[Humour, True story] Why I prefer to DM, or three reasons to give up on gaming.

I'm nineteen and I've been gaming since I was eight. That makes about (a little less I think) eleven years of gaming. For over nine years of those eleven, I played with the same group. Sure, the member roster changed a little over time (a few were added, lost one of the original four, etc.), but the core remained the same. But as we finished mandatory school (ten years: 6-15) and entered (all except one) Junior College (different system here, doesn't matter) the group was split between different schools. Still, me and two others remained gaming together but they soon decided they wanted to learn more computer oriented stuff, so they changed schools, to a school out of town no less. This left me alone and I had to find myself a new group.

I did, without much trouble actually, three players for me to dominate, two newbies and one old player that used to game every once in a while with the old gang. This lasted for a year, until one of my new players got homesick (he's from the country) and transferred out, a second lost interest and left (for LAN gaming, which he then dumped for warhammer and now his newest passion is anything lotr related). The third (who has a job 'n stuff, a few years older than me), impregnated his girlfriend and is now too busy playing mr. husband (which is great for him, he loves it, but I miss my player).

I was once again without a group. At first it was tolerable, but soon I lost control over my roleplaying lust. I needed to game! Seriously!

I tried to form a new group, but without much luck. Then I tried to get myself into other people's groups, but the problem was that there were no openings for a DM, just a player.

*GASP!* A player?!? I haven't done that since I was like, thirteen. I don't function well as a player. I love DMing, it's a passion. As a player I'm bossy metagaming son of a bitch. I have the character concept attention span of Robin Williams. I hog the spotlight. And to boot, I'm simply unable to think as a player. To decide what to do next. I'm afraid to do anything, I can never know what kinda rat bastardy thing the DM might do to me!!

Still, practically dying from RPG madness, so I threw away my DM soapbox and butted myself into a few player groups.

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GROUP #1 – WHY GOTHS CAN BE DANGEROUS

The first group I tried out was a group a friend of mine played in. I'd never gamed with him before though. It was a game of Vampire. I've done Vampire before, usually as a GM, plenty of times. I liked it, gothic horror centered around the battle against inner demons. Like it? Love it. I was rather excited about how exactly the game would be different from ours, which was rather grim 'n gritty and soul-search-ery.

I was led into a dark basement in the suburbs, where a large shabby table was covered by candles and all kinds of religious icons. There were three gamers besides me and my friend, two who were girls (never gamed with one before, not by choice). They were all very much goths (not surprising, since my friend is very much goth-ery). I did stand out a bit in my brown pants and grey t-shirt, but we hit off immediately. Great sense of humour and marvellous music tastes.

Then we started playing.

DM: "You find yourself in a shady neighbourhood, the dark shadows of Old Prague stretch across the dark streets. The shadowy prostitutes trying to haggle with dark and mysterious men. It's uh... very... eh..."

Me: "Dark?"

DM: "Oh yes. You better believe it."

Player#1: "I am full of contempt and self loathing, I'll start cutting myself."

Player#2: "I'll do that and also start crying!"

Player#1: "Oh yeah? I'll run across the street screaming in anguish over my tortured existence."

Player#2: "Oh man, that's so over the top! I'll find myself a young child to play with, trying to feel anything that might be known as humanity, only to loose it and kill the child violently."

Player#1: "Yeah? I'll try to tie myself up outside as the sun rises, trying to end my unlife, only to chicken out and loath myself for it."

Player#3: "You guys are such losers. I'm going to watch every single Disney movie in chronically order in a row."

Player#1: "Whoah!"

Player#2: "I am humbled by your presence."

Player#3: "This is of course counting both the animated and live action classics."

Friend: "Sorry what was that? I was busy trying to imagine that I had just violently raped and killed my own mother to get into character."

Me: "I kinda like the Disney movies. Especially the animated ones."

* Embarrassing silence *

Me: "Right... suddenly I don't feel that good. Kinda depressed. I think I'll be going."

And that was that. I have had trouble looking my friend in the eyes since.

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GROUP #2 – CURSE OF THE NEWBIES

My second try was with a bunch of younger guys, in first year at my school. They had only been gaming for a couple of months. They were very happy about getting me onboard, having someone with a bit more experience than they did. It was a D&D 3e game.

I never really got a chance to play.

DM: "Right, so the PHB, DMG and MM are in as well as the official wotc splatbooks. I may allow more stuff in later on, but this is it for now."

