Mini Encounter Contest: Heat Four

Sorry about the delay - things have been rather hectic the last few days. The winner of Heat Three was Dark Valkyrie.

Here are the entries for the 4th Heat:

• Fooled and Fooled Again
• Blood of Angels
• An Imp in Set's Clothing Gets Help from Scaly Friends
• Shrine to the Flying God
• Quiet, Please!
• The Last Kiss
• The Five Keys
• Persephone's Glade
• Forest Dragoness

Again, my quick reviews. This is just my personal opinions, and I'm likely to focus on things I don't like rather than what I do. Take it as constructive criticism please.

Fooled and Fooled Again: Not a bad encounter, but there's no location (or very little) and almost no NPCs. Sure there are stats, but any rogue would do in the same place, there's nothing interesting other than the actual scenario. Good plot hook though.

Blood of Angels: For a quick encounter (and I use the term loosely) this makes some pretty drastic changes to the gameworld. It introduces a new character class and race (tied together), it has either two new gods, or kills off one existing one, and for this what do we get? No real encounter (she offers to cure you, and then the encounter even says that nothing much is happening and the PCs should leave), no real location, and the NPC is just a vehicle for this new class. The priests are mentioned, but the PCs shouldn't find out about them. The encounter has potential, but fails miserably to live up to it. With heavy rewriting, it could make a basis for a full adventure or even a whole campaign, but not as is.

An Imp in Set's Clothing Gets Help from Scaly Friends: Cool location, cool NPC, pretty good encounter. Fits the guidelines perfectly on this count, NPC and location can be used separately. Excellent.

Shrine to the Flying God: Kinda weird. I don't think I'd use it, but it is imaginative. Good use of PCs to smuggle contraband while 'returning stolen goods'.

Quiet, Please!: Not much of an encounter, and a middling location, but a pretty keen NPC. Sounds like she would be wild if run well. Neat.

The Last Kiss: Unfortunately, I wouldn't expect the encounter to run as outlined. Most PCs are too paranoid to be trapped like that. However, it's a neat premise if not wonderfully original, and would make for an interesting session.

The Five Keys: Now that's a hideout that any Rogue would love to have access to! Not bad at all, no real complaints.

Persephone's Glade: Other than the first page being the location, pretty neat. This would be fun to try out. I like it a lot, I just worry about the abuses available to PCs who can maximize their potions.

Forest Dragoness: While technically there is a location here, it barely qualifies. I'd have to say that anyone who eats sentient beings is probably evil, not CN. What happens if there are elves in the adventuring party, as there are in most? And if they are only defending themselves, why are they attacking the party? Definately evil, I think. Other than that, not bad at all.

Not a bad bunch of encounters, over all.

--Seule

Here's my two cents:

As usual, if I didn't like something, it is very likely that someone else did like it. Furthermore, this is not to degrade the author's creativity or the amount of work put into it.

Now...
Fooled and Fooled Again
This encounter was a little short for my tastes, a little underdevolped. I didn't see much of the encounter location.
Furthermore, with "Folled and fooled again" I had thought a more intricate plot would come, like the brother telling the PCs they have been duped into buying a false map, offering to buy it. After much to and fro, the party is totally confused and has lost lots of money through their own stupidity.
Somehow, this registered with me as lacking.

Blood of Angels
I actually didn't mind the fourth page here; at least the page margins and font size was accurate, and only two lines swept over, so I regarded this as still in the boundaries of the rules.
However, somehow I didn't see the connection between the interesting NPc and the town.
Furthermore, the concept of an evil deity giving good spells and allowing turning was not unconventional, but something to carefully consider. Together with the divine sorcerer, this was a rather "oddball" encounter.

An Imp in Set's Clothing Gets Help from Scaly Friends
An interesting location indeed. i could already see it's uses in campaigns as I was reading it.
The NPc was a nice touch, too - and it had lizardfolk!
I almost voted for this encounter, but for the imp having a half-orc form to change into, and then using this with change self. I wasn't quite sure if that's viable.
And the best part was that the encounter fit three pages, plus had a map!
Excellent work!

