ready for a new round of Ceramic DM?(judgements in, check in for finals...) - Page 15


What's on your mind?

  1. #141
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    Originally posted by Joshua Dyal
    Well, that's some pretty ominous foreshadowing...
    Tell me about it

    But its all the name of fun and creativity so I'm looking forward to the results, win or lose.

 

  • #142
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    Originally posted by Maldur


    Let the man win two ceramics and his head grows as big as a watermelon

    :rolleyes:

    I know there's a metaphor about "spittin' seeds" in there somewhere, but Eric's Grandma might be listening
    Ceramic DM I & II -- http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=98651

  • #143
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    Originally posted by Drawmack


    but I'm the dm so none of the players even know.
    you are gonna smoke a turd in pugatory for that one

  • #144
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    Originally posted by alsih2o


    you are gonna smoke a turd in pugatory for that one
    Eric's Grandma is definitely listening now You're such a tease Clay, I know these guys thought you had posted the results.
    Ceramic DM I & II -- http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=98651

  • #145
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    So thought I You aare a tease, potter !!
    So many games, so little time!

  • #146
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    drawmack vs taladas results!

    maldur-
    Strangely both contestants interpreted the fire as a revenge thing. But
    Taladas made it a cleaner and more to the point story. His use of the
    pictures was also more concentrated on the story.
    Winner: Taladas


    alsih2o-
    taladas- pretty darned straitforward. good usage of the pictures, even without stretching them or reading too much into them. and a nice bit about 2 boys in hell

    drawmack- again, no real stretch wiht the pictures, it seems both of oyu used these similarly, and i am gonna take that as a bad mark on me

    overall,i have to tip the scales towards drawmack, as the stories are essentially so similar but his maintains a more classic fairy tale feel abd he is bold enough to try the "3 tied in stories" method.


    mirthcard-
    Drawmack: I like the hook of the story and the
    way that it plays on our expectations as an audience.
    When the kids take the berries from the old man, we
    want to scream at them not to do so, because we
    already know how this is going to end. The description
    of the old man was nice too, especially given his
    eventual transformation into alsih2o's picture.
    However, even though you made good use of that picture
    in that instance, you may have overused it in the end.
    In all of the DM competitions (Ceramic, Iron, etc), it
    is imperative that you give equal time to each of the
    ingredients assigned. All of them should be integral
    to the entry and the removal of any ingredient should
    cause the entry to fall apart. Unfortunately in your
    case, you have really only made good use of one
    picture, number 3. The first picture is a throwaway in
    the beginning and is never referred to again. Numbers
    2 and 4 are tacked on at the end, barely illustrating
    the last moments of the story. Number 3, on the other
    hand, is responsible for the antagonist, the plot, the
    exposition of said plot, the action, the resolution,
    and so on. You easily could have given time that you
    wasted on centaurs and berry picking (why were those
    in the story?) to further develop the impact and
    meaning that the other three pictures had for the
    story. Also, the ending left me cold - apparently, the
    kids could care less that they essentially brought
    about the destruction of everything they had known,
    everything that they had held dear to their hearts.
    Well, except for the dog, I guess.

    Taladas: I enjoyed the setup here. Knowing the
    warnings, knowing the evil she is dealing with, the
    old woman is blinded by hate so much that she, in a
    way, becomes more evil than that which she hates and
    that which she summons. Yet this great setup seems to
    resolve itself too quickly. I'm not a fan of overlong
    entries (hear that everyone?), but this one comes to a
    screeching halt. And, like Drawmack, your use of the
    pictures is uneven. Pictures 1 and 3 are used well,
    but 2 and especially 4 are more like throwaways.
    Beyond that, the story made me really pity the kids,
    which I don't think was intentional. A couple of nice
    kids who try to help a lost dog are fed gruel by their
    abusive and racist grandmother and then doomed to walk
    hell for eternity when said grandmother tries to use
    her 'concern' over them to justify her causing
    genocide through devil worship. Man that just plain
    sucks.

    mirthcard's decision: In this tight race, I
    give it to Taladas for the more active plot of
    his story and the more balanced use of the
    ingredients. However, I think both competitors could
    have done better.


    looks like taladas in a split decision...

