Gamers: Do the non-gamers in your life understand you? (rant)

I just have to get this off my chest and blow off some steam after a very long, frustrating day.

I'm wondering if anyone else out there has non-gamers who are an important part of their life -- significant other, family, close friends -- who just don't get what gaming is and how important it is to you?

My wife is that way. I love her, but you'd think after 17 years of marriage she'd start to catch on. I'll use this Christmas as the latest example in a long line of her cluelessness about how important gaming is to me.

Back in the fall, as both of us do each year, we began to ask each other what the other wanted for Christmas. From past bad experiences, I know not to tell her specific RPG products to buy, because she thinks the whole concept of RPGs are stupid, and doesn't think they are important enough to get the name of the product right, even if I write it down for her.

This year, I had seen the "Lord of the Rings" version of Risk in a gaming store, so I decided to tell her that as my one gaming-related item on my Christmas list. I figured it's a board game, she won't view it as something strange like she does D&D.

Well, yesterday (Sunday, Dec. 22), she wakes me up early with the words "Get up. You have to take me to that store where you saw that game you want for Christmas." I quickly learn she not only has not bought the Risk game yet, she hasn't made any attempt to locate it. She could have bought a copy over the Internet, but didn't; now it's too late to get here by Christmas. And the city in which we live has no FLGS in it. There are two in Killeen, about 30 miles away, and several in Austin, which is about an hour away. The store in which I had seen the game was in Austin, but it is closed on Sundays. And she refuses to go to any gaming stores without me -- I'm not sure why, other than she thinks they are weird, and all the people there are also weird.

While I was showering, I made her call the two stores in Killeen; neither had a copy. So we drive to the gaming store in Austin which I figured had the best shot at having a copy -- no dice (pun intended); they were sold out at both of their locations. They are having trouble keeping it in stock, and having trouble getting more copies from their distributor. They got three copies in Friday, and immediately sold them. They might get some more copies in Monday or Tuesday, they don't know. They are even nice enough to call a couple of their competitors trying to locate a copy, they are sold out, too.

I knew of a couple of gaming stores located in malls, but I hadn't been to either one in a while, and couldn't remember the name of either one. So we had to drive to both malls. This was a nightmare because of the traffic and because of the crowds of last-minute shoppers. Both stores have gone out of business. We try calling and going to some other places which sell board games -- toy stores and places like Wal-Mart. No one has a copy.

My wife is puzzled by all this. Her attitude is "This is a stupid game. The only person in the whole world who could possibly want a copy of it is my husband. There should be lots of copies of this game available in the stores. Why are all these other people buying this stupid game no one else wants?"

Now my wife is intelligent. But her whole attitude toward gaming and related matters is just infuriatingly simplistic. When I first told her that the Risk game was what I wanted for Christmas, her first question was "Who are you going to play this game with?" There was a tone of suspicion in her voice, as if she were afraid I was going to make her play. I have three friends with whom I play D&D and other games on an almost weekly basis; we've been doing this for at least 10 years. Obviously, I would play Risk with them, but this information only draws another question from my wife: "How do you know they'll want to play this game?" (Must. Resist. Temptation. To. Strangle. Must. Resist. Temptation. To. Test. Katana. On. Her. Head.)

It's not like I'm not going to have any presents to open on Christmas. There are already several with my name on them beneath the tree. But it would have been nice if this one present that I specifically told her I wanted, she would have at least made an attempt to buy it earlier, when she would have had a better chance of finding it in the stores.

I know what you mean. But then again my gamer friends dont understand me neither

My girlfriend luckily is a gamer and Im fortunate enough she takes the trouble to track down those obscure limited edition games for me. But she doesn't understand my passion for world building in about the same way as your lady doesn't understand gaming.

Good luck though and happy holidays!

I feel your pain, indirectly.

Anyone who knows me know I'm weird and do weird things. Plus, they know I love games of all kinds, D&D is just another weird game to those who don't get it. However I have had many friends who have to hide that they play RPG's. Girlfriends, other friends and family members usually take some time to understand what they are. So I feel you, man. I do.

