The never ending story of ...

BoldItalic · Feb 14, 2018

Jeli…… made her play, blissfully unaware that Nord had just fallen for Garael.

In the ensuing conversation about the attractiveness of lady elves and how pirates should woo them, Jeli and Sam were talking about Jeli but Nord, Od and Herewulf were talking about Garael. Nobody actually realised this and the upshot was that while Jeli assumed she was engaged to Nord with Sam as a witness, Nord assumed that he was practically engaged to Garael with Herewulf and Bard as witnesses. Shakespeare was good at this sort of thing. Except he would probably have thrown in a hunting scene, a fatal stabbing, and possibly a jester to explain it all at the end. But at least everybody thought it was all settled and they could get on with the adventure.

"Well, that's settled," remarked Od. "Congratulations, Nord, I hope you two will be very happy together. Now, what say we tackle the ~~Redbrand's Hideout~~ Ruined Manor?

"You don't want to go there," ventured Sam, "My little cousin Carp was playing in the woods there last week and two nice men came out of a secret entrance and gave him sweets. At least, that's what he told auntie."

There was an embarrassed silence for a moment, then Herewulf tactfully changed the subject. "Was there something between you and ~~the wizard chappy~~ one of the Redbrands, Sam?" he asked innocently. "Only, if you'd rather keep away from the place, we'll quite understand."

Sam pared her fingernails thoughtfully with a small dagger that somehow popped out of her left sleeve and replied "Whatever gave you that idea? I'm just a simple peasant girl with flaxen tresses."

"Er, yes. Well, never mind. You know, I have a dagger exactly like yours - a Chalice and Mason's with a bone handle. I've got mine here somewhere. They're good, aren't they?" Herewulf patted his pockets and frowned. Then he remembered that chainmail hauberks don't have pockets and stopped worrying.

"Well," ventured Od, "We can't just stand around here on the town square waiting for something to happen. S'pose we visit the townmaster and ask the fat, pompous old fool what we are supposed to do next?"

"I heard that," said a voice behind them ...

rgoodbb · Feb 15, 2018

"I heard that," said a voice behind them...

The townmaster proceeded to direct operations from here.

“You must go to the banshee Agatha and swap the silver comb for some information she has for the Sister. I thought this was an obvious hook, especially for those of you who have done this before.”

“That’s it? Seems boring and straightforward.” Mused Herewulf.

“Well you’ll get a couple of potions of healing for it. Then you’re ready to take on the Redbrands. But only with your healing potions.”

“Ooh. Magic items. Remember them DM?” oozed Odd.

Just then an APPARATUS OF KWALISH landed on Od’s big toe “AAAAAAAHHHHOOOOOWW!” He glanced back at Sam. “It’s nothing. Doesn’t hurt.” She gave him a look, and for a while the pain was indeed numbed.”

“Guess the DM does remember Magic Items Od. Who has the silver comb?”

“That’ll be m…Barnacles! Where did I put that thee there comb?”

Everyone slowly turned to Sam who was running a silver comb through her flaxen tresses

“What?” She seemed to say.

Od’s heart almost blew out of his chest at the sight of her. A poem. He must write about her. He must document his love. His desire….

- Oh, how doth my soul survive each second without thought of thee?
Too soppy. But true. But too soppy.

- Her freckles capture and captivate. Each one a love song. Each one a….
Nope. That’s not going anywhere.

- Doth the moon live without the sun? Doth…
Oh brother. I am feeling foolish. Ah I know….

-…..

BoldItalic · Feb 16, 2018

"Oh, Od," cooed Sam, "you're so eloquent, I'm quite overcome. "Let me give you a big, big hug!" The enthusiastic hug that followed was, of course, a pretext. Sam had already stolen Od's heart and his coin pouch. Whatever would be next?

Jeli looked hard at Nord, willing him to give her a hug like that, then turned away when he gave her a puzzled glance because the thought she was broadcasting made no sense. "Something wrong?" he asked her out loud. "No, why should there be?" she replied acidly.

"Right," announced Herewulf, "That's enough camoddling, we have to get to the ruined town of Conyberry and it's at least ten hexes away along the trail. We're going to be doing two or three days of wilderness so let's check our provisions and waterskins and whatnot."

"Shall we try out the new UA 'Into The Wild' rules?" suggested Jeli's player. The DM pulled them up on his magic screen, read them briefly and shrugged. "Okay," he replied, "But it really needs me to prepare encounter tables and whatnot. I'll just wing it."

After a day's journey along the trail towards Conyberry, the party made camp in a convenient ruined tower. The roof was gone but the walls were thick and kept out most of the weather. They soon had a cheerful blaze going in the middle of the floor, and were cooking a hearty rabbit stew for dinner. Jeli, who was a ranger today, was keeping watch at the doorway when the DM announced, with a suitably dramatic voice, that they were about to get a random encounter and everyone perked up and took an interest.

