30 to 40.

So even if the Lady of Pain is an especially powerful overdeity, she's only so powerful.

Same goes for those other guys and DM.