I'm really sorry you feel this way. I'm gonna read back the thread. What I think I've said (or at least wanted to say) is that I don't see this hobby as a whole to be sexist, exclusive, etc...
We're different people, and of course going to have different personal experiences and perspectives. That's not solely a function of gender, though of course that's an influence. I'm glad that your experiences and presumably those of the women you've gamed with have been good, though it might be really enlightening if you asked some of them quietly and privately in a safe and supportive enough environment that they did not feel compelled to say, "no, it's okay" to avoid inviting criticism or accusations of being prudish, moralistic, etc.
You've seen what happens when a woman does say, "Yes, this stuff makes me feel bad." It generally results in pretty much of a shitstorm, even if she's not yelling or accusing or doing anything except saying, "Hey, just so you know, this is how it feels." A lot of women will avoid that conflict and pay the silent price by not saying anything. Or they walk away, and you might not know why. They aren't telling, because they really don't want to get into that fight. It's just not worth it. That may be happening more often than you know.
In my personal experience, over the years I've been gaming, the hobby as a whole has been described by most of the women I know as sexist, exclusionary, a men's club, or as creepy or scary to them. Not to say that every single gamer is like this, or that every single book has rape imagery or cheesecake pinup art that treats women as bimbos rather than as full characters, but enough do that we really do notice and it makes a personal impact.
These things specifically have made a personal impact on me and my experience often enough over the years to have really worn my enthusiasm for gaming down from "I live for gaming and am hugely active and even professionally involved in the hobby" to "not even worth trying any more, I'm just going to have another bad experience."
So yes, I do personally see the hobby as a whole as invariably containing these kinds of experiences for me and for other women. It may not be the largest percentage of encounters, but it's common enough to be on the encounter table. Keep rolling and it's gonna come up.
I'm sure it's better in some places than others. I'm sure there is such a thing as women who have rolled well enough on their personal encounter tables, or just been selective enough about who they game with and what books they use, that they have never had really bad experiences or unwelcoming comments pointed in their direction. I just don't personally happen to know any.
The nature of this issue is that it's always going to be a lot less visible to people who don't get targeted, simply because unless it happens literally in front of you, you won't see or hear it. Women are more likely to talk about these experiences where they know they won't get jumped on or criticized or called prudish for doing so. And many will not talk about them if they think it will just engender more conflict and bad feelings, or if their acceptance and approval as 'one of the guys' is threatened.
I also said I couldn't believe that the industry's presentation of its products, or the behavior of its participant, could be pointed out as the unique reason why we have such a ratio of women in this hobby.
Solely? No. The hobby doesn't exist in a vacuum. It is a gestalt, a whole made up of its parts, and the overall impression is worth considering.
But never ever did I intend for you to think your experience didn't matter, or tell you to just get another hobby. And I am really sorry if it sounded that way.
I appreciate that. My intent was to describe and illustrate with an analogy how my personal experience felt to me, not to say that my opinions and conclusions are all absolutely factual and no one can disagree or come to different conclusions. They're fact for me - they are indeed my experiences and my perceptions - but that's all they are.
I do personally experience sexism and discrimination in the hobby, in pretty much every aspect I've ever been involved in over the years. Obviously not from every person or game or every book; I agree there are great people and games and books. But the percentage of creepy people, exclusionary remarks and bad female character depictions is high enough that there are no good avoidance strategies that don't seriously limit my involvement in the hobby.
And just so you know, people who are reading this thread gather a lot from your experiences, I know I do. We're all discussing and sometimes disagreeing. But then stuff sinks in. I'm processing what is being said by everyone in this thread. I hope there was something of value for someone in what I said as well.
I hope so, and that's certainly more of a hopeful thought.
