Family Gamers: D&D + Disney = Happily Never After?




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  1. #1
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    ř Ignore shadowmask

    Family Gamers: D&D + Disney = Happily Never After?

    Wow. Rumor has it Disney wants to buy Hasbro which (if accurate and successful) means Disney will buy Dungeons and Dragons. What a concept. Suddenly, all your family gaming needs will be found under one “roof.” But what does that mean for the Disney characters?

    We’ve all grown up with Disney. Mickey and Minnie Mouse and their gang, the Disney Princesses and their Princes, Hannah Montana…Scratch that last one. *shudder* Moving on.

    Ahem. Yes, well… What will Cinderella, Snow White, Belle and the others do with the new, egalitarian, girls-can-kick-butt-too mentality D&D will bring to the Disney brand? More importantly, will we suddenly see Aladdin and Jasmine taking up residence in Al-Qadim? And what will all this mean for your memories of what Disney is and your children’s, nieces’, nephews’, neighbor kids’, students’, whatever memories of the same.

    Let’s explore, shall we?

    Your daughter comes in asking to be Sleeping Beauty for Halloween. She must have the latest and greatest Beauty accessory…A shiny, silvery sword named Spindle that happens to be bigger than she is just like she saw the Disney Princess use in the newest DVD titled “Sleeping Beauty: Return to Maleficent’s Castle.”

    “What?!” you ask. “Where’s Prince Charming?!” you ask. Oh, well, he and the boys are busy playing Trivial Pursuit and declaring themselves Bronies. If you have a son, or a nephew, you’ll get your first Rainbow “Smash!” costume request in no time. That’s a green, muscular Pony with anger management issues, in case you’re curious.

    What will these newly emancipated damsels-in-distress turn to for professional butt-kicking inspiration since their rescuers are busy getting in touch with their feminine sides? Why, D&D classes, that’s what. Under multi-classing rules, it’s entirely possible to be a Warrior Princess. Xena’s got nothing on Princess Leia! Or was that Mulan? Either way works since Disney also owns Star Wars.

    Will our intrepid heroines, and the girls who idolize them, engage in hack ‘n’ slash? Perhaps political intrigue would be best, especially since these are princesses. Maybe, just maybe, an entirely new play style will develop - something like flirt-jitsu. Beware those batting eyelashes. They’re killer!

    What about our boys? No Prince Charming for them. A Thor’s Hammer wielding Han Solo is the more likely choice. Know a boy who just wants to be king? Let him yodel Hakuna Matata while wearing star-spangled tights and carrying a wide variety of arrows and composite bow. Nerf will work.

    For a walk on the Dark Side, there will be a wide assortment of black crowns with red stones. We’ll also see plenty of beholder-inspired bad guys and gals. Ursula of “The Little Mermaid” fame may find a compatriot with her particular tastes in cursing the naďve with a twisted wish-fulfillment fantasy. Last, but not least, a singing blue genie with a sickly wonderful sense of humor may flash-bang his way into your campaign.

    Will Disney “Disney-fy” D&D? Probably not, but let’s prepare ourselves.

    All adventures will contain a sing-a-long extravaganza with instructions on how the DM and his/her chosen partner may best begin the sonic attack upon the table. Few, if any, of us are Broadway material, folks, and some of us are downright toads when it comes to musical ability. As in, we don’t have any ability…at all.

    The rulebooks shall have PSA reminders about the dangers of sharp objects and the necessity of civility to make the world go round instead of burn. Even orcs and elves will learn to get along in the interests of communal cohesion. Remember, it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Oh. Right. Maybe orcs will be done away with instead and their half-orc brethren with them. After all, they haven’t had fun since Gruumsh lost that bet with Corellon Larethian.

    Miniatures will make an awesome comeback, this time scaled to The Littlest Pet Shop. New carry-bags with raised vinyl lettering and designs shall be all the rage and come in a variety of affiliations. They’ll come in the following color combinations: bright, pastel colors for the ladies and dark, camo colors for the gents!

    What could possibly go wrong? Well...

    A new XMen movie comes out with Rogue and Co flying the Millenium Falcon to Ponyville only to find gnomes have taken over at the behest of Lolth. What?! It could happen. It’s a comic movie. We all know consistency is not a prerequisite to a comic plot.

    The latest Star Wars book plot has Han’s and Leia’s kids dressing in drag and dancing the hula in a ceremony that is supposed to keep Vecna from acquiring his Hand and Eye and save the world. The kids who ate the Dark Side cookies leap in on Vecna’s behalf and stop the ceremony. Then one takes the Hand and Eye for the power they impart. Only to burn from magical overload with a hefty bit of help from the others’ blasters and use of the Force.

    Toy Story 4 reimagines the main characters as D&D characters and becomes slated for a 2015 release. Woody is a ranger. Buzz is a warlord. Hamm is a bard. Mr. Potato Head is a wizard (wild mage, specifically, see disappearing parts). They are drafted into a quest to rescue the others from storage and bring them all, safe and sound, back to Andy’s house so his kids can play with them. And the saga continues.

    Or, horror of horrors, the old arguments about D&D being a corrupting influence on today’s youth rubs off on Disney. Doll burnings commence while cameras roll. Boardgames are torn along their creases. Mickey is hung in effigy while children and adults the world over cry.

    Who am I kidding? There was nary a ripple when Hasbro purchased WotC despite the MtG and D&D brands. Disney, with its army of lawyers, will be fine.

    Is this something we should desire? It makes for an interesting mish-mash of possibilities. Disney + Marvel + Star Wars + Hasbro = Disney, Super Entertainment. Is this a good thing, or is Disney getting too big for its breeches? I guess we’ll see.

    Thoughts? Concerns? More crazy IP combos?



  2. #2
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    ř Ignore varden
    "D&D&D?"

    I gotta think it would mean finally seeing a good D&D movie - based on what they've done with the Avengers series.

    Forgotten Realms or Dragonlance seem like the best campaign worlds to use.

    I could die a happy man having seen a D&D movie written and directed by Joss Whedon! Or even Jon Favreau.

    But we'll just have to keep on imagining our own D&D stories like we've been doing, because Hasbro says it's just a rumor:

    http://www.slashfilm.com/hasbro-deni...sition-rumors/
    http://news.providencejournal.com/bu...bro-stock.html
    Last edited by varden; Thursday, 8th November, 2012 at 01:13 PM.

  3. #3
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    ř Ignore shadowmask
    Quote Originally Posted by varden View Post
    "D&D&D?"

    I gotta think it would mean finally seeing a good D&D movie - based on what they've done with the Avengers series.

    Forgotten Realms or Dragonlance seem like the best campaign worlds to use.

    I could die a happy man having seen a D&D movie written and directed by Joss Whedon! Or even Jon Favreau.

    But we'll just have to keep on imagining our own D&D stories like we've been doing, because Hasbro says it's just a rumor:

    http://www.slashfilm.com/hasbro-deni...sition-rumors/
    http://news.providencejournal.com/bu...bro-stock.html

    I didn't think it was accurate; Hasbro is doing just fine. With the rumor mill working overtime, I found exploring the various and sundry possibilities to be great fun, though.

    I agree; a Joss Whedon D&D movie would be geeklicious with extra awesomesauce.

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