CERAMIC D.M. the final judgement is in!

alsih2o · Jan 24, 2003

ALSIH2O-

shadoe's lady- brings us right to the edge of Wonderland

the dung beetle and the snake seemed a little tacked on. however, i really did
like the idea of a dungbeetle character (are you listening disney?). i was quite taken by the mouse being
the center of the story, an unexpected twist. i normally do not like it when someone uses the pics as pictures IN
the story, but the use of the ship, and it coming to life with a crew singing a beatles song really worked.

with the final racial twist it really set the story in my mind. bravo SL!

mirthcard- takes us on a dark trip

i really liked the combo of the bird and mouse being the muscular goons, beautiful stuff.
the first 2 paragraphs have a dark mood and gritty details that grabbed me fast, but the ending seemed a bit hurried.
a good story, as mirthcard has us used to, but without bonus pics and the quick ending it doesn't take it this time for me

my vote is for shadoe's lady as the new ruler of ceramic d.m.land

MALDUR-

Shadoes lady
Nice idea, a psycic PI traveling through a painting in search of someone.
Its very "alice", or "Erik and the little book of insects"(a dutch litterary
classic).
It feels a bit like a gimmick, in a world of the mind you can find anything.
But nice story.

Mirthcard
Story was aclassic bad guy sets trap, good guy was prepared trap reversed
kinda story. Even though the story was less original, I think the use of the
pictures and his writing are very good through.

This one was really hard. I had no imidiate preference of one over the
other. In the end Mirthcards felt better.

So Ill have to go with Mirthcard!

Sorry folks. I did try to eleborate more in why I went one way or the other.
But (after about 12 drafts) I still cant say why exactly, It stays instinct

ARWINK-

Mirthcard Vs Shadoe's Lady - The finals.

Shadoe's Lady
Again, Shadoe's Lady plays with an interesting mix of the real world and
fantasy, bringing the mix together in a great idea. The main problem I had
with her piece was the pacing - the way things were structured I felt far
too much like someone was saying, "This happened, and then this happened,
and then this happened." Although there's no need for literal links between
events in such a surreal realm as her detective is exploring, there is some
call for stronger narrative links. I was also looking for more links and
reactions between the narrator and his/her environment. There's a very
straight approach to the environs and events, but no real personal
interaction to what's happening and what's being seen. Comparing this to
her earlier piece, where the characterization of her secret agent is
immensely strong in the way the story is told, this was a tad disappointing.
All in all, this was a brilliantly approach to including the images, but
needs a little more work to pull it off.

Mirthcard
Mirthcard's piece starts very nicely - well paced, a nice balance between
description and advancing the plot, and some well-planned characterization.
I was instantly hooked and ready to read more. Unfortunately, he lost me in
the last half of the piece. The flaw here isn't so much that things fall
apart, but rather that I feel like I've suddenly come into the movie halfway
through. The revelation of the transformed bird and mouse very much falls
under the "Gun on the mantle in the first act, someone gets shot in the
last" rule of fiction. Without it, it seems to much like a Dues Ex moment
where everything is solved by unforeseeable changes and the reader feels
cheated by Siratos escape (or, at least, I know I did). There's a nice DnD
feel to this piece, but it still keeps the mythological resonance of the
minotaur alive. The use of the creatures to barbarian warriors is also
great, but needs more set-up in the earlier stages of the piece to work from
a narrative standpoint.

Again, judging between these two pieces is hard as their strengths and
weaknesses both lie in completely different areas. Shadoe's Lady piece is
consistently innovative with the use of ingredients, but falls slightly flat
in terms of style. Mirthcard's is stylistically more impressive, but it's
brilliant use of two of the ingredients is let down by an erratic moment of
plotting.

In the end, I give this round to Mirthcard by the hair of a cat's whisker.
Congratulations to both entrents - it's been a hard field and you've done
well to get this far. I've enjoyed reading both your work, and look forward
to seeing you again in future competitions.

so, in a split decision Mirthcard retains his crown!

congrats!

alsih2o · Jan 24, 2003

i would like to send out a big thank you to everyone who participated, and especially to maldur and arwink.

i know judging can seem very slow when you are waiting for it, but these guys deserve the best for doing this, it isn't as easy as it looks

i have had 24 people now askl for a reserved spot in the next one, and we are working on ideas to make it possible....look for it around the first of march

Mark · Jan 24, 2003

Congrats to all of the participants!

Shadoe's Lady · Jan 24, 2003

Congratulations, mirthcard! Way to go!

Again, judges thanks for the critiques.

Maldur · Jan 24, 2003

Ill try and do better on judging in the future.

Great stuff everyone!!!

