D&D 5E Tales From The Awning Pothole

rgoodbb · Jul 21, 2017

they had no choice but to follow the lakeshore path.....

Something stirred in the water, and then the pepper, and then the paprika. In fact Something used all her ingredients into the big pot hanging precariously over a conjured bonfire. She was preparing Adventurer's Stew! For some had indeed been sighted nearby according to Schloopa-dedoopa.

The village was abuzz. Abuzz village was usually a sleepy Kuo-Toa settlement on the shore. However many foreign investors were recently buying up the lakeside property here. Many different denizens of the DarkUnder were now calling Abuzz their second home. They knew what was coming here and they were desperate to be in the right place at the right time when the 'Big D' made an appearance.

Something stirred in the water......................

BoldItalic · Jul 21, 2017

Something stirred in the water......................

It was something huge and terrifying and the water rose and fell fifty feet at least, throwing miscellaneous rubbish around like discarded toys. An eight-foot long wooden pole fell randomly at Alber't'ickle's feet. He picked it up, thinking it might be useful for poking traps that were cunningly placed slightly nearer than two squares away. Not that anyone uses squares any more, but it would make an ideal TotM pole.

A giant tentacle thrashed across the path in front of Tippy and gripped the rocky wall that rose sheer above them. Surprisingly, he didn't trip over it or even under it. He just stared at it and recognised it for what it truly was - a giant tentacle.

Another tentacle thrashed across the path behind them. They were surrounded, cut off with nowhere to go. Tasha twirled her halberd, trying to decide how to strike. How do you disarm a tentacle? she wondered. This wasn't just theory-crafting; suddenly, she realised with mounting horror, it mattered.

Ha! plane-shifted but quickly returned. She tossed a stone into the lake. The lake responded by throwing a supermarket trolley back. She was outclassed.

Igoatunot was nonplussed. He couldn't think of a single spell that would help. He frantically searched through his books for anything to do with giant tentacles emerging from lakes but the nearest he got was one called Tentative Mistakes and that didn't seem right.

The waters heaved again and a gigantic head rose out of the middle of the lake. Tasha stared in horror. It was huge. "I want you all to know," she said, "That it's been a privilege to be in your company but this could be where we stand or fall. Probably fall."

The head rose some more and an eye appeared. Just one lidless eye, yards across. It regarded them thoughtfully. There was intelligence behind that eye and that was even more awful. There was nowhere to run to, nowhere to escape from its dreadful gaze.

Slowly, oh so slowly, a kraken appeared, water streaming from its green skin and writhing tentacles.

"Mummy!" cried Alber't'ickle suddenly.

"Tickle? What have you gotten yourself into now, you silly boy?" said Penelope.

BoldItalic · Jul 22, 2017

"Well, mummy, Uncle Toothpaste - he's got lots of books - and my friend Claude and me ..." began the Tickle part of Alber't'ickle, and he went on with an account of the rather unlikely sequence of events that had brought them from the Awning Pothole to here, on the shores of Lake Detritus.

"I don't believe a word of it," decided Penelope. "When your father gets home..."

An awful thought suddenly entered into Igoatunot's consciousness. You know that feeling you get when you are alone in your room, quietly sitting at your desk reading a book and somebody taps you on the shoulder? It comes as a bit of a shock. And the shocking thought was this: if Tickle is a baby kraken, what's going to happen to Albert when Tickle grows up?

Igoatunot thought fast. Skimming quickly through "How to Befriend a Kraken", he conjured a bunch of flowers and held it out to Penelope.

"For me! Oh, you sweet little man, you shouldn't have," was the delighted response.

"Penelope, do you think there is any way to separate Tickle from Albert?" asked Igoatunot casually.

"Oh, you should ask the shaman in Abuzz. He knows all kinds of clever things. His name is GlibbleFleep. He's the one with the magic narwhal tusk and a bored expression. Tell him I sent you, and remind him he promised me dinner."

Tippy thought there was something slightly disconcerting about the way she spoke of 'dinner' and he exchanged glances with Tasha, who was thinking the same. But there was no opportunity to ask for clarification because at that moment Penelope sank gracefully beneath the surface of the lake with a final admonition to Tickle to remember to brush his tentacles after meals.

The way to the Kuo-Toa village lay before them ...

rgoodbb · Jul 22, 2017

GlibbleFleep was not a native of Abuzz. He had appeared some three decades earlier and set up shop on the outskirts of the settlement. Due to his noxious body odour, his cooking pot boiled a different stench to Something's, for his contents were not designed for taste. Fish glue, rutt-weed, egg-sack and harrowbone all blended to concoct potions and lotions and salves and balms.

He had been sitting on the shoreline waiting patiently for the Big 'D' to turn up. He was horrified that a mere kraken had turned up it its place. He reread the brochure itinerary just to double check and realised the the Big 'D' was not due for another hour. Sitting in his own stench, with his long arms, claws and tongue lolling out, GlibbleFleep was utterly AGhast.........

