Father of a teen

Bullgrit · Jan 4, 2014

Today I become the father of a teenager. God help me.

http://www.totalbullgrit.com/blog/calfgrit-thirteen/

Any advice from you teen-experienced fathers? My son is a good boy, but I know the hormones are going to soon make him, (and me and his mother), crazy.

I started playing D&D at 13 years old, (in 1980).

Bullgrit

Kramodlog · Jan 4, 2014

Live and let live. Teens need to experience life to understand it. They need to make mistakes.

Alcohol and drugs are different though.A good thing to do is to drink with them, so they learn how to taste instead of binge drinking. Same with drugs. Trying them out with adults who know how to use them is a good thing, instead of mixing all sort so of drugs away from adults f anything happens.

Oh and let them have sex at your place. Better they have it at home where they do not feel ashamed. Plus you can keep their drawers full of condoms.

sabrinathecat · Jan 4, 2014

Give him his own space. Not just his room, but separate. If you have a garage, or some external building, something that isn't totally open to the elements but not part of the main house, give him space to be on his own out there.
Oh, be prepared for pain: bad music, bad attitude, bad influences, bad judgment, bad phases, and wince-inducing cliche's. Everything is just so intense to teenagers...
Funny thing is, whether you've done a good job so far or not, teenagers can either continue or flipflop. Just chances are (hopefully) better that if you've done a good job, he's (hopefully) more likely to stay on the better track.

Of course, I've never felt the need to sire offspring, so feel free to ignore anything I have to say on the topic of parenting.

trappedslider · Jan 4, 2014

goldomark said:
Live and let live. Teens need to experience life to understand it. They need to make mistakes.

Alcohol and drugs are different though.A good thing to do is to drink with them, so they learn how to taste instead of binge drinking. Same with drugs. Trying them out with adults who know how to use them is a good thing, instead of mixing all sort so of drugs away from adults f anything happens.

Oh and let them have sex at your place. Better they have it at home where they do not feel ashamed. Plus you can keep their drawers full of condoms.

Or depending on what you believe regarding the above, you can go deeper into why you don't allow certain things (alcohol) or why it's a good idea to wait (sex)

WayneLigon · Jan 4, 2014

Just remember that teenagers test and try on different personalities like adults try on sets of clothes, looking for the one that fits best.
They will test your limits constantly, in ways you did not know existed. They will look to you as a parent and not a friend.
Eventually there will come that day when you relate to your son not as a boy but as a man, and that day will come in it's own way and in it's own time.
You will not be changing this.

The truest joke I ever heard goes like this: "When I was 15, my father was the stupidest person in the world. Literally, it was painful to be around someone so unaware of how the world worked, and so ignorant. Finally at 18 I left for college. I didn't go home again until I was 20, and we talked for a long, long time. I was amazed at what the man had learned in that time."

Kramodlog · Jan 4, 2014

trappedslider said:
Or depending on what you believe regarding the above, you can go deeper into why you don't allow certain things (alcohol) or why it's a good idea to wait (sex)

Want to buy some magical beans? They totally work.

dogoftheunderworld · Jan 5, 2014

goldomark said:
Want to buy some magical beans? They totally work.

Buying magical beans comes with being a parent. And they do work.

You will know best for your own child... take what they give you and work with it. I do have high expectations for my son. I want him to be part of better things, not a part of the problem. He understands those expectations and the consequences (both mine and societies). I've been lucky in having good kids, but I've also worked with kids who have made bad choices. They need support and understanding, but they also need (and crave) structure and discipline. This comes in all sorts of forms, as do kids, but staying involved and keeping open communications goes along way to directing youth to a good outcome.

Peace to you on your journey.

bone_naga · Jan 5, 2014

Bullgrit said:
Today I become the father of a teenager. God help me.

http://www.totalbullgrit.com/blog/calfgrit-thirteen/

Any advice from you teen-experienced fathers? My son is a good boy, but I know the hormones are going to soon make him, (and me and his mother), crazy.

I started playing D&D at 13 years old, (in 1980).

Bullgrit

Looks like you have it easy (relatively speaking).