Story HourPost your ongoing tales from your campaigns, and read those from others for inspiration. Lots of other RPG boards post "Story Hours", but this is where it started!
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 87: Scrumping for beginners.
Ala meanwhile wanders away, unable to bear any more of Cas’ conversation, he’s just so… so… simple at times. Practical- maybe, even. Boring, actually often- more than he thinks, anyway.
There’s an apple on the ground, she reaches down and picks it up.
She looks up; she’s wandered into the overgrown orchard, it’s tangled and dark in here, a little spooky. She can see some semblance of order in the way the trees are planted, but they have since grown far beyond their allotted rows. Brambles twist underfoot, vines hang from the tree branches, she can see the husk of a dead beetle beneath one of the trees – there’s a glimmer of metal amidst the underbrush, she moves further in to investigate.
“ALA.” It’s Jim calling.
She turns to face the Ranger who has a clear line of sight to her, just through the tangle and the fading light.
“Yes.” She calls back
“Don’t go too…”
Ala is suddenly dragged out of sight.
“ALA?” Jim calls.
“Hel…” Is all the Priestess manages.
A huge vine suddenly springs to life, it attempts to snake around her hips, to grab her, thankfully Ala’s too quick, she escapes the plant, draws her longsword, in one swift motion, and then slices down severing the tip of the attacking liana.
“JIM- HELP.”
The Ranger is already on his way.
The grass beneath her feet, the briars and bushes reach out for her, grasp her, clutch her- wrap themselves around the lower legs of the Priestess.
“JIM. JIM- I’M STUCK.”
The Ranger is on the spot in seconds, the undergrowth is straining to snag Jim, but he’s wise to it, he’s in perpetual motion.
He grabs Ala and begins to drag her back, in the same instant a larger liana snakes out and reaches for its prey, the Priestess is unable to get away, the vine curves around her waist and tightens- crushing the life out of her.
“AaaaaaaRggJIM.”
Behind the pair the other members of the Goodman Gang come running- hacking their way through the overgrown undergrowth.
Anya’s Mage Armour shimmers as the others break through; Jim’s still wrestling the vine, trying to loosen its grip, all to no avail.
FWUNG
Newt buries a crossbow bolt in the base of the vine, as far away from Ala as he can, he doesn’t want to miss.
“JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM.”
Ala screams again, accompanied by the cracking sound of breaking ribs, she hovers on the edge of consciousness; it’s going very badly, very quickly.
“Got it.”
Newt cartwheels into the action, comes up beneath the vine grasping Ala, he’s spotted something- it takes a second for him to get his aim.
FWUNG
The crossbow bolt thumps into a central stalk, the heart of the Assassin Vine, a mixture of blood and sap spews from the rupture, the effect is instant, the liana wrapped around Ala coils back, Jim grabs the Priestess as she falls, drags her back out.
“BACK. BACK.”
The Ranger screams, Cas dodges in cuts another probing liana clean in two, then falls back like the Ranger ordered.
They’re back in the clearing, in the centre of the ruins. Ala mutters prayers, heals her wounds, a little embarrassed, a lot shaken.
“You can’t be going off on your own.” Cas warns her.
“I was with her.” Jim volunteers, and shares a look with Ala.
“It’s dangerous.” Cas finishes.
“I know that now”, Ala mutters, then quieter, “sorry.”
“Good. Just be careful, I can’t be there to rescue you all the time.” The Paladin can’t resist having the last word.
By the look on Ala’s face he’s going to regret his compulsion.
“Right then, let’s clear the surface structures, see what we find- remember we’re looking for a way into the Tower.” Cas leads them off, towards the shattered stables.
“Jerk”, Ala offers when Cas is far enough away to not hear, which makes Jim grin.
The stable is, or rather was, a long, low building, the stone columns on the corners still stand, as do some of the rafters, some of the roof is still intact. There are no signs of life however.
Cas motions to Newt, who shrugs bobs down and scuttles in, then back out again at double-speed. A squeaking cloud of bats twirls and swirls from the exit- take wing and flap off to find somewhere quieter to rest.
Newt smiles up at his audience, shrugs his shoulders and heads back in.
Thirty seconds later.
“It’s safe, come and have a look.”
The others head on in.
The darkness rushes away as sunrods are sparked into life, there’s a hole, a very large hole in the corner of the building, leading down, a gentle slope.
“Wait there.”
Jim rushes over, crouches low to the ground, and investigates.
“Paw prints, big, wide- heavy, a bear? Perhaps more than one- whatever it is it weighs a ton. We should try the other buildings before we head down there.”
The Ranger points down the dark hole, Cas sees the sense of it, leads the Gang back out, and on- to the shell of one of the keeps towers, previously hidden from sight, behind the Mysterious Tower.
Jim holds up his hand, crouches, the others follow suit- the Ranger points, there’s something in there.
It’s another Beetle, this one much bigger, its ten-foot-long carapace pokes through the rubble. A gigantic pair of mandibles protrude from the end opposite, they clack and taste the air. The Giant Stag Beetle is half-hidden, dug into the rubble.
A whispered conversation takes place.
“It’s very big.” Newt gulps.
“It’s in the way- I want to check that tower out, we have to shift it.” Cas states.
“Its shell- it must be six inches thick.”
“Thanks Ala.” Cas sees fit to put her down again.
“Then let’s do it properly, three with missiles; then me, you and Bec pile in- smash what’s left of it.” Jim offers.
“Good plan.” The Paladin concurs.
“It’s very big though.” Newt gulps again, “I hate Beetles”, the Gnome whispers.
And so it is, Newt, Anya and Ala ready missile weapons, the warriors stand ready, and when Jim signals crossbows and bows sing.
The result is devastating.
FWUNG
Newt’s crossbow bolt pierces the shell seemingly without resistance, the entire missile passes into the creature, a gout of filthy ichor signals the impact.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
The Giant Stag Beetle doesn’t seem to be very happy, it lumbers round, shedding stone and mortar as it attempts to turn and face its foes.
It gets half-way.
FWUNGCRUNCH
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Anya crossbow bolt does the job, smashes into the creature’s right eye, completely obliterates the oracle, that’s enough for the Beetle, it kicks up a cloud of dust as it flees the scene.
SPUNG
Not fast enough, Ala’s arrow smashes into the side of the creature, a huge rent in its black armour opens up.
Leaving the three warriors with nothing to do, except check the area the Beetle so recently vacated- there’s nothing to be found, just the remains of the fallen tower.
“Move on.” Cas signals them forward again, to easily the most complete and stable looking of the ruined buildings.
The stone-framed Officer’s Quarters is relatively intact, though severely damaged, through the doorway Cas notes the piles of shattered furniture that choke the room, there are two open doorways leading off from the first chamber.
“Newt.”
The Gnome shakes his head, then grins, and quietly, no silently, heads on in, through the wreckage, it’s a good job he’s small.
The first chamber was once some sort of office, the remains of a desk, several chairs, a bench- nothing else really of interest, except perhaps the odd gold coin that the Rogue manages to somehow, almost magically, locate.
The Gnome signals thumbs up, all is well, then points to a doorway, and heads on in.
The second chamber is a bedroom, the remains of a bed and a wardrobe make this obvious, it takes a further two minutes to search the chamber.
Outside the other members of the Gang wait with baited breath, finally the Gnome emerges back into the twilight, shakes his head, points at the remaining doorway, and then creeps on through it.
The final chamber is some form of storeroom, or walk in closet, either way it’s a mess, but…
Newt moves over, further in, peers down at the floor- there’s another hole, man-size, a ladder attached to the wall leads down into the gloom, it looks safe, sniff, but it smells.
Newt heads back to report his find, the way down, certainly not the gold he’s found.
“I still thing we ought to check out all of the surface buildings first, I don’t want us bottled up down there with nasties roaming over out heads- that would be like walking into a trap.” Cas argues. With no one as it turns out, the others concur.
“Let’s get it done then, the light’s getting worse every minute.”
Cas nods back, the Gang move off quickly, Newt’s spotted something, “there.”
The Gnome scurries off, the others come tumbling after.
Alas a little too quick, it’s another hole, this one much bigger, much deeper, and straight down.
Cas loses his footing on the slick earth, kicks air, he stumbles forward, still not in control, and falls over the lip of the pit…
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 88: Don’t press it.
THUNG
The Paladin hits something, something small and hard to see, particularly in the twilight.
“OOOOF.”
Whatever it is it thumps the wind out of him.
Cas slips and fumbles, and falls again…
And is left dangling in mid-air clutching onto, well… who knows.
The Paladin kicks his legs, manages to hang on to whatever it he’s clutching with his hands.
“What’s keeping him up?” Jim enquires, to open-mouthed stares.
“Magic?” Newt wonders.
“I’m holding onto a rod.” Cas shouts over, one hand slips, flails and then grabs back up and onto the rod.
“What’s the rod holding onto?” Jim shouts back.
“Well I never…” Newt grins and quickly swallows down a Potion of Spider Climbing, “I’ll be a Monkey’s Uncle”, an expression of amazement back in Lowth.
“What is it?” Anya asks.
“Hang on.” Ala screams at Cas, and is instantly shushed by the crowd.
“Err… People. People. I’m about to fall.” Cas states.
The Gang stop to watch.
Cas falls.
“OOOOOOOOOF.”
Onto another rod.
He has a better grip this time.
“I’m coming over.” Newt plays out a line of rope, gives the end to Bec, presses a lit sunrod into his belt and leaps into the unknown.
Actually he grasps the rod perfectly, performs a brief loop, and settles squatting on the the thin metal rod.
“There’s a button, on the rod, should I press…”
“Don’t press the button.” Newt shouts at the paladin, he’s very definite.
“Oh, ok.” Cas nods, and then nearly loses his grips, he scrabbles and flails for a while before grabbing back on.
“Don’t press the button, really Cas, just don’t.”
Below him the Paladin nods.
“Bec, lower me down.”
Slowly Newt is let down, the rope over the first rod, which acts like a brace, he’s to the Paladin, and in seconds has looped the rope twice around Cas’ waist.
“He’s good to go.” Newt shouts up.
Bec hauls and a waving Paladin departs the hole.
A minute later Cas is topside and back in control of the situation.
“I said I’ll be a minute.” Newt’s voice echoes from the depths, it’s clear he’s going down and not up.
“Newt, come back here… Newt.” Cas calls back and stamps his foot, the soft soil shifts and slides, the Paladin scrabbles back, reddens.
“NEWT.” He calls again.
But the Gnome is gone, well actually…
Newt grips to what appears to be the last, the fourth, Immovable Rod, what a find. The Gnome looks down, as best he can, gently swaying- the cavern below is circular, there seem to be exits, it’s difficult to get his bearings. He can see the floor is thick with a living carpet, a myriad type of fungi, one for every occasion.
Funny there’s a spot to his right that seems to have been trampled flat.
Newt swings up, at lightning speed, presses the button of the last rod, which causes it to come lose in his hand, and catches onto the rod above, he repeats the operation- three more times, the last leap depositing him back on the surface and bowing low before the crowd.
Bec, Ala, Anya and Jim go to applaud.
The only thing stopping them is Cas’ face. The Paladin taps his foot on the ground, arms folded, “Well?”
“Well what?” Newt replies.
“You heard what I said to Ala earlier”, which, again, is the wrong thing to say, “you can’t just go wandering off on your own young man.”
“Who do you think you are, my Mum?”
“For the purpose of this adventure, yes.” Cas chides.
“What? Hang on- did you just call me ‘young man’?”
“Yes, well… what I meant…”
“Well for a start I’m not a man, a HU-man, I’m a Gnome, it’s not me that goes falling down holes needing to be rescued, you great clod-hopper.”
“Well that’s as may…”
“And furthermore, how old are you?”
“What does that matter?” Cas looks sheepish.
“How old?”
“I’ll be twenty-two in three months.”
“Right then, I’ll be fifty next week, so screw you sonny.”
Newt wanders off, muttering.
Then suddenly turns on his heals.
“Do you know what these are?” Newt holds up the four rods.
“No. Not really.”
“Not really?” Its Newt’s turn to chide.
“Well, no. Not at all, really- I mean I saw what they were doing in the hole, but…”
“But what?”
“But no, not really, I don’t know what they do, oh fiddlesticks, what do they do Newt?”
Newt holds one of the rods in the air.
“These are called Immovable Rods, there’s a second-story guy in The Nunny, he uses one of these, and he’s the best in the business.”
“So?”
“So what these do is somehow, when you press the button in, they connect with the air- the stay in place, they’re called Immovable Rods, you can hang off them, use them as steps- whatever.”
“What’s your point?” Cas is just being surly now, everyone else can see Newt’s point.
“My point is, Lord, they may come in useful, like they did earlier- for saving your fat ass.” Newt spits back.
The two move closer, square up, the Gang close in should the need arise to separate the pair.
“Oh, and the other thing is, the second-story guy, he paid three thousand gold for his, for just one of these. One-Two-Three-Four, Hey Presto- we’re rich.”
Newt shakes the rods in the air to make his point.
“Now watch.”
He grabs the first rod again. Strategically places it in the air, presses the button and hauls himself…
Falls on his backside.
Newt scrambles up quickly, attempts to repeat the trick, he does- with same results. He tries one rod after another.
“There magic’s spent, not a trace.” Anya remarks, her Detect magic spell tells her this is so.
It goes quiet.
Newt keeps trying- the rods are not working however.
Eventually Cas breaks the silence, he giggles, attempts to turn the laugh into a yawn, it only makes it worse.
“Right, that’s it, I’m off home.”
Newt turns and stomps off.
“Anya, go after him.” The Wizard stares at Cas, “Please Anya.”
She nods and heads over to the Gnome who is at present kicking stones in random directions, cursing all the while under his breath.
“Come on; let’s check the rest of this place out- quickly.” Cas leads Ala, Jim and Bec off towards what was obviously the main barracks.
The wood framed building is now completely destroyed. The Gang can barely make out the outline of where the walls once stood. There’s a jumble of smashed and rotten furniture inside, a swift inspection reveals nothing of interest.
The four adventurers move on, past Anya and Newt sitting together, whispering to each other, looking up to stare at Cas every now and then.
The last area to be inspected is another ruined corner of the keep where a sturdy tower once stood, the bodies of several dead rats litter the place, otherwise it’s empty.
They wander back, congregate again- the light’s almost gone.
“We’d better get below.” Jim states.
Newt looks up at the Ranger.
“Newt.” But before the Ranger can finish the Gnome is on his way, back over to the Officer’s Quarters and to the trapdoor and ladder in the storeroom.
Thirty seconds later Newt’s sunrod chases away the dark, he descends.
“It smells- bad.” Newt whispers back up, and then heads off cautiously.
Newt leaves the sunrod a little way from the ladder; the shadows are more conducive to his type of work, then heads on, down a 50-foot long hallway which ends in a dank, dark 30-by-50-foot room, which clearly used to be a jail. The stone walls are well built and reinforced, obviously designed by a master builder. On each side of the room are two barred jail cells. The two closest are only small, 10-by-10 cubicles, while the farther cells are much bigger, they must measure 20-by-20. The bars to each cell are bent and rusted; either something broke out, or else broke in.
Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.”
Newt stops short, a shadowy lump lurches into his vision, whatever it is its big, and has One-Two-Three legs, and One-Two-Three arms.
Newt’s out of there.
And in less than ten seconds back at the ladder, a couple of seconds later, back on the surface.
“There’s something down there, something…”
“Something what?” Jim asks, Anya snakes her arm round the Gnome’s shoulders.
“Something big.”
Anya crouches, so she’s at eye level with Newt.
“What was it doing Newt? What did you see?”
“It was… singing.”
“Singing?” Anya looks up at Cas, confused.
“Singing about worms.” Newt finishes and has a little cry.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 89: Top Scat.
Anya touches Bec, who is instantly flooded with warmth, her Endurance spell adds density and body-mass to the already thick-set Barbarian, Bec grins and lumbers away, first down the ladder.
They Gang reassemble at the bottom of the shaft.
“Which way?” Jim whispers.
There’s a secondary passage heading south, the main passage heads west. Newt points west, the Gang creep forward, Newt filters to the rear.
“That’s it.” Newt whispers, while hiding behind Anya’s robes.
“Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.”
The Gang are close…
SPLAT
That surprised them.
“Hur-hur.”
Followed by chomping sounds.
“Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and... Whassat?”
Thump-thump-thump.
Huge feet plod towards the corridor, where the Goodman Gang are hiding, which is nicely illuminated by a pair of glowing sunrods.
“Ha ha.” Jim leaps into the room, the others shuffle in quickly behind him, seamless.
Their lights illuminate the foul creature fully.
