ready for a new round of Ceramic DM?(judgements in, check in for finals...)
- Thread starter alsih2o
- Start date
alsih2o
First Post
drawmack vs taladas results!
maldur-
Strangely both contestants interpreted the fire as a revenge thing. But
Taladas made it a cleaner and more to the point story. His use of the
pictures was also more concentrated on the story.
Winner: Taladas
alsih2o-
taladas- pretty darned straitforward. good usage of the pictures, even without stretching them or reading too much into them. and a nice bit about 2 boys in hell
drawmack- again, no real stretch wiht the pictures, it seems both of oyu used these similarly, and i am gonna take that as a bad mark on me
overall,i have to tip the scales towards drawmack, as the stories are essentially so similar but his maintains a more classic fairy tale feel abd he is bold enough to try the "3 tied in stories" method.
mirthcard-
Drawmack: I like the hook of the story and the
way that it plays on our expectations as an audience.
When the kids take the berries from the old man, we
want to scream at them not to do so, because we
already know how this is going to end. The description
of the old man was nice too, especially given his
eventual transformation into alsih2o's picture.
However, even though you made good use of that picture
in that instance, you may have overused it in the end.
In all of the DM competitions (Ceramic, Iron, etc), it
is imperative that you give equal time to each of the
ingredients assigned. All of them should be integral
to the entry and the removal of any ingredient should
cause the entry to fall apart. Unfortunately in your
case, you have really only made good use of one
picture, number 3. The first picture is a throwaway in
the beginning and is never referred to again. Numbers
2 and 4 are tacked on at the end, barely illustrating
the last moments of the story. Number 3, on the other
hand, is responsible for the antagonist, the plot, the
exposition of said plot, the action, the resolution,
and so on. You easily could have given time that you
wasted on centaurs and berry picking (why were those
in the story?) to further develop the impact and
meaning that the other three pictures had for the
story. Also, the ending left me cold - apparently, the
kids could care less that they essentially brought
about the destruction of everything they had known,
everything that they had held dear to their hearts.
Well, except for the dog, I guess.
Taladas: I enjoyed the setup here. Knowing the
warnings, knowing the evil she is dealing with, the
old woman is blinded by hate so much that she, in a
way, becomes more evil than that which she hates and
that which she summons. Yet this great setup seems to
resolve itself too quickly. I'm not a fan of overlong
entries (hear that everyone?), but this one comes to a
screeching halt. And, like Drawmack, your use of the
pictures is uneven. Pictures 1 and 3 are used well,
but 2 and especially 4 are more like throwaways.
Beyond that, the story made me really pity the kids,
which I don't think was intentional. A couple of nice
kids who try to help a lost dog are fed gruel by their
abusive and racist grandmother and then doomed to walk
hell for eternity when said grandmother tries to use
her 'concern' over them to justify her causing
genocide through devil worship. Man that just plain
sucks.
mirthcard's decision: In this tight race, I
give it to Taladas for the more active plot of
his story and the more balanced use of the
ingredients. However, I think both competitors could
have done better.
looks like taladas in a split decision...
maldur-
Strangely both contestants interpreted the fire as a revenge thing. But
Taladas made it a cleaner and more to the point story. His use of the
pictures was also more concentrated on the story.
Winner: Taladas
alsih2o-
taladas- pretty darned straitforward. good usage of the pictures, even without stretching them or reading too much into them. and a nice bit about 2 boys in hell
drawmack- again, no real stretch wiht the pictures, it seems both of oyu used these similarly, and i am gonna take that as a bad mark on me
overall,i have to tip the scales towards drawmack, as the stories are essentially so similar but his maintains a more classic fairy tale feel abd he is bold enough to try the "3 tied in stories" method.
mirthcard-
Drawmack: I like the hook of the story and the
way that it plays on our expectations as an audience.
When the kids take the berries from the old man, we
want to scream at them not to do so, because we
already know how this is going to end. The description
of the old man was nice too, especially given his
eventual transformation into alsih2o's picture.
However, even though you made good use of that picture
in that instance, you may have overused it in the end.
In all of the DM competitions (Ceramic, Iron, etc), it
is imperative that you give equal time to each of the
ingredients assigned. All of them should be integral
to the entry and the removal of any ingredient should
cause the entry to fall apart. Unfortunately in your
case, you have really only made good use of one
picture, number 3. The first picture is a throwaway in
the beginning and is never referred to again. Numbers
2 and 4 are tacked on at the end, barely illustrating
the last moments of the story. Number 3, on the other
hand, is responsible for the antagonist, the plot, the
exposition of said plot, the action, the resolution,
and so on. You easily could have given time that you
wasted on centaurs and berry picking (why were those
in the story?) to further develop the impact and
meaning that the other three pictures had for the
story. Also, the ending left me cold - apparently, the
kids could care less that they essentially brought
about the destruction of everything they had known,
everything that they had held dear to their hearts.