Mirthcard congratulations!
Shadoes lady, better luck next time

Ashy · Jan 24, 2003

Congrats to all!!

alish2o, is there any way we can get Morrus to set up a page for this stuff? It would be great to be able to read at a later date!

alsih2o · Jan 24, 2003

Ashy said:
Congrats to all!! alish2o, is there any way we can get Morrus to set up a page for this stuff? It would be great to be able to read at a later date!

i imagine morrus as a busy man with bigger fish to fry, but there are lots of talented, dedicated folks on these boards who could likely pull it off. any volunteers for this project?

Mirth · Jan 24, 2003

Shadoe's Lady said:
Congratulations, mirthcard! Way to go!

Again, judges thanks for the critiques.

Thanks Lady! You did really well this round, so don't feel bad about your performance.

I'm the one who should feel bad (besides actually being sick) because I only sat down to write the piece in the last hour and a half of the competition, which should explain the rushed ending. I had the whole thing plotted out and was going to write it up as a scenario, but those take longer and are harder to do and get right - at least for me.

Pushed for time, I put down as much as I could and submitted it at what I thought was the last minute I had left (sound familiar?). I had planned on the underwater creature in Pic #5 to be one of many guarding the island. The minotaur would have jumped onto the anchor at the last minute, a fight would have ensued and both he and the barbarians would have fallen into the water only to be consumed by the water creatures.

Originally posted by alsih2o
mirthcard- takes us on a dark trip

i really liked the combo of the bird and mouse being the muscular goons, beautiful stuff.
the first 2 paragraphs have a dark mood and gritty details that grabbed me fast, but the ending seemed a bit hurried.
a good story, as mirthcard has us used to, but without bonus pics and the quick ending it doesn't take it this time for me

When I saw Pics 3 & 4 together, that was just the first thing that came to mind. The tone was somthing that I would have carried throughout the piece if the deadline had not smacked me in the face. It was rushed, so you've got me there

One thing I would like to bring up, which you mention here, is that in the Iron DM bonus ingredients are not required (ostensibly they aren't here either) and should not count against you if they are not used. The difference being that in Iron DM if you do decide to include the bonuses and they are underdeveloped / throwaways, they will count against you more than if you had not used them at all. Something you might want to think about for future competitions. Makes it a bit harder to include the bonuses and make it worth it for the piece.

Originally posted by Maldur
Mirthcard
Story was aclassic bad guy sets trap, good guy was prepared trap reversed
kinda story. Even though the story was less original, I think the use of the
pictures and his writing are very good through.

This one was really hard. I had no imidiate preference of one over the
other. In the end Mirthcards felt better.

So Ill have to go with Mirthcard!

Thanks Maldur! I knew it was going to be a close one when I submitted, so I feel just as torn over the decision as you do. Not to say that I'm not glad that it went my way, though

Originally posted by arwink
Mirthcard
Mirthcard's piece starts very nicely - well paced, a nice balance between
description and advancing the plot, and some well-planned characterization.
I was instantly hooked and ready to read more. Unfortunately, he lost me in
the last half of the piece. The flaw here isn't so much that things fall
apart, but rather that I feel like I've suddenly come into the movie halfway
through. The revelation of the transformed bird and mouse very much falls
under the "Gun on the mantle in the first act, someone gets shot in the
last" rule of fiction. Without it, it seems to much like a Dues Ex moment
where everything is solved by unforeseeable changes and the reader feels
cheated by Siratos escape (or, at least, I know I did). There's a nice DnD
feel to this piece, but it still keeps the mythological resonance of the
minotaur alive. The use of the creatures to barbarian warriors is also
great, but needs more set-up in the earlier stages of the piece to work from
a narrative standpoint.

Again, judging between these two pieces is hard as their strengths and
weaknesses both lie in completely different areas. Shadoe's Lady piece is
consistently innovative with the use of ingredients, but falls slightly flat
in terms of style. Mirthcard's is stylistically more impressive, but it's
brilliant use of two of the ingredients is let down by an erratic moment of
plotting.

In the end, I give this round to Mirthcard by the hair of a cat's whisker.
Congratulations to both entrents - it's been a hard field and you've done
well to get this far. I've enjoyed reading both your work, and look forward
to seeing you again in future competitions.

so, in a split decision Mirthcard retains his crown!

congrats!

I've talked about about the rushed ending above so I won't belabor the point that is made so well here by arwink. I will say that Siratos didn't escape, he was killed, but I could have made that clearer in the story. Thanks arwink for giving me the nod on this difficult decision.

All of the criticism above is valid and insightful. The last round was a bear for me, so I feel lucky to have won it. Especially against Shadoe's Lady who came on very strong.

As for the 24+ entrants in the next round

I really don't think alsih2o wants to see me win a third time

I'll be ready to go at the beginning of March, though. Look forward to seeing everybody then.

I'm off to change my sig line