[Adult] Guide to Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, thread 2

Yep Isewa. More. More. More.

Here is something posted to me today for your amusement:

Girls Prayer


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!

I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead.

Amen.


A Boy's Prayer:

Lord

I pray for a lady with big tits.

Amen

Somehow it is obvious, that a woman posted this prayers (g).

kolvar said:

Somehow it is obvious, that a woman posted this prayers (g).

Click to expand...

Well actually, it was originally posted by certain man. Heheh, yep filled with gender-racism, but funny anyway.

@Zelda: Funny!!

@kolvar/Isawa: Always looking for more artwork. More Organization/NPC writeups would be great as well. I'll check with my buddy tonight to see how the Harem Guild is coming.

Quiet here, well... this is BUMP.

Is there any stories coming?

Hehe, if ex-Riot Gear, aka Anabstercorian is listening, Melkor from gnome IR sure would make somewhat interesting iconic character for us. As to examples...


There was no light in Melkor`s Throne Room. He was there alone, contemplating, emanating almost visible aura of hatred, directed at those plotting to destroy him.
Then his new concubine entered:
-What troubles you, My Lord?
-They are all uniting to crush me, once again! I was denied Toril! I was denied Oerth!
Now they want to deny me Athas!
-Do you want me to pleasure you, Dark One? She smiled, stripped herself off clothes, and kneeled before him in position of total servitude. He looked with desire upon her body, perfect if it wasn`t for her scars and bruises, remainders of fun they had together.
-Not now, I have matters to attend to. You see, they have understood how MIGHTY and dangerous I am, that they must unite to have ANY hope in defeating me, but I MUST make them understand that they have NO hope, not at ALL! Then he laughed and disappeared in Cloud OF Darkness.


Anyone else feel that way?

(Yep, I might be kidding or might not...)

from what is that?

kolvar said:

from what is that?

Click to expand...

Oh, it is just comment from IC-game me and Anabstercorian are playing here on en-world.

http://www.enworld.org/messageboards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=10042

(there are numberous threads of that one).

Melkor is avatar of certain evil deity in that game, and player has that character make occasionally pretty kinky things. (nothing much said, but anyway)

Little joke poited at Anabstercorian, because our Dm gave this kind of answer to than particular in-character line

"ANSWER: This should be interesting reading for certain people ... "

I don't know how much inspiration or talent that player would have to write to our guide, however, hehee.

Heheh, another one, just for fun:


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-Melkor erupts in sinister laughter after hearing Siobhan`s words: -You want to hear what I want?! Well among other things, I want YOU! I desire you, and you will be mine, in body and soul, your resistance will make things only more funny, but finally you will totally submit to my will, and you will learn to find pleasure in pain, and suffering of others. Oh, and this loser Kalanyr won`t help you, I would squash him like a bug if he only had guts to face me, his power is no match for mine.


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Siobhan's eyes flash with silver fire "And that's all there is to you, isn't there. Power and hunger. Like some sphere of annailation that developed a personality and a libido but still knows nothing more than how to devour and hunger. Well, don't worry about Kalanyr, he can take care of himself. And so can I. We will meet another time, Melkor. And you will find light can be just as powerful as your darkness.

A problem with the rules...

Looking over the sexual tricks and the Sexual Prowess skill and such, and I've noticed a few things that might be problematic.

Let's assume a low- to medium-sex game, where the Sexual Prowess skill is not a class skill for any class. Let's make a feat called "Sexual Skill", that makes Sexual Prowess a class skill - after all, most people in a fantasy setting don't spend that much time solely devoted to improving their sexual technique.

Now, consider an "average" starting prostitute - probably a young woman (age 15 to 25) who's a bit down on her luck and finds that men are willing to pay her for carnal pleasures.

1st level commoner, STR 9, DEX 11, CON 10, INT 10, WIS 11, CHA 13. Feats: Sexual Skill, Skill Focus (Sexual Prowess). Skill: Sexual Prowess +7 (4 ranks, +1 CHA, +2 from Skill Focus)

Here's the problem - she can't take very many sex tricks! She can take Easy to Read (req 2 ranks and CHA 12+), Greedy Lover (req 4 ranks and Easy to Read, and possibly Talk Dirty (if she has the ranks of Bluff), but that's it. Also, because of the prerequisites on all the other tricks (most require Intuitive Lover or Dexterous Lover), she can't even take most of them until she gains several levels and boosts her stats - and let's face it, she's not likely to get much in the way of XP.

On top of that, the sex tricks don't scale well as the character gains ranks of Sexual Prowess. There's a few rank 1s (that all require certain higher-than-average stats), a couple of rank 2s, some rank 3s that all require rank 1s, few rank 4s, a bunch of 5s and 6s, then we jump to 8, then to 12. It's not a very good curve.

I'm looking at reworking the tricks right now. First of all, I'm considering dropping a lot of the stat-based requisites, i.e. cutting down on how much Intuitive Lover and Dexterous Lover are used. I'm also thinking of moving the various (Sexual Act) Focus tricks to Rank 1, so that PCs/NPCs who don't have exception stats can still take a sexual trick or two with a couple of ranks of skill. I'm also thinking of adjusting the curve and spreading out some of the abilities. Some of the 8s and 12s should be higher, and the clump of 5s and 6s can be spread out more.

Anyone else have any ideas for how to make a smoother progression of tricks?

Also, I think that the advanced sex rules can be smoothed out even more; they still seem a bit clunkier than I'd like, but that's a whole separate discussion...

@Isawa:

Good thinking. The less clunky and the more easily accesible, the better it can be integrated into a "normal" game. From personal experience, most of my games feature a lot of sex, but don't revolve totally around it (i.e. most characters are trying to get laid during rest periods or use sex to get access to information/favors from horny NPC's). I doubt that there are too many people who are going to base an entire campaign on sex (e.g. a prostitute game instead of "classic" adventuring), so any feats/skills that could be used for either style would be prefered.

The proposed "Sexual Skill" Feat would work, but I think that certain classes should get Sexual Prowess as a class skill to begin with, if not all classes (similar to Craft or Profession). Alternatively, anyone who ever had sex could get it as a class skill afterwards.

If we do end up creating said feat, it should provide additional benefits as well, like maybe additional sex tricks or a bonus to Bluff.

Stat requirements for sex tricks should be lowered or cut altogether. I have heard quite a few stories from friends that basically said "He/she was ugly, weak and dumb as a rock, but it was the best sex I ever had in my life."

@Sorn:

Well, originally I thought the shifiting DCs for arousal was a good idea, but in retrospect I violated one of my cardinal rules of game design:

Whenever possible, do not make the rules reliant on a chart.

(Too many bad experiences with Gamma World 3e and Marvel Super Heroes, but I digress... )

So I propose changing the actual mechanic to something a bit more akin to combat. Give characters a Sexual Armor Class (let's call it Sexual Resistance or somesuch) equal to 10 + Wisdom Modifier + Con Modifier. That's the DC someone has to hit to move that character up the Arousal scale. All the tricks still work (since many are based on combat feats already), and there's no extra bookkeeping, but it's easier than shifting DCs based on a chart.

That also makes it easier to track how certain situations change how easy it is to bring someone to orgasm. A condom, for example, might add +3 to Sexual Resistance in exchange for preventing pregnancy and disease, or a numbing balm might add 1d4+1 to Sexual Resistance for 2d6 minutes.

Ideas, commentary, criticism?