The thing has a bloated body, perhaps some eight feet wide, and is covered with a rock-like skin, brownish gray in color, which is in turn covered with dung. It’s huge, it must weigh half a ton at least.
It stands on three thick squat legs, with a massive gaping maw filled with jagged broken, and therefore razor-sharp, teeth- which even as the adventurers stare is being filled by the remains of a Giant Dire Rat, which is in turn being gripped by one of its three barbed tentacles, the other two wave in the air.
It eats with its mouth open.
“Bleuurgh…”
Newt says goodbye to his lunch.
But comes up with his crossbow in hand.
The Otyugh makes up its mind.
“BUFFET.”
And launches itself at the Goodman Gang.
FWUNG
Newt’s crossbow bolt scratches a fairly pathetic gouge in the creatures armour like hide.
The other members of the Gang come alive, Ala is the first off the mark, a tentacle swoops around towards her, she ducks low and comes up on the other side longsword in hand- slashes wildly, but only just manages to pierce the thing.
Jim is next in line, he leaps the tentacle aimed at him, lands safely and brings his axe down hard- BOING, it rebounds, he juggles his weapon but manages to keep hold of it.
Cas and Bec take the direct route- head on they charge, the third tentacle comes round in a swatting arc, Cas gets it all wrong, he leaps up, hoping the thing will pass beneath him, it wont- the tentacle slams him in the side, knocking the wind out of him instantly (again), and in the same moment picking him up and batting him into the wall of the chamber, some fifteen feet away, the Paladin is unconscious before he hits the deck.
“SANDWICH.” Bec counters, and buries a good half of his greatsword in the Otyugh’s right hand side, almost severing a tentacle.
Bec pays the price, the tentacle that swatted Cas away continues its arc, the Barbarian rides the blow, he’s two close to the creatures body for there to be any real force behind it.
“OOF.”
This time it’s the Otyugh.
Bec’s not done, he thumps his boot into the crap-ball's gut, or where he thinks its gut might be, the creature staggers backwards, the Barbarian it seems has plenty of momentum and brings down his greatsword again, on the top of the Otyugh, between its eyes.
His sword bites deep into the thing.
“Surrender, surrender, surrender.”
The giant ball of filth staggers backwards further, as far away as it can get from the Gang, its tentacles flailing madly in the air.
“Me no hurty. Me no hurty. Me freeeewnd.”
Ala is quickly over to Cas, who opens his eyes the instant she gets there.
“I’m ok.” He winks and grins.
“Please yourself.” Ala wanders off leaving the Paladin still lying on the floor.
“Me no hurty. Me Scat. Me freewnd. No hurty.”
Jim sheathes his axe, puts his hands in the air.
“I’m Jim- what are you?”
“Me Scat. No hurty, freeewnd.”
“But what are you?” Jim wrinkles up his nose, he’s now close enough to really get a whiff of the foul creature.
“You’re covered in…” Anya begins, “how can you… Do you not… Ohhh.”
“No hurty. Scat good boy.”
“But what are…” Jim tries again.
“He’s Scat.” Anya concludes, “move on Jim.”
“Oh. Yes, ok. Hello Scat, I’m…”
“Jeeewm.” Scat finishes.
“Right. Yes. What are you doing here?”
“Pooooor Scat trap-edd. This Scat home now. Nice, plenty ratty. Buffet. But baddy.”
Jim starts to laugh, spots Bec, the Barbarian doesn’t look amused.
“Right. Good. Tell us about this place, what’s through there?”
Jim points at a shut door on the far side of the chamber.
“Mekal stuff, no eaty, and big Aruggah’s.”
“Big… What?”
“Arrugah’s. Not freewnd like Scat.”
“What’s an Arrugah?” Ala asks.
“ARRRRRRRUUUU-GAH.”
Scat lurches forward snapping his mouth open and closed, flailing his tentacles wildly, it seems they’re playing charades.
“I have no idea.” Jim mutters.
“Neither do I, put it seems they’re not as friendly as Scat here.” Cas whispers back.
“And down there Scat, the other passage?”
Jim points back the way they came.
“More mekal- no tasty.”
Scat’s tentacles flop on the floor, forlornly, a rat suddenly darts from one of the cells, and he’s off.
The lumbering Otyugh gives chase, which causes all of the Goodman Gang to take sudden and evasive action.
FLOP
The rat gets away, leaving a despondent Scat.
“Whatch yew ere fur?”
“We’ve come to free the Wizard’s Ghost from the Tower.” Jim states.
“White light fing?”
“Yes the ‘white light fing’.”
Scat nods, flops his tentacles around a bit, itches one of his legs, loosing great slabs of caked on dung.
“Scat freewnd.”
Half-a-ton of faecal matter shuffles towards Jim, a tentacle twirls out, gingerly reaches out for the Ranger, coils around Jim’s waist- friendly like.
“Scat hungry-mungry.”
The Otyugh’s belly rumbles.
It farts to punctuate its point.
“Right. Good. Bec come with me, Cas keep Scat company.” The Paladin nods, eventually, not so keen on taking orders perhaps, “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Jim trots off with Bec lumbering behind. The Ranger’s as good as his word, less than five minutes later the pair are back, and dragging most of the remains of one of the Bombadier Beetles they encountered earlier.
Scat flaps his tentacles together excitedly.
“Somebody likes me, nobody hates me,
I'm gonna chomp on a Beekul,
lumpy bits, slimy bits; juicy bits and loosey bits,
Crunchy, munchy bumpy lunchy Beekul.”
The pair sling the carcass of the Beetle on the floor, Scat blinks once or twice, a tentacle skitters out and splats into a newly formed pool of Beetle ichor, nonchantly retracts and heads to Scats maw. A flopping red tongue licks at the end of the tentacle, Scat grins.
“MMMM. Buffet.”
Scat blinks some more, looks at Jim, love in his eyes.
“Go on then, if you’re hungry.” Jim kicks the Beetle corpse.
Scat doesn’t need a second invitation- he’s on it.
CRUNCH-CHOMP-CHEW-TEAR-SLUUUUUUURP.
All accompanied by a fairly constant stream of farts and hisses from Scats backside, and then a stream of excreta, or as its known in the Otyugh world- cladding.
It gets too much to watch very quickly.
“I think I’m going to be…” Newt is, again, all down his leg.
Scat suddenly looks up, sniffs the air, spots the pile of puke, and licks his lips.
“Oh Pelor.” Newt moans.
“Right then, let’s get on.” Cas declares.
The others nod, quickly.
“Scat, we’re going through there- to see the Arrugah’s.” Cas states.
Scat nods back, very briefly, and continues to stuff his mouth full of filth and gore.
“Scat. SCAT. SCAT.” Jim shouts.
The third one gets the Otyugh’s attention, he stops eating, looks at Jim, smiles.
“We’re going on, you’re in charge of our defence, of this place- I want you to defend this place- come and tell us if anything nasty comes along. When we get back me and Bec might go and get you another Beetle, I mean Beekul, you know- BUFFET.” Jim croaks, and gets a stare that could melt lead from Bec.
Scat nods furiously, and then launches back into scoffing the Beetle.
The Goodman Gang head off, through the western door.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 90: The Arrugah.
The Goodman Gang quietly creep into the chamber ahead, Jim leads the way into a 30-by-30 room filled with rubble, shards of wood, and loose dirt. Something has dug a passage straight through the stone walls in the north-western corner, with one tunnel leading to the north and another to the west.
“Shhh.” The Ranger scouts ahead, the others watch on- as silent as possible.
Although Scat’s making a fair amount of noise in the chamber behind them, wolfing down his meal of squished Bombadier Beetle.
Jim’s back in a minute or two.
“The passage north is silent, well almost, it stinks of animal- bear possibly, do you think Arrugah’s are bears? No matter. The passage west is much noisier, there are several… things, down there, they sound- big and angry, no not angry, ferocious, big definitely- I’m betting they’re bears.” Jim whispers.
The Goodman Gang nod back in unison.
Cas goes to speak, but Jim cuts the Paladin off, unintentionally, he hasn’t finished.
“I suggest Newt takes a look north, I’ll go with him, I’m fairly stealthy- for support, we’ll see what we can see. You lot keep an eye out for us, and watch the passage east- make sure nothing comes. If it does make some noise, I don’t want to get cut off.”
The Goodman Gang nod, and smile, the Paladin just settles on nodding.
“Come on then.” Newt winks and leads Jim off.
“Back in a bit.” The Ranger whispers, the rest of the gang creep over to the intersection of tunnels, monitoring both passages.
Newt, with Jim trailing a good ten feet behind him, heads north and into a roughly dug earthen cave, with no wall or ceiling reinforcements whatsoever, showers of dirt rain down- it doesn’t look that safe.
“Newt.” Jim whispers, he can see the danger.
The Gnome flaps his hand- signalling silence, creeps further in to the chamber.
In the middle of the floor rests a huge feathered creature of some kind, the size and shape of a bear, an Owlbear in fact. A rhythmic, wheezing pattern of breathing, it’s quite definitely asleep.
Newt turns and spies Jim, puts his hand up, the Ranger halts, squats.
Sniiiiiiick.
Newt draws his Adamantine Dagger, the dull blade barely registers in the shadowy light.
“No, New…” Jim whispers hurriedly.
But is too late.
SLIIIIIIICE
And the Owlbear is awake; its massive saucer eyes blink open, Newt tumbles backwards out of the fray. Throat cut, great gouts of blood streaming down, the creature staggers to get up, mouth and jaws flapping furiously, but no sound emerges.
It doesn’t even make it to all fours; its death is remarkably quick for something so large.
Thirty seconds later it’s just a huge lump on the dirty ground, Newt and Jim crouch beside it- breathing hard; fear and not exertion.
“That was dangerous.” Jim cautions, still talking in whispers.
“I know.” Newt’s teeth reflect in the light.
Jim thinks about it, then lays a reassuring hand on the Gnome’s shoulder.
“Come on, let’s go tell the others big guy.”
Grinning the pair head quietly back, gather the others up and creep back into the first chamber, where Scat has finished his lunch.
Newt notices that his pile of puke has also been cleaned up.
The mighty Otyugh is on guard duty, actually Scat is flopped on the floor in the corner of the room, snoring.
PARRP-PAPAPPAARP.
And farting, contentedly.
Jim tells the story, the slaying of the Owlbear- Newt looks on, a thin smile and a heart full of pride.
“How big?” Bec asks.
“Twice the size of you.” Jim states.
Bec looks again at the Gnome, reaches down and ruffles his hair.
“Pack it in, or your next.” Newt growls, and grins.
“Right then, I thing there are at least two others, Owlbears, down the other passage, what we need is a plan.”
Cas goes to open his mouth, Jim waits, the others turn to watch- see how this is going to turn out, Cas smiles then motions for Jim to continue.
“Thanks. Right then we creep in, as close as we can get- sunrods in, open fire, then Cas leads the charge, what d’you say?”
“I’ve got an idea. I’m going to give them a little something to think about- don’t charge in until I say it’s safe.” Anya grins and fingers her necklace.
“Ok.” Jim looks confident, “Cas wait for Anya’s signal.”
The Paladin nods.
“Hang on.” Ala mutters a short prayer, the Gang are engulfed in a glittering blue light, the Blessings of Correllon.
Less than thirty seconds later the Gang have reached the end of the eastern passage, which actually turns to head south, at the entrance to a roughly circular cavern filled with signs of regular use. A nearly vertical air shaft allows for twilight-level illumination. But the sight that really catches the Gang’s attention are not the huge claw marks on every surface, but the source of the claw marks, standing about thirty feet away from them. Two enormous bear-like creatures covered in shaggy coats of feathers. Their beaked, bird-like heads hiss a warning; they turn swiftly, despite their size and surroundings to glare at Anya and Newt.
Jim throws a pair of sunrods in, which confuses both the creatures momentarily, they shy away, ward their eyes.
“Feck.” Newt manages a ragged breath, “they’re enormous.”
THUNG
His crossbow bolt smashes into side of the first Owlbear’s skull, lodges there.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-GAHHHH.
The Owlbear staggers left, nearly collapses, shakes its head, pawing at the bolt lodged there.
Newt’s hands jiggle with his crossbow, it’s reloaded in seconds, the other Owlbear still hasn’t moved, taking in the scene.
FWUNG
His second bolt thumps into the already hurt creatures back, causing another spasm of pain; the creature is clearly no measure for the Gnome.
“Go on then.” Newt waves at the open mouthed Anya.
Who shuts her mouth and then launches a pea sized object into the chamber, it’s one of the beads from her necklace.
“BACK.” Anya screams and shuffles back out of the chamber.
“What?” Cas asks and looks to see where Anya’s going, he turns back just in time.
FWUMP.
Anya’s Fireball rocks the chamber; a spiralling wash of flame shoots out in every direction.
And in seconds is gone, leaving too floundering Owlbears, both on fire, both caught in the epicentre of the blast.
ARRRRU-gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
“So that’s what she does.” Ala states and smiles thinly at Anya.
“CHARGE- FOR PELOR.”
Cas races in, followed by Ala and Jim. The three slice madly at the first flaming Owlbear, Ala’s longsword cuts deep into the creatures right arm, Jim almost severs the creatures left leg, and Cas stabs the length of his blade in the flailing, now falling, monsters chest- the Owlbear sinks to its knees. The three back off.
Bec runs around the first combat and straight for the second creature, Newt’s crossbow bolt still protruding from the side of its skull.
SLICE.
And that’s all it takes, the huge thing tumbles and crunches into the dirt.
AAAARRRRRRU-GAH-GAH-GAH.
The Gang as one turn, there’s a dirt passage on the opposite side of the chamber to where they entered, clearly there’s another Owlbear down there, and it doesn’t sound too happy.
Jim turns back as the first Owlbear slumps forward, flames lick and curl, the fire rages and burns continues to consume the thing.
“Keep moving.” Jim orders and points the way over to the exit, the rest of the Gang rush over and gather, only for Jim and Newt to lead them on, south and then east into another rough cavern.
Two small bundles of fur cower in the corner of next chamber. Their massive parent towers in front of them, stretched to her full height of eight feet. Her feathers bristle as she hisses ferociously, warning the Gang away.
Newt fumbles with his crossbow, expertly, fits a bolt and is and about to fire.
Slap.
When Jim knocks the device out of his hands.
“WAIT. Shhhhh. Sorry Newt.” Jim finally whispers, “It’s defending its young, it’s a female, look.” Jim points; sure enough the two bundles are juvenile Owlbears, they squirm and hide behind their mother.
“Hang on.”
Jim slings his battleaxe, “cover me”, and takes a couple of steps forward, then just stands there.
“Nobody move.” He whispers back.
Nobody moves for a while.
“For how long?” Newt whispers back.
“As long as it takes- now shush Newt.”
Newt leans back on the cavern wall, settles there, yawns and shuts his eyes.
“Wake me when he’s done.” The Rogue whispers.
Anya nods and continues to watch, and be impressed by, Jim.
For the first minute the huge female continues to hiss her warnings, the Gang do not move. A while later she begins to settle, its at that point that Jim starts to hum, a familiar tune- the tune of the song that Scat was singing, but not the words- its kind of soothing.
Five minutes later the Owlbear family are either sleeping or simply watching and waiting, the mother now sat on her haunches, still protecting her cubs.
“Ok.” Jim whispers, he slowly points, there’s another exit on the opposite side of the cavern, heading east again.
“Go and take a look, quietly. I’ll stay here.” Jim whispers again.
Slowly, after Newt is woken, the others creep behind Jim, one at a time, and head off down the far passage, there’s a light ahead.
Jim watches the Owlbear, as the Owlbear watches his compatriots, she remains calm, still seated in front of her young, she yawns and clacks her beak a bit.
Cas leads the Gang on, the tunnel turns sharply to the right where it encounters an underground section of the Tower. The shimmering blue force field seems out of place underground, where it borders wet dirt and mud, but it makes it clear that the Tower extends deep underground. Instead of seeing its white marble walls behind the force field, they instead see mud and dirt with the occasional patch of dirty marble visible beneath.
The tunnel turns away from the Tower and into a small dead-end cavern filled with bones and rubbish.
Newt sidles over to the Tower.
“Careful.” Cas warns.
“I always am.” Newt mutters, gingerly the Gnome places his hand against the force field- solid.
“No way in here.” Newt declares.
“We’ll check the chamber then head back to Jim.” Cas states.
And so they do, to no avail, there are no secrets to be found, and five minutes later, after a safe crossing of Moma Owlbear’s chamber, they’re back in the first chamber, Scat’s home.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 91: Scat Bad.
“Scat freewnd. Beekul all BURp gown.” Scat shuffles over to the Jim, strokes the Ranger with a stray tentacle.