Me: "Ok. Right, so what are your basic campaign idea?"

DM: "We're using the Forgotten Realms."

Me: "Ok, but what the scope of the campaign? High magic I guess, since it's FR, right? Will there be a quest-like goal or is just like free-reign type of game where we move from dungeon from dungeon?"

DM: "Scope? Eh? What do you mean?"

Me: "I mean, what are the basic role playing concepts behind the game?"

DM: "What? You mean like classes?"

Me: "Huh? No I mean, like... eh... the idea... concept... what will we be doing in the game?"

DM: Y'know, killing monsters and stuff."

Me: "Why? How?"

DM: "Huh?!?"

Me: "Never mind."

Player#1: "My new character is ready!"

DM: "Great. Let me see."

Me: "What's your character like?"

Player#1: "Elf Rogue 3/Fighter 2/Wizard 1."

Me: "What's he like?"

Player#1: "Uh... Elf Rogue 3/Fighter 2/Wizard 1."

Me: "No. Ignore the rules, what's the character's personality, background and such like?"

Player#1: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Oh, never mind."

DM: "I was wondering whether there was one little thing you could help me out with?"

Me: "Sure."

DM: "These so-called Attacks of Opportunities, how exactly do they work? I've been trying to figure it out and I just can't wrap my head around it."

Me: "Oh, I don't know. Never understood them properly, never liked 'em, never used 'em."

DM: "What?!? How?!? But it's a part of the game! It's in the rules!! That's cheatin'!"

Me: "Yes, but the rules always come second to role playing and the enjoyment of the game. They were bogging down play, so we threw them out. Anyway, the "rules" are really nothing more than guidelines of how the game might work if we so choose, not ultimate laws of the RPG world."

DM: "Your point being...?"

Player#1: "There was a point? I thought he was just quoting the bible or something."

So, it didn't really work out. We were at too different stages of RPGing, so I told them that I probably didn't have enough time to game after all, school 'n work and all. They seemed nothing terribly sad to see me go. They thought I was weird.

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GROUP #3 – AND LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST: WAR GAMES

Two months after that I noticed an ad on an Icelandic message board (www.Hugi.is) that requested a player for a 3e D&D game. After some emailing, I was invited to a apartment in less than ten minute walk from me. Nice! Just a short walk to go. Hope for the best.

I was the oldest of the bunch, but not by much. They were all one year younger. There were three of them, a DM and two players. They wanted one extra player or as they explained: "We need a cleric." So I just rolled up a hit-point-giver and put on my gaming shoes.

DM: "Ah yes, before we start I must warn you that I have made some minor changed to the rules. Mostly to just streamline combat as well as to add a little bit of realism to the damage and hit point rules."

Me: "Oh yeah sure. Grim-n-gritty? Sounds fine. I'm not the type to worked up over rule stuff."

DM: "Great! Ok, you are in a tavern. By one of the tables you see two muscular men, a monk and a psychic warrior."

Me: "How can I tell?"

DM: "Uh... they're both bald and one is covered in tattoos."

Player#1: "Not bald, shaved!"

Me: "I walk up to them and greet them. 'Morning fellow adventurers, may I sit down for a cool pint of ale and the swapping of some fearsome war stories?'"

Player#1: "Yo."

Player#2: "Sure."

DM: "A shady and mysterious fellow sits down besides you and asks you if you're interested in a treasure map that leads the way to untold riches."

Player#1: "Yo."

Player#2: "Sure."

Me: "'This proposition sure sounds tempting, but I must ask of you, why do you not use it to fill your own pockets of gold?"

Player#1: "Who cares, let's get going."

Player#2: "Yeah, don't get stuck in the details."

Me: "Uh.. ok. Whatever."

DM: "After a three day journey you arrive at the entrance to the dungeon."

Me: "Just like that?"

Player#1: "Don't g..."

Me: "The details, details, don't get stuck. Right."

Player#2: "Thatta boy."

DM: "As you approach the entrance a large black dragon appears and attacks."

Player#1: "YEAH! Combat! I grab my Ethereal Powered Vorpal Axe (tm)!!!"

Player#2: "I go into my ninja pose. Oh how he will feel the wrath of my tiger fists!"

Me: "Whoah! A dragon! Just like that?!? Ah... ok, I try to cast... lemmesee..."

Player#1: "I will now manifest Astral Construct II."