Well, except for the dog, I guess.
Taladas: I enjoyed the setup here. Knowing the
warnings, knowing the evil she is dealing with, the
old woman is blinded by hate so much that she, in a
way, becomes more evil than that which she hates and
that which she summons. Yet this great setup seems to
resolve itself too quickly. I'm not a fan of overlong
entries (hear that everyone?), but this one comes to a
screeching halt. And, like Drawmack, your use of the
pictures is uneven. Pictures 1 and 3 are used well,
but 2 and especially 4 are more like throwaways.
Beyond that, the story made me really pity the kids,
which I don't think was intentional. A couple of nice
kids who try to help a lost dog are fed gruel by their
abusive and racist grandmother and then doomed to walk
hell for eternity when said grandmother tries to use
her 'concern' over them to justify her causing
genocide through devil worship. Man that just plain
sucks.
mirthcard's decision: In this tight race, I
give it to Taladas for the more active plot of
his story and the more balanced use of the
ingredients. However, I think both competitors could
have done better.
looks like taladas in a split decision...
alsih2o
First Post
joshua dyal vs gregor-
maldur-
Again a similar use of the images, the craftsman as the main character, and
a not so happy end. But it seems Gregor did create a simpler and more to the
point story. While Joshua's story was nice, I thought the "window-dressing"
like the church/preacher and the Carnival were not really necessary, even
distracting from the real story. So my vote goes to our newbie.
Winner: Gregor.
alsih2o-
gregor- i really liked this. the pictures were used well( i assumed everyone would make the tiger harmless, like toothless in the old lassie cartoons) and the old man magical, maybe it is just how you broke from my expectaqtions but i fely right at home in oyur story. eamon will show up in my cmapaign at some point
josh dyal- wowza what a wacky story! i like how the devil pic was used, and the tiger pic had some real promise.
gregor made a better match with the pics to me, but joshuas story was wacky-come-goodly, i have to give it to joshua, with a nod of the head to gregor for having enough sand to step into competition so soon after joining the boards
mirthcard-
Gregor: That was a tough set of pictures to
deal with, I'll give you that. What you managed to do
with them was quite inventive, if a little bit forced.
I liked the character and characteristics of Eamon
that you lay out for us - a gentle old soul who likes
cornhusk art, farming, raising pigs and beautiful
sunsets and just happens to live in a cave with a
full-grown tiger and a demon-child It sounds
like a really messed up personal ad now that I think
about it. All of the pictures are used well and fit
the plot of the piece nicely. So where does this entry
falter? It's a bit too long. That's always a tough
line to draw, however. Not enough and the judge will
say it's skimpy, too much and the judge will get
bored, which I very nearly was, especially given the
slow, methodical pacing. You worked quite a bit of
descriptive text into your entry and although it is
very well done, to me it was overdone. We already have
the pictures to go by, we don't need to be told every
detail in the picture over again. But herein lies
another problem, if you took the descriptive text out,
you're not left with much of a story. The plot seemed
a bit threadbare to me, only serving to loosely
connect the (admittedly difficult) picture ingredients
together. The piece has its strengths and weaknesses
and ultimately come out so-so for me.
Joshua Dyal: Nice, nice, nice. I really like
this JD. The character of Horace comes through so
strongly in the first part, that you think you've got
him nailed. But then comes the left turn at Albequerue
in part two. Suddenly, Horace is LaVey Jr. Who knew? I
really didn't see that coming. Things just tumble on
from there. The stranger, the love, the tiger, the
little demon puff - these are all really nice touches.
Although your piece is a bit long too, I didn't find
myself wanting to skip ahead. This entry held my
attention throughout. I thought the pacing jumped from
introspection to desperation and back again
effortlessly. The twist at the end was nice also,
although I would have liked more exposition of
Melissa's character before she became an active
participant. She seemed almost too convenient a
villain. Your use of picture 3 seemed tacked on as
well. All in all, I couldn't find much to criticize
here. Good job. Oh, one more thing, I believe the
lyrics are: If you don't eat your meat, you can't
have any pudding; How can you have any pudding, if you
don't eat your meat? To me, they fit even better
than the ones you posted.
mirthcard's decision: In a blistering show of
force, Joshua Dyal blazes past his opponent.
split decision again, joshua dyal moves on to round 2...
maldur-
Again a similar use of the images, the craftsman as the main character, and
a not so happy end. But it seems Gregor did create a simpler and more to the
point story. While Joshua's story was nice, I thought the "window-dressing"
like the church/preacher and the Carnival were not really necessary, even
distracting from the real story. So my vote goes to our newbie.
