ready for a new round of Ceramic DM?(judgements in, check in for finals...)
- Thread starter alsih2o
- Start date
alsih2o
First Post
maldur-
Taladas wrote a very short story about one of the kings mages, very nice
idea but I have seen him do better on the actual writing.
NoOneofConsequence's story on revenge, always a popular theme in the ceramic
contest, was better.
But Joshua wrote a longer, but also much better story.
So reading the stories the order should be:
1:Joshua Dyal
2: NoOneofConsequence
3:Taladas
alsih2o-
nooc- wow, i really like this bit. i like the use of the arm, the wrestlers, the frozen guy, the smoking bird. the story isn't exactly shocking, but the way it uses theses images to convey a classic feeling story just does it for me
joshua dyal- what an odd story, possibly a bot too long for ceramic dm, but it held my interest the whole way through. i kept waiting for it to fall apart into a poor harry potter ripoff, or a sexual farce of a story, but it was actually pretty darned good. the pictures were all used the same way except 1 though, i liked HOW they were used, but it seems to slightly cheapen them to use them all the same way.
taladas- good pic usage, but i couuld have stood for a lot more fluff, maybe some more detail and distraction. it just felt a little rushed.
for my money, nooc and josh dyal move on
mirthcard-
NoOneOfConsequence: Again, nicely done.
Balanced and clever use of the pictures. Maybe a bit
too clever? "The Judgment Rendered," indeed. Don't be
cheeky, mate. I don't read any storyhours (I probably
should), but this piece is what I conceive of a good
storyhour to sound like. It's a game scenario that
doesn't read like a game scenario. We're all gamers
here and we all love a good game, but how easy would
it be to capture that game as short fiction and not
have it sound trite and hokey. Not sure what else to
say. You are proving to be one hard cookie to break.
Joshua Dyal: I'm just going to come right out
and say it. I really hated the premise. The combo of
Harry Potter/Pokemon (or is it Card Captors or is it
Digimon, who can tell?)/Oversexed Teens/Strip Poker
left me really cold, so to speak. I can't buy a bunch
of adults sanctioning/overseeing a stripping contest
between underage kids anyway. All of that coupled with
the fact that it just went on way too long made this
piece extremely difficult to get through. I like your
writing style, your characterization and your pacing,
but that premise just drives daggers through my head.
Your picture use seemed a bit contrived as well. All
but one of the pics was a force of magic in the game,
which easily could have been replaced by anything else
(for example a bunch of pigs and a tiger) and would
still have worked just as well. The one pic that
wasn't part of this grouping wasn't used especially
well either. Even when I take the time to try and get
into the story, things keep throwing me back out again
(i.e. Colin knew he was going to a stripping match...
he knew that the girls had won for several years
running... the odds are that he will have to strip...
he DOESN'T have any clean pairs of his normal
underwear?!?! I just don't buy it!) All in all, this
entry seemed cheesy and contrived, something I
honestly wasn't expecting from you.
Taladas: Your imagery (and your use of the
pictures) is quite nice - the oracle incased in glass,
Lord Sean sitting bored at the festival play, the
breath of a songbird - all of these details are really
well done and draw me into the tale. Yet my confusion
outweighs my interest because your main character's
point of view shifts so often. From third person to
first person, from passive to active voice - this
story is all over the place. It's so hard to follow
that I find myself not caring about what happens. It
seems as if you rushed to get this in on time. A good
reread and some strong editing could have helped this
piece get unstuck from the mire that it has instead
become. As it is, I can't read it.
mirthcard's decision:[/b] NoOneOfConsequence and
Joshua Dyal advance to the finals. The former for
obvious reasons, the latter because even though I
found the subject matter distasteful, it was readable,
whereas Taladas' entry was not.
unanimous, josh dyal and nooc go on to the finals.
Taladas wrote a very short story about one of the kings mages, very nice
idea but I have seen him do better on the actual writing.
NoOneofConsequence's story on revenge, always a popular theme in the ceramic
contest, was better.
But Joshua wrote a longer, but also much better story.