There was the clatter-clatter-clatter sound of the DM gleefully rolling dice behind the screen and the shuffle-shuffle-shuffle sound of him turning the pages in the DMG. Then he looked worried, stared down in disbelief at his dice, shuffled some more pages, and finally looked beaten. His shoulders slumped and his dice arm went limp as he announced the result in an almost inaudible mumble.

You are alerted by the sound of hoofbeats and the jingle of harnesses. Riding down the trail towards you are a posse of warrior maidens mounted on purple unicorns.

"Hi, guys!" called Xena. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

rgoodbb · Feb 17, 2018

More competition. Thought Jeli. And younger. Great. "We are here to trade with a Banshee for some information." She stated in a put on authoritative voice.

"Oh. Um. Too late I'm afraid. We already got an answer from her this morning and that's it for this century apparently."

"What? What about our Potions of Healing? Will we never get another Magic Ite..."

Od quickly put his hand up to and over Jeli's mouth. He looked up at the skies nervously. Waited. Rubbed his toe unconsciously and sighed out a deep breath when nothing fell on them.

Sam took an immediate interest in the troop. When Herewulf had suggested stocking up for the journey, she had decided to procure all the 'B' items from the PHB:
Backpack
Ball bearings (bag o f 1,000)
Barrel
Basket
Bedroll
Bell
Blanket
Block and tackle
Book
Bottle
Bucket
Brewer's supplies
Bagpipes
Battleaxe
Blowgun
(She already had a Burglar's pack and thought another overkill)

As laden as she was, There was always, ALWAYS, room for more. She espied the unicorns and wondered:
A) How they tasted
B) How much their horns were worth
C) How good a pack animal they were for carrying loot
D) How much coin their riders had on them
E) What the hell was that large lizard with a magical sphere being pushed in front of it.
F) What can I get out of this lot

At which point she turned on the charm with Xena.

"I'm Sam. Newest member of this party. You ladies all look so fantastic, strong and independent on those steeds. Formidable. Just formidable. What are they like to ride?"

Bigby reached down her considerable hand and Sam took it. She swung up behind the pigtailed warrior and grinned with glee. She only just remembered to give Od a sideways look, a wink and a smile. Amanda, being the forward scout of the troop, performed a perimeter sweep and reported back All Clear.

Xena, who had shaved off all her hair and looked just rock, suggested with the enlarged party back together, they could now brand those Redbrands red. She also, being leader of the light cavalry unit, had picked up word on her travels that a dragon had taken up residence nearby and might need sorting out.

"One thing at a time." Replied Jeli, who was starting to feel that her leadership position might be in jeopardy.
"To the Redbrands."
"To Phandolin..devler."
"To victory."
"To wherever the football travels."
"To nere thee blood 'o' thunder, aye."
"To another wasted journey."
"To...Oh those pigtails are lovely Bigby."

BoldItalic · Feb 17, 2018

"Is that rabbit stew?" asked Snappy. "Don't mind if I do."

"Sure," said Herewulf, "Help yourself, we've already had ours."

The girls having ridden off into the night taking Sam with them, our four stalwart heroes remained gathered around the fire. Nord threw on another log and used a mage hand to stir up a comforting blaze. Herwulf winced when the hand went into the flames, but then realised that it couldn't take damage so it wouldn't get burnt. He wondered idly if there was a Lay on Mage Hands spell that paladins could learn. It might be really useful for healing fire elementals, for example. Maybe he could research it, next time they had any downtime. That didn't look to be soon, though.

Od produced a miniature lute, Enlarged it to normal size and began to strum a whistful melody. He was thinking of Sam.

Alas my love, you do me wrong
To gallop off on a unicorn.
For I have love'd you so long,
And with tender longings am I torn.

Jeli settled down next to Nord and adjusted her skirts in what she hoped was an alluring manner but Nord was busy staring into the fire and didn't notice. "What do you see in the fire?" she asked.

"I see a dragon chasing an elephant, and there's a ghastly face upside down just above them."

"Do you? I see two hearts entwined in the bonds of love."

"That's women for you," declared Nord brusquely. "Always on about romance, never anything important."

"And elephants are important to you?"

"When I were a wee bairn," began Nord, lapsing for a moment into Scottish Piratical, "I'd a toy pirate ship an' a toy elephant. Off-times the elephant stood in for a whale, or the ship for a carriage for the elephant to pull."

"Children are so inventive, aren't they?"

"Best use of children is to kidnap them and hold their parents to ransom. Or set them to work swabbing decks. Or both at once."

"Crocodiles like children," offered Snappy, "Preferably raw."

"I think we should change the subject," declared Jeli stonily.