“That’s very nice Scat. Arrugah all gone too, well apart from Moma and the kids, you’re free to go.” Jim states.
Scat looks astonished, although how anyone can tell- he hasn’t got the most expressive of faces, and besides he’s covered in bum dung.
“Blbbllebbblleelbbe.” Or something like that, the Otyugh is clearly beyond words, certainly excited.
Scat thrashes his tentacles wildly and rushes off through the eastern door.
The Goodman Gang break for supper, prior to checking out the southern passage, it’s been a long day so far but after a string of victories, and against what should have proved to be incredibly tough foes, the group settle down for a well earned rest.
“What have you got?” Newt mithers Jim.
“I think its fish paste.” Jim looks unhappy and unsure; the sandwiches from the Inn are not up to much.
“MMmmm.” Newt examines the contents of his sandwich, it looks like…
“What I wouldn’t give for some Magic Smash right now.” The Rogue states.
“Mmmm Magic Smash”, Anya confirms.
WHAM
The door explodes, Scat is back in the room, he smells of Bar-b-q, to be precise Bar-b-qed Owlbear.
“Jeerm tha door is openink. I’m three, three at lask, three at lask, thank Jeeerm I’m three at lask.”
Scat waddles over, towards the Ranger, he seems to be puckering up, set to kiss Jim.
“Ahem, Scat.” Jim leaps to his feet and backs away, “Scat, we have further need of your services, as payment for your freedom perhaps.”
Scat opens his eyes, shuffles to a halt.
“Ask I am yure fatfull freewnd.”
“We need you to guard our backs again, stay here- we’re heading south, down the other passage, we don’t want anything creeping up on us in the mean time. Can you do that?” Jim asks.
“It wood be may onor fweend Jerm.” Scatt flutters his eyelids, he has no eyelashes.
The Goodman Gang get ready for further exploration, check straps, belts, buckles- ready for the fight.
“Jerm.” Scat croons.
“What Scat?”
“Jerm, can I be Bad?”
The Ranger looks confused. “Bad?”
“Yes. Bad.”
He looks more confused. “Bad?”
“Yeeeees. Bad.”
“Bad?” Jim enquires.
Anya’s had enough.
“Scat what do you mean by Bad? We don’t understand.”
“Bad- like singy of songy’s.”
Jim looks, more confused- his usual self, there one and the same.
“Singy of songy’s?” Jim repeats.
“You mean a Bard?” Anya asks.
“Yeth. Yeth. Bad.”
“I suppose.” Jim shrugs.
“Is dat it- am I Bad now?” Scat wonders.
“You need to learn some songs, sorry songy’s, I guess, then you’re Bard, sorry a Bard, sorry a Bad… Bad, whatever.” Jim moves out of the chamber, the others follow after.
“Then I Bad?” Scat calls after him.
“Yep. Why not.” Jim calls back.
The southern passage splits again, continues south or diverts east, Jim leads them south and into a 30-by-30 room littered with broken weapons and overturned weapon racks. It clearly used to be an armoury. It’s been disturbed fairly recently, as evidenced by the clawed tracks on the dusty floor.
“Don’t worry, their Scat’s tracks, and an Owlbear, but that was some time ago.” Jim mooches about the chamber, the others likewise, with Cas at the door to keep an eye out for anything untoward.
The armoury is a dump, there’s not a serviceable item left in it, what isn’t bent or broken is rusted almost to dust.
“I need some treasure.” Newt states, a whisper loud enough for all the Gang to hear, which is exactly as he intended.
“We’re here to rescue the Wizard’s Ghost, in the hope that he will help us to fathom what’s going on.” Cas is vehement, “we’re not here for treasure.”
“What keeps you awake at night is none of my business tin man, that’s between you and your conscience, you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders because you put it there… You fool. I’m happy as I am, just show me the money.” Newt shrugs and wanders away from the Paladin.
“Why you…” Cas starts.
“Come on, let’s try the passage east.” Jim states.
The Gang move on, head east and then south, Jim and Newt in the front rank, Cas and Ala at the back, not that she’s particularly talking to him.
The 10-foot wide passageway is different to the last, the nature of the stonework changes. Whereas before it was well designed by someone who clearly knew their craft, it’s now rougher and much less precise. The stones are held together with a crumbling mortar that seems to barely stay together. In fact, it seems ancient.
Ahead is an archway, also designed in the ancient, more homely style of stonework. A crude symbol of a kneeling figure is carved into the stone above the arch, further down the hallway is another, similar, arch.
“Odd- it’s Meelkor, I think.” Cas explains.
“What is?” Ala asks.
“The old man, ancient saint, I think. There used to be a statue of him near the common refectory, the lacquer had completely gone from his backside.” Cas finshes.
“What?” Anya and Ala state in unison, and then share a look.
“Don’t know really, he was something to do with the common man, although they used to call him, ‘kiss my arse Meelkor.’”
“Why?” Jim gets in on the action.
“Why what?”
“Why did they call him ‘kiss my arse…’, whatever?” Jim enquires.
“Because that’s what they used to do- kiss his arse, the statue’s arse that is.” Cas simply states, but that proves to be still too little.
“Why? Why’d they kiss his arse?”
“Don’t know, I think it was supposed to be lucky. Not sure really. He was an ugly old bugger, face like a, well… a cow’s backside, stooped with a walking stick.”
Cas leads off, the others, a little perplexed, follow on.
More or less everybody spots that Cas has now retaken his old position, as leader of the Goodman Gang, everyone in fact except Jim, who mutters to himself- “kiss my arse Meelkor”, shrugs and trots to catch up.
Further down the hall Cas leads the Gang through the second archway, similar to the first. Thirty feet past it the crumbling old walls have collapsed in a cave-in that blocks the hallway. A huge pile of stone and dirt reaches almost to the ceiling, there’s a tiny space at the top just big enough for someone small to take a look.
“Newt, if you would be so kind?” Cas asks.
“Yours to command, master.” Newt quickly loops a length or rope around his waist, throws the tail-end to Bec, who grabs hold, and scuttles up the rocky incline, and in seconds is gone from sight.
Thirty seconds tick by.
“Are you…” Cas starts.
“Fine. No Ghouls to report, the passage carries on a while, I think there’s a larger chamber ahead, I didn’t bother scoping it out, I figured I shouldn’t get too far ahead of you.” Newt states and clambers back through the hole.
“I think we’re going to have to clear it, at least half of it, we don’t want to get stuck the other side.” Cas states.
Nobody looks pleased at the prospect, its going to be back-breaking work.
“Alright.” Bec adds, and begins to haul a rock away.
“Unless… hang on a moment.” Jim rushes back the way they came.
He’s gone for about two minutes, and when he returns he’s not alone.
Here comes Scat, eager to help out, he skips, sort of, down the passageway.
The Otyugh sets too, hauling rock, rubble and dirt out the way with its huge paddle-ended tentacles. Jim grins, it spreads- infectious, Cas settles for a half-hearted smile. The Goodman Gang join in; many hands (and tentacles) make light work.
“Jewm?” Scat whines a little.
“Yes Scat.”
“I’ve fort of a songy- can I singy it fur yew?”
“’Kay.” Jim nods.
Nothing happens for a while.
“Scat, are you going to singy for us?” Jim asks.
“Yes. Onlee I onlee got tha korus. It not goody. Not Bad enuff.”
“No matter, let’s hear it.” Jim encourages.
Nothing happens for a while longer.
“Scat. The song?”
“I’m embarrassed.”
“There’s no need…”
“It’s quite… loud.”
“That’s ok, we’re making a fair amount of noise as it is, whatever’s the other side has heard us already.” Jim shrugs.
“Oh. Ok. Jewm?”
“Yes Scat.” Jim straightens, stops work to stare at the Otyugh.
“It’s a bitty fast.”
Jim nods, “let’s hear it then.”
“’Kay.”
Nothing happens for a second, well except that Scat takes in huge lungfuls of air, like he’s filling up, and sure enough he seems to be getting bigger, inflating.
“Scat?” Jim worries.
“S’okay.” Scat quickly squeaks, trying not to let the air out.
Then, “S’reddy.” The Otyugh squeaks again, Jim nods, the other members of the Gang stop what they are doing, aware they are about to witness some sort of momentous occasion, fingers crossed- here’s hoping Scat doesn’t explode, he’s looking particularly taut.
Fart-FART-FART-Trump-Parp-FART.
The noise builds, and gets faster, and there is a tune in there, although it’s very deep, rumbling drums accompanied by a whole orchestra of throbbing, throbbing sounds.
It gets faster still, and louder.
Scat is able to keep up the noise, some sort of circular breathing method, it quickly becomes a wall of sound which echoes off the passage walls, small piles of loose debris topple, the sonic vibrations cause cascades of dirt to spill from the ceiling.
“I thought you were going to sin…” Jim starts.
“Cum krawlin fasta
obey yure Masta
yure lyfe berns fasta
obey yure Masta
MASTA.”
A farting drum roll and parp solo rocks the chamber.
“I…” Jim starts.
”Masta of Poppets I'm pullin yure stings
twistin yure mynd an smushin yure dreeems
Bungee buy me, yew carnt seek a ding
Jus kall me naym, `cos isle hare yew scram
MASTA
MASTA
Jus kall me naym, `cos isle hare yew scram
MASTA
MASTA.”
The last ‘MASTA’, brings a lump of stone crashing down from the ceiling, it lands six inches to the side of Jim, who doesn’t move a muscle, it would have crushed him.
Silence.
Apart from the hiss as showers of dirt shower down, cover the shocked statues of the Goodman Gang.
“Jerm?” Scat asks.
“Very…” Jim starts.
“VERY…” Cas adds.
“Good.” Jim finishes.
“Or rather, Bad.” Anya corrects.
“What’s it called?” Bec asks.
The others turn to stare at the Barbarian, he’s grinning, his hairs gone all lank, he’s sweating profusely; he also looks a little googly-eyed.
“It’s called ‘Masta of Poppets.’, did you like it?” Scat replies, and smiles back, hopeful.
“Yeah- it was…” Bec goes on a long mental journey in search of the right word, spots the huge stone on the ground, “Rocking.” Ah, that’s it.
“What’s a Poppet?” Newt enquires.
“Yew ar my luvvely.” Scat snakes a friendly tentacle around the Gnome and gives him a squeeze, Newt doesn’t look so sure.
“Right then. Good. Let’s get on.” Cas gets them back on task.
“Shall I…” Scat starts.
“Save your energy. I mean- later.” Jim winks at Scat.
In less than ten minutes the blockage is clear enough for the gang to head on through without too much fuss.
“You’ve been a big help Scat.” Jim pats the Otyugh.
Scat blushes, “Owwww.” He’s embarrassed.
“Right then, you should head back; remember you’re on guard duty, no slacking.” Jim pats the creature some more.
The Gang begin to filter through, into the passage beyond, Scat waving them off with all three of his tentacles flapping.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 92: Coffin fit.
The passage winds on and into a much much larger area, a pair of sunrods arc into the room; it’s a 50-by-50 stone chamber with a number of interesting features. First, there are open passages exiting through the middle of the south and the west walls. Second, there is a statue in the centre of the room. It’s a granite-carved image of an old, blind crone hunched with age. Third, the walls are carved with scenes of mighty wizards and warriors kneeling before the poor and humble. Fourth, there are four plain wooden coffins, one in each corner of the room. Their tops are ajar. Finally, there are five skeletons lying on the floor, one in rotting red robes beside each of the coffins, while the fifth, complete with rusting adventuring equipment, rests in front of the statue.
“Meelkor again.” Cas warns and points to the statue.
“Odd looking place”, Anya adds, “don’t like the bit where the Wizards have to bow to him.”
Cas wanders in, Jim by his side, the Ranger crouches, examines the floor.
“There’s been a fight here, some time ago but…”
At that instant the four wooden coffins leap to their… bases, the two closest hop towards the Gang, their intentions are clear, the coffins warp and bend as they charge, and yet the Gang seem a little fazed by the situation.
“We’re about to be attacked by… coffins.” Jim finishes.
“Yesssss.” Newt agrees and scratches his chin.
The other two coffins hop towards the western exit passage, although there are no members of the Goodman Gang anywhere near there.
“This is all very odd.” Ala adds.
“Ah well- BUFFET, and all that.” Bec wades in.
Bec intercepts the first coffin, his greatsword smashes into the side of the thing, it does less damage than he thought it would, the coffin leaps at the Barbarian, tries to butt Bec in the face, it’s too slow. Jim arrives twirling his axe, but too slow, the coffin leaps back and out of the way.
Newt and Anya share a glance, they want nothing to do with this, Newt tumbles into the centre of the chamber, Anya dashes the same distance, the coffins hop past them and straight for the other, heavily armed members of the Gang.
“Odd.” Anya repeats.”
Newt shrugs.
Ala and Cas dodge forward to meet the second coffin, Ala’s longsword smashes into the side of the construct and bounces off, it takes all her skill just to keep the blade clutched in her hands. Cas menaces the coffin, which proves too quick for the Paladin, it dodges inside his sword swipe, and aims a hop-kick at Ala, the Priestess shuffles back in time.
The other two coffins leave Newt and Anya well alone, hop over to the western exit and then just stand there, if that’s the right word, guarding it.
“What the hell…” Newt starts.
“We’ll see.” Anya strides towards them, stops a little short, and reveals a wand.
“FLAME ON.”
And both coffins are alight.
But not moving.
Ala turns around to stare at Newt, the Gnome shrugs, “I dunno. This is easy. Do it again. Do it again.” He grins.
“It’s mine.” Jim yells and dances towards the coffin he and Bec are menacing, the coffin dances back, Jim nearly falls and has to duck back to avoid the things counter-attack.
SMASH
Bec’s greatsword passes just inches over Jim’s right shoulder, he’ll have nightmares about how close it came later on, the blade connects with the coffin and turns it into splinters. The Barbarian cannot alas get to the other coffin, Ala and Cas are blocking his path.
Jim dodges left past the Barbarian on his way to help the pair.
Anya giggles, looks down at her wand, then back up at the smouldering coffins.
“FLAME ON.”
She giggles some more as both of the constructs are engulfed in fire.
Neither of them move, content to stand and burn where they are.
“Easy.” Anya looks back again at Newt, eager to share her triumph, but the Gnome’s no longer watching her, she follows his gaze, at the same time Newt screams.
“SKELLIES. LOTS OF SKELLIES.”
And tumbles backwards into an empty corner of the chamber, comes up with his heavy mace in hand, as from the southern exit emerges a column of armed and armoured Skeletons.
There must be a dozen or so of the things.
Meanwhile the coffin confronting Cas and Ala lunges forward causing the Priestess to take evasive action, and just in time, she swings wildly and misses by a mile, but opens up the space for Cas to strike. The Paladin smashes his longsword into the coffin, crunches into the side of the thing, the result a few wooden shards fall away, all in all a lot less damage than he expected.
“BUFFET.”
Bec likes the odds, head down he charges past a gawping Anya into the Skeletons, in the blink of an eye two of them are smashed to smithereens, then it all goes wrong.
The Barbarian goes to strike again, steps on a wayward femur, which breaks, and loses his footing, Bec thumps to the ground. A pair of Skeletons take advantage of the situation, He blocks the first sword thrust, they’re wielding longswords, but is much too slow to prevent the second Skeleton’s attack which opens up a long gash on his upper right arm, blood pours from the wound.
Ala spots the Barbarian’s predicament disengages after a glance to Jim, who leaps in to prevent the coffin from getting to her.
The Priestess of Correllon marches to the centre of the chamber, unleashing her Holy Symbol as she goes.
“To Dust.” Ala shouts over the noise, then mutters a short prayer.
The effect is instantaneous.
WHOOOOOF
And all that’s left are the odd splinters of bone and a thick white powdery dust which twinkles in the pale light of the sunrods- all of the Skeletons are destroyed.
“All gone.” Newt giggles and puts his mace away and fetches out, then loads, his crossbow.
“Save the wand.” Jim shouts at Ala, and then strikes the coffin ahead of him as hard as he can, which has no affect. Cas however, once again, takes advantage- smashes the coffin facing Jim in its rear- more splinters of wood fly off. He’s whittling it down. The coffin menaces Jim, but the Ranger is too quick and leaps aside.
“Bec. Bec.”
Bec finally takes notice of Newt, the Gnome points at the two smouldering coffins still guarding the western exit.
Bec nods and lumbers over, smashes the first of the pair to firewood, then crunches his sword into the second, smashing a gaping hole in the construct, the coffin however fights on, not very well it has to be said, more splinters of wood fly off as its forced back by the lumbering Barbarian and collides with a wall.
