CERAMIC D.M. the final judgement is in! - Page 14




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  1. #131
    speaker vs taladas-judgement!

    ALSIH2O-
    taladas: feeds us a story of a man cursed by his own need for revenge.

    taladas has handled 3 of the 4 pictures well in my opinion. i like thr treatment of all but the
    fighting men, it seems to be tacked on, even while it is a fulcrum point in the story. he has woven
    a tale of tale of redemption, as has his opponent. i enjoyed the main theme of the story even if it
    it felt a little rushed.

    speaker brings us a story of redemption as well, with a spooky twist

    speakers story handles all the ingredients well, and while it is a little long side i did
    not realize it until my third reading! i liked the flow, the handling of the pictures and the
    moral. this is a strong piece, and in my opinion it is a shame taladas had to face
    this stiff competition in the first round. strong all the way around.

    i am left proud of both of these contestants, but speaker left me standing on my chair applauding.
    speaker gets my vote.


    Maldur-
    Speaker:
    great moral tale! very oriental, and mysterious.

    Taladas:
    Good start but a very hurried end. It came over as very choatic/throw
    together story. Your ideas are nice though. Work some more on them!

    winner: Speaker!

    ARWINK-
    Taladas
    Okay, this was just weird Taladas piece caught me off guard, given the tone
    of everything I'd read up until this point. Unfortunately, I thought it needed
    more room to breath and let all the disparate elements included come together
    cohesively. As it stands, it's just too chaotic, swap genres and styles
    quickly and without warning. Further, the adage of Show don't Tell comes into
    play here as well. The scene that stands out the most is the meeting between
    the narrator and Lee Hung because it's given more than a momentary examination
    before shifting to the next plot element. Unfortunately, it just doesn't need
    this kind of focus as much as other elements of the tale do.

    Speaker
    I was immediately grabbed by the voice here. It's one of those classic, folk-
    tale beginnings that really snaps a reader to attention and sets up a strong
    expectation of style. That this strong voice and very definite style carries
    on through the story gives it a great deal of strength and pays tribute to
    Speaker's ability to imitate folklore. The use of the pictures is stylish, and
    the story is well crafted and a very strong voice.

    Speakers was the stronger of these two. It came off as more complete that
    Taladas' tale, which needed a bit more space and fleshing out to really come
    into the ideas presented. Further, Speaker's work echoed the work of Neil
    Gaiman's work in the Worlds End story arc of sandman, which is something of a
    favorite of mine. I give this round to Speaker.

    winner- speaker...with our first unanimous vote

 

  • #132
    Registered User
    Novice (Lvl 1)

    Speaker's Avatar

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    Ignore Speaker
    I'm glad to hear that I made it to the second round. Thank you for the kind comments, judges all.

    Arwink- While I've never read Neil Gaiman's work, I'm flattered for the comparison. Now I will have to pick up a copy!

  • #133
    Congratulations Speaker, you did a great job with your story.

    I would like to thank the judges for giving good honest critiques. Best of luck to the people in the next round.

  • #134
    Registered User


    mythago's Avatar

    Join Date
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    At the office, mostly
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    I Defended The Walls!

    Ignore mythago
    Congrats to the winners so far!
    When God hands you a gift, he also hands you a whip; and the whip is intended for self-flagellation solely. (Truman Capote)

  • #135
    Originally posted by Taladas

    I would like to thank the judges for giving good honest critiques. Best of luck to the people in the next round.
    thanks for participating taladas, you are welcome back to the next one, probably late february

  • #136
    Registered User
    Gallant (Lvl 3)

    Mirth's Avatar

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    Ignore Mirth
    Whew! I was holding my breath on that one, especially after I read alsih2o's critique. (Honestly, I couldn't figure out how to work "Jesus in a basket" into my story ) Maldur, the pictures just screamed GREEK to me. Arwink, I have 20/400 vision, so that might account for some of the bluriness.

    Thanks go to megamania for giving me a good run for the money.

    I have to say that I approve of this new 3 judge thing

    Now, when does the next round start?
    Ceramic DM I & II -- http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=98651

  • #137
    astralpwka vs shadoes lady- judgement!

    ALSIH2O
    astralpwka: gives us a dose of the plague, ala poe

    astralpwka sends us out into this dark world with an elf. his handling of
    the ingredients never really shines, and i felt some of them could have been
    more central to the story with just a bit more effort. the tone of the story
    is handled well, but i think it would have benefitted from one more rewrite.

    shadoes lady: feeds us a tale of heroines and attitude.

    the ingredients are handled competently, if not shiningly. the 3 ladies coming
    together to end the demons reign has a definite appeal, even if it was only
    because it is nnice to see women be something beside the barwench the women
    are smart and smart-alec, and this works to nice effect.

    i have to give this one to shadoes lady.

    MALDUR-
    astralpwka:
    Story with a nasty twist. death plague and music. Funnny that both
    contestants use a bard

    Shadoe's Lady:
    Funny, heroic and well told. And he can write too, you know!

    Really hard choise but : Shadoes lady!

    ARWINK-

    Shadoes's Lady
    What at first drags a slightly becomes interesting and quirky with the twist of
    the leading lady telling her story and the men flee. It's got a nice bit of
    style to it, very atmospheric, but unfortunately sets up a tone that doesn't
    carry through to the rest of the entry. Things get really, really bogged down
    in the 4th and 5th paragraphs, where things suddenly go dialogue intensive and
    there's a massive and unnecessarily obvious info-dump on the reader. This is
    also partially a formatting problem - large blocks of dialogue are a pain to
    read, especially when people get into an exchange. After all the dialogue,
    we're given a lot of plot that seems overly hurried, especially when contrasted
    with the lengthy dialogue blocks and the style of the beginning. Overall this
    has some good elements and some very stylish use of the ingredients, but just
    needed more focus on the pacing and structure of the story.

    Atralpwka
    What initially drew me to this piece was the use of an aria as a plot device.
    It's a very cool idea, very elegant, and music is far to underused as a fantasy
    element. What lets it down is the way the plot unravels. It's very swift, and
    very uneven. There is a lot of focus at the beginning on events and the
    description of Alandor's surroundings, but it gradually gives way to swift
    plotting and rapid shifting from scene to scene. A more paced approach is
    needed in these parts, giving more focus to the plague city, the mercenaries
    and the surroundings leading up to the final confrontation between the bard and
    his patron. Things just slip by too rapidly as it stands; it jumps through
    events so fast it took a couple of reads to get them straight in my head.

    It's hard to pick a winner here. Both entries have some particularly strong
    elements, and both have some very definite weaknesses in much the same area.
    And while I'm tempted to give Astralpwka a slight edge for the stylistic
    elements of his story that do work, I also feel that Shadoe's Lady piece is
    stronger when it comes to the task of incorporating all of the ingredients.

    In the end, it came down to Astralpwwka, but only by the slimmest of margins.

    winner- shadoe's lady...by 2 to 1 vote!

  • #138
    semifinal round-

    mirthcard vs. speaker

    pic 1
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails ironstuff2.jpg  

  • #139
    mirthcard vs. speaker

    pic 2
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails ironstuff14.jpg  

  • #140
    mirthcard vs. speaker

    pic 3
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails leo1.jpg  

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