"I've been thinking," said Od, pausing in his lutinistic endeavours, "If the girls clear out the Redbrands before we get there, we won't get any XP ourselves, will we?"

"We're fourth level. They're only worth a few hundred anyway."

"Um, we're supposed to pretend we don't know that, aren't we?"

"True. Forget I said it."

"But I can hear you thinking it."

"It's okay to think. As long as we pretend not to."

"Metamental."

"That's metal

"

"Anyway, who's turn is it to be on watch tomight?"

"It's probably my turn."

"Suits me, I'm tired after all that walking we did today."

"Goodnight, then."

During the night ...

rgoodbb · Feb 18, 2018

During the night ...

…When it became Jeli’s turn to take watch, she had an epiphany. A Eureka moment. Of course! The only way she was ever going to interest Nord was if she became like him. She knew this now. How to go about this though….

Passed the midnight hour, when all was sound and tucked away, Nord awoke to take his shift. Before him stood proudly, a pirate woman. Headscarf, huge earrings, shoulders and stomach all showing lots of flesh. Rapier sheathed and hands on hips. Jeli was a Swashbuckler this morn.

“Am I still dreamin’ gal? or is thaa really you Jeli?”

“Captain Jelenneth to you boy. Now get up to the Crow’s Nest immediately and take yer watch before I show you me lash'o’nine you blubbering lung-scrubber. Move it!” Jeli pointed to the nearest tall tree and Nord ran for it. Oh how he ran. Time slowed down for him. The falling leaf nearby slowed its descent to almost nothing, the shift in the branches moving as if immersed in bad gruel and tar. Why had the world slowed down? Why was his body all tingly?

As soon as he had asked himself this question, he knew the very answer. The players. The players man! They had finally got so comfortable with each other that they were experimenting. Trying out new role-playing stuff. They had initiated………..a romance, those balsey mo-fo’s. Why am ah the last one to know about this? Of course. I have a passive insight of 7. But Jeli…uhm…er Captain Jelenneth Oh boyz. Wow!

Jeli settled down by the fire leaning her head on the snoring Snappy. She smiled and closed her eyes. Tomorrow would be interesting.

Tomorrow would indeed be interesting, as neither of them had taken much care to watch on their watch through the night....

BoldItalic · Feb 18, 2018

neither of them had taken much care to watch on their watch through the night....

... a lapse that the DM gleefully took advantage of. With Nord up a tree outside the tower, and the others asleep inside the tower, he carefully placed two of his shiniest minis in a hidden cellar underneath the tower but with no trapdoor or stairway connecting the two, so the PCs would not have been aware of it.

With an evil cackle, the DM put on some scary music and announced While Nord is on watch in his tree and the others are asleep, you are surprised. Please roll for Initiative.

There was consternation around the table as various PCs claimed they were immune to surprise on the grounds of ... not wanting to be surprised is what it boiled down to, basically, and the DM listened carefully before saying no.

Two hairy great spiders that had been holed up in the cellar appeared suddenly out of nowhere half way up the inside walls of the tower, dropped onto the sleeping forms of Od and Herewulf, made Bite attacks at +4 then vanished into the Ethereal Plane before anyone could react. Herewulf was protected by his armour but Od took the full force of a poisonous bite and lasped into rigid unconsciousness.

"Phase Spiders!" cried Jeli, "This is a *quickly calculating in her head* Deadly encounter !"

Rapiers were drawn or, in the case of Snappy, jaws were opened, but there was nothing to attack for no-one had vision that extended into the ethereal. Hearing Jeli's shout, Nord came running in and spied Herewulf bending over Od's paralysed form where he was attempting to Lay on Hands and doing it correctly for the first time ever. Working quickly, Herewulf counteracted the poison that had flooded Od's bloodstream and the little bard slowly began to recover from his paralysis and start breathing again.

Just as the two spiders phased back in for another attack ...

rgoodbb · Feb 19, 2018

Just as the two spiders phased back in for another attack ...

Nord Heroically charged into the fray. He first cast Shatter on the pair of Phazum Arachnum and then produced a lightning whip that crackled and wrapped around one of them and drew it nearer to him. But more importantly, also drew it near to Herewulf who smote it down.

The Captain (with a Haha!), swung from an ancient tower chandelier and dropped, rapier pointing down, onto the back of the remaining spider sinking the blade in deep. As it flailed an arm up to attack she dodged nimbly, kicking off and back flipping onto a crumbling set of internal spiral steps where the swashbuckler cut a rope and the chandeliers fell upon the beast and ended the combat.

Nord looked at Captain Jelenneth. She looked at he, and time stopped still for both.

Herewulf sensing high emotions, loaded a still groggy Od onto Snappy’s back and with a good survival check, started strapping him on down tight with sticky spider webbing. They left the other two in the tower and began making preparations to break camp. Herewulf moved them to a suitably sensible distance away from the tower and patiently and respectfully waited.

