The never ending story of ...

BoldItalic · Dec 17, 2017

... and…… stared at Nord with narrowed eyes. "I notice you have 47.3 feet of rope and two grappling hooks in your pack, which was made by Bleggins and Sons, Leatherworkers of Meat Street, according to the label inside. Call me Observant, but I'd say that one of the hooks is going rusty and won't hold more than 62lb 3oz. It won't bear your weight but the elf lady could swing on it all night."

There was an uncomfortable silence while three male minds contemplated the elf lady swinging all night and Jeli bridled at the suggestion. Od tactfully broke the moment by nudging Herewulf and saying "He's good, isn't he?" whilst actually thinking how do we steal his magic canteen of Home-Brew?

"Don't even think about it, laddie," murmured Veit.

"Shall we go?" said Jeli icily. So they went.

Within the circle of stones was a neatly excavated hole in the ground, shored up with wooden planks and with a ladder going down into it. Veit produced a dwarven helmet with hinged ear flaps and a spike on the front for fixing a candle to. Turning to Od, he growled "Your job is to keep a Light cantrip going on my helmet. Think you can do that?"

"Of course. What key would you like me to chant in? How about F sharp minor? Like this: ♫ hmm, hmm HMM ?"

"Can you make it a bit less red?"

So Od did.

Descending the ladder carefully, the five mortals reached the bottom where a stone-lined tunnel led northwards. The roof was arched but barely four feet high.

"Mind yer 'eds."

The walls and roof of the passage were dry and lined with ancient stones, roughly hewn. Nothing grew on them. There weren't even any cobwebs, giant or otherwise. Here and there were chisel marks but otherwise the masonry was unremarkable. Indeed, Herewulf remarked on how unremarkable it was.

"Someone has been here recently," said Jeli suddenly. "There are heat prints on the floor. A two-legged creature came this way and went back again. We must be on our guard lest it return."

Weapons were drawn and commented upon. It seemed that rapiers were in that year.

"Nice blade. Where did you get yours?"

"General issue. When I signed up. Yours is unusual. Don't often see ones with mermaids on them."

"Took it from a ship's captain. He wasn't needing it any more."

"Hush! I can hear something!"

Something could indeed be heard ...

rgoodbb · Dec 18, 2017

Something could indeed be heard ...The patter of tiny feet.

"Is it a small baby?" asked Nord, who was left unsighted behind the hulking figure of Sergeant Herewulf.

"Uhm, no."

"Is it a Kobold?" Od joined in the guessing game.

"No again."

"Is it..."

"Would you like me to just tell you?"

"Well alright." Stated a very disappointed Veit, who hadn't had a go yet.

"It was a Goblin child. A small girl far ahead. She ran off laughing down the corridor.....Strange...these floors are......exceptionally clean." It was at that point where the Sergeant hit some sort of wobbly invisible barrier. He pushed on and the barrier gave. As he forged ahead, he became stuck. And then his arms and face began to tingle. And then burn. He opened his mouth to let out a shout of pain, and the burning poured down his throat.

"Gelatinous Cube!.............................

BoldItalic · Dec 19, 2017

After Nord, who had been following immediately behind, pulled Herewulf free and lost his own gauntlets in the process, the paladin used his lay-on-hands-hands to get the goo out of his mouth. "My shield! My Holy Shield" he cried for said shield could be seen fast dissolving deep inside the cube. "May Eldath forgive me, for I have lost my shield!"

"Brace!" warned Jeli as she sent a shock wave of boiling air, straight past the two men and into the monster. It recoiled, giving them time to withdraw, which was fortunate for the cube had even then been reaching out a gloopy appendage to reclaim its prey. No so fortunate was Veit who, being the same height and width as the tunnel, was propelled like a cork out of a bottle smack into the all-engulfing jelly. The light from his helmet continued to shine until Od cancelled it - watching a dwarf dissolving before your very eyes is not something that particularly needs to be illuminated.

Back at the entrance, the four adventurers caught their breath and took stock. "Well, that's it," decided Herewulf. "I can't operate without a shield. Might as well go home."

"Not so fast," countered the elf maiden. "I have a cunning plan ..."

rgoodbb · Dec 19, 2017

"Not so fast," countered the elf maiden. "I have a cunning plan ..."

