Need a decent writer to edit my backstory

@texastoast

Thank you so much for all the time you put into that.

You went above and beyond what I expected!!!

The descriptions were well thought out and I could easily see each scene in my head.

I really like the description of the creature in the mirror at the end!
 

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Mallus

Legend
Let me take a shot...

You know the big one that got away? For Darian, it didn't. He'll regret it for the rest of his life.

What does he remember? Out alone in the boat. The darkness. A fog over Vint Lake almost obscuring the hook of the Moon. Where were the crew? Then sound, followed by the light. A shard of green ice on fire breaks the surface.

Darian's on his back in the water. Great pain in his chest. His eyes fix on the crescent Moon slowly running greenish-black, as if dipped in blood.

He's caught.

He wakes on the shore with sand in his mouth as they try to throw a heavy trawling net over him. Darian recognizes the all; Middas, Tom, Margory, Sotted Len the barkeep. His closest friends outside of his crew. Darian staggers up, trying to get his legs. Turning he looks out across Vint Lake as the waters... beckon.

"Dar, is that you?" says Len. He's slurring his words. It's early, even for him. Wait, he's terrified.

Darian's confused. He doesn't see the boat tied up where it ought to be. His best friends are playing a terrible joke. And where are his crew? He tries to slap his head in frustration and nearly skewers his hand on his newfound horn.

Len jumps back, tangles himself with Tom in the netting they're carrying. Darian's confusion gives way to anger. Rising bright and green in his chest. A ray of light springs... from him? ... and Len goes down with a wet snapping sound. Darrian runs. Down the South Road. Away from everything he knows, from drunk Len who might be dead, and from Vint Lake pulling at him like he was caught on a line.

It wasn't until nightfall did Darian realize where he was going. A place his dead mother spoke of when little Darian disobeyed. A place to frighten children. Rasgoria. Where Father said she came from.

(needs editing, I know - all the sentence fragments are deliberate, tho)
 
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