He thought about who would miss these beasts. He wondered if they would be forgotten in time, like tears…no, like all those others that he was champion of. Do the beasts and the enemy count? Yes. I am Champion of the Forgotten. It is my duty to make sure all are remembered. He became deep in thought, caught in a blur of visions, all the people who had become lost. He saw faces and the faceless. He saw those he recognised and those he did not. He saw Jeli and Nord. He saw…Wait a minute. Jeli and Nord!

Herewulf snapped out of his vision-trance. Jeli and Nord? They weren’t lost or forgotten. Why had he seen them? He left a dribbling Od strapped haphazardly to Snappy and returned to the Tower.

“UH-HUM.” He tried politely to alert them of his presence. “UUUUH-HUM!” A little louder. Nothing. The sergeant moved in and rolled a natural 20 on both perception and investigation.

Jeli and Nord were indeed gone. They were lost to him……

BoldItalic · Feb 19, 2018

They were lost to him……

The DM turned to the two remaining players and asked "Should we play on without them, or take a pizza break until they come out of the bedroom?"

"How about a quick game of Eternity Unravelled?" suggested one.

"What's on the movie channel?" wondered the other.

"I think it's LOTR. Want that?"

"Yeah. Go for it."

Strider watched the comings and goings in the Prancing Pony from his quiet, unobserved corner table. He drew the hood of his cloak closer around him, seeming more mysterious. It was a good cloak, by the finest cloakmaker in town: Henry King of Gondor Street. But the label inside the collar was well-worn and the first and last words had already rubbed out.

As usual, Gandalf's message had been hurried and vague. "Look for three strangers. They will be travelling in secret, so they may be hard to spot," it said, "Give them any assistance you can."

The door opened and, indeed, three strangers entered. You couldn't get much stranger than these three, thought Strider. A grizzled knight dressed in a scarlet and white surcoat over brightly-polished mail who shone like a beacon in the smoke-filled tavern; a hobbit dressed in a minstrel's outfit, with a floppy hat, lime green and pink jerkin and parti-coloured breeches; and a flightless wyrm with a brightly-coloured globe on its snout. Strider's attention was drawn to the hobbit who was, to say the least, a little odd. He moved stiffly, as if recently recovered from a virulent poison, and he looked nervous, contantly fingering something on a gilded chain around his neck. Whatever it was, it radiated wrongness that even Strider could sense. "So," he thought to himself, "This must be the Wrongbearer."

Rising from his seat, Strider advanced towards the three and held out his hand in greeting. Choosing one of his many aliases on a whim, he announced "I am Sildar Hallwinter. I am a kind-hearted human male of nearly fifty years. A mutual friend asked me to look out for you."

The hobbit looked even more startled and suddenly vanished. "He often does that," observed the cavalier. "And don't worry about this, my faithful steed. He likes his ears tickled, don't you, Snappy?"

Reassured that nothing was amiss, the minstrel re-appeared next to them. At that moment, the hobbit barmaid dropped a tray of tankards with a crash and cried out "Od! I've been looking for you everywhere! Your faithful Sam is coming with you!"

"But ..."

rgoodbb · Feb 19, 2018

“Imposter!" cried Snappy at Strider, not Sam. "Sildar Hallwinter died in post #125 by the hand of….” He checked his notepad.”Ragash The Destroger of Lives. No Destroyer of lives. I was scribbling pretty fast.”

“Hold your tongue silent beast. I have his identity”

“Or you are just a thief?”

“By Sauron’s ring are you that stupid? I am incognito you fool. You may have just outed us all. We must fly.”

“Not 5th yet. Can’t do that.”

“Too late. The Wrongwraiths are here.” Chipped in Herewulf.

Od still had traces of poison in him. He was looking grey gilled and a little delirious.

“We must hide the boy or this is all over before it has even begun.”

The Wraiths took hold of the barkeep and he had no choice. He pointed towards their table.

“Strider you say. Ee’s one of them Ramblers. Dangerous folk they are – wanderin’ the wildes with their duel wielding Walking Poles, Studded Gilets and their Waterproof Gaiters.”

“Wait. Waterproof ‘gaiters?” Asked Snappy, suddenly awake. “There are ‘gaiters here?” Before he could react however, Strider had led them swiftly out the back. “We must make for the great Watchtower of Amon Sûl”

“Really. It’s not that great. We’ve just come from that particular tower and, well, quite frankly, it’s a bit of a mess. Full of invisible spiders as well.”

“Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall”

“Ee’s a bit intense don’t you think?”

“Alas! An ill fate is on me this day, and all that I do goes amiss!”

“Well we’ve all had one of those days, I suppose.”

“We should not linger.”

“Agreed. Where are we going again?”………….