Ala rushes over to help Cas and Jim, arrives sword drawn. Just in time to watch the coffin fail to land another blow on Jim, the Ranger rushes his attack and slices well wide. Which is just the opening Cas needs, he smashes the thing again, more splinters, however the coffin fights on.
Bec lines up his next shot, takes his time, the coffin has nowhere to run, it’s being backed into a corner.
CRASH
Bec gets his man, coffin rather, he stands there and grins, “Masta… Masta.” He mutters.
Ala joins the crowd menacing the last coffin, swings and connects, what should have been a devastating blow, it has little if any, effect. The coffin sees fit to attack Jim again, it’s much too slow, however the Rangers attack is right on target, and another chunk flies off. Once again Cas is in position- he scores another hit, yet more splinters escape the now ravaged box.
Bec lumbers over about to put an end to the final coffin monster.
“No, leave it.” Newt shouts across, which brings the Barbarian to a sudden stop, Bec looks over to the Rogue and Anya, the Wizard shakes her head, which is good enough for him.
“I’m taking bets- who’s going to land the killing blow, evens its Cas, three to one Ala, and ten to one Jim?”
Bec does the sums on his fingers; it takes a moment, “Ten gold on Jim.” He wanders over with his money in hand.
“Ten on Cas.” Anya states and reaches for her money.
The gaggle gathers to watch the titanic battle, Jim, Cas and Ala vs. the beat up coffin monster.
“Come on Cas.” Anya shouts, which causes the Paladin to momentarily pause and forget to attack.
“JIM. JIM. JIM.” Bec continues.
“Come on it’ll be the death of you.” Newt adds, “did you hear what I said… the death of you, it’s a coffin- get it.”
Bec shakes his head. “JIM. JIM. JIM.” He continues, which is very off putting.
Ala sees her opening, lances in with her longsword and connects, the blade thumps into the coffin- to no effect.
“Ooooooh.” Newt offers.
“Not her.” Anya yelps and then realises she’s said it out loud.
Jim shoves Cas aside, it seems his competitive spirit is getting the better of him, and swings his axe with all his might. The blade thunks into the coffin but leaves not a mark.
“JIM. JIM. Ohhh crap. Come on JIM.” Bec hollers.
“He doesn’t stand a chance, not man enough.” She’s said it out loud again, Anya hangs her head in shame.
“What’d’ya mean…” Jim starts up, “Ohhh” and then staggers backwards holding his broken nose, the first injury of the fracas to any member of the Goodman Gang.
“Do you need a wooden sword?” Newt shouts over, “perhaps that would do it.” The Gnome giggles.
“CAS. CAS. CAS.” Anya chants.
The Paladin dodges inside his wily opponent’s, ahem a large wooden coffin- mostly hacked to pieces, guard and delivers a terrible blow, and the coffin sheds a few more splinters of wood.
The three onlookers look disappointed, and a little bored with the proceedings.
Ala steps from the pack fumbles her sword, then grabs it again, and pokes it in the general direction of the construct.
POP
The back of the coffin flies out, it collapses.
Newt collects his money.
“Thank you, come again.”
“I don’t think that helped proceedings.” Cas looks stern at Newt.
“No, probably not.” Newt wanders off ignoring the Paladin.
“Right then, search this place”, Jim states and gets up of the floor.
And what a haul.
Five minutes later the group gather, Anya’s Detect Magic spell reveals that the Warriors Skeleton near the statue was carrying a magic shortsword and shield.
“I don’t want it.” Bec states again.
Anya is attempting to get the Barbarian to take the shortsword.
“I’ve got my dagger.” Bec shows her his magic dagger, it catches the light, shines.
“But this will do more damage.” Anya states.
Bec shakes his head and wanders off.
“Odd.” The Wizard whispers.
Cas wanders over and takes the magic shield, it looks good on him.
Also in the Skeleton’s backpack is a rolled up parchment, Anya takes a look, it seems to be a picture of a sword, a wooden sword, there’s also some snippets of writing, she reads aloud-
“’Humility is power’, unlikely.”
“’Those who would kneel before the meek would see the meek kneel before them.’ I don’t get it.”
“I think they’re sayings, words of wisdom, it sounds like Meelkor again.” Cas adds.
“’With this blade should you lead the meek.’And…”
“’Sword? Axe?’, can’t read the rest of that, and…”
“’The legacy of Knight…’, something.”
“’-Was he truly corrupt’, something, ‘The scrolls say he was,’ something, oh I get it- ‘the legends don’t.’ This is just confusing.”
“’Was his the sword of the meek?’ There’s the meek again, they get everywhere, one more…”
“’Finally found the tomb. Tomorrow I enter-‘, the tomb, that sounds like fun. Aren’t we supposed to be here to rescue the Wizard Balthazhar? This sounds like something completely different, what’s going on here?” Anya concludes.
“Bingo. Damn.” The second word delivered in a whisper.
The Goodman Gang look round to stare at Newt, he’s delving about in a space in the stone floor recently occupied by one of the coffins, he has a bag in his hand, spilling from it are a cascade of gold coins.
There are three other recesses, all of them with bags of coin, one of which is full of platinum coins.
“Must be over a thousand gold here.” Newt grins, “see Lord- TRESH-URR.”
Cas sulks a little, “that’s not the point Newt...”
“The south passage let’s see where the Skeletons came from.”
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 93: CLUUUUUUUUNK-CLICK.
The Gang trudge on and into a long 30-by-50 room lined with simple wooden coffins; all of them have been opened from the inside. There are ten in all, five along each wall. Aside from dust and mildew, there is nothing else here.
“I hope they don’t get up, we could be here for hours.” Newt remarks and stares in turn at Ala, Jim and finally Cas- he winks, then scurries off to search the chamber.
The others except for Jim and Cas fan out and help the Rogue.
Several minutes later they conclude that there’s nothing to be found.
“Right…” Cas starts.
“Let’s see what them coffin’s were guarding.” Jim finishes and heads off, back to the larger chamber with the statue of Meelkor and unanimated Skeletons in, then west down another passage.
The long hallway is lined with stone pillars, all of them carved into the shape of old, blind crones kneeling and supporting other crones on their backs.
“Weird.” Anya comments.
After a brief search they press on, the passage continues west, the Gang, lead by Jim, leaves the pillared hallway and passes through another arch, which again is carved with images of kneeling creatures. Into a small room with an alcove set into the middle of the western wall. In the alcove is a statue of an elderly blind man, stooped and crippled.
“Meelkor.” Cas states the voice of authority.
There are no obvious exits.
“There’s a door.” Newt states, the others look around, it’s not obvious where the door is.
“Where?” Ala asks.
“Behind the statue.” Newt remarks and then tuts loudly for good measure.
“Would you mind taking a look then Newt.” Jim asks, while Ala growls.
“You’re the boss.” Newt smirks at Cas then heads over, behind the statue of Meelkor.
“It’s not trap- CLICK. What was that?” Newt looks around.
WHOOOSH
The blade passes a good eight inches over his head.
Newt looks up, not sure what just happened, there’s a huge scythe embedded in the wall above him and to his right.
“Traps disarmed.” Newt calls back, and chuckles.
VWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Behind the Gnome the statue sinks into the ground.
The Gnome turns to watch.
Grins.
“That’s clever.”
THUNK
Newt leaps round; the noise came from behind him.
“Oh Pelor scared the crap out of me.”
Nothing’s changed, just an empty alcove ahead of him.
“He-he.” Newt giggles and places the palm of his hand over his thumping heart.
CLUUUUUUUUNK-CLICK.
The curved stone disappears into a recess beneath it, in an instant, darkness spills out from the now open secret door and Newt is suddenly face to face with a leathery-looking corpse-like creature. Its wild eyes burn with malevolence as it hisses, “Now I am the master!”
“Masta.” Bec whispers, he can’t resist it.
The Wight reaches out and rakes one clawed hand across Newt’s face.
The Gnome shrinks, stumbles backwards, the creature claws again but Newt is out of reach, and gibbering.
“The Master. The Master. The Master.” Over and over again, the Gnome thumps into a wall and squats down, looks away, presses his face as hard as he can into the cold stone wall- inside a darkness dwells, swells, and eats him alive.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 94: Stop Wight Now.
“For Pelor.” Cas is lightning fast, he leaps into the fray, slashes wildly opening up a six inch gash on the Wight’s side, shadow essence spews from the wound, wreathing the creature. Then just as swiftly he leaps out of the way again. The Wight swipes but is much too slow.
“MASTA MASTA.”
Bec steps in, the Wight claws at the Barbarian’s armour but cannot get through his defences, however.
SLICE
Bec cuts down almost slicing the Wight in two, top to bottom, bits of the creature’s skin slough off or peel away, much more of its shadow essence escapes.
Ala leans in, Holy Symbol of Correllon in hand, she mutters prayers, and presents the Symbol again.
The Wight doesn’t blink an eye, ignores her, more concerned with the lumbering Barbarian that’s intent on cutting it in half.
All to no avail.
Bec’s second stroke is a close replica of the first, this time the cut is clean, the Wight is split asunder, the two halves flop to the floor, squirm for a moment, and then are gone, just a cloud of jet black vapour that quickly disperses.
“You ok?” Jim drags Newts face away from the wall.
“Ye-ye-ye-ye-yeP.” Newt shivers.
Ala lights up another sunrod and strides into the recess, there’s lots of stuff in there- in fact a whole set of equipment for a Knight, a Warrior, all of it in a jumble at the base of a much scratched and scared coffin- open.
One Detect Magic spell later and…
“You’re not going to believe this…”
Ala strides from the recess, a wooden sword, like in the scroll they found earlier in her hands, “it’s magic.” She states, to looks of astonishment.
“The Sword of the Meek… Cas.” Anya offers.
Cas is over to the blade in an instant, blade may be stretching the truth somewhat, the sword is constructed from two pieces of wood, hardly shaped at all, although both are splintered in places, one piece of wood for the blade, the other for the cross guard, all that’s keeping them together is what looks, and feels, like a knotted dirty rag.
“It feels…” Cas takes the blade, makes a few exploratory swishes. “It feels, great.”
“Here.” The Paladin, without looking, he can’t take his eyes off the blade, passes his magical longsword to Bec.
“Don’t want it- have dagger.” Bec refuses the blade.
“This is better.” Cas nudges the Barbarian with the pommel of his now former longsword, “Take it.” He’s still admiring the blade.
SLAP.
Bec knocks the longsword out of the Paladin’s grip, it skitters onto the stone floor.
“Don’t Want IT. DAG-GUH.” Bec strides off.
Which gets everyones attention.
“There’s something about that dagger.” Ala states.
“Right.” Anya concurs, the two share a look.
“Let’s get back- we’ve done enough for today. We need to get Newt rested- hot soup, that’s what you need my friend.” Jim states, and leads them back the way they came, scooping up Newt on the way.
The Gnome is shivering, his teeth chattering in the Ranger’s arms. They hurry.
Ala grabs what looks to be a solid gold Breastplate from the recently uncovered stash, figuring she’ll give it to Newt to sell, when he comes to his senses. That’ll cheer him up.
Ten minutes later and they’re back with Scat in the first chamber they explored, the soup is on, Newt’s wrapped in three blankets, sleeping- actually shivering and passing in and out of consciousness would be a better description of his situation.
Scat is whistling a lullaby to the squirming Gnome.
“Masta. Masta.” Scat whistles and whispers at the same time, it’s a neat trick.
“The Wight stole part of his essence, he must weather the storm tonight- he may be better in the morning, there’s nothing I… we, can do, he needs food and sleep… He’s strong Cas, he’ll be ok, you’ll see- in the morning.” Ala smiles at Cas, the Paladin looks worried, his new sword forgotten for the moment- Newt looks really ill, at death’s door. Ala stands on tip-toes, reaches up and kisses Cas on the lips.
“Get some rest yourself. He’ll be back to normal, to Newt, in the morning.” Ala wanders off to tend to the Gnome.
Anya watches the Priestess depart. “Goody-two-shoes”, she whispers.
They eat.
They rest.
They sleep.
And sometime in the night Newt awakes, all alone in the dark.
He blinks, there’s a fire going, he looks left, on the other side of the fire sits Scat, the Otyugh continues to fart and parp oblivious, its back to the Gnome.
Newt grins.
A tentacle snakes out behind Scat, grabs a hunk of wood, from one of the smashed coffins, puts it on the fire.
The stray snakes tentacle snakes back, then suddenly stops, turns to point towards Newt, motions left, then right, stops again, and then waves at the Rogue.
right for the bonus point what was the name of the scenario that appeared in Dungeon magazine that I think involved shrunken PCs and a giant house/cottage- something like that anyway?
I don't know if anyone answered this one yet, but it's "Chadrather's Bane" from Dungeon issue #18
It's an adventure that I've yet to run, mostly because I have to upgrade it to a higher edition, but I'll get around to it eventually.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 95: Stag Party.
“What’s that?” Anya’s awake in an instant.
The other members of the Gang are also getting up.
“YAHOOOOOO.”
It’s Newt, he sounds… very well actually- certainly upbeat, the far door is open- through to the ex-Owlbear den.
“GET ‘EM SCAT, SICK ‘EM.”
The Gnome sounds like he’s having far too much fun, the Gang scramble and rush through the door, following the sound of his voice, and the sound of fighting.
“What the…” Jim stops mid-stride, in the largest of the caverns Owlbear Momma is bleeding badly, she’s being attacked by another Giant Stag Beetle, the Beetle is in turn being attacked by a flailing Scat, riding on the back of Scat is Newt, he’s fashioned some sort saddle and reins contraption.
The Gnome waves and reloads his crossbow; he’s tied down so there’s no chance of him falling off during the operation.
“Newt?” Jim continues to stare open mouthed.
CRUNCH
Cas however is all action, his longsword gouges into the Beetle’s carapace.
“DINNA. DINNA. DINNA.” Scat chants, which is a little off-putting.
FWUNG
Newt’s crossbow sings, but is slightly off tune, causing Jim to take emergency evasive action.
“Sorry my bad.” Newt calls over.
“Sorry doesn’t begin to cover it.” Jim shakes his head and leaps into the fray.
CRUNCH
The Beetle attempts to turn as the Goodman Gang hammer on its carapace, it’s desperate to get at them, ignoring the tottering Owlbear ahead of it.
CRUNCH
Alas, for the Beetle, the operation is spectacularly unsuccessful, the huge creature gets wedged in mid-turn, it’s helpless- legs kicking in the air.
Momma Owlbear seizes the opportunity, bites down and rips the side out of her attacker. Cas attacks from the other side, his new sword, although seemingly made of wood, slices easily through the armoured miscreant.
The Beetle is almost cut in two, soon dead, still high and dry, its little legs stop flailing and finally rest- Momma Owlbear continues to rage however, which also signals the Gang’s retreat, with Scat of course, although the Otyugh is reluctant to say goodbye to his “DINNA.”
“Get back, get back.” Jim calls.
The Gang fan back to the cave entrance.
“What the hell were you doing?” Jim stares hard at Newt.
“I dunno. I thought we could take him.” Newt shrugs.
“Why didn’t you wake me, I mean us?”
Newt shrugs again, sighs and looks skyward.
“We’re all alright aren’t we? Nobody’s hurt?”
“She is.” Jim points at the female Owlbear that has ceased raging and is licking its wounds now, in between taking bites from the Beetle carcass, the young Owlbears are also feeding.
Newt stares at the family scene.
“So. None of us were hurt. What’s your point?”
“My point is it could have been, scratch that, it was dangerous, we’re a team.”
“Whatever, you know who you sound like…” Newt shrugs and grins- impish, then giddy-up’s Scat off back towards their sleeping chamber.
“Newt. NEWT. We’re not finished. Newt.”
The Gnome doesn’t even look back.
“Leave him Jim. I can heal her.” Ala stares at Momma Owlbear, “if you can keep her calm?”
Jim nods, moves off cautiously, advances towards the Owlbear and her kids.
The rest of the Gang, except Cas, head back to the camp.
“I’ll keep an eye out from here, in case anything untoward should happen.” Cas states.
Jim nods back, looks crestfallen, then gets back to the job at hand.
The Paladin grins, from ear-to-ear.
Ten minutes later Ala and Cas return to the other members of the Gang, Jim is staying on with the patched up Owlbear, who still has a number of wounds. The procedure being only partially successful, it seems Owlbears are not keen on having anybody touch them, even female Clerics of Correllon that mean well.
Back at camp there’s an impenetrable silence, Newt probably knows he’s in the wrong, the others are certain of it, however their certainty is less apparent when it comes to taking sides. This is Newt after all; the wrong thing is often the right thing for the Rogue.
Two hours later Jim returns.