Shrine to the Flying God
This one was quite interesting, too, but I had several problems with it.
Technically, the location began halfway through on the first page, and the stat block was written in "Arial 7pt" instead of 12pt... So clearly, this entry didn't follow all the rules.
Storywise, I didn't fully understand the "feather fall" ability, as I thought the featherfall lasted for 2 hrs., but then the sorcerer traveled ~15hrs with it.
Lastly, the sorcerer didn't notice that he has lived far longer than to be expected, and has accomplished more than he should have. This is mentioned in the encounter, yet an explanation is not provided. That was a definite flaw.

Quiet, Please!
This encounter filled 5 pages, so the rules were clearly not followed.
I liked the style of the writing, but a lot of space could have been saved if it had actually been a more conservative format.
I wasn't very sure whether the vampire was reknown in the vicinity, too.
Furthermore, the connection between the vampire and the library was rather vague, if not nonexistant.
Still, a nice idea, and I might use some of it.

The Last Kiss
This encounter did follow the rules (see below), it tied the NPC and the location, and it had an interesting location complete with map (well, it's an Inn, but still) and an somewhat unusual NPC (although sukkubi don't seem to be as unusual as you might think).The only problem I see with the encounter is to get all PCs into the cages. After the first one (or the 2nd at the latest) has been lured into some unusual erotic pleasure and brought into the cage, most players would act suspicious nonetheless, at least when they see their friends being already in a cage.
Still, that's a minor peeve, as the Pcs should be charmed by then.

This is the encounter I voted for, as it connected NPc and location, detailed both, and followed the rules - even though the margins were stretched to the sides to fit it all on three pages

The Five Keys
Font size 10. Making it 12 showed 4 full pages without page break, and jumbled the charts.
I liked the premise, though I found the idea of a one-way portal into a hideout a little strange. I might still use it, to get the PCs on track with a forgotten adventuring group, but ...
I think a nice touch would have been if the elf had outlived his friends, but the grief made him forget this and he thinks of them as "far away", though they are long gone.
Still, didn't follow all the rules.

Persephone's Glade
I was kind of confused by the description as the location was meant to include the dryad and the pixie, so when the NPC was introduced it felt as if it was a different encounter altogether.
Furthermore, I wondered why this glade was so magical, why there was never rain yet plants could grow, etc.
This could have been explained with one, two sentences.
Otherwise, this was a nice encounter, and followed 8as far as I know) all the rules - even normal page margins!

Forest Dragoness
The encounter easily fit on three pages, as all descriptions were held rather short.
The location was very tied to the NPC, and you would have to tweak what little there is known of it to remove all traces of the Half-Dragon.
I also didn't see right away that the Pcs were meant to be ambushed near the villge, instead of just somewhere within the forest, but this could be me.
If this would have been a little longer, and the village also detailed without mentioning the Half-Dragon, this could have been great. As it is, it is nice, but my votes go to Last Kiss, nonetheless.

Berandor

A quickie:

Fooled and Fooled Again
Good set-up, unmemorable location, adequate NPCs.

Blood of Angels .
Wha.......???

An Imp in Set's Clothing Gets Help from Scaly Friends
Distictive location, good NPC, slightly weak character-hook....but probably the best choice.

Shrine to the Flying God
Way too tied to a particular campaign. Sorry, bub.

Quiet, Please!
Don't need a YAWN (yet another woman nemesis) in any campaign I'm in........

The Last Kiss
Cliche..."a succubus would do that?" <act surprised>

The Five Keys
Cool magic item concept, adequate NPC, so-so location...shouldn't this have been some sort of small custom made, only-enterable-by-teleportation sorta place? A back-woods cabin?

Persephone's Glade
Too long, and ya lost me on th' quickling; i.e. too many interesting and conflicting NPCs fer this contest.......

Forest Dragoness
Poor location, good NPC, "railroad" feel to it. Sorry, I'm jus' a little tired of half-dragons.

-Nail

I voted for Persephone's Glade because it had a decent summary in the begining.

It looked like the better of the only two that had a consise paragraph that I could pull directly out and use in the Adventure Guide.

I didn't vote for Imp because it took alot of setup and thus isn't very useful. Plus, It did not have a concise summary in the beginning.