So reading the stories the order should be:
1:Joshua Dyal
2: NoOneofConsequence
3:Taladas
alsih2o-
nooc- wow, i really like this bit. i like the use of the arm, the wrestlers, the frozen guy, the smoking bird. the story isn't exactly shocking, but the way it uses theses images to convey a classic feeling story just does it for me
joshua dyal- what an odd story, possibly a bot too long for ceramic dm, but it held my interest the whole way through. i kept waiting for it to fall apart into a poor harry potter ripoff, or a sexual farce of a story, but it was actually pretty darned good. the pictures were all used the same way except 1 though, i liked HOW they were used, but it seems to slightly cheapen them to use them all the same way.
taladas- good pic usage, but i couuld have stood for a lot more fluff, maybe some more detail and distraction. it just felt a little rushed.
for my money, nooc and josh dyal move on
mirthcard-
NoOneOfConsequence: Again, nicely done.
Balanced and clever use of the pictures. Maybe a bit
too clever? "The Judgment Rendered," indeed. Don't be
cheeky, mate. I don't read any storyhours (I probably
should), but this piece is what I conceive of a good
storyhour to sound like. It's a game scenario that
doesn't read like a game scenario. We're all gamers
here and we all love a good game, but how easy would
it be to capture that game as short fiction and not
have it sound trite and hokey. Not sure what else to
say. You are proving to be one hard cookie to break.
Joshua Dyal: I'm just going to come right out
and say it. I really hated the premise. The combo of
Harry Potter/Pokemon (or is it Card Captors or is it
Digimon, who can tell?)/Oversexed Teens/Strip Poker
left me really cold, so to speak. I can't buy a bunch
of adults sanctioning/overseeing a stripping contest
between underage kids anyway. All of that coupled with
the fact that it just went on way too long made this
piece extremely difficult to get through. I like your
writing style, your characterization and your pacing,
but that premise just drives daggers through my head.
Your picture use seemed a bit contrived as well. All
but one of the pics was a force of magic in the game,
which easily could have been replaced by anything else
(for example a bunch of pigs and a tiger) and would
still have worked just as well. The one pic that
wasn't part of this grouping wasn't used especially
well either. Even when I take the time to try and get
into the story, things keep throwing me back out again
(i.e. Colin knew he was going to a stripping match...
he knew that the girls had won for several years
running... the odds are that he will have to strip...
he DOESN'T have any clean pairs of his normal
underwear?!?! I just don't buy it!) All in all, this
entry seemed cheesy and contrived, something I
honestly wasn't expecting from you.
Taladas: Your imagery (and your use of the
pictures) is quite nice - the oracle incased in glass,
Lord Sean sitting bored at the festival play, the
breath of a songbird - all of these details are really
well done and draw me into the tale. Yet my confusion
outweighs my interest because your main character's
point of view shifts so often. From third person to
first person, from passive to active voice - this
story is all over the place. It's so hard to follow
that I find myself not caring about what happens. It
seems as if you rushed to get this in on time. A good
reread and some strong editing could have helped this
piece get unstuck from the mire that it has instead
become. As it is, I can't read it.
mirthcard's decision:[/b] NoOneOfConsequence and
Joshua Dyal advance to the finals. The former for
obvious reasons, the latter because even though I
found the subject matter distasteful, it was readable,
whereas Taladas' entry was not.
unanimous, josh dyal and nooc go on to the finals.
Desdichado
Hero
An obvious risk; the theme was a bit on the dodgy side. However, the reason I like the story, if I can say so myself, is that it is a fairly universal to a "teen spirit" -- I doubt many teenage guys would fail to identify with it, at the very least.alsih2o said:
As far as it's suitability as a Ceramic DM entry, it's clearly weak in that regard, as I acknowledged earlier. It's a story that almost allows me to "cheat" my way through the use of the pictures.
NoOneofConsequence
First Post
Is this what baseballers call the seventh inning stretch?
I've never made it this far before - the end is in sight, the crown awaits.
Of course I could just fall in an embarrassing heap.
Bring on the "endgame".
I've never made it this far before - the end is in sight, the crown awaits.
Of course I could just fall in an embarrassing heap.
Bring on the "endgame".
Desdichado
Hero
Truth be told, so do I. Then again, I didn't write it under the same constraints.Maldur said:JD: I have to say I like the original Golem story better , but you rewrote it enough to make it a different story
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