Winner: Gregor.
alsih2o-
gregor- i really liked this. the pictures were used well( i assumed everyone would make the tiger harmless, like toothless in the old lassie cartoons) and the old man magical, maybe it is just how you broke from my expectaqtions but i fely right at home in oyur story. eamon will show up in my cmapaign at some point
josh dyal- wowza what a wacky story! i like how the devil pic was used, and the tiger pic had some real promise.
gregor made a better match with the pics to me, but joshuas story was wacky-come-goodly, i have to give it to joshua, with a nod of the head to gregor for having enough sand to step into competition so soon after joining the boards
mirthcard-
Gregor: That was a tough set of pictures to
deal with, I'll give you that. What you managed to do
with them was quite inventive, if a little bit forced.
I liked the character and characteristics of Eamon
that you lay out for us - a gentle old soul who likes
cornhusk art, farming, raising pigs and beautiful
sunsets and just happens to live in a cave with a
full-grown tiger and a demon-child
It soundslike a really messed up personal ad now that I think
about it. All of the pictures are used well and fit
the plot of the piece nicely. So where does this entry
falter? It's a bit too long. That's always a tough
line to draw, however. Not enough and the judge will
say it's skimpy, too much and the judge will get
bored, which I very nearly was, especially given the
slow, methodical pacing. You worked quite a bit of
descriptive text into your entry and although it is
very well done, to me it was overdone. We already have
the pictures to go by, we don't need to be told every
detail in the picture over again. But herein lies
another problem, if you took the descriptive text out,
you're not left with much of a story. The plot seemed
a bit threadbare to me, only serving to loosely
connect the (admittedly difficult) picture ingredients
together. The piece has its strengths and weaknesses
and ultimately come out so-so for me.
Joshua Dyal: Nice, nice, nice. I really like
this JD. The character of Horace comes through so
strongly in the first part, that you think you've got
him nailed. But then comes the left turn at Albequerue
in part two. Suddenly, Horace is LaVey Jr. Who knew? I
really didn't see that coming. Things just tumble on
from there. The stranger, the love, the tiger, the
little demon puff - these are all really nice touches.
Although your piece is a bit long too, I didn't find
myself wanting to skip ahead. This entry held my
attention throughout. I thought the pacing jumped from
introspection to desperation and back again
effortlessly. The twist at the end was nice also,
although I would have liked more exposition of
Melissa's character before she became an active
participant. She seemed almost too convenient a
villain. Your use of picture 3 seemed tacked on as
well. All in all, I couldn't find much to criticize
here. Good job. Oh, one more thing, I believe the
lyrics are: If you don't eat your meat, you can't
have any pudding; How can you have any pudding, if you
don't eat your meat? To me, they fit even better
than the ones you posted.
mirthcard's decision: In a blistering show of
force, Joshua Dyal blazes past his opponent.
split decision again, joshua dyal moves on to round 2...
CONGRATS to Joshua for that amazing piece of prose. I'll be cheering for you from the sidelines. This competition is yours, go get it!
I want to thank the judges for taking time out of their busy schedules to offer this competition and to provide us with some constructive criticism on our stories.
It was an honour competing in this event and I will definitely be back for the next one!
Cheers!
I want to thank the judges for taking time out of their busy schedules to offer this competition and to provide us with some constructive criticism on our stories.
It was an honour competing in this event and I will definitely be back for the next one!
Cheers!
Drawmack
First Post
Re: drawmack vs taladas results!
I have to take exception with some of the judgements.
How much does a child have to care about their mother to notice that she's washing in the fountain first thing in the morning, even though that's what she does every morning. Would have been mentioned again in parts II and III, remember the name is part I.
Excuse me, the revenge is the point of this first piece. The two pictures are used to illustrate the means of carrying out said revenger. They illustrate the climax and aftermath of the story. If climax and aftermath are not integral to a story then I do not know what is.
It is not responsible for all that. It is responsible for the betrayal. It is the character you hate. Being the character you hate the reader puts more emphasis on that then the rest, but that is not the authors fault.
The children are in shock. The ending to part I of a trilogy is intended to make you keep reading. You have yet to see these children morn, they are looking for something but they have no idea what and on top of all that how are they going to survive in a world that is apparently much more then they know?
I have to take exception with some of the judgements.
alsih2o said:
How much does a child have to care about their mother to notice that she's washing in the fountain first thing in the morning, even though that's what she does every morning. Would have been mentioned again in parts II and III, remember the name is part I.
Excuse me, the revenge is the point of this first piece. The two pictures are used to illustrate the means of carrying out said revenger. They illustrate the climax and aftermath of the story. If climax and aftermath are not integral to a story then I do not know what is.
It is not responsible for all that. It is responsible for the betrayal. It is the character you hate. Being the character you hate the reader puts more emphasis on that then the rest, but that is not the authors fault.
The children are in shock. The ending to part I of a trilogy is intended to make you keep reading. You have yet to see these children morn, they are looking for something but they have no idea what and on top of all that how are they going to survive in a world that is apparently much more then they know?
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