Player#2: "Oh the irony of a dragon being beaten by the Dragon Discipline of combat."

Me: "...lemmesee... that one? Nah... rather... uh... ah I got it! I am going to..."

DM: "The dragon launches forward with it's jaws at you."

Me: "Me? But... Iwasgonna..."

DM: "Too late. He hit you. Hand me a couple of d6s."

Me: "Oh, only 2d6 of damage then?"

DM: "No, I just already had the other six dices."

Player#1: "Don't forget to add the damage for his ribs breaking and impaling his organs. If he rolls a twenty it'll puncture his heart."

Player#2: "I'd think the dragon would have a very acid "bad" breath y'know, that's like a d4 or two of extra burning damage."

Me: "I thought you said not to get stuck in the details."

Player#1: "Yeah, but this is combat, man."

DM: "Right, your character is dead."

Me: "But we just got started."

Player#2: "This is realism buddy. Now, I'll then use my thunder fist feat to hit the dragon's main artery running through his jaw as he finishes swallowing him."

DM: "Right. Roll a d20, don't forget to add the penalties for being inactive in combat for a couple of days."

Player#2: "But I was practicing off screen."

DM: "You didn't mention that."

Player#2: "Rats."

Player#1: "Don't forget the weather modifiers on wind speed and how slippery the ground is."

And so on. I spent the next forty minutes in watching them tackle one monster after another until both their characters were dead. They seemed very happy with the game. When they asked if I was ready to roll up a new character and start again (it was their fifth attack on that dungeon), I excused myself and went home.

.

I have not tried again, but instead wait patiently for finding a group to DM. Until then, I satisfy my lusts in the In Character forums.

I liked the vampire story. VERY funny.

You're the funniest man in Iceland. No wonder we like you so much.

That vampire story is disturbingly similar to a game that I played in once.

And if you change the level of the characters in your War Games story to 3rd level, and give them no magic items, then it sounds similar to one I was in as well.

Are you my Icelandic doppelganger?

Your situation mirror some memories I had of finding a group to play with.

Like the campaign that had our party going against a very high level wizard....initially sounded okay until I found out that wizard was called Emperor Palatine and he had a fleet of Star Destroyers, a Death Star and the Stormtroopers were all a type of Golem.......

Or the campaign in which all the characters were some moronic impossible abberations - I found out my fellow party members were a --- death knight with six arms, each with +5 Unholy Reavers; a Half-Dragon Half-Drow, Half-Phoenix daughter of the campaign's Death god; a Half-Troll,Half-Yeti, Half-Frost Giant Cannibal; and a demi-god of something or another called Hal. To be polite, I put my dice away (I was starting to roll up a character when I found the above out) and said I would watch for a bit. After an hour, my worst fears were confirmed and I left.

It takes all types to make the world go round. And our hobby attracts more than it share of people who (to be polite), march to the beat of a different drum....

No real answers to your problem. Keep trying. Eventually, you could find a group that is a better fit. Or try to form a group of your own and carefully screen to filter out the weirdoes and screwballs. That is what I did - I had to every three years as I was in the military and was posted somewhere new every three years.

Keep the faith, bro.

Nice. So sorry.

On the other hand, I was thinking.... It could have been worse. You could have had one player from each in the same game. Not sure which DM would be worst, though.

Although it would be gratifying to see the goths experience the wargame combat.

Man, and I thought I had it rough.

Third one sounds like the group I used to game with. Funny.

This is exactly why I DM now.

Memories, like a punch in the pancreas

Fourecks looks upon the form of the poor, naive, inexperienced lad and sighs before commenting, "I remember when I still had hope, too..."

Lol, this sounds like my numerous, volumnious, experience in searching for a group to join.

I swear, every time I think I've seen it all, I encounter a new type of group.

All this stems from never having that initial group of friends who gamed. Save yourself some trouble and try and get the others (from your original game) together to game, even if it's only once a month due to distance. Trust me when I tell you that you will have MANY more experiences like the above, some worse, some better, before finding a group you fit with.

I've been playing since I was thirteen. I'm now twenty-seven. I'm still searching...

VB, if you really want to play and live in iceland, drop me an email and I will introduce you to an old pal of mine. His name is Orri and he is hands down one of the best da** rp'ers around, he's written a large chunk of the stuff on Planewalker and I really think that you two would hit it off.

I'll be looking forward to your email.