I voted for An Imp in Set's Clothing since I feel it does the best overall job of meeting the contest guidelines while providing an interesting encounter.

On the basis of concept alone, I liked The Five Keys the most. Despite a few quirks that might need to be worked out (as others have noted above), I found the entire idea very pliable and unique.

Good luck to you all!

Nail said:

Sorry, I'm jus' a little tired of half-dragons.

Click to expand...

Well, I'm pretty sure I won't get your vote when mine comes up (Confronting Bloodhorn). Depending on how you represent dragons in your campaign world, half-dragons either fit very well or don't fit at all. There really is no middle-ground.

In a 'default' campaign that matches, or at least parallels the standard Greyhawk campaign in terms of prevalence of magic and strange monsters, half-dragons will usually fit well. Interesting to note, however, that half-dragons do not fit terribly well in my own campaign. I made one for the encounter contest for 'something different'.

-Fletch!

Standard Rant: Here are my comments on this heat. I'm not doing this to be critical of people, or judge them or their entry, or influence votes in any way. I'm only doing this because I know that I like honest feedback on my work, and I assume others want that as well. That said, I'm not looking for a debate on my opinions (they are just my opinions, which means they are only worth whatever value you put on them, which is probably none .) I also won't mention who I voted for in each batch.

To make sure I don't influence people's votes in any way in favor of my entry (I just entered the contest for fun, to get my feet wet on writing adventures in preparation for other contests that have more serious prizes at stake), I've asked a friend of mine to write their own opinion of my entry, and I have/will insert that opinion in the appropriate place instead of my own. That friend is fairly critical of stuff, so it probably won't help my chances (as if anyone really cares). Maybe my entry is in this batch, and maybe not .

A brief word on this discussion about the rules. Pretend for a moment you are writing an adventure for Dragon Magazine and/or Dungeon. They have editorial (and time constraint) rules that you MUST MUST MUST obey. There is no spirit of the rules, there is no sorta-follows-the-rules. You follow them, or you get rejected. Period. This contest is, in a way, a test for people who want to write adventures for various d20 publishers in the future. In that sense, following the rules may be more important than the content of your entry. So, I am personally placing a lot of emphasis on your ability to follow the rules when voting. But then, I am a lawyer by trade, so I am probably way more anal about that sort of stuff than others.

For reference, here are the Rules:
1) Entry should consist of three pages. The first page should contain the encounter, the second page should describe (and, if necessary, map) the location and the third page should include your NPC, complete with background, roleplaying notes and combat tactics (if relevant). Your entry may optionally contain one fourth page for illustrations or maps; this is not compulsory.
2) You may not exceed one page for each of these elements, and your text should be in Times New Roman font (or similar) at a font size of 12 points.
3) The full 3-page document should bear a title and an indication of its Encounter Level, and sent as an email attachment to me at morrus@d20reviews.com.
4) The location and the NPC should be useful independently of each other and of the encounter itself.
5) The encounter should be one that can be easily inserted into most campaigns.
6) The encounter should be clear and easy to run?

Enough ranting, on to the entries:

Fooled and Fooled Again (EL Any)
I thought the hint that the scroll is written in elvish, but only rhymes in common, was very clever. On the down side, there is no real location, and the NPC’s have little use outside the encounter itself.

Blood of Angels (EL 2?)
I liked the variant class of divine sorceror, and thought the rules for this new class were fair and reasonable. I may end up using it in my campaign. The encounter itself, however, was pretty boring. Nothing really happens in it. The location has some interestig bits, with the gods merging, but there is no adventure hook given to get the party involved with this interesting event.

Imp in Sets Clothing (EL 6)
My first impression of this encounter is that the author ran out of room, and so felt the need to seriously reduce the borders of the document to make things fit within the rules. I consider this a breach of the spirit of the rules. Second, this encounter is a lot of fun. I like the river fight with the boats, I like the rules laid out for movement, and overall it’s well thought out. Unfortunately, the location has NO meaning apart from the encounter. It’s written right on the map the location of the PC’s and this particular NPC and other items in the location and encounter.

