Some reflections on a friend
I first meet Terry online via an online game at EN World, The Third Industrial Revolution, set primarily on the World of Greyhawk, but involving other TSR settings as well. These were part of a series of games known as Industrial Revolutions, or IRs, that posited what might happen in a magical world if an industrial revolution began.(See links to that thread and a few others at the end of this post.)
The game involved players in multiple countries, who ran countries and characters dealing with a rapidly changing world. It was a great deal of fun, and allowed people to have extensive role play and battles on a huge scale. During this time, I communicated frequently with Terry, including filling in as a moderator before the game to help people answer questions when he said he was sick. During this time, he indicated that his health was quite frail.
I later learned that Terry had a series of illnesses and accidents from childhood onwards that greatly weakened his strength and stamina. He often said that he felt tired and his eyesight was bad. These comments foreshadowed problems in his later years.
Over time, Terry had become disappointed with the split in the Dungeons and Dragons role playing community, even starting a D&D Army thread urging for tolerance and understanding.
Terry was often considered eccentric, perhaps because of the obsessive compulsive disorder and depression issues that he struggled in during his life, his health problems and issues that he often hid from others. He enjoyed gaming for many years but ultimately was alienated from it by what he considered poor treatment by some of his fellow gamers.
My friend’s writing style was often verbose and wandering by modern standards. (It was sometimes mocked in a few places, including by someone who tried badly to imitate his style.) His tone could range from deadly serious to incredibly light and playful. Sometimes, Terry would post a question on a message board just to get a response or take a position contrary to others to get an argument. He believed that debate was important, but also seemed to take a pleasure at times out of making what might seem to be a strange statement and starting a huge discussion on it.
One thing that annoyed some people about Terry was his claim that Edena of Neith was a 653rd level character. I should let you know that most of these levels were honorary and had no effect. He confided that Edena would have compared with a character like Elminster in the Forgotten Realms, a setting that he loved. (He guessed Edena would be a high level cleric/wizard, perhaps comparable to Elminster or at most Larloch. So perhaps this character somewhere between 32-40 levels total, with meaningless levels assigned to him to kind of keep track of what games he played in. He admitted that he was often amused by how people reacted to the claims of a 653rd level character as if he had violated a serious law. I think he enjoyed some of the battles with others over it.) He claimed to have played Edena with Ed Greenwood as a GM, as Edena wanted to become a Chosen of Mystra. No, Terry sought this for his character not for love of power, love of magic, or even love of a goddess. Rather, Terry said that in game, he was told that Alustriel could only fall in love with someone who truly understood her. Only a chosen of Mystra could understand a chosen of Mystra. I understand from Terry that story line was never played out, and he gave his thoughts as to possible endings for it – including some that were quite depressing.
Terry also said that the late E. Gary Gygax signed a character sheet of his, saying that as long as people are happy in a game, that is what matters most in the hobby. I smiled when I heard this, not knowing if it was true or not as I agree with the sentiment.
Due to some of the response of fellow gamers, Terry gradually lost interest in gaming message board sites. He tended to see the worst possible out comes in things, although he was correct years ago in worrying about the future of Dragon and Dungeon magazines. At times, he said that too many gamers were ill mannered and more concerned about power than a sense of wonder. While I disagreed with several of his conclusions, I can understand how he came to them. Often, he felt that he did not fit in with a group and at times was asked to leave. On one occasion, a GM at an RPGA Living City event took over his character and had the character abused. (No charm persons or anything like that. It seemed Terry just ran afoul of a bizarre GM who seemed to want to live out a bizarre fantasy involving abusing a character.) Terry chose to ignore it, and I think he would have been better off filing a formal complaint – as he soon became a punchline, he said, with many in Living City.
I spent years talking to Terry on the phone. Our plans to meet up never worked out, so I wonder if Terry was reluctant. Still, I kept in touch with him. It is very easy for some people to become isolated in our society, and Terry seemed very vulnerable to this.
In time, Terry and his parents moved from suburban Detroit to Southwest Florida. Before this, there was a deep divide in his family and afterwards, he seldom spoke to his brothers. His father’s prostate cancer, arrested for a time, grew worse. His mother fought heart problems, breast cancer and colon cancer. All this time, the pain from a serious car accident that weakened Terry and damaged his gastrointestinal tract grew worse. Terry’s eyes grew worse and I learned that he could barely read any longer, which must have been a torture for a man who loved books. He was already crippled by the pain, unable to work, before he left Michigan. In the past few years, he said that he longed for the days when he was healthier.
Over time, Terry and I talked about gaming, the environment, current events, politics and literature. He was interested in many things and was well informed in many areas. I think that our discussions helped buoy his spirits and he said it helped to have friends who listened. However, Terry said that he lost contact with people over time. Some friends passed away or move on from him. I urged him to take advantage of resources in his community to help him and his family with the problems that they faced, including his depression. I am not sure if he ever followed through on my advice but I felt that I should try to give him what help I could. (I urge anyone who is facing depression or other mental health issues to seek help. Also, if you know anyone facing these issues, please try to have that person seek help.)
I chose to stand by Terry as a friend, and I believe that I am better for it even as I mourn him. If you chose to remember Terry, I urge you to try to see the good in him and others. If you wish to act in some way to honor Terry’s memory, I know that the environment, health care, literacy and pets were things that mattered to him. Perhaps one thing that we call all do is to be kind to the person who seems a little eccentric and welcome him or her. In the end, I think we have to remember that we are all human and try to treat each other with respect and compassion. It is easy to mock or hate others. It takes more effort to see the good in others and accept them as fellow human beings and friends. Yet I think that is a better path than hating others for being odd or different. So, rest in peace, Terry. May your soul find the peace that eluded you in your life. Farewell, till we meet again in a place where no shadow falls and there is no grief nor sorrow nor pain but only peace.
Some threads involving Edena of Neith:
The True Edena of Neith -- The True Edena of Neith --
Complete Transcripts of the 1st and 2nd IR
The Third Gnomish Industrial Revolution
The 5th IR Thread (currently in stasis)
D&D’s Army
The Player from Hell
How should 4E Deal With the Power of Fire?