Lanefan · Jul 22, 2017

...when something - or rather, several somethings - turned up that also were most certainly not the Big D: a stumbling suit of armour with a tasty-looking crustacean crawling around on it, a willow-thin person that could only be one of those surface wizards (and was starving themselves part of their training, he wondered), a burly person with a long axe, some tagalong guy who looked like he was tired of always being in the background, and...and...hmmmmm...

Now these two were interesting. Another reed-thin person, only this time with far too many arms and appendages (ol' Penny's been at it again, he thought: that must be why they're here) and a small individual who just seemed odd somehow...as if she wasn't entirely present but just wanted to look as though she was. This, thought GlibbleFleep, could be entertaining. And profitable.

"Glowbbel karlg quecch ell" he said by way of greeting, which most understood to mean "Greetings, yon travellers" but to Ha! meant "Your left shoelace dictionary".

Up went Tippy's visor. "Greetings, holy shaman and merchant of cures for all ails. We seek your knowledge, your wisdom, and your..." >CLANG!< "...blowgrild helt aroumbled".

And Tippy suddenly had GlibbleFleep's complete attention; for "blowgrild helt aroumbled" was, in his language, a particularly suggestive invitation the likes of which the old shaman hadn't received in many a year. Completely ignoring the others, he moved close to Tippy saying "helt vonukel arjala, konet?" which to most meant "I agree to your request. Now?" but to Ha! came across as "Factual begonia and three. Quill?". Ha! was confused.

"Well, that was easy!" said Tippy as he raised his visor once more. "Al, old boy, step on over here and let this fine fellow have a look at you." And Alber't'ickle did just that, only to be ignored by a shaman who only had eyes - if eyes they were - for Tippy.

"Not me, him!" Tippy pointed to the waiting Alber't'ickle.

"Blarg plooten?" ("Not you?" to most, "Square ambulance?" to Ha!)

"Of course not! He's the one who needs you, can't you see?"

"Poothewa frumg, nirgloop oorella." ("I understand, though I have to fix him first" / "Territory pinecone the foot and")

And GlibbleFleep knew exactly how to fix Alber't'ickle...or kill him...though he didn't have the means. He looked around, contemplating...and then he saw Ha!. "Ha!" he said. "Yes?" she replied, this being the only word from the shaman she'd properly parsed so far and even then for the wrong reason. "Floon darr." ("Come here." / "Pancake toe."), and Alber't'ickle beckoned her over.

For GlibbleFleep had recognized Ha! as a creature of the planes, and knew if she could somehow jump planes and take Albert - but not Tickle - it would fix Albert. Or kill them both, leaving nothing more than a messy - but tasty! - puddle of goo on the floor. Whatever.

And so he explained this to them both (Alber't'ickle translating once he realized Ha! wasn't able to understand anything) only - of course - without mentioning any of the risks; then Ha! grabbed a non-tentacled Albert hand and...

"HA!"

Tippy (Cleric-4; Hammer, unknown potion, Oyster Shell, 17 g.p.) Inspiring Leader
- - Claude (Lobster; Tippy's familiar; Boomerang)
Igoatunot (was Ikidunot, was Toothpaste, was Macfeece) (Wizard-4 Conjurer with 3x/day headbutt attack; books, Oyster Shell)
Alber't'ickle (Octo-Thief-4; 3 daggers, magic club, 26 g.p., plenty of ink, Oyster Shell) Dungeon Delver
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-3 Battlemaster; Versatile Double Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling, Oyster Shell, 17 g.p.)
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; three stones, 17 g.p.)
Johnny (Human Fighter-3; magic khopesh that never misses, 17 g.p.)

BoldItalic · Jul 22, 2017

Alber't'ickle screamed, swayed on his feet and collapsed, his arm pumping blood. Tippy was there in a flash, applying a tourniquet from his medical kit. Ha! returned looking as white as a sheet, holding Albert's severed hand. There was a general air of that didn't go well, did it?

GlibbleFleep shrugged and said "Pooble Plat" ("I'm coming back" / "Sun-ripe tomatoes"). He went briefly into his hut to get something and returned with a large sewing needle, of the kind that saddlers use to stitch saddles together, a ball of thick twine of the kind that fishermen use to mend their nets, and a jar of something about which it is best not to inquire too closely. He proceeded to sew Albert's hand back on, albeit rather crudely, then he rubbed the contents of the jar over the join. After a few seconds the compound, whatever it was, began to emit thick brown smoke which hung about unpleasantly and made everyone cough. It worked, though.

Alber't'ickle sat up and stared ruefully at his hand. He flexed his fingers and they seemed to work but when he moved his thumb something wasn't right. It was left. Somehow, when Ha! had plane-walked out and back, the hand had been rotated in twelve dimensions and come back as its own mirror image. Alber't'ickle now had two left hands.