“I’ve cleared away what’s left of the Beetle, out of the lair- I don’t want predators attracted to the smell, that’ll give her half-a-chance…” Jim trails off.
It seems nobody else cares.
“We’d better get on.” The Ranger states, and then turns to Scat.
“This is goodbye…”
“DOWNUT LEAF ME. DUW-UNT.” Scat blubs and flails his tentacles at Jim, and Newt.
“Scat Bad, singy songy, od yure ad-went-yure. Scat gud Bad.”
Jim rubs Scat between the eyes, coating his hand in drying dung.
“We need to get into the Tower Scat, to rescue the Ghost of Balthazhar, we can’t stay here. You’ve been very helpful… Besides I’ll come back to see you, we all will.” Jim goes looking for confirmation, Newt nods back vigorously, Cas half-smiles, Anya and Ala go for their most expressionless look, Bec is definite, the Barbarian shakes his head.
“Anyway, I’ll come back to see you, I promise.”
Jim heads off, and where Jim goes, apparently the Goodman Gang follow, Newt hugs one of Scat faecal covered legs, then scurries off after the others, wiping his hands frantically.
Scat heaves and sobs, furiously waving all of his tentacles.
Fifteen minutes later the Gang surround the hole they found earlier, which Cas fell down, only to be rescued by Newt, the former location of the defunct Immovable Rods.
“HARK-SPIT.” Bec spits down the hole.
“Oi. Don’t do that, I’ve got to walk about down there.” Newt lowers himself over the side, Bec grips tight to the other end of the rope.
“Oh so it’s different now, okay for me to go ahead a little… Not so uptight now are you Mr. Ranger sir.”
Newt grins at Jim, winks, and then waves at the others- Bec continues to lower the Gnome down.
Newt looks below, into the sunrods flare, he ignites and throws another sunrod over to the right, light bathes the area- a large, damp cavern, roughly circular and about 100 feet in diameter, the ceiling 15 feet high. The edges of the room are surrounded by a dense undergrowth of giant mushrooms of all sizes and shapes. The growth is so thick that when Newt hits the cavern floor he can’t see much more than five feet through the fungal forest.
“SAFE.” Newt half-whispers, half-shouts back up.
Moments later Cas is being lowered down, the Paladin is just reaching the bottom when.
“NEE-NAH NEE-NAH NEE-NAH.”
“Shrieker”, then, “SHRIEKER.” Newt screams at Cas, then begins to hack at the offending fungi.
“SAFE.” Cas calls up, the rope is hoisted away, Cas meanwhile, rushes over to help Newt smash up the wailing mushroom.
About twenty seconds later, with the noisy mushroom chopped beyond recognition, they wonder why they can still hear the Shrieker.
“NEE-NAH NEE-NAH NEE-NAH.”
“Wrong one.” Newt giggles, and nods towards a similar looking mushroom less than five feet away.
Cas nods and the pair set to hacking this terror to pieces.
Bec meanwhile arrives, a bumpy journey, what with him being considerably heavier than any of the other members of the Gang.
Cas and Newt are still swinging hard when Bec lands, takes a look about, shrugs his shoulders and then begins to slash furiously at the fungi surrounding him- all of it, its like making crop circles,
Which causes two more Shriekers in the chamber to make their presence felt.
The first Shrieker destroyed Cas heads over to give Bec a piece of his mind.
“BLOODY HELL BEC.”
“WHAT?”
“I SAID BLOODY HELL.”
“BLOODY WHAT?”
“HELL.”
“YES, I’M VERY WELL THANK YOU.”
“NO, I SAID…”
“EXCEPT THERE’S SOMETHING IN MY EAR.”
“WHAT?”
“EAR.”
“I’M NOT COMING ANY CLOSER, NOT UNLESS YOU PUT THAT SWORD DOWN.”
Anya meanwhile is gingerly slinking down the rope, whilst trying to lift her robe over her head to block out the noise, and at the same time hang on, the word is ungainly.
“Aaaaarrgghh.”
Cas suddenly staggers backwards, a long way, he stumbles, falls into a patch of fungi, sending bits of mushrooms and toadstools everywhere.
“Wha… Hel…” Is all he has to say on the matter.
The Paladin rubs at his hand, its purple and covered with white blisters which pulse and swell.
He chokes and vomits over himself.
DM’s Interlude Cas went from full hit points to 10 hit points, and lost 3 strength and 2 constitution- now that’s more like it.
Bec’s confused, as is Anya, the pair look about- what did that, both crouch- weapons facing forward, what just got Cas.
Neither of them spot the Purple Fungi that slithers close to the gound, following its prey, which in this instance is the fallen Paladin.
“Hot soup and blankets… too hot… spicey… kiss Anyaaaaaaarrrrgggggggggghhh.”
Cas, starts off his soliloquy, clearly delirious, and ends it facing his attacker again, the Purple Fungi, an ugly spindly tendril covered plant which looms over the Paladin, before it strikes.
Cas’ head thumps into the cavern floor, it gets very dark in there.
“Where’s Cas go?” Anya worries, “where’d he go?”
“He fell.” Bec points.
The pair head over, in search of their lost Paladin.
Behind them Newt faces off against the second Shrieker.
“It’s just me and you pal, there’s nowhere left for you to run, no place to hide.”
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“That’s not my problem do you thing I like doing this, do ya?”
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“Are you wailing at me? I don’t see anyone else here. Are you wailing at me?”
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“Heh-Heh.” Newt giggles and grins.
Then unleashes his heavy mace and goes to smash the second Shrieker into fungi heaven.
POP
Something small and very important fails, or rather breaks, on the Gnome’s armour- result, he’s suddenly not wearing any armour, he’s tackle out, as it were.
Newt reddens gathers his armour up and sidles off to fix whatever’s wrong.
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“There he is”, Anya points at the unconscious Cas, “Oh Pelor, Ala- get down here, it’s Cas, quick.” She rushes over.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 96: It gets worse.
Bec suddenly turns right, something moving in the corner of his eye, it’s a Shrieker, it must be, his greatsword cuts a swathe in the fungi and sure enough another Shrieker is silenced, once and for all.
Movement again, Bec’s not done, his greatsword cuts again, mows down a straggly looking fungi, violet in colour, no matter- the Barbarian rushes over to help Ala down the last few feet of the rope. The second Violet Fungi is of course dead now, not that Bec knew what he was doing.
“There.” Bec points, Ala rushes over to Cas as fast as she can cutting a swathe through the fungi in the process.
Anya’s Mage Armour suddenly takes effect, she stands tall, trying to spot whatever struck Cas.
“He’s breathing, just- quickly.” She sees Ala coming. “There’s something in here, something dangerous. NEWT.”
Newt is hidden from sight, trying to fix the strap that’s broken on his armour; he knew he should have worn some pants today.
A little way from the Gnome a straggly looking violet coloured fungi snakes along the ground, getting closer by the moment.
“NEWT. Where are you?” Anya calls again.
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“Will someone shut that bloody Shrieker up, it’s enough to wake the dead.”
Bec nods and marches off towards the offending fungi.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhh.”
A nearly naked Newt leaps into the centre of the chamber, propelled by his magical boots.
“Aaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh.”
Newt leaps again, lands off-balance, almost trips- pointing back the way he came.
The other members of the Goodman Gang are staring at him, at least those in the cavern, Jim’s only just starting down the rope now, he must have tied it off somewhere up top.
Actually they’re staring just past Newt, over his shoulder- behind the Gnome.
Newt turns.
“That’s a big stick-insect.”
GULP
What’s got six legs, is about ten feet long with giant mandibles, looks kinda insect-like, yellowy-brown in colour- earth tones, and must weigh over 800 pounds? Oh, and snacks on demi-humans…
The Ankheg arrives to see what all the fuss is about.
CHOMP.
Followed by.
FIZZLE
Newt is sent tumbling backwards by the force of the creatures half-bite, half-butt attack; he’s also covered in acid. Luckily his armour is ok, he isn’t wearing it, his skin seems to be less ok, it’s burning up.
“.” It’s Bec’s turn to get literate.
The Ankheg emerges fully from a second cavern to the west, entrance previously concealed by the myriad fungi.
“Aaaaaaaargh.”
CRUNCH.
Jim drops the last ten or so feet into the chamber, and shatters his ankle.
The Ranger hobbles towards the giant insect, blocking out the pain.
“It bloody hurts. Ooooooo me foot.”
I said blocking out the pain.
“A little help, anyone…”
Jim stumbles on, a brave lad.
“Smidgin” Anya’s back in action, a pair of magic Missiles arc out from her hand, twist through the air and punch circular holes in the side of the Ankheg.
“RRRRRAAAAAAARRRRR.”
Who’s not happy.
“Cas.” Ala whispers.
“Whassup? Can I have a sandwich?” The Paladin awakes, courtesy of Ala’s healing hands.
“Just like old times”, Ala grins, leans in and kisses the Paladin full on the lips.
“Buffet?” Cas shakes his head, it’s all coming back to him- although the huge monster attacking Bec seems to be new.
“What’s…” He manages before Ala screams.
“Aaaaargghh.” That’s her now, right on time.
“What is it?”
Ala grabs the Paladin and pulls, dragging him back, out of the way, the side of the Priestesses face swells and pulses, buboes and blisters form, just like the ones on Cas.
Ala pulls with all her might, certainly faster than the Violet Fungi which twists and coils, then slinks along the ground, disappears back into the fungi forest.
The Ankheg snaps its jaws shut just short of the massive Barbarian, Bec steps back and swings hard, his blow shatters the armoured plates to the left hand side of the insect’s skull, a rich brown liquid spills from the rent.
The Ankheg sways, backs away slightly, wary of the Barbarian.
And in the same instance a strange looking fungi twists and turns, emerges from the undergrowth at the Barbarian’s feet, Bec notices the new arrival as it coils and rises, like a snake ready to dart in.
PUCK
The Barbarian kicks the Violet Fungi, sends it skidding back into its hiding place.
Bec dances forward, slashes hard, the Ankheg falls back again, retreats to the entrance to the second cavern chamber.
Ala dumps her man, Cas leans against the wall, watches her go.
“Chaffinch.” He waves.
The Priestess is out of breath when she crashes to her knees back at Newt’s body, she wipes as much as she can of the acid gunk off the mostly naked Gnome and at the same time sends healing pulses into Newt’s broken body, she cradles the Rogue’s head in her warm and loving arms.
His eyes blink open.
Newt makes vaguely mewling sounds then signals, a thumbs up. Ala drops Newt’s head, which thunks into the cavern floor and is up and off to see who else might need her efforts.
“Ha Ha.”
The Violent Fungi stretches out towards Bec, Jim however is ideally placed.
SWIPE
He slashes hard with his axe, destroying a good half of the plant, in effect cutting the thing in two.
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
The Shrieker’s still going, and in fine voice.
“Will someone please shut that thing up?”
Anya realises she’s talking to herself, everyone else seems to be otherwise engaged, either fighting or not dying, just.
“If you want something doing…” The Wizard heads over to the wailing fungi, toting her staff.
“Didn’t expect that did ya?” Jim is talking to the Violet Fungi, the strange plant remains closed mouthed on the subject, instead expends its energy on lashing out and lassoing the Ranger’s leg.
“My bad foot.”
Jim tumbles backwards, bad foot in the air- blisters begin to swell up, he suddenly feels very…
“I feel very…”
Jim’s sick all over, actually mostly over himself.
WHUMP
Followed by.
WHUMP
“OOOoooooOOOOOooooo...”
The Shrieker stops shrieking.
It’s suddenly unnervingly quiet.
“BUFFET.”
Bec continues to harry the Ankheg which again gives ground, they’re almost in to the second chamber now.
HACK-SPIT- BLEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUGHH
A line of Acid is projectile vomited back into the chamber by the Ankheg, Bec’s soaked, as is Anya, her robes are ruined, Bec’s armour not much better.
“Right for that- you die.”
The Barbarian lurches towards the Ankheg, greatsword out before him.
The giant insect continues to retreat; Bec follows it back, into the second chamber proper, an irregular cavern roughly triangular in shape. In the southwest corner is a well built stone chimney or pillar that stretches from the floor to the ceiling. It’s ten feet to a side. A huge pile of dung and refuse is heaped beside it. A little north of it along the wall a wide tunnel leads upwards at an acute angle.
Back in the first chamber Cas has had enough of lying around, a short spiritual interlude later and he’s back on his feet, less damaged than before, but equally giddy.
The Paladin stumbles towards the second chamber, ostensibly to support Bec.
He collides with the cavern wall en route, as I say, still a little giddy after his brief lie-down.
“Will you all just please stop getting hurt, what am I some kind of walking first aid station, can we please try to work together, it’s a shambles just like it was at the beginning…” Ala harrumphs and stamps her foot.
A freshly healed Jim waves his thanks and dashes off in pursuit of the Violet Fungi.
The Ranger gambols and smashes his way through the fungi forest, a swathe of destruction in his wake, and more by luck than judgement stumbles upon the Violent Fungi, although half the fungi it once was.
The poisonous plant rears up before him.
SLICE
And is cut down in an instant.
Meanwhile Bec has backed the Ankheg almost as far as it can go, the horrible insect has taken a couple more blows, nothing major, but it has so far failed to connect with the tough Barbarian.
CRUNCH.
Its luck changes.
For the worst.
The Ankheg stoops to conquer, darts down to bite the Barbarian where he stands, miscalculates the distance and ends up smashing its mandibles in to the hard stone cavern floor.
Bec is at the creature in an instant.
CRUNCH
This time the Barbarian lands a decent blow, the Ankheg sheds armoured plates, a mandible, and gallons of its brown blood, it attempts to crawl away, as far away as it possibly can from the whirlwind of destruction before it,
CRUNCH
It doesn’t get far.
The giant insect wilts and slumps to the cavern floor.
Bec totes his greatsword over his shoulder and strides off back into the first chamber, passing a woozy looking Cas on the way.
Jim’s not well, Newt’s not well, Anya’s robes are near ruined, and she’s not exactly perky having been drenched in acid vomit. Ala is generally annoyed with the slipshod nature of the last series of encounters.
Bec’s ok, a little crispy at the edges, his armour could do with a clean, but generally happy with his lot.
He whistles a happy tune.
“Retreat, back to Scat- rest.” The Paladin mutters and then has to be lifted out of the chamber, as do many of the other members of the Goodman Gang by the hail and hearty Bec.
They retreat.
They rest.
While Scat watches over them.
“One WHISTLE, One PARP
Keep moving.
One FART, One TRUMP
One kick up the PUMP,
We’ll all be merry and SHIIITE.”
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 97: Back down the hole.
The Gang come awake several hours later, none of them feel up to it, Jim has been interspersing his restless snoozing with swigs of his Antitoxin brew, and yet the Violet Fungi’s poison continues to ravage him- he feels itchy on the inside, and as sick as a dog.
Cas and Ala, who were likewise poisoned by the terrible fungi, suffer no further hurts- it seems they’re made of sturdier stuff, or else their respective deities are smiling down upon them.
“My bloody clothes, just look at my bloody clothes…” Anya’s really not happy. “They’re ruined, do you know how much this cost to have made? It better be dead Bec, it better be, if I find it’s still alive, I’ll… I’ll kill it. Ruined. Bloody thing.”
Anya returns to her high-pitched mumbling, all the time pawing at her ruined garments.
“Bloody giant stick insect.”
“We should take the day off.” Ala states while reclining on her blanket.
“No, we should rest a while and then re-enter the cavern, Bec said he saw something down there.” Cas sits up.
“Whatever we do I suggest we do it together this time, I’m fed up having to nurse maid the lot of you, there’s only so much I can do.”
“Ala I think you’re over dramatising the situation…”
“What?”
“I think…”
“I heard what you said, I just didn’t believe it. You were lying on the floor burbling like a moron- you’re still not right now, Jim was badly injured- still is, Newt was out cold for a while- burnt and poisoned, I had taken considerable damage, Anya was burnt half-to-death, Bec was the only one in fair health… Over-dramatising the situation, you should hear yourself sometimes.”
“I…”
“Who do you think you are?”
“I…”
Ala is up on her feet looming over Cas.
“The truth is you think that we’re here to complete your Holy Quest, you get it in your head that your cause is right and then its sod the consequences we’re off.”
“Ala, I don’t think…”
“Exactly.”
“It was my idea to come here, I told Cas about Balthazhar…” Anya speaks up.
And is met with a cold hard stare.
“Exactly.” Ala hisses.
It takes a good few hours of silence for the air to clear, not that they get any silence, Scat has taken up the harmonica, not that the Otyugh has a harmonica- he improvises. He’s remarkably adept at the high notes.
