alsih2o
First Post
ALSIH2O-
shadoe's lady- brings us right to the edge of Wonderland
the dung beetle and the snake seemed a little tacked on. however, i really did
like the idea of a dungbeetle character (are you listening disney?). i was quite taken by the mouse being
the center of the story, an unexpected twist. i normally do not like it when someone uses the pics as pictures IN
the story, but the use of the ship, and it coming to life with a crew singing a beatles song really worked.
with the final racial twist it really set the story in my mind. bravo SL!
mirthcard- takes us on a dark trip
i really liked the combo of the bird and mouse being the muscular goons, beautiful stuff.
the first 2 paragraphs have a dark mood and gritty details that grabbed me fast, but the ending seemed a bit hurried.
a good story, as mirthcard has us used to, but without bonus pics and the quick ending it doesn't take it this time for me
my vote is for shadoe's lady as the new ruler of ceramic d.m.land
MALDUR-
Shadoes lady
Nice idea, a psycic PI traveling through a painting in search of someone.
Its very "alice", or "Erik and the little book of insects"(a dutch litterary
classic).
It feels a bit like a gimmick, in a world of the mind you can find anything.
But nice story.
Mirthcard
Story was aclassic bad guy sets trap, good guy was prepared trap reversed
kinda story. Even though the story was less original, I think the use of the
pictures and his writing are very good through.
This one was really hard. I had no imidiate preference of one over the
other. In the end Mirthcards felt better.
So Ill have to go with Mirthcard!
Sorry folks. I did try to eleborate more in why I went one way or the other.
But (after about 12 drafts) I still cant say why exactly, It stays instinct
ARWINK-
Mirthcard Vs Shadoe's Lady - The finals.
Shadoe's Lady
Again, Shadoe's Lady plays with an interesting mix of the real world and
fantasy, bringing the mix together in a great idea. The main problem I had
with her piece was the pacing - the way things were structured I felt far
too much like someone was saying, "This happened, and then this happened,
and then this happened." Although there's no need for literal links between
events in such a surreal realm as her detective is exploring, there is some
call for stronger narrative links. I was also looking for more links and
reactions between the narrator and his/her environment. There's a very
straight approach to the environs and events, but no real personal
interaction to what's happening and what's being seen. Comparing this to
her earlier piece, where the characterization of her secret agent is
immensely strong in the way the story is told, this was a tad disappointing.
All in all, this was a brilliantly approach to including the images, but
needs a little more work to pull it off.
Mirthcard
Mirthcard's piece starts very nicely - well paced, a nice balance between
description and advancing the plot, and some well-planned characterization.
I was instantly hooked and ready to read more. Unfortunately, he lost me in
the last half of the piece. The flaw here isn't so much that things fall
apart, but rather that I feel like I've suddenly come into the movie halfway
through. The revelation of the transformed bird and mouse very much falls
under the "Gun on the mantle in the first act, someone gets shot in the
last" rule of fiction. Without it, it seems to much like a Dues Ex moment
where everything is solved by unforeseeable changes and the reader feels
cheated by Siratos escape (or, at least, I know I did). There's a nice DnD
feel to this piece, but it still keeps the mythological resonance of the
minotaur alive. The use of the creatures to barbarian warriors is also
great, but needs more set-up in the earlier stages of the piece to work from
a narrative standpoint.
Again, judging between these two pieces is hard as their strengths and
weaknesses both lie in completely different areas. Shadoe's Lady piece is
consistently innovative with the use of ingredients, but falls slightly flat
in terms of style. Mirthcard's is stylistically more impressive, but it's
brilliant use of two of the ingredients is let down by an erratic moment of
plotting.
In the end, I give this round to Mirthcard by the hair of a cat's whisker.