"The last time you had a cunning plan, it involved travelling to a tavern to find three adventurers who were just minding their own damned business, claiming yourself their leader, and forging on a path of their misery." Started Od.

"Uhm. Why are you speaking about yourself in the third person"

"Please don't interrupt. You then guide them to fight boulders.....Boulders no less, where your plan is to get a Dwarf drunk. DRUNK! A Dwarf. Don't you know anything about anything? We just fed him his breakfast. Then you get us to come here with said Dwarf.

"He had a name."

"I'm quite aware he had a flaming name Sergeant Herewulf. Not helping!... Then you pretty much single-handedly killed him by sending him flying into a gelatinous cube. What I'm getting at is....Well what I'm trying to allude to is. You-don't-know-what-you-are-doing. You never have. You're no adventurer. You're incompetent. Why oh why should we listen to you about your flipping rubbish cunning plan. Tell me eh. Why?"

"There's treasure."

".........................................Let us hear about your cunning plan"

BoldItalic · Dec 20, 2017

"Well, we have to ... we have to ... you have to ... *sob* ... we just have to ...."

"You haven't got a plan, have you?"

"No! Yes! No! They said I had to Gather A Party Before Venturing Forth and then I would get levels and be just like my brothers and it's so difficult and it's all gone wrong and I hate you! I hate you all!"

Herewulf was vaguely aware that he was supposed to do something in situations like this so he patted her reassuringly with his pseudopod while making inarticulate soothing noises (inarticulate, because all his teeth had just dissolved). He looked over Jeli's shoulder at the others and rolled his eye meaningfully. He wondered if being the only Gelatinous Paladin in history was going to be a good thing or a bad thing?

Nord looked at Od and Od looked at Nord and they decided something. The gelatinous cube, which was slowly pursuing them along the tunnel, was confused by the vibrations of Od's flute, hesitated, and was blown asunder by a lightning strike from Nord. "That be fun," commented Nord "But that be Oi out o' spells fer today. It be rapier work from now on."

With Od leading the way with rapier drawn, they advanced slowly down the tunnel. Herewulf collected his shield and a bag of gems as they went past the remains of the cube. He felt a twinge of remorse for his erstwhile gelatinous kin but it quickly passed. He wondered if there was any significance in Jeli being called Jeli and him being gelatinous but he decided it was probably coincidence. Probably. But the gods liked their jokes sometimes.

The tunnel led to a T junction. "Left or Right?" wondered Od. "Left," he decided on a whim. There was a strange "pah!" sound from another dimension as he announced this, as if the gods had expected them to go right and were slightly annoyed. He dismissed the thought. That way lay madness.

There was a door. And the door said ...

rgoodbb · Dec 20, 2017

There was a door. And the door said ...

PLANT ROOM - NO ADMITTANCE

"We need a Druid or someone that can speak with plants." Pondered Od.

Herewulf had an idea and scampered back to the body of Veit. His Home Brew canteen was still there but very damaged. He brought it back to Nord who did an identify on it and surmised that it would be good for one Feat use per day, but with consequences.

The Paladin drank the contents and only then realised that Speak with Plants was a third level spell. Really?!3rd level to converse with moss? He had already chosen druid for magic initiate so he just went on and cast mending on his shield whilst wondering what the consequences were.

Od mage handed the door open and peered inside. He couldn't spot any plants inside, maybe the wrong time of year. No there was a little moss in the corner. He glared at it and then said "Hello?" to it. Unsurprisingly there was no answer. There was also however, a large metal wardrobe that was rumbling and humming and warm to the touch. He backed away. "What should we do now?" He asked the rest of the party. "Choose the next door along, or try and open up this metal container"

"What does the next room say on the door?"

"Ladies Only"

"Hmmmn...

BoldItalic · Dec 21, 2017

"Let's zee what'z inzide the metar waldrobe," suggested the gelatinous paladin. He flooped over, inserted a pseudopod through a small gap at the bottom of the doors and grew an eye on the tip of the pseudopod. "Big coppel lodz wlapped in croth with rittle rightning flazhez," he reported.

Od tried to look knowledgeable. "The copper rods, which way do they bend?" he asked. It wasn't really an honest question, he just asked it to sound good.

"One to the reft, the othel to the light," Herewulf ~~lepried~~ replied.

"Come out," Od decided, "It's too dangerous."

"I'rr just have a rick. The croth rooks tazty."