Four hours later the Gang are back in the fungi chamber, their move silently skills much improved, particularly as many of them don’t seem to be talking to each other.
They gather around the rope, get ready before moving off, and their direction is clear, since they were last here an enormous swathe has been cut through the fungi, a second exit from the chamber has been found, the path of destruction is slimy.
“Something slithered, that way.” Jim points to the chamber in which Bec fought the Ankheg, the Goodman Gang creep forward to see what new horror awaits them.
It takes a moment for their eyes to adjust, and to discern why partially digested pieces of the Ankheg are seemingly floating in the air.
“There’s a big jelly thing.” Newt rightly observes.
The Gelatinous Cube munches on savouring the wreck of the Ankheg.
“Ready.” Jim states, “fire.”
“FLAME ON.”
Anya’s Wand of Burning Hands gets to work, the Gelatinous Cube squeals, which sounds like nails on a blackboard.
FWUNGx2
And is suddenly punctured by two crossbow bolts which leave ragged holes in the Cubes outer surface.
Ala, Jim, Bec and Cas leap into the fray, and in less than ten seconds the blancmange baddie is reduced to a pool of goo.
“Now that’s how it should be done.” Jim states.
Cas smiles at the Ranger.
“Good work Jim.” Ala rubs Jim’s shoulder.
Cas’ smile disappears.
Anya unfurls a scroll, reads arcane words, she’s soon protected by a Mage Armour- spell. In a quiet moment she sidles over to Cas and rubs his shoulder, something approaching sympathy and concern, the Paladin fills out- suddenly looks much sturdier as her Endurance spell takes affect.
There’s a nest, of sorts, in the chamber, clearly the Ankheg’s lair- they wade through the goop and mush, winkle out money, gems and a few bits of equipment.
Courtesy of a Detect Magic spell from Anya they discover a ring, a chain shirt and a heavy mace, all magical- quite a horde.
“Don’t want it, dagger.” Bec is still refusing to trade in his magical dagger for the magical heavy mace.
“There’s something strange about that dagger.” Ala states.
And finds herself standing beside Anya, the Mage nods back.
Bec takes the chain shirt to replace his acid ravaged studded leather, Cas takes the heavy mace, a secondary weapon after his wooden sword, Jim grabs the ring, it offers some minor magical protection.
There’s a stone pillar in the chamber, on closer investigation, thanks Newt, it turns out to be a partially concealed staircase, up and down- the group head up, Newt sneaking forward to find the way.
There’s a small chamber up top, Newt soon opens the secret door and moves off into a larger chamber the 20-by-30 room has sat unused for many generations by the look of it. An inch-thick layer of dust covers the area, and the air is stale and parched. The room is filled with the tools of a torturer: manacles, hammers, wrenches, chains, a rack, and even an iron maiden lying in a corner.
“Torture chamber.” Newt muses.
“Disgusting.” Ala spits.
The Gang spread out, take a look around the wreck of the room.
Newt discovers two things, the first is a secret door in the northern wall, the stone panel slides aside, there’s a familiar looking chamber beyond.
The second thing he discovers is a set of thumbscrews; he discovers them in his pocket.
The secret door leads into the chamber between Scat and the Arugah’s, that’s Owlbears in old money.
“Down then.” Jim states, the crocodile of adventurer’s files away from the stairs, turns tail and heads back down, Newt leads them on again.
They descend quite a way.
“We’re deep.” Cas states.
“What’re you- a Dwarf?” Newt adds.
Ala smirks, doesn’t bother to hide her look when Cas turns back to spy her.
The spiral staircase descends more than 80 feet until it finally opens up into a 30-by-50 foot oval-shaped room with rounded corners and an exit through the north wall. A strange blue light pervades the chamber; it comes courtesy of the two force fields across the centre of the room- impeding further progress. There are also three levers on the walls.
The first lever is on the right-hand wall, only five feet from the stairs. Five feet beyond that is a transparent, shimmering blue force field, completely blocking the way forward.
Ten feet beyond this first force field there’s another lever on the left wall.
Ten feet beyond that is yet another shimmering blue force field, and finally there’s a third lever five feet beyond that on the right wall.
All the levers are in the up position.
“Bloody hell, it’s one of those intelligence tests thingies, I’m out.” Bec slumps to the floor and polishes his magical dagger.
“It’s obvious, it’s binary, each lever can either be up, one, or down, zero. We just need to work through the combinations- one-zero-zero, zero-one-zero, one-one-zero…”
“What are you talking about Cas?” Newt looks non-plussed.
“Well its binary isn’t it.” Cas shrugs.
“How many levers can you see?” Newt asks.
“One-two-three. Three.” Cas is fairly certain.
“Right, so do I.” Newt nods.
“Well..” Cas’ turn to look confused.
“So how many levers don’t you see?”
Anya and then Ala grin.
“How many levers don’t I see?” Cas parrots back, “What are you going on about?”
“Well, how many?”
“Don’t I see?”
“Yes.”
“None.”
“Right, same here- and that’s the answer. Binary, my arse.”
It goes quiet for a while; Cas is counting on his fingers, mouthing numbers, in binary.
“I don’t think I understand.”
“Well to continue your analogy, you do not know how many levers you don’t see. With me so far?” Newt winks at Jim.
“Yeah.” Cas thinks about it some more.
“So how about I go and take a look for the levers you and me can’t see- if there’s zero, then we’re back to your binary whatsit, but if I’m right, and I think the answer’s one, then we’re out of here. You know what your problem is?”
Cas shakes his head.
“You’re too trusting, you need to take a page out of my book, don’t believe anything you see or hear- too trusting, it’s a failure common to all Paladins.”
Newt giggles, swigs a Potion of Spider Climbing and shins up the wall, still grinning.
Five minutes later, and with a little help from Ala, Newt declares the first third of the room has nothing hidden- there’s only one lever, he pulls it down.
FZZZZZIT
The first force field is down.
Newt grins back again and scuttles along the wall into the second third of the chamber.
And sets to work.
“Masta, get fasta… something, something, something- Master of Poppets, he’s a funny guy…” Newt mutters to himself as he searches.
“Right then, there are four nozzle type things, two on this wall, and…”, Newt leans away from the wall and twists half-round to face, almost, the opposite wall- it’s a neat trick, “and two more on that wall”, he nods at the other wall. “Guess what, there’s also a lever, at least I think that’s what it is- more of a catch really… but, I count one Paladin.”
Newt grins, repositions himself so he’s at the catch.
“So my guess is…”
PlinkFZZZIT.
The second force field is down, Newt climbs from the wall and bows at his audience.
“Binary, bloody binary- leave the thinking to those in the know, all that metal’s not good for you, you need air to the brain.”
Even Cas is forced to smile, sometimes the Gnome’s chiding can be cute, not so caustic.
“Come with me.”
Newt points at Anya, who’s a little surprised, if the truth be told.
“Me?”
“Aye, the brains trust.” Newt grins to show he’s only joking; gingerly Anya heads after the disappearing Rogue, who passes out of sight down the northern passage.
She turns and shrugs at her compatriots, still unsure why she has to follow the Rogue; the others are too full of bonhomie to care. Perhaps latter they will think it strange.
Anya’s the closest she’s ever been to the front of the party, she wipes her nose and looks down at her sleeve, checking she hasn’t got a nose-bleed; she’s very close to the action.
The pair follow the snaking corridor, perfectly formed by the way- obviously magic was involved in the excavating of these chambers, round to another long north-south room that measures 20 by 70 feet. The northernmost twenty-foot stretch of the east wall is filled with yet another shimmering blue force field, through which they can see a passage that winds to the southeast.
In the southern half of the room there are four simple holes in the floor, spaced about ten feet apart.
Newt crouches to take a look down one of them.
“Here’s the thing though Anya, there’s not much treasure in here is there?” Newt states.
Anya shakes her head unsure of where this conversation is going.
“Well I like money, I’ve never made a secret of it- avarice some people call it, others greed, whatever, they can call it what they like- I started with nothing, or at least not much, I want everything… Everything that’s coming to me.”
Anya nods her head again, still at sea.
“So what I suggest is we do a deal, if there’s anything to be had, well… we have it, I’m not leaving this place without a bag of goodies, or two… at least. I want paying and so far it’s bobbins. Do you get me?” Newt stops, turns and stares hard at Anya.
She thinks about it, then nods her head again, the fog lifted.
“They’re key holes.” Newt states.
“What?”
“Key holes- four of them.” Newt nods at the holes in the floor.
“Oh.” The Mage wanders over.
“Probably lower the force field, you got four keys?”
Anya shakes her head.
“Thought as much, looks like we’re going round again- this place sucks, no money, a whole bunch of traps, no money, the monsters are ferocious and… no money- did I mention that? Let’s go and get the others.”
Anya nods some more.
“And Anya, keep our little secret safe.” Newt nods once and strides off leaving the Mage to think about things- like what she’s just agreed too.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 98: Things that go bump in the night.
Five minutes later and the entire Gang are standing round the key holes.
“We can’t have missed them.” Cas pleads.
“Well we have… I’ve not got them, anyone else want to own up to possessing four keys? Nope.” Newt replies while the other members of the Gang shrug and shake their heads.
“And that’s what lowers the force field- four keys?”
“I figure.” Newt shrugs.
“Well does it or doesn’t it?” Cas gets tetchy, bustles over to the smiling Gnome.
“Once again, for those at the back, I think so- four keys, one force field, me and Anya have checked the place over, so have you- there’s nothing else to find, I suggest we acquaint ourselves with the missing keys and put it to the test. If that’s alright with you tin man?” Newt grins up at Cas, who silently fumes.
“Come on then, let’s turn the force fields back on in the last chamber and get some rest, I think we need to gather our strength rather than keep pushing on, Cas?” Jim adds.
Cas continues to fume, then nods, no more than a slight incline, they head back to their favourite Otyugh Bard- Scat.
The Gang meet back up with Scat who is in hot pursuit of a large rat, “Jeeerm, yew is bakk, an no sqwished or anyfing, Oh Jeerm yew sow veri bwave.”
The Otyugh cuddles the Ranger, with no way out, Jim cuddles the Otyugh back.
“Jim’s got a girlfriend.” Newt chimes in, in a sing-song voice.
Anya looks daggers at the Gnome, Ala giggles like she’s thirteen again, Cas looks… looks- not quite how a Paladin should.
“I no girly-friends Jeerm.” Scat states somewhat indignant, “I hench-monsta, see-nyah Poppit, Jeerm Masta of Poppets. Aren’t I Jeerm, an Bad?”
Jim is less sure.
Ala giggles again.
It gets Jim’s attention, he smiles, it’s a winning smile- warm and fuzzy, Ala feels it all over.
There’s a lot of healing to be done, mostly minor wounds, nothing dramatic- just cuts and bruises from the Ankheg fight and before, Jim it seems is the worst hurt, certainly he gets the most attention from Ala.
The others are getting bedded down, Cas and Anya all the while keeping a close eye, surreptitiously, on Jim and Ala. The pair whisper in conversation, and when they think the others have finally drifted off to sleep- they head out of the chamber, to where Moma Owlbear still patrols.
“If you could just use some of your magic to heal her wounds- I don’t want them infecting, the kids wont stand a chance on their own.” Jim moves stealthily into the huge cavern, starlight filters in through the hole to the surface.
Ala nods, creeps closer to the Ranger, her eyes glisten in the light.
“Shhh.” Jim whispers, the pair creep close, Moma Owlbear is watching them, the kids fast asleep, one of them snorts, then snores on.
Ala smiles, Jim stifles a laugh and grins back at the Priestess.
They’re only feet away from the female Owlbear, a tear in the creatures side oozes blood and worse.
Jim creeps closer, Ala hunched behind him, the Ranger reaches back, grabs Ala’s forearm and reaches forward, guiding her touch, gently the Elf lays her hand on the huge monstrous creatures fur, a glowing light pulses and fades, the wound knits tight, all hurt instantly gone.
The Owlbear blinks one rheumy eye, half-sighs, and turns away from Jim and Ala, soon it is asleep.
The pair don’t move for ages.
Locked in their awkward embrace, it should be uncomfortable, and yet…
Back in the rest room, with Scat whistling and farting to himself, two pairs of eyes search the room lit by a guttering camp fire- two bedrolls are empty still, Jim and Ala, very soon after it’s four bedrolls that are empty.
Cas and Anya head off a little way in the opposite direction to Jim and Ala, into the smashed armoury.
Neither of them speaks for quite a while, eventually it’s Anya that breaks the silence.
“You ok?”
“Mmm.” Cas half-nods and wipes his brow.
“What do you think they’re doing?”
Cas stares hard at Anya, “I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”
The silence stretches.
“She’s very beautiful- Ala.”
Cas nods.
“How did you meet her?”
“It was years ago, I was very young- she looked after me, when I was growing up, she was beautiful then too, I asked her to marry me… I was only eight at the time.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she’d think about it, she thought I was joking.”
“Were you?”
“I was eight… It’s just that…”
“What?”
“Nothing’s changed- I still love her.” Cas sighs.
“Then why don’t you ask her- for an answer, at least you’d know?”
“That’s it though- I’m not sure I want to know.”
“How do you mean?”
“I don’t know how I’d react if she said no…”
“Cas.” Anya moves over to the Paladin, her hand smoothes his strong back, up to his shoulder, the nape of his neck.
“I don’t know what I’d do if she said yes.”
Cas meets Anya’s gaze.
“Oh.” Anya mouths.
Cas bows his head, unable to sustain her gaze.
“You should do what I do.”
Cas looks up, “what’s that?”
“Live for the moment.” Anya’s clothes fall away, Cas cannot help himself…
The next day the search is on.
In truth it takes very little time to locate the missing keys, less than thirty minutes in fact.
“Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” Newt bends low to retrieve the last key, they're on the hands, or rather the keys are the index fingers of the Skeletons, the first four in the coffins, the ones that did not animate in the chamber with the statue of Meelkor in the centre.
“Skeleton Keys. SKell-Ing-TON Keys.” Newt raps on the side of his skull, as if to fix the logic of this inside.
The Gang are back at the impasse less than five minutes later.
“Now turn.” Newt orders.
Cas, Ala, Anya, and the Rogue, of course, twist the keys in unison, and the force field is gone.
“Oh.” Newt makes a discovery, “my key’s stuck.”
“Same.” Ala states.
Anya and Cas nod in agreement.
“Oh.” Newt adds to the mix.
“What does it matter?” Cas asks.
“Well, if we can’t take them with us that means that anyone can come along and lock us in.” Newt confirms.
“In where?” Cas enquires, not quite on the same page.
“They can turn the keys back and the force field will seal us in.”
“There’s got to be another way out?” Cas is certain.
“Well your mate Baltha-whatsit hasn’t found it for… Oh centuries, do you want to take the chance?”
“Oh.” Cas’ mouth is a perfect circle.
“Exactly.” Newt finishes.
CHUNG
Newt ducks and rolls in a rush, where his head was a moment ago a Barbarian’s foot now rests, the top of the Skeleton key is smashed off. Newt turns to look up at a grinning Bec.
“Now try and turn it.” The Barbarian adds.
Newt has a go.
“Nope, it’s wedged in tight”, he grins up at Bec.
“Brute force and ignorance saves the day.” Bec stifles a yawn and heads off.
The passage ahead splits north and south, south there’s a door, Newt heads over to investigate, and is soon through, he’s looking down a short hallway into a small 20-by-20 room, the Gnome creeps forward, so he can see into the chamber, he suddenly pulls up short studies the floor intently.
“What is it?” Jim whispers.
“Trap.” Newt states calmly and taps his foot on the floor.
Newt flings a lit sunrod into the chamber beyond.
On the far wall is a large human mouth some four feet across, seemingly carved into the wall. There is nothing else of note.
“Can you disarm it?” Jim asks.
“Do I want to?” Newt shoots back.
Jim thinks about it a while.
“Okay, we’ll leave it, see what lies north.”
The Gang move out and north, through another door, checked over by Newt.
The corridor turns immediately west.
“We’re heading in a circle- from where we came down, I think.” Cas studies his feet.
“Bloody Dwarf.” The Gnome mutters and slowly shuffles forward.
“There’s another one.”
“Another what?” Cas asks.
“Pit trap- I don’t like this, what is this place? Trap after trap, we take our time from here on, here Bec grab hold of this.”
Newt fetches out his trusty rope, ties it around his waist and throws the slack to Bec.
“Hold on tight, and the rest of you stay back a while.”
“’Kay.” Bec takes the strain, the others take a step, or two, back.
Newt swigs a potion, takes a couple of steps back and then leaps.
The Gnome lands ten to twelve feet away.
FRUMMMNG
The floor beneath his feet falls away.
