More Gamer Drama

Stormonu · Oct 10, 2012

*Sigh*

Can't we all be friends?

Last weekend, one of my gamers invited a friend (I'll refer to him as Rex here) to come by and observe our nWoD game, as Rex was trying to learn the sytem and had some questions about how to run a game. I'd already been made aware of this, and it was fine by me.

However, it turned out that Rex was not only known by my other gamers, but he'd been the center of a fallout between one of my female gamers (I'll call her Stephanie here) and her best friend/former gamer in my group. Stephanie's boyfriend was also in my group as well.

When Stephanie found out that Rex was coming to the game, she was afraid he was coming to deliberately ruin her night and, in tears, refused to come to the game while he was present.

I didn't find this out until the irate boyfriend showed and asked to speak with Rex outside. Next thing I know, I'm hearing shouting and threats from outside. I'm on the verge of going on outside to try and possibly break this up, when Rex comes back in, apoligizes and hastily leaves.

I then get an expination from Stephanie's boyfriend of what's going on, and that he's going back to try and calm Stephanie down and coax her back to the game. At this point I'm flustered, embarrassed and hoping Stephanie will be okay. Stephanies boyfriend leaves, but I later get a text they won't make the game that night, she's still too upset.

And the more I think about it, the madder I'm getting how the whole thing was handled. I really feel like Stephanie overreacted, and I surely don't appreciate Stephanie's boyfriend coming by just to make a scene, and then threaten a guest at MY house and leaving my other gaming friend embarrassed for bringing someone by. I beleive I'm going to be having a discussion at the very least with Stephanie's boyfriend on our next gaming night about the whole situation.

Had any similar game group issues that have left an impression on ya?

Cold Beer · Oct 10, 2012

Stormonu said:
Had any similar game group issues that have left an impression on ya?

Yep. Seen this a couple of times. IMHO, the rule should be "Don't bring someone new into a group of friends for an activity without letting friends know first".

Sure, it is your house and you get final say, but it's better to head off any potential drama issues before they can tear the group apart.

Crothian · Oct 10, 2012

I would have that discussion out side of game night. I would approach it to ask what the heck was going on as it really seems like you don't have a full understanding of the situation. I'd give the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and let him explain his actions before telling him what he did was out of line.

I've never been in a situation remotely close to that. If we do have someone over to a game session it gets mentioned to everyone in the group ahead of time as a courtesy. If someone has a complaint they have plenty of time to speak up.

Stormonu · Oct 10, 2012

Cold Beer said:
Yep. Seen this a couple of times. IMHO, the rule should be "Don't bring someone new into a group of friends for an activity without letting friends know first".

Sure, it is your house and you get final say, but it's better to head off any potential drama issues before they can tear the group apart.

That's perhaps the most peculiar thing. Having Rex come by was brought up at our last gaming session, at the game wrap-up/next session planning talk. Neither Stephanie nor her boyfriend mentioned any potential problem at that time - not even a "He's not Rex X, is he?"

I'm not the kind to be confrontational, unfortunately the only time I can contact the individuals involved is at our once-every-two-week game. I'll do it as an aside, and I don't beleive it will be much more than a "next time let me know its going to be an issue and give me a chance to resolve it first." More than anything, I think my friend who brought Rex should get an apology - he was an unsuspecting victim in all this.

After the fact though, it does burn me how things turned. I've got a low Wis, so sometimes it takes a bit for realization to truly sink in.

amerigoV · Oct 10, 2012

Stormonu said:
*Sigh*

Had any similar game group issues that have left an impression on ya?

Yes, it happens all the time in my group. Why just last week...what?!?! Wait! No. Just No.

The closest we ever got to a "situation" was a married couple issue. This guy joined our group. Lets call him John, cuz that was his name. He was alright, but at times annoying. Still in the acceptable gamer range of reasonability. Then his wife wanted to join. Lets call her Judy, cuz that was her name. I think she was there to keep an eye on John for some reason (I could not fathom why - not that I liked her, but she was the "better catch" if you get my meaning. Maybe she just did not want him having fun without her). She pretty much read her smut book and would roll dice when requested. The combo of the two just blew the group's chemistry apart over time.

After awhile, we basically closed down the group and reopened the next week without them. Met a few gamers years later that did the same thing to the John and Judy show.

(these days, I would have just told them to get the f' out - you're not wanted anymore. But that was before the "only game with people you like" rule got put in place plus it was harder to find gamers back then).

Crothian · Oct 10, 2012

amerigoV said:
After awhile, we basically closed down the group and reopened the next week without them. Met a few gamers years later that did the same thing to the John and Judy show.

Your just up in Westerville, I think I know that John and Judy!

NewJeffCT · Oct 11, 2012

sorry to hear you had to go through that...nothing like that where there was a big confrontation has happened in my group.

One guy in my old group had played a few sessions in my new campaign, then had to drop out when his wife sprung a surprise divorce on him...

Another time was I had a couple that had been together for 10-12 years, and had recently gotten married, and then started gaming in my group (right after the guy above had to drop out.) A few months into the marriage, the couple separated, and she dropped out. However, a few months later, they reconciled and got back together and she joined the group again. (and, in case you were wondering, they recently celebrated their 5th anniversary and seem to be doing just fine now.)

TarionzCousin · Oct 11, 2012

Many years ago, a guy I'll call Doug put up posters in the local game stores advertising an Amber Diceless game starting up. He screened all the people interested and winnowed it down to about nine of us, including his girlfriend. It took him over a month to do this.

However, Doug didn't want to run the game. Leslie was from Michigan and had more experience with it, so she volunteered. At this time, Doug broke up with his girlfriend Marcia who was also in the game. Doug told Leslie that she had to kick Marcia out of the game.

Short version: Doug didn't attend the first session because Leslie liked Marcia better.

Ta-da!

ggroy · Oct 11, 2012

Back when I was in university, many of the gaming groups on campus I played with either self-destructed or I was kicked out. I was rarely ever told the reasons as to why I was thrown out. :rant:

Tequila Sunrise · Oct 11, 2012

Stormonu said:
And the more I think about it, the madder I'm getting how the whole thing was handled. I really feel like Stephanie overreacted, and I surely don't appreciate Stephanie's boyfriend coming by just to make a scene, and then threaten a guest at MY house and leaving my other gaming friend embarrassed for bringing someone by. I beleive I'm going to be having a discussion at the very least with Stephanie's boyfriend on our next gaming night about the whole situation.

Unless she's just that much of a hysteric, Stephanie's not giving you the whole story. The whole story could make her reaction reasonable...maybe Rex is a rapist or something, but who knows? I'd definitely talk to both her and the bf.

As for myself, I have but one horror story. I invited the younger brother of one of my friend/players to game with us. He was alright for a while, though odd. But he slowly became more and more paranoid, thinking that I was out to get his character. Finally, after he threatened me with his dad, I had had enough and booted him. First and only time I've had to do that. Of course he complained to mommy and daddy, who weren't happy with me and demanded that my friend/player leave the game.