"No!" shouted three people at the same time. But it was too late. There was a brilliant flash from inside the wardrobe as Herewulf licked away the cloth insulation and dissolved the copper busbars, breaking the circuit that had been carrying 2000 lamps of electricity.

"Tazty!"

The humming died and there was a whirring noise from somewhere behind a wall. To Od it sounded like a glissando descending from the G three octaves below middle G, while to the others it sounded like something dying.

"I don't think we should have done that," fretted Jeli.

The lights would have gone out dramatically if only they had been turned on, but no one had found the light switch. In fact, none of them knew what a light switch was. The DM was a bit disappointed, because he had arranged to plunge the gaming table into darkness for added effect but that idea went completely to waste, like so many of his ideas that relied on the players doing what he assumed they would do. It's tough being a DM.

"There's obviously summat behind yonder wall," observed Nord. "We could knock it down?"

"No need," responded Jeli, "There's a secret door. I'll just see if I can get it open ..."

rgoodbb · Dec 21, 2017

"No need," responded Jeli, "There's a secret door. I'll just see if I can get it open ..."

She wedged her beautifully expensive rapier into the tiny gap around a door that stated SECRET DOOR - DO NOT FIND. She pried and pried until a tiny "tink" sound could be heard. At which point Jeli dropped to the floor crying.

Nord, sensing a psychic attack began to produce sparks from his hands.

"Schtwand Dwown Nword, Schtwand Dwown" Herewulf whispered calmly. He glided over to Jeli, knelt close next to her and cast mending on the exquisit and priceless blade. He next looked up to the ceiling for some reason and asked "Dwee Em? Ish eet the necksht dway yet? I would wheelee like to take anover dwink and hopefully get wid of this ridicshulous voishe. Dwee Em?"

"No!" Stated a high pitched and very angry voice. "and things are going to change around here. Where are all the girls?"

All adventurers looked to each other in horror. The DM had been replaced by their eight year old daughter.

"Oh no!"

"You're avin' a giraffe"

"Why don't we just pull every card from the deck of many things. It would be safer!"

"Fwukh.....a....Dwukh.....

BoldItalic · Dec 21, 2017

The secret door suddenly sprang open, knocking Herewulf gloopily out of the way. Jeli sprang up in alarm, wondering "Why did I even bother trying to open it? Stupid door!"

A posse of be-ribboned little girls with ridiculously big eyes cantered in on purple and pink My Little Unicorns. They squealed in delight at seeing Jeli. "It's an Elf Queen!" they shrieked, "We've rolled an Elf Queen and 1d4 minions!"

Minion Od and Minion Nord glanced at each other, grabbed Minion Herewulf and fled down the tunnel, past the "Ladies Only" door and through a third door which was unmarked. Nord slammed the door shut behind them and hammered in an iron spike to keep it from being opened from outside. Od looked around. One glance told him that they were in a large undergroud forest. A trail led through the trees towards some more trees.

"Do come in," said a voice. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Oakleaf Downside and I am your NPC for the next part of the adventure."

"How do you get all these trees to grow underground?" asked Od innocently.

"Magic."

"Makes sense.

"Ale you a dliud?" asked Heregloop hopefully. "Can you fix my voice?"

"No, but just avoid the letters 'l', 'r', 's' and 'z' and you'll be fine.

"I can do that."

"Um, what should we do about Jeli?" wondered Nord.

"Lady Jeleneth is busy right now, but will join you later," explained Oakleaf. "If you gentlemen would come this way? It's not far to my castle."

"Why do we go there?" asked Herewulf carefully.

"All will be explained."

Herewulf sensed this was some sort of trap. Oakleaf was too sure of himself, for one thing. And druids don't have castles, do they? He quietly extended his Divine Sense and 'felt' for anything out of the ordinary. There was indeed something amiss and it hit him like a brick wall. Oakleaf was evil through and through. He tried to warn the others, but they didn't seem to understand his agitation. Nord and Od had been charmed ...

rgoodbb · Dec 21, 2017

That's fab! B.I.

By the way if anyone reading this wishes at any time to add a post or even multiple posts please join in. We would be delighted to welcome you. Just make it up from the last post and have fun.
[MENTION=19675]Dannyalcatraz[/MENTION]
[MENTION=29398]Lanefan[/MENTION]
[MENTION=6778305]Redthistle[/MENTION]

Any of you interested in this?