  • #147
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    joshua dyal vs gregor-

    maldur-
    Again a similar use of the images, the craftsman as the main character, and
    a not so happy end. But it seems Gregor did create a simpler and more to the
    point story. While Joshua's story was nice, I thought the "window-dressing"
    like the church/preacher and the Carnival were not really necessary, even
    distracting from the real story. So my vote goes to our newbie.
    Winner: Gregor.

    alsih2o-
    gregor- i really liked this. the pictures were used well( i assumed everyone would make the tiger harmless, like toothless in the old lassie cartoons) and the old man magical, maybe it is just how you broke from my expectaqtions but i fely right at home in oyur story. eamon will show up in my cmapaign at some point

    josh dyal- wowza what a wacky story! i like how the devil pic was used, and the tiger pic had some real promise.

    gregor made a better match with the pics to me, but joshuas story was wacky-come-goodly, i have to give it to joshua, with a nod of the head to gregor for having enough sand to step into competition so soon after joining the boards

    mirthcard-
    Gregor: That was a tough set of pictures to
    deal with, I'll give you that. What you managed to do
    with them was quite inventive, if a little bit forced.
    I liked the character and characteristics of Eamon
    that you lay out for us - a gentle old soul who likes
    cornhusk art, farming, raising pigs and beautiful
    sunsets and just happens to live in a cave with a
    full-grown tiger and a demon-child It sounds
    like a really messed up personal ad now that I think
    about it. All of the pictures are used well and fit
    the plot of the piece nicely. So where does this entry
    falter? It's a bit too long. That's always a tough
    line to draw, however. Not enough and the judge will
    say it's skimpy, too much and the judge will get
    bored, which I very nearly was, especially given the
    slow, methodical pacing. You worked quite a bit of
    descriptive text into your entry and although it is
    very well done, to me it was overdone. We already have
    the pictures to go by, we don't need to be told every
    detail in the picture over again. But herein lies
    another problem, if you took the descriptive text out,
    you're not left with much of a story. The plot seemed
    a bit threadbare to me, only serving to loosely
    connect the (admittedly difficult) picture ingredients
    together. The piece has its strengths and weaknesses
    and ultimately come out so-so for me.

    Joshua Dyal: Nice, nice, nice. I really like
    this JD. The character of Horace comes through so
    strongly in the first part, that you think you've got
    him nailed. But then comes the left turn at Albequerue
    in part two. Suddenly, Horace is LaVey Jr. Who knew? I
    really didn't see that coming. Things just tumble on
    from there. The stranger, the love, the tiger, the
    little demon puff - these are all really nice touches.
    Although your piece is a bit long too, I didn't find
    myself wanting to skip ahead. This entry held my
    attention throughout. I thought the pacing jumped from
    introspection to desperation and back again
    effortlessly. The twist at the end was nice also,
    although I would have liked more exposition of
    Melissa's character before she became an active
    participant. She seemed almost too convenient a
    villain. Your use of picture 3 seemed tacked on as
    well. All in all, I couldn't find much to criticize
    here. Good job. Oh, one more thing, I believe the
    lyrics are: If you don't eat your meat, you can't
    have any pudding; How can you have any pudding, if you
    don't eat your meat?
    To me, they fit even better
    than the ones you posted.

    mirthcard's decision: In a blistering show of
    force, Joshua Dyal blazes past his opponent.

    split decision again, joshua dyal moves on to round 2...

  • #148
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    congrats taladas

  • #149
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    CONGRATS to Joshua for that amazing piece of prose. I'll be cheering for you from the sidelines. This competition is yours, go get it!

    I want to thank the judges for taking time out of their busy schedules to offer this competition and to provide us with some constructive criticism on our stories.

    It was an honour competing in this event and I will definitely be back for the next one!

    Cheers!

  • #150
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    Re: drawmack vs taladas results!

    I have to take exception with some of the judgements.
    Originally posted by alsih2o
    The first picture is a throwaway in
    the beginning and is never referred to again.
    How much does a child have to care about their mother to notice that she's washing in the fountain first thing in the morning, even though that's what she does every morning. Would have been mentioned again in parts II and III, remember the name is part I.

    Numbers 2 and 4 are tacked on at the end, barely illustrating
    the last moments of the story.
    Excuse me, the revenge is the point of this first piece. The two pictures are used to illustrate the means of carrying out said revenger. They illustrate the climax and aftermath of the story. If climax and aftermath are not integral to a story then I do not know what is.

    Number 3, on the other hand, is responsible for the antagonist, the plot, the exposition of said plot, the action, the resolution, and so on. You easily could have given time that you
    wasted on centaurs and berry picking (why were those in the story?) to further develop the impact and
    meaning that the other three pictures had for the story.
    It is not responsible for all that. It is responsible for the betrayal. It is the character you hate. Being the character you hate the reader puts more emphasis on that then the rest, but that is not the authors fault.

    Also, the ending left me cold - apparently, the kids could care less that they essentially brought
    about the destruction of everything they had known, everything that they had held dear to their hearts.
    Well, except for the dog, I guess.
    The children are in shock. The ending to part I of a trilogy is intended to make you keep reading. You have yet to see these children morn, they are looking for something but they have no idea what and on top of all that how are they going to survive in a world that is apparently much more then they know?

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