As an aside, his Dexterity went from 18 down to zero but his Sinisterity became 36 because each left hand now contributed 18. This meant that off-hand attacks with finesse or ranged weapons were at +13 and he got two of them as a bonus action but no main attack. Alternatively, he could use his Cunning Action Bonus Action to Help Himself. The implications of this for the game mechanics are too awesome to be discussed in this thread.

GlibbleFleep turned to Tippy and was clearly expecting something. On a sudden whim, Tikky pulled the Unknown Potion from his pack and offered it to the ghast. The latter uncorked it, sniffed it cautiously, sipped a small amount, swilled it around his gums and spat it out. A dreamy expression came over his face and he held it up to Tippy and motioned for him to taste it too. Quickly casting Protection from Poison, Tippy did so. It wasn't unpleasant and tasted somewhat of plum-flavoured oranges, somewhat of blue cardboard and somewhat of clean socks. "What is it?" Tippy asked.

"Flamble Trooty Arquilmpth" ...

rgoodbb · Jul 23, 2017

"Flamble Trooty Arquilmpth" ...

Flamble Trooty Arquilmpth of course translated through a bastardised mix of DarkUnderCommon and Abyssal to mean Flight of the Seven Spectators. Was this a polymorph potion? Was it simply a potion of flying?

Johnny One-Eye was feeling a little left out of this conversation/adventure, but everytime he went to contribute, he saw Tippy with a stick and the amount of times his visor clamped down, Johnny worried about that stick and his one remaining eye.

He was a fantastic cage fighter. He had never been defeated by a cage yet. His Khopesh of Never Missing was not being put to good use, and his player was bored of these social interactions and was texting so. He decided there and then to split the party. He was leaving, going alone if need be but he needed a focus, a mission

Johnny knew that a long tunnel had been created back up to the surface world and at this juncture, there were evil things climbing that tunnel. Before being a Cage Fighter, he had started his apprenticeship as a Tunnel Fighter. Fighting tunnels was hard though so he learned to fight the things within them. His second fighting style was now going to be put to good use. Let the others bumble and fumble around down here. I'm going home.

Johnny managed to persuade Claw (by calling him Claw instead of Claude) and Ha!-Fling to go with him. Ha! was not happy being in one place or plane for long and she was getting testy down here. So they said their farewells and the French Lobster with the boomerang, the teleporting Hobbit with the fling-stones, and the one-eyed Cage/Tunnel Fighter Champion with the Khopesh that never misses, set off back to the tunnel.

Along the way they met the three Hobgoblins and seven Skeletons who were dance passengers with them down here. They looked lost and crestfallen. The skeletons immediately followed Claw for some reason and the Hobgoblins seeing strength, looked to Johnny.

At the base of the tunnel they espied their first quarry trying to reach the surface: A small pack of......................

Tippy (Cleric-4; Hammer, unknown potion, Oyster Shell, 17 g.p.) Inspiring Leader
Igoatunot (was Ikidunot, was Toothpaste, was Macfeece) (Wizard-4 Conjurer with 3x/day headbutt attack; books, Oyster Shell)
Alber't'ickle (Octo-Thief-4; 3 daggers, magic club, 26 g.p., plenty of ink, Oyster Shell) Dungeon Delver
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-3 Battlemaster; Versatile Double Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling, Oyster Shell, 17 g.p.)

Johnny One-Eye (Party Splitter, Human Champion Tunnel/Cage Fighter-3; magic khopesh that never misses, 17 g.p.)
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; three stones, 17 g.p.)
ClaW (Lobster; Tippy's ex-familiar; Boomerang)
7 Skeleton Retainers Controlled by ClaW
3 Hobgoblin Retainers Controlled by Johhny One-Eye

BoldItalic · Jul 23, 2017

At the base of the tunnel they espied their first quarry trying to reach the surface: A small pack of......................

... utterwolves. On seeing the party-splitted-party the utterwolves snarled and turned on them, growling disapproval. Their leader, Black-Ears, demanded utter loyalty from own his pack and, in his mind, any creatures who deserted their leader and went their own way must to be culled mercilessly as an example to the others. There was no doubt that combat was inevitable.

Now the thing to understand, when fighting utterwolves, is that they will always go for a single target - the whole pack attacking the same creature at once, rather than dividing their attacks evenly. It's sheer survival instinct. Fights between packs are usually resolved very quickly with the death of the weaker of the two leaders under the combined onslaught of his rival's pack; the winner then scoops up all the survivors, who are relatively unscathed, and thus enlarges his own pack. It's an utterly efficient system. And it kicked in right now.