Shrine to the Flying God (EL 5 or 7)
First the bad: This encounter exceeds page limitations, going onto a fourth page, and additionally reduces the font for the NPC stat block to size 7, not the 12 required by the rules. That’s an unfair advantage over other entries. In addition, none of the elements is useful wtihout the other elements (encouncter, location, and NPC.) Now, the good: This is a very interesting encounter. I personally like anything that explores the air, as too many D&D campaigns take place only underground or on the earth, and this adventure can lead one to the air (and even mentions gliders and parachutes, both interesting possibilities). The NPC is well thought out and outlined, and I can see him and his background becoming an element in my game.

Quiet, Please! (EL 6)
The Bad: This whole thing violates the page limiation rules, going not only to a fourth page, but all the way into a fifth. I can’t vote for something that so blatantly violates the rules. The Good: Madame Yuek is a very cool, very intersting, well thought-out NPC, and I seriously want to use her in my game. She will plague the party with doubts, confound them with her helpfulness in spite of her evil nature, and dog their footsteps with her minions and otherwise-manipulated followers eventually. Really too bad this encounter broke the page rules.

The Last Kiss (EL 10)
Once again, my first impression of this encounter is that the author ran out of room, and so felt the need to seriously reduce the borders of the document to make things fit within the rules. I consider this a breach of the spirit of the rules. What is it with this heat of entries having trouble with brevity? Anyway, I did like Alicia, and her evil ploy to lure adventurers to her is interesting. How the town doesn’t notice adventurerers entering, but never exiting, I don’t know. But still, it’s not a bad plan. However, the NPC and Location are directly linked to each other, and not particularly interesting without the other.

Five Keys (EL 7-8)
Sigh. This time, instead of just fudging the borders or going over the page limitations, the author just reduced the font size to 10 (instead of the required 12), once again blatantly violating the rules. That said, there is a lot to like about this encounter. The cabin is really an ingenious idea for a high-level party of adventurers, and would make an excellent base of operations for any level of adventurers. The tale of Lemlannion is intriguing as well. Unfortunately, the location and NPC are linked to each other, and depend a bit on the encounter as well.

Persephone’s Glade (EL 8)
Oh good. Look at that. No margin fudges, no page limit violations, and no font violations. In addition, the location and NPC can be used freely independant of one another. One of the few entries that actually fully obeys all of the rules. Additionally, there is an interesting moral conflict and/or riddle element (two NPCs are good, but under the blackmailing influence of one that is evil. Do the PC’s figure it out, and what can they do to save the good NPC’s without getting themselves killed in the process.) Overall I really liked this entry.

Forest Dragoness (EL 13)
Again no margin, page, or font fudges, good to see. Emvashti makes for an interesting NPC, and I am always fond of cannibals. I would have liked to have seen more combat tactics. She doesn’t have much use outside the location and encounter, which is too bad. I can see using this encounter, however, in my game (and, as the author suggests, in the Standing Stones module).

I'd like to respond to Mistwell's comments on "Imp in Sets Clothing", I am not the author, but I did vote for it, and while I respect Mistwell's opinion, I do not agree with it.

First.
While changing the margins may seem to break the "spirit" of the rules, you yourself said:

There is no spirit of the rules, there is no sorta-follows-the-rules. You follow them, or you get rejected. Period.

Click to expand...

There were no margin rules. So no rule was broken.

Second.
The rule says:

The location and the NPC should be useful independently of each other and of the encounter itself.

Click to expand...

It does NOT say that the character cannot be mentioned in relation to the location.

I feel that "a traffic jam of boats on a river" could be used without the combat. Maybe the boat are refugees fleeing war. Maybe players are chasing someone who crosses a busy cannal, boat by boat. I feel the idea, and the mechanics, and the diagram together are "useful independently of the NPC and the encounter." Of course that is just my opinion

Again, I wasn't looking for a debate of my opinion. I will say that, if marking up the map with big black arrows indicating the movement of NPC's and PC's mentioned in the encounter itself isn't breaking the "independant location" rule, then you give me some examples of locations that, under your definition of the rules, would not be useable independant of the encounter and NPC. I just assume the rule had a purpose. I can MAKE anything useable, but I shouldn't have to drastically alter it to do so.