“NEWT.” Bec screams, and grasps the rope tight.
“Okay.” The Gnome quickly calls back, Newt strides up the side of the pit trap and back to the surface, and the horizontal axis.
“Spider Climb- my favourite.” He grins.
There are three pairs of pit traps in total, the last staggered, the gap between the pair is over ten feet, that foxes the Gnome for a minute or two, but gravity helps him find the last of the pits.
Newt leads the Gang on, a long way south and then east, and finally a short distance north into a much larger smooth walled chamber.
“He’s right.” Newt comments.
“Who is?” Bec asks.
“The tin man- Cas, we’ve been going in a circle, can’t be much further north and we’ll be directly beneath the tower, I think.”
Cas looks suitably smug.
Another long, oval-shaped room, 50 by 70 feet, with rounded corners. There’s a single door in the centre of the north wall, and a small metal chest sitting in the exact centre of the room.
“Bound to be trapped- take your time Newt. Stay alert people.” Cas offers.
The remaining members of the Goodman Gang squat and slump on the floor, clearly not ‘alert’, Cas grimaces.
“It’s a bit dull- all this thinking, no killing.” Bec states.
Anya finds herself nodding, then grinning at a frustrated looking Cas.
“I like to be in the action too.” Anya teases and then heads over to drape herself over a surprised looking Bec.
“There’s no tra…”
BOOM
Newt is suddenly very on fire.
The Gang scramble, Bec trips the flailing Gnome, many hands make light work of extinguishing the flames, Ala is as quick to pump her healing magics into the charred Gnome.
Nobody says anything for a good while, Newt shuffles over to a wall, still smoking lightly.
Time passes.
“What are we doing here?” Newt eventually breaks the silence.
“You know that.” Cas states.
“No, I’ve forgotten, remind me again”, the Gnome stares hard at the Paladin.
“We free the ghost, it tells us what’s going on, you remember- the Orc, the birds- Tsathzar Rho, you were there, for all of it.” Cas crosses his arms.
Time passes some more.
“Right, got it. Now what’s in it for me?” Newt holds the Paladin’s gaze.
“What do you mean Newt?” Ala asks.
“Reward. My reward for all of this?”
“You get a fare share of everything we find.”
“Which is?” The Gnome is quick to counter.
“Well, not much so far, admittedly, but there may be more treasure ahead to satisfy your cravings.” Cas sounds harsh.
“My cravings. My cravings.” Newt repeats and shakes his head.
“What?” Cas asks.
“I’m not in this for the feelgood factor, look we’ve been at this a while, yes?”
Cas, Bec then Jim, and the others nod their ascent- they’re all listening.
“Well when’s the big score coming, I want paying- for the risk, it’s trap after trap down here- heavy going and so far we’ve found buttons.”
Cas goes to interrupt, but is talked over.
“I want money Cas, I need money, my cravings- what rubbish. You’ll get yours in heaven, and before…”, Newt winks at Cas, which leaves the Paladin floundering, his eyes slide quickly over to Anya, then back. The Gnome continues- “I want my reward, I want something back, more than I’ve been getting- why do you think I’m doing this?”
“Because it’s your duty.”
“Ha.” Newt snorts, “duty, a measly word, used by a measly man- duty, what do you know of my duty- nothing.”
Anya heads over to Newt, tries to lay a hand on his shoulder, the Gnome shrugs past her and stutters over to the chest again.
“There better be buckets of cash at the end of this, else I’m done.”
“If that’s how you feel…” Cas begins.
“Yes. Yes, it is- now get back, give me some bloody room to work.”
The Gang mooch away.
“He’s mad.” Cas whispers to Ala.
“So am I.” Ala whispers back.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 99: Rust in pieces.
Newt takes his sweet time at the chest, eventually a dull click signals his success.
“See- not a problem…” The far door slams open and barrelling from the chamber beyond come three strange looking creatures, the size and shape of very bid dogs, although armour plated- like armadillos, except with strange feathery antennas- Rust Monsters.
YELP
Newt yelps
Two of the creatures make a bee-line for him, get to within five or so feet then dodge left and right respectively, away from the fairly metal free Gnome.
“Ha ha.” Newt turns to see what he has wrought.
Behind him panic ensues.
“Rust Monsters.” Jim screams and then stares hard at the metal head of his magical battleaxe, “”, the Ranger back-peddles furiously, hooking his weapon on his belt and manoeuvring his wooden shield to block any attacks.
Cas slices at the first creature with wooden sword- he’s high wide and handsome, the creatures feathery antenna search out his armour, the Paladin is too quick, dodges back and away to circle the creature.
“Ackatt Swish.” Her animated wooden broom is unleashed, as usual to no great affect.
“SMIDGIN.” The Mage casts, two lightning fast balls of energy speed out and slam into the side of one of the Rust Monsters, leaving smoking holes in the creatures carapace.
Cas retreats some more attacking with his wooden sword, ineffectual blows that do little except keep the creature at bay, he tries to remove shield as he’s doing so, fumbles it- it hits the deck. Two Rust Monsters are immediately on the spot, their feathery antenna caress and stroke the metal, proboscis unfurl from their mouthparts- the shield is soon covered in red rust- destroyed.
Newt giggles a little as he lets fly with a shell shuriken, several of which he located on the body of the dead Undine they left in the desert, he misses and the potent magical weapon smashes into the far wall- spent.
Ala is back out of the chamber entirely, struggling to get her sword away and her bow out.
The third Rust Monster charges headlong at Jim, licking its lips, metaphorically speaking, at the thought of Jim’s beautiful, and magical, breastplate. The Ranger scrambles back using his wooden shield to block the creature’s attacks, he swigs from a potion bottle, gets half of the contents down before thumping into a wall, and spilling the rest.
Bec meanwhile takes his time, it helps that he’s not in the thick of the action, his greatclub is soon in his hands, he strides forward and delivers a thunderous swing at one of the creatures engaged in devouring Cas’ shield, and misses by a mile.
Anya casts again, babbles arcane words, a dark cloud forms around the two creatures at the shield, instantly one of them squeals like a stuck pig and hares off, back out of the chamber, through the far door, Cas slices open the side of the thing in its passing.
Newt looses another of his shell shuriken, it slams into the side of the remaining shield-eater.
BOOM
A sonic wave explodes from the shell, wracking the Rust Monsters body, almost turning it turtle.
FWUNG
Ala’s bow sings, the arrow slams into the skull of the same foul creature which flops to the floor- deceased.
Jim slithers around the wall, trying it seems to get a step up, fending off the Rust Monster still with his wooden shield, he eventually gets a grip on the smooth wall and races up the vertical surface to crouch in the angle between the ceiling and wall, his Spider Climb potion is working.
Bec rushes over to the Rust Monster, now yelping and pawing at the smooth wall far beneath the cowering Ranger, the Barbarian swings with all his might, and misses again.
Swish shuffles over to help the Barbarian out, or else get in the way. Cas too heads over, delivering a raking attack to the Rust Monsters right rear leg, the creature is hobbling badly.
SLAM
Anya kicks the far door shut, trapping the third Rust Monster back in the unexplored chamber.
Ala can no longer see the remaining creature, Bec, Swish and Cas are in the way, she mutters a short prayer, head down momentarily, a glowing longsword appears in the air before her- instantly it sets off to slay the remaining monster.
Bec at last connects, smashes the club into the side of the armoured creature, crushing ribs.
And yet the creature fights on, surrounded and almost broken, an animal cornered, its feathery antenna dance and wave, it even attempts to bite Cas- it proves futile.
Swish connects with a devastating, who am I kidding, a slight tap- it’s enough to put the creature off its guard for Cas’ follow up blow- the Paladin runs the second Rust Monster through.
“All metal off- out the room, and guard the exit- Anya when I say go… Open the door, ‘kay.” Cas orders, and is instantly obeyed.
“Go.”
Anya slams the door open. The third Rust Monster spills out, angrier than ever, cas and Bec are on it- Bec’s club makes a huge dent in its armour, Cas skewers it briefly and the Barbarian’s second over-head swing leaves the thing mashed on the floor.
“Good work.” Cas simply states and heads back to recover his armour.
Minutes later Newt leads the Gang out through the north door and into a short corridor, which ends in a blank wall.
“Back in a minute.” Newt shrugs and plods forward.
A good twenty minutes later.
“Got it.”
Stone grinds against stone, the wall recedes, there’s a doorway, well I never.
Newt heads on again, down a fifty-foot stretch of hallway which dead-ends at a single ornate iron door set in a curved white marble wall- the Tower. A shimmering blue force field floats six inches in front of the door. Less than three inches outside of the force field is yet another lever set in the up position.
“Do you mean to say he built this entire thing a put the lever to turn the force field off on the outside of the tower…” Newt bends double, he can’t hold it in.
“Ha ha ha, Oooooooh, the idiot, the absolute arse… I mean what sort of moron spends all that time, money and magic and then forgets to put the lever somewhere in reach. He’s a bloody loonie this…”
Anya pulls the lever.
Plk
The force field is gone, and standing next to Newt is the ghost of the tower, he doesn’t look as happy as he should, not for someone finally having been released after centuries of waiting- I wonder what it can be.
“Balthazhar.” Says Balthazhar, finishing off Newt’s sentence.
“OOpsy.” The Gnome squeaks and cowers.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 100: Balthazhar.
“Hello.” Newt waves and covers his face with his hands, “I’m sorry”, he adds in muffled tones.
The spectral wizard considers his options, settles for a chiding.
“You’re a very naughty Gnome, you ought to learn to be more careful with your words, alas now is not the time or the place to teach you a lesson. Now what were you saying?” Balthazhar stares at Anya, who gulps and then reddens.
“I wasn’t saying anything.” She stutters.
“Then remedy that situation immediately- what do you want, speak up?” Balthazhar straightens his spectral robes, looks more wizardly.
“Well…” Anya begins.
“Oh Balthazhar we have striven this day, or-so, to free you in order that you use your omniscient…”
“Hardly.” Newt whispers, and then slaps a hand across his mouth, Balthazhar glares at him.
“Powers of enlightenment to chase back the shadows from our minds, to bring clarity to… mud, muddy, muddiness…” Cas pulls up short.
“Do you even know what you are saying Paladin?” Balthazhar enquires.
“No, not really.” Cas finishes.
“Will somebody please…”
“Who’s this Tsathzhar Rho then?” Bec asks.
“Tsathzhar Rho is an Abomination, a wizard who refused to die, who was foolish enough to try to get the Elder Gods to do his bidding, he is gone from this place- and good riddance.”
Balthazhar looks out at a sea of nodding heads.
“What business have you with Tstahzhar Rho?”
“We fought a creature, an abomination, sometime ago, in a lair packed with mutated Kobolds, we thought nothing of it at the time. Then, just a little while ago, we were attacked in Grimbo…” Anya finds her stride at last.
“Grimbo… attacked, nothing odd about that- that’s hardly news.” Balthazhar interrupts.
“Yes well, we tracked our attacker, well sort of- we ended up in an ancient Druids circle, fighting a monstrous Orc priest who, well we’re not sure how, or why, but he seemed to say something to a bunch of blackbirds that flapped off. The Orc nearly managed to slay us all, on his own- the creature and its foul helpers, a bunch of mutated Kobolds again, and some feral Northern Barbarian women were all wearing this symbol”, Anya fetches out one of the crude three fingered hands, “which we know is something to do with Tsathzhar Rho.”
“Mmm. I see.” Balthazhar smudges an errant cuticle, which is difficult to do when you’re a ghost.
“We have spoken to Thistle, the Druid, and others- they seem to think that Tsathzhar Rho opened up a gateway to another plane, that somehow the Elder Gods, whatever they may be are heading this way.” Jim adds his twopenneth.
“Elder Gods, this way- if that’s the case I’ll get back in the tower and you can switch that thing back on again. So, you want to know what I know.”
“Yes.” Jim, Cas and Anya are certain.
“Right then- yes he did make a gateway, no I don’t know where it is, no I don’t know who these people are who are attacking you, although my guess would be someone you pissed off along the way.” Balthazhar delivers the last piece of information to Newt, and then settles on silence.
“Is there anything you know that you think might help us?” Bec asks.
“Well, maybe… Did the Orc have a strange weapon, an odd metal?”
“Yes, how did…” Ala begins.
“Blight. That’s what it’s called- Blight metal, I’m not sure but it would seem Tsathzhar Rho used a lot of the stuff in his experiments, not sure what for, I just remember stories of him dominating whole tribes of creatures and getting them to dig the stuff out of the ground- dangerous work, Blight’s incredibly rare, find it in swamps mostly, or near swamps- something to do with magic and… magic and something else. That’s all I know. Find the Blight that’s what I say. We done?” Balthazhar straightens his robes some more.
“Er… Ye…” Cas starts.
“Hang on.” Newt nudges the Paladin into silence.
“We’ve just rescued you from centuries of loneliness and… whatever, that’s it- that’s our reward. No wonder you lived way out here, all your friends close-by.”
“I lived alone.”
“Exactly.” Newt looks a little way beyond ticked off.
“Reward.” The Gnome stands hand out.
“Really, he’s so common.” Balthazhar states to the other members of the Goodman Gang, with as much disdain as he can muster in his voice.
The ghostly Mage thinks about it a while, then nods and grins.
“Take the lot- the Tower’s yours, and all its contents, if you want it and you CAN take it- and there’s plenty up there, enough to satisfy even a greedy little bastard like you.” Balthazhar pats Newt on the head, the Gnome shakes himself free of the spectral hand.
The Gnome needs no further urging, he’s through the ornate door and into the chamber beyond.
The others follow through, nodding or mouthing their thanks to Balthazhar en route. Cas even tries to shake the ghost Mage’s hand.
Anya pulls up short.
“Where are you going now?” She asks.
The spirit looks cross-eyed for a second, angry, very angry indeed.
“Back to Grimbo, there’s a few people I want to pay a visit on, if they’re still alive that is, which is doubtful- fortunately for them, I may have to content myself with dropping in on their ancestors- see how they’re getting on.”
Anya gulps, “You’re a little, well- angry.”
“How long did it take you to work your way through this maze of mine and turn off the force field?”
“About three days. Why?”
“Because, and regardless of what that stupid Gnome thinks, I had friends back then- in Grimbo, powerful friends, you’d have thought one of them would have taken the time to look me up, not leave me to go insane and starve to death in this cursed tower.” Balthazhar spits out the last.
“Oh. Well…”
“I’ll see you again.”
Balthazhar is gone.
“Aaaaaaargh, not the comfy chair.” It’s Newt’s voice, he seems on-edge, perhaps even a little unhappy.
Next Turn: Practical solutions for the discerning Spellcaster.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 101: Practical solutions for the discerning Spellcaster.
“Well this is just fecking lovely.” Newt screams while pulling his hair out and butting his head into a rather nice couch.
The Gang are stood about in a 70-foot-wide circular space of the most elegant design. The door they entered passed through seems to stand in space, attached to no wall. A staircase leads up a good way, spiralling up the side of the tower.
A soft white light illuminates the entire chamber. The room looks like a living area, with a couch, easy chair, table, wardrobe, bed, nightstand, desk, desk chair, and other miscellaneous furnishings. Bookshelves line the walls wherever there is space, and there seem to be hundreds, if not thousands, of books.
A well dressed Skeleton sits slumped at the desk.
“Balthazhar?” Cas says.
“He’s gone.” Anya corrects.
“I meant the Skeleton- his remains.”
Anya nods back.
“Where’s the SOD-IN-TRESH-URR.” Newt continues to butt the couch.
“It’s here.” Ala adds and spreads her arms wide to encompass all of the chamber, Anya whispers arcane words, her Detect Magic spell gets working- she too can see the treasures that surround them, although what they do, well that’s another story.
The pair are certain that the following items show more than a trace of magical essence; the large wardrobe, the desk- nice piece of mahogany to boot, the lamps on the various tables- all four of them, the bed- four poster, the comfy chair- a little threadbare, and finally one of the larger bookcases.
Ala and Anya point at and name each of the items that are magical.
Anya can’t help herself, she claps her hands, clearly overjoyed with her new find, she loves the wardrobe, and the bed- it’s to die for, well not literally.
“This is all… marvellous.”
“You think?” Even Jim’s a little peeved.
“Not very portable is it?” Bec adds, or rather detracts.
“Still- a place of our own.” Anya mumbles on, claps her hands some more.
“What’s she on about?” Bec asks to blank stares.
“We should buy a house, in Grimbo.” Anya states, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“What?” Newt surfaces from shoving his head down the back of the sofa.
“Anya reckons we should buy a house.” Jim states.
“Why would we want to…” Newt tails off.
Bec grins, he likes the idea, “can I have my own room?”
