alsih2o
First Post
maldur-
Even as its really hard to judge different picturesets against one another.
My vote goes for NOOC, his story just is the stronger one of the two. Its
more a single story instead off several parts kitbashed together.
Winner: Nooneofconsequence.
alsih2o-
auroragyps- really liked the use of the spherids pic, but the rest seemed a bit on the bland side treatment-wise. it seemed like oyu were trying to fit a lot of story in a small space.
nooc- i am liking this oen a lot. from the readings from the snake/child to the magical focus for the crystal, all of this seems to work for me. the lighted hallway maybe could have been used a little more imaginatively, but who notices under this cool little ditty?
i have to go with nooc
mirthcard-
NoOneOfConsequence: This piece was nicely done
- a very tightly paced story that gives full shrift to
all of the pictures. We understand the protagonist's
place in the story immediately as well as her
relationship to her employer, the mage. The bits of
flavor text do just that, giving us enough of a taste
to add depth but not too much so as not to overwhelm
the whole. I was all set to detract points for using
the boy and the snake as a throwaway, but in the end
the prophecy they dispense is shown to be
self-fulfilling. The only piece that seems a bit
forced is the crystal, but the mage spends so much
time trying to explain its somewhat convoluted place
in the magic that I bought it. Seeing it through the
female warrior's eyes as so much 'bullhockey' was
refreshingly funny and helped me suspend that part of
my disbelief. Not too much to criticize here as this
was sharp and focused all around.
Auroragyps: I liked the setting of the Warrens
and the heroic nature of the boy, Jessen. There was a
nice feel of children's folktale about the piece that
gave it a nice rhythm. I was especially impressed with
the boy's sorrow at having killed the enemy instead of
simply driving it away. This loss of innocence in the
face of adversity came across really strongly. I did
notice that two of the pictures were mislabeled 3 was
4 and vice-versa, but it didn't bother me enough to
count against you. Your picture use as a whole could
have been a bit better, as I will illustrate. Picture
1 (the nun) was just way too convenient. She's the
first person that Jessen finds on the surface and she
knows everything about his enemy and how to defeat it.
This was way too easy and caused me to roll my eyes
when I read it. Picture 2 (star) really seemed forced.
If it had been a picture of a horn instead, then it
would have been wholly appropriate to the story. As it
was used however, you could have taken the lattice
star out completely and the story would not have
changed, which is not a good use of a picture
ingredient. Picture 3 (tunnels) is fairly well used as
illustrative of the Warrens in which the story is set,
but when the actual picture is described in detail in
the story it seems very forced (ie. the family went
right and the boy went left). Finally, Picture 4
(spherid) was well used as the enemy, although I
thought the name was a bit silly. In addition, I felt
the pacing was stilted and choppy with several
sentences sounding like a court transcript, "Subject A
went here and did this. Subject B replied with this
and then went here. Subject A left and went here to
talk to Subject C..." and on and on. In the end, I
felt the idea was very strong (and touching even) but
the execution was rough.
mirthcard's decision: It's hard to decide
between stories that have different picture
ingredients, but in this case I award it to NoOneOfConsequence.
unanimous decision, nooc goes on to our screwy final....as soon as all 3 winners have checked in we can start it
Even as its really hard to judge different picturesets against one another.
My vote goes for NOOC, his story just is the stronger one of the two. Its
more a single story instead off several parts kitbashed together.
Winner: Nooneofconsequence.
alsih2o-
auroragyps- really liked the use of the spherids pic, but the rest seemed a bit on the bland side treatment-wise. it seemed like oyu were trying to fit a lot of story in a small space.
nooc- i am liking this oen a lot. from the readings from the snake/child to the magical focus for the crystal, all of this seems to work for me. the lighted hallway maybe could have been used a little more imaginatively, but who notices under this cool little ditty?
i have to go with nooc
mirthcard-
NoOneOfConsequence: This piece was nicely done
- a very tightly paced story that gives full shrift to
all of the pictures. We understand the protagonist's
place in the story immediately as well as her
relationship to her employer, the mage. The bits of
flavor text do just that, giving us enough of a taste
to add depth but not too much so as not to overwhelm
the whole. I was all set to detract points for using
the boy and the snake as a throwaway, but in the end
the prophecy they dispense is shown to be
self-fulfilling. The only piece that seems a bit
forced is the crystal, but the mage spends so much
time trying to explain its somewhat convoluted place
in the magic that I bought it. Seeing it through the
female warrior's eyes as so much 'bullhockey' was
refreshingly funny and helped me suspend that part of
my disbelief. Not too much to criticize here as this
was sharp and focused all around.
Auroragyps: I liked the setting of the Warrens
and the heroic nature of the boy, Jessen. There was a
nice feel of children's folktale about the piece that
gave it a nice rhythm. I was especially impressed with
the boy's sorrow at having killed the enemy instead of
simply driving it away. This loss of innocence in the
face of adversity came across really strongly. I did
notice that two of the pictures were mislabeled 3 was
4 and vice-versa, but it didn't bother me enough to
count against you. Your picture use as a whole could
have been a bit better, as I will illustrate. Picture
1 (the nun) was just way too convenient. She's the
first person that Jessen finds on the surface and she
knows everything about his enemy and how to defeat it.
This was way too easy and caused me to roll my eyes
when I read it. Picture 2 (star) really seemed forced.
If it had been a picture of a horn instead, then it
would have been wholly appropriate to the story. As it
was used however, you could have taken the lattice
star out completely and the story would not have
changed, which is not a good use of a picture
ingredient. Picture 3 (tunnels) is fairly well used as
illustrative of the Warrens in which the story is set,
but when the actual picture is described in detail in
the story it seems very forced (ie. the family went
right and the boy went left). Finally, Picture 4
(spherid) was well used as the enemy, although I
thought the name was a bit silly. In addition, I felt
the pacing was stilted and choppy with several
sentences sounding like a court transcript, "Subject A
went here and did this. Subject B replied with this
and then went here. Subject A left and went here to
talk to Subject C..." and on and on. In the end, I
felt the idea was very strong (and touching even) but
the execution was rough.
mirthcard's decision: It's hard to decide
between stories that have different picture
ingredients, but in this case I award it to NoOneOfConsequence.
unanimous decision, nooc goes on to our screwy final....as soon as all 3 winners have checked in we can start it
