Setting the Stage
In the beginning there was nothing. Without getting too mired down in asking how nothing can be a beginning, or how a beginning (such as this) can be represented with nothing but nothing, we should take it on good authority that this is possibly just a figure of speech. So maybe it’s more accurate to say, that in the beginning there wasn’t nothing. Or maybe, that at the start there was a just figure of speech.
Anyway, after this speech figurement something became. How it became is currently up to much speculation, as (as has all ready been stated), there really wasn’t anything around before the something to take notes. So as myth would have it, this something formed and gained shape. It decided to start with something easy and formed balls. Balls where fun. It discovered (as did many creatures to come afterwards), it could have a lot of fun with balls.
So the something that was formed created balls, and scattered them about the universe of nothingness and named them (as the gnomes of the University of Trundlecog would have us believe), as planets. This is in fact a lie (as any self-respecting creationist philosopher would tell you), as something formed from nothing couldn’t possibly go around giving names to large round balls it’s formed, and let’s face it those gnomes from Trundlecog spend too much time messing around with quicksilver to form any cohesively intelligent speculation anyway. The gnomes argument to this line of thought, is usually to mention that that’s a fine comment coming from someone who spends their life walking around wearing a dress staring at their own navels… and besides if something formed from nothing can’t go around naming large floating balls, then how could they possibly create them? Exactly, the philosophers would reply, and even if they could, why would they? At this point as is often studied, the two groups usually end up in a brawl with hypothetical case studies and the odd plumbing wrench flying across the room in a cloud of existentialism.
If we ignore (for the moment), both groups we can focus on the common man’s tale of the creation or the world. Although they don’t have the spiritual of technological approach of others, at least they know how to tell a good yarn. So after the planets were created, a blanket of jewels was created to keep them safe, and these became known as stars. The creationist philosophers agree with this. The gnomes say that there’s no room for metaphor in a logical and well ran world. The philosophers point out that something that can’t name planets (with obviously no grasp on language), couldn’t possible be as clever to use metaphor, and then the gnomes say, exactly!
With out going into the intricacies of it all, the world as we know it was formed. The exact time that this took is really irrelevant at this point, because no two groups on the metaphorical face of Akeema can agree. Some say a day, while others say eight hundred and ninety-two thousand billion trillion years, three months and fours days… around afternoon tea… you know about four-thirty in the afternoon, just when your nan comes over with the muffins with the raisons? One school of philosophy holds that the world was created by a being in a parallel dimension with far too much time on his hands, in the span of about four months for his own and others enjoyment, using the fate of men as playing pieces in the great game of life. The people that believe this are also the sorts of people that look at distant stars and say things like “Man… there’s probably someone exactly like us looking up at us on one of those stars, saying that up there’s someone exactly like us.” It’s for this reason that the smoking of certain hallucinogenic plants has become illegal in the city of Halfway.
After everything was formed, life began to spring up. Little parasites multiplied and ate other little parasites, thus becoming larger parasites. Evolution soon took control and before long a complex ecosystem was formed in the galaxy of our tale. Everyone was happy.
And then the strangers came.
Coming from a nearby galaxy on a magical flying vessel, they landed on the planet Akeema (which due to the creative nature of the something from nothing, actually doesn’t resemble a ball in the slightest). The strangers decided to stay, kill the local fauna, rape some virgin forest, and invite all their friends from their own galaxy to experience the natural pristine paradise and drink some beer. Soon trade routes were established to base camp Sarindew, and “intelligent” life soon flourished on the continent of Crimea. Over time, countries would form and fall, the other continents would be populated, and gods would be created.
As the settlers old god’s reach didn’t seem to stretch this far into the galaxy, new gods sprung up created by all the excess belief floating around formed by the planets new races. These too, rose and fell through time, each fighting with one another for portfolios and followers. Only strength ensured survival, or in the case of Ruebork God of Grunt, intelligence, being the only god in history to die of consuming a pickled onion the wrong way.
Twenty-three gods currently have power in the galaxy that soon became known as Seskotspace (so named after the man helming the ship that first landed), and have done so for the past thousand years. Akeema has had its own legends, tales, and world shaking events spring up with time, that has made into the well established world that it is today. None of the planets current residences know much of their ancestral homeland anymore, and not many care. To them Seskotspace is home. And they love it.
. I hope you enjoy.