But don't take a katana to her head. You'd feel very bad afterwords, it's bad karma not to mention the mess.

Maybe I'm being simplistic here, but I think you need to, when this thread has run it's course, sit her down in front of it and make her read it.

Or better still, say it to her yourself.

"Do you understand that it hurts me, that you think so little of something I love so much? What if I were to treat something that you loved so casually, with such contempt? It makes me feel that you think -I'm- stupid, because I love these games."

I, thankfully, have a boyfriend who games. I couldn't imagine life without him. But I know that a lot of guys don't have a S.O. that does game (being a girl gamer does have it's perks in that respect), and some come with a lot of baggage in that regard. You've got to sit her down and really talk to her and try to put it in perspective with her hobbies.

As long as you aren't calling them silly or stupid ... then it's all part of the same thing.

(Heck, maybe she doesn't have any,hobbies because she has no time, and resents yours and the time you spend with it ... is the family-running equally split? I know I'd be pretty annoyed if I felt I had no free time to enjoy my pursuits while my hubby got to do so over an over again ...)

I've got a couple of comments.

My GF plays in my game but she is not really a gammer. She enjoys role-playing but does not like other games. Everytime I attempt to add a bit of immersion to the game, such as making up names for the currency and introducing 1/2 coins but changing nothing mechanically (the sword still costs 10 gold they are just called pounds now), she complains that it is unnessecary and makes the game more complex. So I go out and buy Orc from Green Ronin so we can play it when we have nothing else to do. She doesn't like it because it's to hack -n- slashy. argh I can't win.

For christmas I tell her the only thing that I want is Ravenloft d20. I get I'm not buying you any role-playing stuff for christmas. So I decide to be a little subversive, since the campaign is going over to CoC in about 8 months I ask for some H.P. Lovecraft books and do not explain why. I get I'm not buying you any books for christmas, but she constantly compains that I don't read enough!!!

Maybe I'll show her this thread after it has evolved, bookmarking it now.

My parents when I was younger made me feel the same way. Loking at me weird when I got more "game books" and only when my first product came out did I see a small lightbulb go off and they saw that all that time ago, their lil baby looking at a DMG and not algebra was an OK thing.

As far as S.O. I have never had one who games, and my x-wife never understood but I did not get heavy into it until we started splitting it did not affect us.

As a side note my 3 y.o. daughter is now waking up and scared of monsters (common), witches (little unusual) and dragons (ahhhh dad is a role player ). I do not know if I should be worried yet or not? Maybe that will be my Wednesday off topic post.

I'm a bit luckier. My ex-wife is a gamer and my girlfriend is very gamer friendly. Heck she bought me Darwin's World for my birthday. But my parents are the clueless ones. If I mention gaming today I get, "Do you still do that?". I've been gaming since 1978, I'm 38 now. I think the idea that it is a current and active hobby should have been made by now. In 1980 my Mother tried to stop me from gaming, which I still haven't forgiven her for. I feel your pain brother.

I always got the line, "You think that your friends are going to want to hang out and play that stupid game forever? No they're gonna grow up and have families and do other things. When that happens they won't want to hang out with you because you'll still be playing those stupid baby games." It origanated with my mother, now i get it from one of my brother that i live with.


It's even worse when it comes to time spent here.

Sorry to hear that.

My wife has been tolerant of my gaming habits. She won't play but she might be convinced to offer some suggestion now and then. Sometimes she picks the monsters that they face, and sometimes she picks a movie and say "get something from that".

The last movie she pointed out was Tomb Raider, and she specifically pointed out the dungeon of the first piece of the triangle of light. I recreated that in game and everyone had a blast until the end when they realize they were playing part tomb raider and they got their little piece of significant item when they went "oh crap" then began fighting for their lives. hehe

I didn't have the problem so much with my parents, since my father was a gamer too. One of my ex-girlfriends (from the mid 90's) was an ex-gamer, but her parents weren't exactly happy about our relationship, and we hardly saw each other outside of school, and never gamed. I still haven't met another girl-gamer since then. I haven't met a female anime fan yet either, except when I was in Japan (more's the pity that I'm back in Scotland again).