Johnny howled in fear as, launching themselves in a flurry of ferocity, the entire pack of utterwolves knocked him to the ground and went for the throat. He was seriously injured before he could even bring his khopesh into play, but when he eventually did there were substantially fewer utterwolves in the world. His hobgoblins began dragging snarling beasts from him and flinging them aside for Ha's skeletons to bludgeon with their bony fists but, urged on by their leader Black-Ears, the remaining utterwolves did not falter and their fangs did more terrible damage to Johnny.

Things were beginning to look desperate. Seeing how things were going, Ha! bravely wrapped her arms around Black-Ears's neck and planeshifted, taking most of the utterwolf with her. With their leader mostly gone, the remaining pack members immediately stopped attacking Johnny, licked his wounds and became loyal to him.

After a long time, Ha! did not return.

Johnny One-Eye (Party Splitter, Human Champion Tunnel/Cage Fighter-3; magic khopesh that never misses, 17 g.p.) Bloodied
3 Hobgoblin Retainers Controlled by Johnny One-Eye
5 Utterwolves Utterly Faithful to Johnny One-Eye
ClaW (Lobster; Tippy's ex-familiar; Boomerang)
7 Skeleton Retainers Controlled by ClaW
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; three stones, 17 g.p.) - missing

BoldItalic · Jul 23, 2017

Tippy was saddened to see Claude go. He could summon a new familiar, of course, but it wouldn't be the same - they had been through a lot together. Besides, Claude still had his boomerang. A thought occured to him, and he got out his divining sticks. "Goat," he called, "Have you got a copy of the I Ching with you?"

"Sure, boss, what do you want me to look up?"

Tippy tossed the ivory sticks, while GlibbleFleep looked on with interest. He had never seen this before. As far as he knew, ivory sticks were used for stirring potions; throwing them haphazardly on the ground made no sense.

"Fire above the Lake. Number 38, with a moving first line", announced Tippy.

Hexagram 38: K'uei - Opposition
Above, fire; below, the lake:
The image of Opposition.
Thus amid all fellowship
The superior man retains his individuality.

Moving First Line
Remorse disappears.
If you lose your horse,
do not run after it;
It will come back of its own accord.
When you see evil people,
Guard yourself against mistakes.

"Well, that's pretty clear," remarked Tasha.

"Flongle?"

"It means," explained Tippy, "That if I do my own thing, my boomerang will come back. This is good advice. I shall follow it. Now, our first priority is to get help for Alber't'ickle. Next, we need to get out of the Underdark and back to our own world. After that, we will be in a position to defeat the evil foursome. Then we can go home."

"Trow quog. Arble weeble smj?" ("Sounds fun. Can I come too?")

"Of course. Welcome aboard. Do you need to bring anything with you?"

"Ingle na nyj narwhal horn."

"Good. Let's be going then. I see a path through the Koa-Toa village leading to a rough-hewn gate made of driftwood and kelp. To the left of the gate there is a table with a small wooden box on it, containing 3cp and a large brass key. GlibbleFleep, I'd like you take those, please. Now, let's see where the gate leads, shall we?"

While Tippy was being leaderful and decisive, far above their heads the dancing chamber began slowly to descend its tunnel again, in a roar of flames ...

Tippy (Cleric-4; Hammer, Potion of Flight of the Seven Spectators, Oyster Shell, 17 g.p.) Inspiring Leader
Igoatunot (was Ikidunot, was Toothpaste, was Macfeece) (Wizard-4 Conjurer with 3x/day headbutt attack; books, Oyster Shell)
Alber't'ickle (Sinister Octo-Thief-4; 3 daggers, magic club, 26 g.p., plenty of ink, TotM pole, Oyster Shell) Dungeon Delver
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-3 Battlemaster; Versatile Double Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling, Oyster Shell, 17 g.p.)
GlibbleFleep (Ghast Shaman; Magic Narwhal Horn, several Potions of General Usefulness, large brass key, 3 c.p.)

rgoodbb · Jul 24, 2017

Ha! was running for her life. An outlaw, a fugitive, a desperado.....A Wolf's Head. She had landed in a forest. Men with horses and crossbows were hunting her and she couldn't bamf out of this plane. She could only teleport very short distances within it.

She had been spotted near the edge of the forest by the woodcutters. They had espied her and the head of Black Ears the Utterwolf. Ha! had heard from time to time beautiful woodland music. A womans voice. Fearing Kate had somehow followed her here, she moved away from it.

This was a trick for Ha! was magically being corralled towards this woman. With some relief Ha! saw that it was not Kate but someone else. A Half-Elf.

"Welcome. I am Alana of the Dale and you could probably use my help." She was tall and emitted an air of confidence that was contagious.

"I am Ha! How will you help me?"

"I will take you to the old Woman of the Woods; Mamma Rihan. She will protect you"

And so evading and avoiding many horse patrols Ha! Was assisted by the bard Alana Dale and the druid Ma Rihan......