Congratulations to both entrents - it's been a hard field and you've done
well to get this far. I've enjoyed reading both your work, and look forward
to seeing you again in future competitions.
so, in a split decision Mirthcard retains his crown!
congrats!
shadoe's lady- brings us right to the edge of Wonderland
the dung beetle and the snake seemed a little tacked on. however, i really did
like the idea of a dungbeetle character (are you listening disney?). i was quite taken by the mouse being
the center of the story, an unexpected twist. i normally do not like it when someone uses the pics as pictures IN
the story, but the use of the ship, and it coming to life with a crew singing a beatles song really worked.
with the final racial twist it really set the story in my mind. bravo SL!
mirthcard- takes us on a dark trip
i really liked the combo of the bird and mouse being the muscular goons, beautiful stuff.
the first 2 paragraphs have a dark mood and gritty details that grabbed me fast, but the ending seemed a bit hurried.
a good story, as mirthcard has us used to, but without bonus pics and the quick ending it doesn't take it this time for me
my vote is for shadoe's lady as the new ruler of ceramic d.m.land
MALDUR-
Shadoes lady
Nice idea, a psycic PI traveling through a painting in search of someone.
Its very "alice", or "Erik and the little book of insects"(a dutch litterary
classic).
It feels a bit like a gimmick, in a world of the mind you can find anything.
But nice story.
Mirthcard
Story was aclassic bad guy sets trap, good guy was prepared trap reversed
kinda story. Even though the story was less original, I think the use of the
pictures and his writing are very good through.
This one was really hard. I had no imidiate preference of one over the
other. In the end Mirthcards felt better.
So Ill have to go with Mirthcard!
Sorry folks. I did try to eleborate more in why I went one way or the other.
But (after about 12 drafts) I still cant say why exactly, It stays instinct
ARWINK-
Mirthcard Vs Shadoe's Lady - The finals.
Shadoe's Lady
Again, Shadoe's Lady plays with an interesting mix of the real world and
fantasy, bringing the mix together in a great idea. The main problem I had
with her piece was the pacing - the way things were structured I felt far
too much like someone was saying, "This happened, and then this happened,
and then this happened." Although there's no need for literal links between
events in such a surreal realm as her detective is exploring, there is some
call for stronger narrative links. I was also looking for more links and
reactions between the narrator and his/her environment. There's a very
straight approach to the environs and events, but no real personal
interaction to what's happening and what's being seen. Comparing this to
her earlier piece, where the characterization of her secret agent is
immensely strong in the way the story is told, this was a tad disappointing.
All in all, this was a brilliantly approach to including the images, but
needs a little more work to pull it off.
Mirthcard
Mirthcard's piece starts very nicely - well paced, a nice balance between
description and advancing the plot, and some well-planned characterization.
I was instantly hooked and ready to read more. Unfortunately, he lost me in
the last half of the piece. The flaw here isn't so much that things fall
apart, but rather that I feel like I've suddenly come into the movie halfway
through. The revelation of the transformed bird and mouse very much falls
under the "Gun on the mantle in the first act, someone gets shot in the
last" rule of fiction. Without it, it seems to much like a Dues Ex moment
where everything is solved by unforeseeable changes and the reader feels
cheated by Siratos escape (or, at least, I know I did). There's a nice DnD
feel to this piece, but it still keeps the mythological resonance of the
minotaur alive. The use of the creatures to barbarian warriors is also
great, but needs more set-up in the earlier stages of the piece to work from
a narrative standpoint.
Again, judging between these two pieces is hard as their strengths and
weaknesses both lie in completely different areas. Shadoe's Lady piece is
consistently innovative with the use of ingredients, but falls slightly flat
in terms of style. Mirthcard's is stylistically more impressive, but it's
brilliant use of two of the ingredients is let down by an erratic moment of
plotting.
In the end, I give this round to Mirthcard by the hair of a cat's whisker.
Congratulations to both entrents - it's been a hard field and you've done
well to get this far. I've enjoyed reading both your work, and look forward
to seeing you again in future competitions.
so, in a split decision Mirthcard retains his crown!
congrats!