“Yes, of course.” Anya states and goes on a tour of her new furniture.
“Excellent- can I paint it whatever colour I like?”
“Of course.”
“Can I have friends round?” Bec ploughs on, while Anya’s in a good mood.
“As long as they take their shoes off at the door, and their not too noisy.”
Now Bec is clapping.
“We’d need a garden.” Jim stares into the distance, remembering a time long gone.
“We’re not buying a house, and that’s bloody final.” Newt stamps his foot.
“You might not be but I am, and so’s Jim, and Bec, that’s right isn’t it boys?”
Bec and then Jim nod.
“And Cas, and Ala- if they want to, even you, you grouchy little Gnome, if you want to.” Anya moves swiftly to tickle the end of Newt’s nose.
“Oh. Imagine it.” The Mage crushes the Gnome to her bosom, “we could have dinner parties, I could dress up, the good china, nice food, fine wines, perhaps even a servant. Oh imagine it Newt.”
Anya releases the Gnome, who was close to suffocating, but not complaining.
“Yeah. Doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Right then, onwards- to treasure, for the new house.” Newt leads them up the stairs.
“How you going to get that lot back?” Jim asks Anya.
“Now that’s magic.”
“Do you mean a horse and cart?”
“Oh the method of transport will be a horse and cart, but how I get the horse and cart in the first place, and the driver- that will be magic.” Anya confirms.
“And for magic read a very clingy, low cut, more of a belt than a skirt type of outfit?”
“That’s the one. Remember Jim the less there is of the outfit to see, the more there is of me…”
Jim grins, charmed, he’s half-pucker when he realises that Anya’s gone.
And the Gang are hot-footing it up the stairs led by Newt to see what else there is in the way of furnishings for their future abode.
Newt passes into a circular room the same size as the previous one. It appears to be a wizard’s laboratory. The room is strewn with tables, beakers, books, and miscellaneous equipment.
There are three 20-by-20 force cages arranged prominently around the room. The one along the west wall holds the second most beautiful woman Newt has ever seen: tall and captivating, with long blonde hair and an almost transparent robe.
The force cage along the east wall holds perhaps the only other woman whose beauty
could exceed that of the blonde. She is a stunning brunette of tempting proportions.
The third force cage, along the south wall, holds a flight of stairs leading up. Beside it, outside the force cage, is a control panel with three buttons.
“Oh, thank goodness you’ve come! Please free me! I’ve been trapped here for centuries!” The Blonde starts up but is cut off by the Brunette…
“Don’t listen to her! She’s evil! Free me and I’ll tell you how to escape!”
“I don’t wanna escape.” Newt drools and looks all googly-eyed, “I wouldn’t mind if one, or perhaps both of you were to escape, at least for a little while.” The Gnome straightens an imaginary tie and hitches his pants up a bit- then gets to thinking, he calls back to his companions.
“Don’t come in here- it’s trapped… oh too late.”
And sure enough, in the midst of various mimes- combing hair, sniffing armpits, affecting a nonchalant, and yet very available, stance, and many others are the remainder of the Goodman Gang, well at least the males.
“Please save me! You don’t know what it’s been like in this tower with this – this – this fiend for all these years!” Cries the Blonde
“She’s lying! She’ll lead you to a trap! Let me free!” Counters the Brunette
“I’m beginning to enjoy this.” Newt rubs his hands together, “Bec, you wouldn’t go back down and fetch up the couch would you?”
Bec’s at stairs.
“Hold- clearly one of these hussies is lying and we must decide which… Cas?” Ala stares at the Paladin.
“Mmm sorry, I was- they’re hypnotic aren’t they.”
“What are?”
“Well their jiggling… er jigglies. Bec, that couch?”
“Tell me if anything happens.” And with that Bec’s off back down the stairs for the sofa.
“See the control panel? Push the far left button. It will free me. I will reward you if you free me!” The Blonde implores.
There’s a sudden rush for the control panel, even Bec is on the way to the panel, he obviously didn’t get far down the stairs.
“NO! Don’t listen to her! She’ll trap you! Push the middle button. All the others are traps!” The Brunette screams, and jiggles, it has to be said.
The adventurers pull up short of the trapped (maybe) control panel, transfixed- by jiggling.
“Say that again.” Newt croaks his mouth suddenly very dry.
“Get your own couch.” Bec sits on the floor.
“No, they’re not traps! The right button lifts the cage on the stairs, and the left button frees me. You can pass up the stairs if you’d like. But please, free me first!” The Blonde offers.
“No bother, I’ll check them for traps later.” Newt takes a seat next to Bec.
“Don’t fall for it! She’s evil! Only the middle button isn’t a trap!”
“Gotcha.” Newt stares on.
The two trapped women stop talking.
The chamber is suddenly full of the sound of heavy breathing.
“Men.” Anya whispers to Ala.
“Boys… more like.” Ala confirms.
The men, or rather males, continue to gawp at the beautiful women.
Who gawp back very aware that they have an audience, none of whom see to be interested in freeing them.
The Brunette makes her mind.
Winks at the audience and then dances- it has to be said, provocatively.
“Free the Brunette.”
The call is taken up.
“FREE THE JIGGLY ONE.”
Newt is in motion and at the control panel.
“Remember about the traps.” Bec warns not taking his eyes off the jiggling.
“Oh yeah.” Newt remembers.
“STOP.” It’s Ala, “not the Brunette, the Blonde- free her.”
“Why?” Cas doesn’t look round.
“Because she’s telling the truth.”
“How do you know?” Cas almost looks round.
“Because I can tell when someone is telling the truth Casimir la Frond, always.”
Cas looks round, gulps.
“Free the Blonde.” He adds.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
It gets very jiggly.
“Can we wait a while?” Bec asks.
“Free her in a bit?” Newt hopes.
“Oh bloody men.” Ala stomps over to the control panel and thumps the left button.
FZZZIT
The force cage around the Blonde figure winks out.
And is gone only to be replaced by a small demon-like creature, no more than twelve inches high, red- with tiny wings, horns and a barbed tail- a Quasit.
“Urrrghh.” Newt is put off.
“Close call.” Bec gets up coving his lap with his backpack.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Jim.” Jim states and offers his hand to the rescued woman.
“Sexist Pig.” Followed by a stinging slap.
“Is she a Demon too?” Newt looks to Cas for guidance.
“Nope, that’s all woman.”
“Nymph, actually.” The released woman, scratch that- Nymph, states.
“Cas what’s a Nymph?” Newt asks.
“A woodland spirit- of sorts.” Ala states, “they rely on their good looks an awful lot, they say their beauty was gifted to them by the woodland deities.”
“Wow.” Jim stares.
“To make up for their lack of brains.” Ala finishes.
“That’s not very nice- Elf.” The Nymph strolls over to confront Ala, she glides would be more the case.
“Sorry, it’s just that… well, you were stuck in there, and I’m out here- rescuing you. Not very bright of you- getting caught.”
The Nymph grimaces, then suddenly looks over her shoulder at the assembled men folk, still gawping.
The Nymph looks back to Ala- intently, then turns on her heels and strides over to Jim.
And snogs the face off him.
Ala experiences a lot of emotions in a very short space of time- anger wins the day.
But before she can react the Nymph strolls out of the room, down the stairs.
“You don’t know what you’re missing girl.”
She calls back.
There follows a large helping of stunned silence, although Jim suddenly has a very high opinion of himself.
“BITCH.” The Quasit screeches.
“Ditto.” Ala whispers.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 102: “Jean”
The far right button pressed the Gang, and in particular Newt, take the stairs three or four at a time- Newt making good use of his magical Ring of Jumping, they burst into the next level.
And more traps, tricks and charades.
“Damn- how much more of this is there?” Newt scuffs a boot on the floor and looks put out.
There are no other stairs in sight. Instead, there are seven doors. Three are spaced evenly along the eastern edge of the tower wall. Two more are in stand alone door frames in the middle of the room.
There are also two 10-by-10 force cages. In each of the force cages is another stand alone door frame with another door.
The rest of the room is filled with magical apparatus of all kind, as well as several books open at seemingly random pages.
“Pelor’s dangly-parts, wake me when you’re done.” Newt heads back down the stairs to the first circular chamber, and the couch therein, five minutes later he’s snoring.
“Anya?” Cas asks.
And gets a nasty look from Ala.
“Ala?” He tries.
The female members of the Goodman Gang, the brains department, set to work.
Jim, Bec and Cas shuttle between rooms, each of them takes a turn at looking oddly at the Quasit downstairs, erasing previous jiggle-filled memories.
Over an hour later the Gang reconvene.
“So?” Newt goes back to scuffing a boot.
“They’re all locked.” Ala states.
“And the two force fields are impenetrable.” Anya states.
The women try to hide their smiles, fail.
“Go on?” Cas offers.
“Well at first we couldn’t see it…” Anya starts.
“But then we applied Newt’s theory.” Ala finishes.
Newt looks suddenly very interested in proceedings.
“Go on?” Cas asks again.
“Well it’s not about the doors you can see…” Ala starts.
“It’s about the door you cannot see.” Anya finishes.
“To be precise- that one.” Ala points to a space on the outer wall of the tower.
“What door?” Cas looks the wall over.
“Exactly.” Anya smirks.
“You’ve been up there haven’t you?” Newt declares.
To smiles.
“You’re not going to like it.” Anya states.
“Especially you.” Ala stares at Newt.
“Feck.” And the Gnome is over and through the secret door.
The others follow after, Ala and Anya in less of a rush.
The top of the tower, the vault, the treasure, and Jean.
The room is literally piled high with coins – there must be thousands of gold pieces strewn about randomly. Various other glittering treasures can be seen peeking out of the piles of gold, including a three large spellbooks- Balthazhar’s spellbooks- Anya can’t tear her eyes away- although her overriding emotion seems to be regret.
However, sitting atop the pile in the centre of the room is a well-built man of a dark complexion, nearly twice as tall as a normal man. He holds up a warning hand and booms out in a jolly voice, “I am Jean. Please do not enter, my friends! I would not wish to harm you.”
“Jean?” Newt wonders.
“The Djinni.” Ala completes the circle.
“Djinni, aren’t they…” Bec begins.
“Indeed I have been tasked with guarding the treasure of ancient, and formerly addled, Balthazhar- I am equipped with all manner of spell-like powers far surpassing your skills, look- now you see me.” Jean demonstrates.
BLINK
Jean Djinni disappears from sight.
“Now you don’t.” Jean’s voice comes from the void.
BLINK
The Djinni appears next to Newt, who is mid-reach, about to grasp a handful of the gold coins.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Newt stops.
“Or else.” Newt spits back.
“Or else I will destroy you.” Jean brings clarity.
“Look there’s six of us…” Newt begins.
“Five.” Ala states, “I’m not fighting Jean, he’s one of the good guys.”
“Four.” Cas nods.
“Four to one then.” Newt barks, “still enough to take you.”
“Three- sorry Newt.” Jim bows his head, not wanting to meet the Gnomes eye.
“Two.” Bec squeaks and joins Jim in examining the floor in detail.
“One.” Anya states, and looks a little crestfallen, she drags her gaze away from Balthazhar’s spellbooks.
“You?” Newt spits.
“I can’t Newt, it would be… wrong.” Anya looks broken.
“Wrong. What do you; any of you know about what’s right or wrong?” Newt screams.
“Now that’s…” Cas starts up.
“Shut up. JUST SHUT UP WILL YOU. I’m thinking…” Newt goes quiet, very quiet.
Too quiet.
“Newt?” Jim asks.
The Gnome shakes his head.
“We, that is, I’m…” Anya has a go.
Newt shakes his head some more.
Seems to reach a decision.
Looks up.
And grins.
“Okay. Sorry- we’re alive, yeah- that’s what counts, we’ve got the information we need- look for the source of the Blight. Let’s get off then, yeah- yeah.
Newt heads off.
“Newt?” Cas calls after him.
There’s no reply.
“Very sensible, a wise decision. Take what you wish from the remainder of the Tower, I wish you well on your travels may you always feel the warmth of the sun on your backs.”
BLINK
Jean is gone from sight.
The Gang file out.
A mixture of emotions, a fair smattering of confusion- what just happened. To Newt?
Newt’s waiting for them outside of the tower, the rest of the Gang emerge into the light, the force field has gone from around the tower, the building looks older, much older, the white stone is pitted and scared, the elements are at work, making up for lost time.
“I’m okay.” Newt blinks in the sunlight, “really- it doesn’t matter, next time. I suppose- sorry, I’m… I’m just sorry- promise.” The Gnome grins.
Jim notices the Nymph, in the shadows of the over grown orchard.
“Watch out there’s…” Jim rushes over.
“I know, I’m calling him ‘slinky’.” A huge liana wraps itself around the Nymph, more of a warm cuddle than a deathly embrace, “nice ‘slinky’” The Nymph stokes and smoothes the Assassin Vine.
Clearly male, Jim thinks, and pulls up short, attempts a unconcerned saunter the remaining distance.
Which makes the Nymph blush.
Always a good sign, Jim thinks.
“Jim.” Jim proffers his hand.
“I think we’ve met.” The Nymph blushes again.
“Sharona.” The Nymph giggles leans in and kisses the Ranger on both cheeks- he can see the stars, and they’re not out yet.
“Blimey.” Jim remembers to breathe.
“These are for your companions.” Sharona hands over five cloaks, woodland greens and browns, “they will save your life, perhaps many times, wear them with pride- they are a gift of my people.”
“Thanks, I…” It’s Jim’s turn to blush.
“And… for you.” Sharona passes over a pair of leather goggles, odd looking things.
“They’re, that is… Mmm, lovely- what are they for?”
“Try them on.” Sharona floats over, or so it seems, till she’s behind Jim, her arms circle the Ranger, brush against him, she brings the goggles up, manoeuvres them on.
Jim staggers.
“Wow.”
But Sharona’s there to catch him, “Gotcha”, the Nymph whispers in Jim’s ear.
“I can see for miles, these are great. I mean…” Jim’s back to concentrating on the embrace, the feel of the Nymph’s body pressed against his.
“I’m…” He blunders.
“Now you can see me coming.” Sharona whispers some more.
Jim gawps.
The pressure of Nymph’s body against his lessons, he turns, turns, turns…
Sharona is gone.
Laughter.
Jim spins around to see the Nymph disappear into the overgrown orchard, and then she’s gone from sight.
Just the sound of laughter.
In his head.
“Jim. JIM. JIM. JIM.”
Eventually the Ranger looks round, it’s Cas calling- “what’d she want?”
Ala and Anya don’t look happy, Jim looks again at the orchard- “Nothing, reward.” He grins at Newt and heads over.
Hands over the cloaks, which all fit perfectly.
“Jeerm”, and is smothered by Scat, who hobbles around like a newborn in the light- not the Otyugh’s ideal environment- a creature of the dark by rule.
“Jeerm, kan I cum wit yew? Jeerm I yore Bard. Yore Poppit?”
DMs Interlude: Have you seen ‘Brief Encounter’, look away now.
“I can’t, we’re so… different.”
“Jeerm…”
“It would never work.”
“Burp Jeerm.”
“I can’t Scat, that is- not in the villages, or towns, or cities- they wouldn’t understand, they wouldn’t be able to see beyond the caked dung, three flailing tentacles, maw full of razor sharp teeth and the aroma of the sewer.”
“Jeerm.” Scat shakes- sobs.
“They’d say things behind your back, hurtful things, spiteful things, cruel things… they’d call you names, ridicule you- possibly lynch you.”
“Jeermmmmm.” Tentacles flail, hulking sobs accompanied by thunderous trumps.
“I have to go, you have to go on- we’ll see each other again, if not in this lifetime then in the next, we’ll always have the Mysterious Tower.”
“Jerm. Jerm. Jerm… Oh Jeeeeerm.” The tentacles capture the Ranger, crush him against the fetid lump that is Scat’s torso.
“Jeerm. Jerm. Jerm. Jerm. JeeeeermmM.” Scat squeezes some more.
Then breaks the clinch and shuffles off, receiving comforting slaps and pats en route from the other members of the Gang, back to the Tower.
“Scat. Cas salutes.
“Skat.” Bec mumbles and salutes also, tears spring forth.
“Good man.” Newt confirms and gingerly waves.
“We’ll miss you Scat.” Anya waves heartily.
“Thank you, brave, brave Scat.” Ala half-salutes, half-waves.
“We’ll see each other again.” Jim calls after the retreating ambulatory blob, “I promise Scat, I…” The Otyugh’s gone.
The village of Growl, the Red Lion Inn for food and rest, they collect their mounts from Bungo’s Stables and they’re gone- back to Grimbo.
Keep it coming.
Linear Mode
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